I keep changing this title thing

James is a beach boy he’s out their tanning, body surfing, fishing, and swimming in the ocean having the time of his motherfucking life

Remus is on the beach with a streak of sunscreen down his nose that’s not rubbed in and he’s lounging in a beach chair with a book

Sirius is building sandcastles and powering through a sunburn that’s slowly turning into a real burn it’s so bad

Peter was viciously buried in the sand and is probably being harassed by an angry crab like a character in a cartoon

Barty & Evan are hunting for hermit crabs and doing some amateur snorkeling while Regulus super watches like a pissed of lifeguard (he’s also carrying around an umbrella

The Valkyries are all playing volleyball and DEFINITELY have sand in every little crevice

James choked on his pumpkin juice. Lily, who had been lazily playing with the ends of James’s hair, froze. 

"You what?" James wheezed.

"It’s a pact," Sirius explained casually, reaching over to steal a piece of bacon off Remus’s plate. Remus didn't even look up from his book; he just automatically shifted his plate an inch closer to Sirius so it would be easier for him to reach. "If we hit thirty and neither of us has found a wife, we'll just tie the knot. For tax purposes. And because I can't cook."

Lily stared at them. She looked at Sirius, who was currently wearing one of Remus’s jumpers, and then at Remus, who was using Sirius’s knee as an armrest.

"Right," she snorted. "A pact."

"Yeah," Remus mumbled. "It’s practical. We already know we can tolerate each other."

"Tolerate," James repeated, incredulous. "Sirius, you literally threatened to hex a first-year yesterday because they bumped into Remus in the corridor."

"He was moving entirely too fast," Sirius defended, looking genuinely offended. "Moony has bad joints."

"And Remus," Lily continued. "You spent three hours last week mending a tear in Sirius's jacket by hand because he claimed the reparo charm makes the leather 'feel itchy.'"

"He has very sensitive skin, Lily," Remus defended. "You know he only sleeps on silk pillowcases."

James rubbed his face with both hands, looking like he was rapidly losing his grip on reality. 

"You two have lived in each other’s pockets for six years. You pushed your beds together since fourth year, you sign your Christmas cards together, Sirius only lets you cut his hair and refuses to study unless his feet are resting in your lap. Yesterday, I watched Sirius eat a piece of toast directly out of Remus's hand."

"My nails were drying," Sirius argued. "I couldn't risk smudging the polish." 

"You're already married!" James exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "You just haven't signed the paperwork! I feel like I'm third-wheeling a sixty-year marriage every time I sit in my own dormitory!" 

Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes at Remus. "We are not inviting him to the wedding.”

Sirius: You're mesmerizing

Remus: You're handsome

Regulus: Oh merlin, just kiss already!

regulus: oh i know

regulus, pulling out a hair straightener: im going to straighten my hair without heat protection

picture this.

JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION OMG DONT BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR ESPECIALLY IF ITS ABSURD.

Jegulus microfic - 370 words

Slightly NSFW

"Stay still," Regulus instructed, staring between his paper and James with a precise gaze.

"I am!" James protested, lying half naked on the bed, with a blanket arranged to hide his private area, in a pose Regulus called artistic.

"You're fingers are moving," Regulus huffed. "Which wouldn't be the biggest deal, except I'm trying to draw your hands at the moment."

"Fine," James grumbled. " I suppose you did pick a comfortable position at least, I could basically fall asleep here."

"Tense your arm muscles again," Regulus instructed. "Just for a minute, while I draw the rough outline of them."

James did as he said, flexing his biceps. He had one arm above him on the blanket, his other hand somewhere on the strategically placed blanket. He glanced down at Regulus, expecting to find him drawing, but instead, he was simply staring at him.

"Love?" James asked. Regulus jumped slightly, caught.

"Sorry," he blushed, looking away slightly.

"No need to be sorry," James said, grinning. "The question is, do you want to keep drawing me, or… should we do something else?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Regulus huffed, cheeks red.

"Both, I'm going to finish sketching you, and then you're going to kiss me senseless," he said. "But you have to stay still while I finish sketching."

"I can do that," James said, grinning widely. "So, how long do you think it'll take?"

