Life hurts. It's just pain. Sure, I laugh. I smile. I engage with my family. It's all a mask. I'm autistic, of course I'm good at masking. And that's another reason why I'm in so much mental turmoil. I can't live independently. I can't cook. I can't work. I can't shop. I can't drive. I can't do anything someone my age can usually do.
I don't see the world in the same way as "normal" people do. Everything and everyone is a threat. Sure there's beauty. In nature and wildlife. But there's so much evil and misunderstanding especially with me.
Day to day. What do I do? I sleep and I eat. I have hobbies. I draw and crochet. I help out around the house. I nap almost all day whenever possible. Why though? I have a "good" life. I have a loving family, pets, a house.
Growing up I was loved. I had toys, friends and everything a child needs. I was carefree, fearless. I was an A* student. I had a life. I was bullied a bit but who isn't?
Where did it all go wrong? Why? That's the biggest question. Where did I go wrong? Was I born like this? Was it something I did? Something someone else did? Could it be different?
My mind. Oh my mind. It's a tangled mess of firing thoughts racing and fleeting and overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I can't make sense of anything. It's. Too. Much
So this is it. There's so much more. But I can't verbalise everything in a legible manner. This is a cry for help. That no one will see. But hopefully, somehow, telepathically someone may hear me.
amandla
titsay
prguitarman
vaporwave
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline