Tigers Jaw | Never Saw It Coming

vaqas-umair:

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

I am afraid. Of simple things like spiders, needles and snakes. I can avoid these things though. I’m also afraid of sadness, the unknown and tomorrow. I can’t avoid this. I’m afraid that I’ll never be satisfied, never be happy, I’m afraid that I’m too weak to succeed, that I’m never going to achieve anything substantial. I’m afraid that I’ll live too long, or die too young. That I’ll never fall in love, that I’ll never see my children grow. I’m afraid that I won’t have a job that makes me happy, I won’t ever wake up with a smile. I’m afraid that I’ll hold on to people that have left, and that I’ll be forgotten by people who try to stay. That I’ll never be pretty enough, or I’ll be discriminated. That I won’t have the will to fight what’s wrong, that I’ll always be a bystander. I’m so afraid of myself too. I’m afraid that I’ll make myself feel ugly, that I’ll continue to be cruel to myself. I’m afraid that I’ll keep making myself this fearful, that I’ll be the one who ultimately stops me from achieving anything. I am so afraid. Yet I’ll keep pretending I’m not at all.