Waking Life

Sorry to highjack. But that last gif didn't even remind me of. It's just the same one 😅

A few years ago I read a fanfic that I described as it "ripped my guts out and left me bleeding on the floor." I shall now also bestow that same sentiment upon this book.

Priest you legend, I adore you. No one writes longing and yearning and painful, traumatic love and complex, multi-layered characters like this woman does. It's a true work of art.

It was intricate and complicated and far from perfect which is how relationships are sometimes. But that wasn't the only triumph of this story.

The plot. THE PLOT. So many twists and turns, people connected to each other, long standing plots of revenge. How it all came together was a wild ride. Those last few chapters had me on edge in a way no book has in a long while.

Before I get to those two fools I will mention a few other things:

1) Xiao Haiyang, he lost his father figure, a mentor to him. His rage and genuine impatience over finding out who wronged Gu Zhao was incredibly valid. When he burst in with his gun shakily in hand against Fei Du's captors I was like "What are you doing?!", but also "Yes, get them!" I hope he can find his peace someday.

2) Tao Ran is an absolute treasure for taking care of Fei Du so long and being the best brother to everyone, I hope he will find all of the love he deserves.

3) A group of brothers who worked and grew together but eventually betrayed one and other and took lives was the true tragedy. But the network of people and spies, informants they built was truly impressive and how long it went on without everything falling apart.

4) Zhou Huaijin, how he grew after the loss of his entire family, but it also aged him immensely. I appreciate his fighting spirit.

5) I adore Lu Jia, he's a legend and a hero who gives no fucks and I respect that.

6) The plot of book 2 ate me alive and as a parent it was very difficult to read.

7) Fan Siyuan should have been thrown into a volcano. That's all.

7) And I must not forget the real star of the show, one Lu Yiguo the best cat ever and the greatest, most annoying son. May he continue to torment his fathers for many years.

NOW, what can I say about Luo Wenzhou and one Fei Du.

Luo Wenzhou's aggressive impatience and endless yearning was a delight to read "I want this man but also he fools me a lot and he's not ready but also I just want to hold his heart and him forever." He sent his mother to bring Fei Du food at the hospital, he brought him home to take care of him after his accident and bought him a birthday cake. But mostly, he helped him understand that Fei Du is not his father, he's worth more than all of the terrible people who hurt him. He's worth.. love. I respect his utter devotion and persistence, he knew what he wanted and he never gave up. Hold onto that man forever friend, he needs you.

I want to wrap Fei Du up in a blanket and keep him safe forever. Every time he opened up about his trauma; losing his mother, the abuse he faced at his father's hands, my heart broke open. He wore a mask so well and watching it slip here and there felt like finally seeing the sun after many cloudy days. I shall put him on my list of characters I will protect and defend until the end of time. You're not a monster friend, horrible people and circumstance made you think that, you deserve all the good things forever.

(Sorry for rambling, I'm working out my thoughts as I go.)

This book completely consumed me and I was happy to be taken away. It has more than earned a place on my favourite books list - somewhere near the top - and I cannot wait to read it again someday. (I made so many highlights on my Kobo it takes a while to scroll through them. 😅)

"The monsters are all cleared away, and I'm the last one. Can you shut me up in your home?"

The end.

Are you really fine now?

Took me 37 days to finish the whole thing, which for someone who doesn't get a lot of time to read is pretty impressive.

I will ramble about it later, my thoughts are not currently coherent and I can feel the book hangover coming on. 🥲

I will say for now that Mo Du is officially one of my all-time favourite books and I will happily re-read it again someday.

(and also Fei Du must be protected at all costs. More on that later.)

I was speechless for a few seconds after watching this scene. The way he started with little smiles of denial to complete breakdown... had my heart broken into uncountable pieces.

Time after time, ZXC had showed how much of a versatile actor he is. He takes on really unique roles that tests his ability and absolutely nails them.

And I seriously feel like he doesn't get enough appreciation.

He deserved so much more for his role as Pei su but...😔