The Carb Destroyer

UPDATE!

He’s grown! 🐖

It's moob Monday bby!!!

Inspired by the hang gang!!

Eat piggy eat....

Start dipping French fries in mayo for extra calories

Instead of 1-2tbs butter, start recipes with 1/2 stick of butter (esp sauces, including pasta sauces)

Put butter in recipes that don't even call for it. Pizza? Butter. Cheesesteaks? Butter. Hot dogs? B u t t e r.

Extra cheese

If a recipe says milk use heavy cream

Use small amounts of heavy cream as finishers for sauces (GREAT addition to homemade marinara)

If you're making a casserole just mix random extra mayo in. It will taste so bomb, trust me.

Why eat ice cream when you can eat ice cream sundaes with way more calories just by squeezing in some chocolate sauce and adding whipped cream

Strategically place & fill candy jars at home/work

Eat bedtime snacks

If you're reaching for water, reach for milk/soda/sweet tea instead

If you drink unsweet tea... drink sweet tea (as a southerner i am bound by an unspoken code to say drink sweet tea no matter what)

Add bacon / bacon grease to literally everything

Candied bacon, use it on everything

Start eating vegetables that are equal amounts bacon to veggies and probably also have some cheese sprinkled on top

Foods For Weight Gain:

Gigantic gummy candies, I recently purchased a gigantic cherry and raspberry flavour gummy worm. I purchased mine at vat19.com the worm itself wasn’t that expensive, it was the shipping that blew up the cost of my purchase. The gummy worm is 4,000 calories, and the gummy bear is 6,120 calories. I’ll be doing a stuffing with it, and I’ll keep you guys posted if I felt like it was worth 53 dollars.

Sugary liquids, hot chocolate, soda, juice, etc. Some people believe that you should completely replace water with soda, however I disagree. So long as you are drinking 2-3 litres of water a day, you can afford have a few cans of soda. Personally I like to mix it up, but I do regularly drink soda, both for bloating to increase my capacity, and as just something sweet to drink. Some sodas are more notorious for helping pack on weight, I’m looking at you Coke, but honestly I feel any soda can aid in weight gain if you drink it often enough.

Butter/margarine/lard/oil, when you’re frying up some eggs for breakfast, I’d suggest putting a nice sized glob of lard on the frying pan to lube it all up. Lard has an extremely high fat content, spread it on sandwiches, eat a few tablespoons of it, dissolve it in soup, you can seriously add it into anything. And lard doesn’t have a dominant flavour, some oils you can really taste them when you add them into things and it changes the outcome of what you’re cooking. My second suggestion would be peanut oil, but obviously don’t add that to things you wouldn’t enjoy having a peanut taste. Here is a cooking oils reference that can give you an idea for what things are good to cook with, you want something that’s high in saturated fat, and trans fat: fattable

Protein not fiber. Excess protein that your body doesn’t burn that day will be stored as fat, so it’s good to invest in protein powders/bars, and eat meals that are high in protein such as eggs, chicken, and nuts. Fiber while still healthy and good for you, will make you poop regularly, in turn your body will be rushing through mounds of food you just ate and shoving it out the door, instead of it sitting on your stomach and being stored as fat. The more you poop the more weight you can potentially lose, be careful to avoid foods that give you diarrhea: for me I just recently found out that I’m lactose intolerant, and since cutting dairy out of my diet I’ve managed to put on weight at a much faster pace. Don’t drink lemon water, avoid probiotic foods, cereals with lots of fiber in it, typically these things are alright in small portions, but if you eat it often you will shed weight. If you’re curious about a certain type of food, just look it up online and research it for yourself.

Someone recently donated to me “MET-Rx Big 100 Colossal Meal Replacement Bars” 400 calories per 1 bar, and 28g of protein. I got two boxes, it’s hard to say how much weight I put on with these because I am actively gaining and eating other high calorie foods. However, in the time that I had these I jumped from 160-165 in a week. You can find them on places like Amazon, and they come in a bunch of different flavours, I’d highly recommend them. I like to eat them while I cook, as snacks, or as a dessert after I finished a big stuffing, dip them in chocolate, marshmallow fluff, caramel sauce, or peanut butter, for extra calories.

Tips & Tricks:

DONT SKIP BREAKFAST! I say this because there is the rumor that skipping breakfast makes your body go into survival mode, so when you eat again your body stores the fat. Honestly, who the fuck wants to skip breakfast? All you’re going to do is shrink your stomach, and decrease your capacity. Eat breakfast, eat lots of breakfast.

EAT BEFORE BED! Do you know whats better than having a snack warm milk and cookies before bed? Having a lot of warm milk and cookies before bed! Nothing beats laying in your comfortable bed, with a huge stuffed belly. Eat things that are heavy on your stomach, pasta, potatoes, oatmeal, that way you’ll feel like you have a delightful cannon ball in your stomach while you sleep, eventually keep increasing the size of your meal before bed, and this will hugely increase your capacity. You’ll wake up hungry and ready to eat your day away.

MIDNIGHT SNACKS! I like to prepare snacks before I go to bed, muffins and milk, oatmeal, it can be anything really. Then when I wake up I can grab a meal and top up on my already stuffed belly, I do this even when I’m not hungry. In the morning, because I’m not totally starving, I can take extra time to make a great fatty breakfast and snack on food while I cook.

