I AIM TO BE LIONHEARTED,

I can’t believe? that I’ve been playing this character for an entire year now. I’d made a couple of half-assed attempts at playing her before, but nothing that ever really got off the ground until last October. At the time I’d just gotten a job, I was incredibly frustrated with this hobby, and pretty down about friend stuff in general, and a friend advised me to find a distraction—so since I actually had money!!! I decided to download Trespasser and play through that. And that was such a great DLC I decided, since I had this blog sitting around and didn’t have much else to do anyway in my free time, that it was now or never. 

I wasn’t sure I could make the character stick, if I was even sure what kind of character I was trying to play, or if I even should bother because I’ve seen Some Shit™ re: peoples’ feelings about Inquisitors and lady characters in general that’d put me off before, but I figured I might as well give it a shot. If it didn’t work, I didn’t have anything to lose; I could quit this damn hobby and go find a different one. And now here we are!!! One year and five hundred followers later, I’m still here. To all the people who’ve interacted with me and given me the opportunity to play and enjoy this character, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you lots. Here’s a big long list of a bunch of you cool people under the cut (and if you’re not here, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you! I have the attention span of a gnat and an equivalent memory and I’m trying to think of a lot of people rn):

I’ve been thinking too much about Cullen this morning and given how many people love him I doubt these are at all new, but y’all

Cullen Rutherford:

is a book nerd who probably has bad vision by the time he’s forty from spending too many nights reading by candlelight. That means glasses for all your modern aus. Oh, yes. Plain black frames or wire rims. Nothing remotely chic, something serviceable because they’re just a tool, not a fashion statement. But dammit, he looks sexy anyway, especially in the morning when his curls are tumbling over his forehead and he’s got that sleepy-eyed blink bringing the world into focus.

is a sneaky bastard. He’s clever, he’s crafty, and he’s a damn fine general of what starts out as an incredibly underfunded, undermanned military. Yes, he would rather level the mountain, but he’s fully of capable to finding ways around it. He’s been managing people for a long time, maybe not all successfully (*cough*Meredith*cough*), but he didn’t get to where he was by bludgeoning everything with his not inconsiderable will. He got that way with patience, with choosing his battles, and with subtle manipulations that you should watch for.

is self-aware. He spent too long not being, and now he’s constantly thinking about who he is, who he was, and striving to be more than both. This can take him to the edge of despair, because he does not shy away from the wrongs he has done or, worse, allowed to be done by his own willful negligence. He knows that he can never make amends for what happened, but he also knows that to do nothing is to say that none of it mattered. Cullen knows that if he’s going to fight for recovery, then he to surround himself with people who will kick his ass when he needs it (*cough*Cassandra*cough*), and that he needs constant opportunities for the amends he knows he can never make.

is a man of faith. This makes him complicated. It makes loving him messy, and his experiences test that faith in the Chantry and his Maker. But Cullen will always pray. He will always find himself in the hard press of stone beneath his knees, in the quiet that threatens with too much honesty, in the very terror of his own insignificance. Not even Kinloch could take that from him.

is an absolute dork. He gets flustered over pranks, but he’ll get you back eventually Sera. He stammers over pretty girls,  but will still kiss them senseless. And, Maker’s breath, the man is quick with a dick joke. Even if he doesn’t admit them all out loud, I can promise you he has a running commentary in that clever, snarky brain of his and most of it is that’s what she said. *dorky laugh*

Who knew I was capable of sobriety and human like emotions all in the same night.

I didn’t realize we were having a competition on bad life choices.

My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

About to do something stupid. You’ll be my call. Bring bail money.

I have no morals, kind of like how you have no standards.

I don’t know where I am, but it’s a goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

I mean I’m basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

Well when you put it that way I sound like a terrible person.

I don’t think I have enough personality to make it through this day sober.

He’s like a hurricane. A drunk, sexist, hurricane.

I’d rather have snapchat than feelings.

Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem.

For the record, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies.

Oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.

It was the cape. I can’t control myself when I wear a cape.

It’s honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face.

Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludge mixture of evil and broken dreams.

I don’t question myself. That’s what I have you for.

That’s the first time I’ve heard ‘shenanigans’ and ‘apocalypse’ in the same sentence.

I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life.

It’s not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.

Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.

I think I’ve crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious.

If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn’t be it.

I roundhouse kicked her emotions in the face.

Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.

I’ll let you know if at any point this night starts to make sense.

Trust me. Coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit.

Congratulations, you’ve begun to unfuck your life.

It is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die.

No matter how drunk I am, or how drunk I’ll ever be: I love you.

Of all the things that can be stripped of me I’ll be damned if it’s my vanity.

Update: I may or may not be in a cult.

Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult.

Are you doing depressed science again?

I think I left something in your backseat. My integrity.

Once he started yelling at me in latin I wasn’t sure what we were fighting about anymore…

From one hot mess to another…Get it together!

I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things.

Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist.

Well despite the fact that I’m still not entirely sure this isn’t an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I’m in.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

We’re making bets on your personal life.

I just realized the thing that smelled like an electrical fire was me.

I would run away from me if I could.

Look at my hair, does this look like the hair of a person who has their life together?

Nice just gets you lonely, or dead. I don’t like those options.

I just want to hug the crap out of some people.

Do you ever wonder how many people prayed for you to be a better person?

video game meme: [1/10] scenes

          “Evil is Evil,      lesser, greater, middling,       it makes no difference.”

                “The degree is arbitrary, the definition is blurred, and if I’m to                     choose between one evil and another, I’d rather not choose at all.”

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