pie is home, and people always come home

You are transported back in time and into the body of a young noblewoman in the 1400s. Your parents have married you off to an awful, abusive, rapist husband whom literally no one else would marry despite him being very high nobility because he's that terrible. You successfully produce a baby boy and then plan to murder this man for the good of everyone and yourself. Here is the question: do you think you could murder him in a way that is undetectable to the historical people around you? Note: they aren't stupid, you are the prime suspect as the battered wife AND you can't just say poison. Where are you going to buy poison? Do you know anything about poison actually? NO GOOGLING! You were sent back without a plan!

Edit: my notes are full of murder. I love you all

Edit: to clarify about the poison, you can use poison if you actually know how to identify it, I'm saying you can't just go "Poison!" with no knowledge about poison. Buying it probably means they know that poison and you're caught. Your personal knowledge when you read this post is all you have.

Another point of clarity: You went through all that trouble to have a baby without modern medicine so you could get the sweet house after your husband died. That's why you can't be caught. No disappearing.

Edit again: Air embolisms are going on a high shelf because the syringe won't be invented for 350 years. Prove to me that you could make one from scratch, lol

I promise to stop making edits (lol): I left the country vague because I just wanted to see ideas for modern vs. past. Whatever place you are most knowledgeable about

I have started to really wonder if the people suggesting this have ever fought a man as a woman. I have three brothers and I wrestled with them a lot as a kid. They are way stronger than me. They started to be able to overpower me pretty young and I was six years older. Maybe I'm just a weak person, I'm not very athletic, but neither would Miss Noblewoman here be athletic.

I don't know, maybe this isn't everyone's experience, but I find the confidence in this sort of plan baffling. Also, if you try to push him down the stairs and he catches you? You are going down those stairs. You are dead. Game over.

Maybe it's because I didn't specify an age and everyone is imagining this guy as like, old and bloated. He's young and healthy. He will fight back. He's violent! Alcohol and violent man are not a mix you should encourage!

What you do is get rid of him the same way William II of England died— a Hunting Accident. For context, William II died out hunting, and it’s pretty clear it probably wasn’t an accident. What you do is you tell your brothers what’s going on— they’ve probably seen or at least heard (if they’re not present a lot) what your husband does, and how the threat of losing your dowry hasn’t worked on him. They’ll help engineer it so he gets injured or outright killed in a hunt.

Boars, a common hunting target, are super dangerous, as are harts (fully grown stags). Richard II of England’s boyfriend Robert de Vere died from being gored by a boar a few years before (1392), so there are plenty of high-profile legitimate accidents in recent memory. All your accomplices have to do is let him get attacked by an animal and not rescue him, or shoot him with a wayward arrow and let it be an accident.

This is the correct answer for a medieval noblewoman -- hunting is basically THE aristocratic pastime, after all, and if MC's husband is so famously awful nobody else will even marry him, she could probably find some people to cooperate pretty easily, including family (it's a matter of honor after all). Especially if the succession is secure.

Yeah, they are big, and they can control the weather or whatever. But where's the influence they have on human society? Where's the respect? The reverence? The chapels? The hymns? The rituals?

Authors mostly depict people adoring a god when it's an evil cult and they are about to make a human sacrifice or something like that.

Ancient literature has gods that feel like gods because they were REAL gods to them. They wrote about them with actual fear and reverance to them. And the influence that their gods had on their people seeps in every aspect of their culture.

You don't even have to go that far. Think about catholicism and christianity. Maybe you yourself are not a religious person. Yet, you find yourself saying things like "Oh my god" or "for gods sake" . I would bet that you have heard a christian song at least once in your life. Or that you know a proverb, or at least know what is a proverb.

There's a lack of that in a lot of these new stories. There's no one that actually respects these gods. The gods themselves barely have an effect on the everyday life of people.

They lack that aura, etheral and misterious. They lack what makes a god a god. What good is that they command storms and bend nature to their will, if humans don't even respect them? Adore them? Revere them?

People treat the gods like superman or batman no worse. They make their superheroes all the more intimidating in comics; inventing the most bizarre upgrades for them like "this one bends time" or "that one can rearrange dimensions" but gods? Gods are being treated like the superheroes were treated like in their beginning! Heck they even have their asses kicked by their superheroes

And yes if you see people actually respect the gods they are like the evil cults that need to be reasoned with! This is so frustrating and theologically disrespectful. Yes gods have human sides and yes they have their moments in myths when they are in trouble or are defeated or suffer etc but they are still gods! Even their defeats have their symbolism

Ares is still the embodiment of war even if he gets wounded sometimes by demigods sonetimes by mortals because war gets violent and turns on itself and humans are the ones who hold the war

Aphrodite falls in love too because she represents not only love but also the people who experience it

Athena gets scared too. Wisdom is prudence and wisdom is also respecting those who are stronger than you so yes Athena can defeat others but she still is worried of Poseidon

Zeus gets overthrown but he gets overthrown by a totality of gods because he is their king. Kings might fall because of their generals but that also shows the power imbalance. Zeus also falls in love and gets angry but he is also the Epitome of justice and hands over the domains to other gods

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952) dirs. Gene Kelly & Stanley Donen

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