You Just Brought Piss to a Shit Fight

Summary: “First you say ‘I like you’ as if I haven’t spent the last three years watching you being a mean sarcastic asshole and not caring about anyone’s feelings. Then you add ‘not like that’, disappear, and proceed to never mention it again. And go to extreme lengths to avoid me. So, for fuck’s sake, Gilfoyle, what is your deal?”

Monica is furious. Gilfoyle falls back on science and philosophy as a way to address his feelings. Naturally.

On Ao3

Notes: Did I disappear for months and came back, writing for the first time, for a fandom consisting of, like, three people? Yes and yes. Silicon Valley has the kind of witty dialogue I aspire to and the lack of romantic relationships leaves everything to our hands. Let’s make it our own, stallions!  

Thanks to @alethiometry for doing editing work and encouraging me.

Gilfoyle’s ‘Drink Coffee Hail Satan’ mug was staring at Monica, mocking her from his workspace. A week had passed since the same mug and a very surprised Monica witnessed Gilfoyle’s awkward (one might say cute) attempts at courtship. Seriously, Monica thought, who says I like you anymore? What are we, five? Of course, she didn’t tell him that, due to her mind suddenly melting. The command couldn’t be processed, and fried her memory. She couldn’t even think about what this confession meant.

But now, a week later, it’s all she’s thinking about.

Bertram Gilfoyle - Etsy Shopping Cart Moodboard

space bar sticker ($5.30) // handspun yarn ($20) // sigil of baphomet ($35)

tiny knife enamel pin ($8) // our boi // sugar cube skulls ($8.10)

moon ear cuff ($8) // geometric clock ($62) // rune necklace ($16.87)