my name's blurryface

Aren’t you from Australia? Like aren’t you pretty close to Ireland? Eh, probably not, I’m no good at geography.

Not even close.

Ryder propped his art project up, scared it was going to get ruined on the floor. The boy shrugged a little at Elliot’s question. “I’m not sure. The last time we spoke, we were talking about my medication..” He murmured, scratching the back of his neck. “She hasn’t answered my calls or anything.” He let out a sigh. “What about Theo? How is he?” He asked with a small smile, not knowing if Elliot was aware that his ex and current boyfriend knew one another.

Elliot nodded and lifted his gaze, but didn’t look at Ryder. He had a sinking feeling in his chest that something had gone terribly wrong. He hoped Aleah was okay. “He’s good,” he answered lightly. His fingers pinched and picked at the skin around his nails, pulling down the sleeves of the long-sleeved shirt he wore. “I haven’t seen him since I left for my trip, though.”

Ireland? Why?

Just their culture amazes me. Coming to America, everything’s so fast paced, but in Ireland, they like to take their time and enjoy their surroundings rather than rush through it. Plus, I love Guinness.

Wouldn’t it be different with movies, though? I feel like food and movies would be completely different. You just got to remember that with strangers, you don’t know them and they don’t know you. What’s the chances of ever seeing them again? You shouldn’t hold yourself back around people who don’t know because, honestly, they’re probably too busy worrying about what you think of them.

“I know, but I didn’t want help at the time.” He said, taking his turn and shoving his hands in his own pockets, piddling with the loose change in the jeans. Ryder was praying that this wasn’t going to go too bad, he knew that they were going to throw it all out there but it needed to be done and they both knew that. “I know.” He said softly. “I was really stupid not to tell you, knowing we could of walked through it together. I should have gotten help the first time I lashed out on you but I didn’t.”

Elliot fell silent as he let the information sink in, all the way past his damaged skin to his shattered bones. “So, um,” he finally spoke up, dropping his gaze to his hands. His brows pressed together and his lip was caught between his teeth again. “How’s, uh. How’s Aleah? I haven’t spoken to her in awhile.” And all because of him. He got mad at her, told her that he didn’t want to be friends and felt like he was doing something wrong when she didn’t listen. She knew what Ryder did to him, knew everything, and yes, though Ryder did seem better, he still didn’t trust him. Not anymore. Though it was easy to go down that path again.

If you could go anywhere you wanted this summer, where would you go and why?

Oh, I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to go to Ireland.

They are all not really something I’m into. Alone. And nope, Big Hero 6 made me cry the first three times, no need for a forth time. Well I don’t like showing off what I’m bad at. It’s kinda awkward to do so, isn’t it?

Well, you never really know if you’re into something if you haven’t given it a chance, right? And you said you had to go alone? And why would it matter if you did? I don’t think it is. It’s not about only doing things that you’re good at. It’s about being open with things and just...going for it.

Ryder chewed on his bottom lip, the tension could be cut with a knife and it definitely was not a good thing. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Elliot spoke. “I’m doing..better.” He replied hesitantly. He felt guilty but knew that they were going to probably shed tears. “I didn’t want to accept the fact I was sick.” He said looking at the floor. “I wanted to pretend that everything was okay. I knew that afterwards you wanted nothing to do with me..” 

“I could’ve helped you, Ryder.” And as if like a light switch was just flicked on, he felt the anger bubble up inside him again. But he couldn’t help it, see. There was just so, so much he didn’t know and he hated himself for not figuring it out on his own. He was supposed to be good at that, at picking up on how other people felt, but with Ryder, it was a completely different story. Even after everything the two had been through, and if it weren’t for Theo being in the picture, Elliot would go back to him. Granted if Ryder wanted him, too. “We could’ve figured this out together.”

I guess you’re right. What other animals show up there?

Koalas are my personal favorite.

I said nothing about the Shades movie. There are other movies out there, y’know. Like, The Imitation Game, Kingsman. The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is supposed to be really good. There’s also Big Hero 6 still playing. Hey, I’m not good at bowling either, but it’s fun. I get the ball in the gutter ninety percent of the time.

Well duh, but I didn’t think they’d just prance into your backyard.

Don’t the bunnies do it here all the time? Squirrels? Bears? It’s all the same in Australia, just with different animals.

Ryder ran his hands over his face as he waited for Elliot to speak, he was going to be patient but he was a little nervous. They had talked over text but it wasn’t the same. “I understand.” He said, looking at his hands then back up at Elliot. He had looked different from the last time they had seen each other. 

Elliot let out a sigh and though his anxiety remained, he wasn’t angry. He knew he should be, but he didn’t like wasting energy on being mad at someone. “Are you doing okay?” he asked, his fingers fidgeting together. He chewed on his lower lip. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asked in a whisper, feeling the tears bud in his eyes.