Mindfulness, Recovery, and Saying âFuck It, Why Not?â
I started this blog in 2012, maybe 2013, and was very much in the depths of my eating disorder. I started it because I was angry: at my anorexia, everything it had stolen from me, and a little bit at my treatment program (they encouraged me to weigh myself weekly, log it, and do things like weigh butter and whatnot... it felt somewhat counterintuitive).
I was 15-17 when I was posting here most often (wow, a lifetime ago). I hope it was helpful - most of all I just wanted to help others feel less alone.
This blog has been very much neglected for years and years, because quite frankly Iâd simply grown out of it. Iâm now (almost) 26. Life is mostly actually really good, and I am so glad every day that I fought back against my ED and pushed through. Itâs so, so worth it, I promise!
I have been thinking about ârecoveryâ a lot recently, and what it has meant to me. Something that I thought might be helpful to share is that (I have found that) itâs okay for eating-disordered thoughts to still be there even when you consider yourself ârecoveredâ. What matters is how you deal with those thoughts.Â
We cannot control thoughts: they simply come. Recovery, for me, has meant learning to let those thoughts pass, as if they were simply clouds in the sky, and not acting on them, fighting them, giving them any attention really. That would make them ârealâ. Out-thinking your brain is very difficult: this is something I have learned in my 3-year long battle with health anxiety!Â
The above paragraph is very much a âmindfulnessâ thing, and much more suited for those of us coasting along in the latter phases of recovery. If you are just starting on your eating disorder recovery journey, itâs a different process. You must, of course, fight back against the thoughts.
What I found helpful at that time was essentially just, at times of particular panic, telling my eating disorder to âfuck offâ. Or, to put it more eloquently: âfuck it, what have I got to lose by trying this ârecoveryâ thing people are telling me about?â I had just read a book called âFuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Wayâ by John Parkin and teenage me absolutely loved it. I wonât recommend it for all aspects of life (driving, financial matters!) but for the time, it was perfect.Â
Harder than it sounds here, of course. But the principle was helpful.
(Anyway, hence the name for this blog all those years ago.)
If you are still on Tumblr and followed this blog years ago (or recently!), I hope you are doing well today. I hope the weather is nice where you are, and I hope you are thriving.
I will start posting recovery content again - not just specific to eating disorders, but aiming to create a generally positive mental health space.Â
đ¸Â Kate đ¸

