"Ages, if you can't stop smiling," Regulus said. "You just need to make an expression you think a Greek god would have, you already have the body of one."

"All for you, love," James said. "But you have to understand, my face won't stop smiling just because by brain tells it to. I have literally no control over that."

"Fine," Regulus sighed. "But it's going to take longer for me to draw your expression, and that's more time off kissing afterwards. Judging by the way that blanket is tenting, I don't think you want to have to wait longer."

Now it was James's turn to blush, a flush of colour spreading across his tanned skin and down his neck to his chest.

Regulus: What—

James tosses him a chocolate frog.

Regulus: Why did you throw that at me?

James: Because I love you.

Regulus: That's not an explanation.

James: It is if you're me.

Sirius: I am begging you to stop.

James: Sorry. Regulus, my dearest, most beloved—

Sirius: Actually, don't stop. Keep talking. Maybe I'll die.

Remus: Sirius.

Sirius: Remus.

Remus: You're being dramatic.

Sirius: James called my brother "my dearest" before breakfast.

Remus: That's not a crime.

Sirius: It should be.

Peter: I think it's kind of sweet.

Sirius: Peter, don't encourage them.

Peter: They're literally just sitting there.

Sirius: Exactly.

Peter: …What?

Sirius: Look at them.

Everyone looks.

James: 😊

Regulus: 😐

James: 😊😊😊

Regulus: 😐

James: ❤️

Regulus: 😐

James: ❤️❤️❤️

Regulus: 😐

Sirius: You see it, right?

Peter: I don't.

Remus: I do.

Sirius: THANK YOU.

Remus: Regulus is smiling.

Sirius: WHERE?!

Remus: Internally.

Sirius: THAT'S NOT A THING.

Regulus: It is.

James: Reggie smiled at me yesterday.

Sirius: No, he didn't.

James: He did.

Sirius: Regulus doesn't smile.

Regulus: I do.

Sirius: Name one time.

Regulus: Yesterday.

Sirius: Traitor.

James: He smiled so much, actually.

Regulus: I smiled once.

James: It was beautiful.

Regulus: It lasted half a second.

James: The greatest half second of my life.

Sirius: Why are you like this?

James: Because I'm in love.

Sirius: Ew.

James: Because I'm in love with Regulus.

Sirius: EWWWW.

Remus: Sirius, you act like you just found them making out in the Great Hall.

Sirius: That happened last week.

James: We were not making out.

Regulus: We kissed once.

Sirius: IN PUBLIC.

James: It was a peck.

Sirius: IN PUBLIC.

Regulus: You're repeating yourself.

Sirius: Because I'm traumatized.

James: Regulus, can I have your hand?

Regulus: Why?

James: I want to hold it.

Regulus: That's ridiculous.

James: Please?

Regulus: Fine.

Regulus gives him his hand.

James: Excellent.

Sirius: I HATE THIS.

Peter: Why?

Sirius: Because he said that like he'd just won a business negotiation.

James: I did.

Regulus: He did.

James: Anyway, I have an announcement.

Remus: That's ominous.

Peter: Very ominous.

Sirius: If it's about Regulus, I'm leaving.

James: It's about Regulus.

Sirius: Goodbye.

James: Regulus called me handsome this morning.

Sirius: I'M STAYING JUST TO HATE.

Peter: He did?

James: He did.

Remus: What exactly did he say?

James: Word for word?

Remus: Sure.

James: I asked if my hair looked alright.

Remus: And?

James: He sighed deeply, looked at me, and said, "Potter, unfortunately, you're handsome no matter what you do."

Peter: That's adorable.

James: THANK YOU.

Regulus: It wasn't meant to be.

James: He thinks I'm handsome.

Regulus: That's not the point.

James: He called me handsome.

Regulus: Potter—

James: Handsome.

Regulus: Stop.

James: Handsome.

Regulus: Sirius, make him stop.

Sirius: Absolutely not. This is the first good thing that's happened to me all day.

James: Handsome.

Regulus: I regret everything.

James: You think I'm handsome.

Regulus: I am literally holding your hand right now. Of course I think you're handsome.

Silence.

James: …

Peter: …

Remus: …

Sirius: …

James: HE THINKS I'M HANDSOME.