My Recipes:

“Fatty brownies” recipe - I used Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Mix, however you can make yours from scratch and just add the extra ingredients:

4 cups of brownie mix, (1 pouch) 2-3 tablespoons of of vanilla or chocolate weight gainer. 4-6 slices of crisp maple bacon, cut into tiny bits. (Instead of frying bacon and cutting it yourself you can add a few tablespoons of bacon bits.) 2-3 tablespoons of chocolate chips. 1-2 eggs. 1/3 cup milk/cream. 1/3 cup vegetable oil. 1 tablespoon of melted lard. Dash of vanilla.

Mix everything together and preheat oven to 325. The brownies are done when an inserted toothpick comes out clean, for this recipe it was 45-50 mins. (Some of the ingredients and baking instructions vary based on the recipe of brownie mix used)

The brownies are between 3,600 - 4,000 calories.

“Fatty icing” recipe - I 100% recommend making this from scratch and not using pre made icing, or adding pre made icing into the recipe. The amount of ingredients you use depends on how much you want, this amount frosts 13x9 inch cake.

2 cups of powdered sugar.  2-4 tablespoons of vanilla of chocolate weight gain powder. 1/3 cups of softened butter or margarine. 1-2 teaspoons of softened lard. 1-2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla. 1-3 tablespoons of milk.

As something optional for more calories you could add nutella, chocolate pudding, or chocolate milk flavouring to taste, meaning how ever much tastes right to you.

Basically you just add everything together and use and egg beater, making sure it’s very well blended. If it’s too liquidy, add more powdered sugar, if it’s not creamy at all, add more milk, keep adjusting until you get the right creaminess.

The icing is between 2200 - 2500 calories. 

I’d suggest adding the icing to the brownies for combined 5,800 - 6,500 calories, and it just adds to the yumminess.

The amount of calories vary based on your brand of weight gainer, powdered sugar, type of milk, etc.

For my brownies I added the icing, drizzled caramel sauce, and topped with chopped honey roasted peanuts. I really love the way these turned out, the chewiness of the maple bacon, the crunch of the chocolate chips, and the sweet icing… Let’s just say these are totally addictive and really hit that sweet spot.

Feel free to reblog this if you found it helpful, you never know who’s in need of some guidance or tips.

Check out my other tips and tricks!

Frozen bananas should be the base. Chop & freeze them when they get spots.

3-4 Bananas: 300-400 calories  (if you use unfrozen bananas, add ice)

LIQUID: (can mix and match from this category as desired)

Heavy Cream: 800 calories per cup Silk Heavy Whipping Cream: 720 calories per cup Canned Coconut Milk: 400 calories per cup Whole Milk: 150 calories per cup Pacific Oat Milk: 130 calories per cup

FAT: (1-2 from this category)

½ cup  nuts: 392 calories 1 avocado: 322 calories 2 T Flax Oil:  240 calories 2 T Olive Oil:  238 calories 2 T Coconut oil: 234 calories 2 T Peanut Butter: 190 calories (can use any kind of nut butter) 1 cup Whole Yogurt: 160 calories 

EXTRAS:

Berries to taste, or any frozen fruit like pineapple

Raw spinach or raw kale (need a good blender like vitamix)

Whey or Pea Protein helps you not crash from the sugar in the bananas

I'm gonna be suuuper unpopular with this opinion but after now about two-three years of trying out stuff myself out of curiosity.

I gotta be honest with you, and I hope you appreciate it but I don't believe in gainer shakes. At all.

It's a fantasy for me at this point and I wish for people to be more educated about what makes you gain in a proper and healthy manner without going overboard with these supposedely effective gainer shakes, heavy cream drinking binges and using the product boost, which is only harmful to you as any of the others already are.

Now I won't deny the validity and aspect of a comforting fantasy of gaining because frankly, it's about escapism and I love it but believe me when I say that what I have gained is only due to consuming more calories then I burn off by snacking constantly and appreciating the time and work behind it.

I eat very well, I have three proper meals per day and sometimes the seconds will vanish too on the same day. I have snacks in between and I also eat before I go to bed, mostly carb based food like noodles that I pre-cook myself without upping my sodium.

And yet, as you can clearly see, I gained weight. At a reasonable pace. And I wish anyone else who reads this also the best of luck with gaining and lots and lots of patience. Give your body time to grow. Watch how it reacts. Some people gain differently, some diets will give you different results.

Watch your sugars. Get blood tests done. Check your liver.

I know, super scary, most gainers fear that but what can I say. You asked me about weight gain shakes, I am not one to kick away fantasy but I wanna keep on dreaming and not get a health shock like many people in this space received.

Please be reasonable, that's my only wish to you.

It's a tough pill for 95% of this space to swallow down but I will and continue on to be 100% honest with you and my view on gaining. It's the most wonderful thing in the world, especially when it happens naturally to me and not forced with gainershakes and drinking unprepped heavy cream.

Use it for a sauce instead. Much better, much tastier and your intenstines will thank you.

And don't forget your fiber!

Thank you very much for your ask anon, it kinda became a rant but gaining and feedism is very true to my heart and I always worry to see people follow the narrative of fantasy more then reason.