āāāļ¼ mimi (19) šāĖąæ ā ā s. her! šµšµ desi ā¦ ą»ź± satoruās fav girl. ā¹ ą²£šÖµŪ« Ė oikawaās angel. ŹÉ ššø xiaoshiās best photo subject. & leviās sweetheart. @ musicroom3!
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āāāļ¼ mimi (19) šāĖąæ ā ā s. her! šµšµ desi ā¦ ą»ź± satoruās fav girl. ā¹ ą²£šÖµŪ« Ė oikawaās angel. ŹÉ ššø xiaoshiās best photo subject. & leviās sweetheart. @ musicroom3!

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game night with satoru consistently ranks high on the long list of things you love to do with him. up there with cuddling, talking each other's heads off and well, everything intimate.
with it being so common, you donāt question him suddenly suggesting game night out of nowhere this time, suspicious glint in his eyes completely lost on you.
him picking mario kart out of all the games in your shared library shouldāve been the first sign. shouldāve set off the alarms in your head. anyone thatās been around you two long enough knows youāre better than him at that in particular. āitāll be fun.ā heād said. āwe havenāt played it together in a while!ā and thereās virtually no reason to deny him. youāll probably beat him again, but itās okay!
the first round goes by without a hitchāyou being first for all 3 laps and coming out on top. heād been the one to pick moon cup at 100cc, the second easiest mode, to āeven the playing fieldā. his words, not yours. all you could do was giggle at his whining when heād placed second in versus mode once again.
round two had gone similarly up till you purposely veered off track to slow your pace till he had a good lead just to balance things for the third round. absolutely nothing to do with seeing wanting to see that stupid smile of his, all competitive as he speeds ahead with far too much distance between you two to be natural.
cue an intermission before the start of the last game. usually the word ābreakā would suggestā¦not doing anything. but satoruās touchy, quite set on having you in his lap all throughout this break. large hands tracing a gentle path up and down the length of your smooth, exposed thighs.
āiām bored. I think we should just do something else.ā
though slightly confused at his sudden loss of interest, you shrug it off and nod in acquiesce, leaning back into his chest. āmm, like what?ā
āI need to recentre my thoughts after losing..ā he murmurs into your neck, large hands sliding higher upward on your frame, fingertips hot even through the silky upper half of your pajama set. sliding under the soft fabric, stroking your sides.
āyour idea of taking a break is fondling me?ā you murmur as he noses at the side of your neck, pulse thrumming against the tip of his nose. already feeling a more than familiar friend growing against the seam of your behind with how long youāve been sat and shifting on his lap.
satoru hums, hands sliding out from under your top to angle your head to the side, mouth slotting over yours easily. āpossibly.ā itās slow and sweet at first, words muffled against your lips before his tongue licks into your mouth with a sudden heat that has your mind on anything but the short break youāre supposed to be having.
i binged. god help me
just started watching extraordinary attorney woo and itās SO good i love it already
iām moving out next week ā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļø

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i FINALLY FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE GENSHIN SUMMER EVENT like properly
repeatedly diving and fighting the boss marine animal thingy was a little annoying at first bc i didnāt get it but NOW I DO and i think iāve pretty much completed everything thatāll give me primos
only thing tho is itās not really a rewarding event for all the effort weāre putting in omg š
i think i mightāve accidentally jinxed myself or something bc i swear i had a normal sleep schedule for like a week
i could sleep early and i woke up in the morning and now i freaking sleep when normal people wake up and i wake up in the afternoon when half the day is already over. š«©
iām awake! letās go back to sleep again.
i think i mightāve accidentally jinxed myself or something bc i swear i had a normal sleep schedule for like a week
i could sleep early and i woke up in the morning and now i freaking sleep when normal people wake up and i wake up in the afternoon when half the day is already over. š«©
tomorrow and by that i mean today, i have to wash my hair and clean my room and put the trash out š£ i really donāt want to
day ruined!! i saw a silverfish. it was small but still a silverfish.
also iām gonna go on a diet for the rest of summer

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spending the next two hours watching a cinematic masterpiece (ratatouille)
got out of bed at 9pm and the first thing i did was go to the mirror and cry
i miss mystic messenger šš i somehow never actually made it to day 10 despite playing the game when i was 14 and once more again last year summer
i wish i could just sleep forever rn
i feel so spent and tired and the worst part of it all is that i havenāt even done anything
iām just always tired and always sad and always on edge
when does it end
wait idk what to watch while i eat today

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i donāt feel good again š«© is this going to be another shit month of me feeling terrible as soon as i wake up
i canāt be pretty in the way that i want unless i actually eat sufficiently so my body receives the nutrients it needs but i canāt be skinny without starving myself either
i feel like iāve said this before lmaoo i just donāt know what to do
iām scared of gaining fat back š
it genuinely pisses me off whenever my mom says that sheās concerned and that iām starting to look like a skeleton (i do not btw, i look completely normal) because this is the same woman who told me this time last year that i should try losing some fat and going to the gym etc
like pick a side omfg itās either too much or too little, what am i supposed to do??? and iām happy with how i look right now mostly. itās enough for me but apparently not healthy enough for everyone else although there are some areas that i could work on
and itās not only her!! i never once thought of myself as anything but average until a friend made a comment when i was like 14 and we had non-uniform day but even then i considered it as a passing remark that came to mind every now and then
i lowkey only started skipping meals because of that and also because i didnāt want to take my mask off since it hid my face (the only good thing about going to school during covid) aandd because i may have just been generally insecure about eating but omg i seriously never took my mask off
i remember eating my packed lunch in a bathroom stall during break (how american) or just throwing it away in the bin actually where no one could see but i felt so guilty every time since i was still wasting money
every time my friends asked whether i was going to eat lunch or not, i just said that i was planning on eating later at home or that i wasnāt hungry and then after years of lying it became so accepted that no one would bat an eye anymore if i said i wasnāt eating
it just became the norm for me to not eat anything the whole day except dinner and for everyone to think that since i was used to it, i wouldnāt feel the same hunger as them and i would be fine without any food which was truthful to an extent
other than that it was just small things my family said tbh in a seemingly joking way but it was so cruel (i lowkey still cry thinking about it) and i started hating the way i looked in the mirror even more than usual and how all my clothes fit wrong and how every other girl just seemed so much more prettier in comparison (but!! iāve successfully accepted that iāll always be average and nothing special)
it wouldnāt be fair to blame anyone for my eating habits as of late since this is all my fault. i somehow convinced myself the only way i could be loved or valued as a person was if i looked a certain way and acted differently, and iād be lying if i said i think differently now (i blame society)
i never used to really understand calories before last year and even if i skipped meals it never really changed my body as much as it has this past year after starting uni although i think my depression getting worse is probably to blame partially for that
itās probably messed up to be sickeningly satisfied with being underweight and feeling somewhat happy with how i am even if it isnāt perfect because of course itās going to have certain consequences but either way itās my body and i couldnāt care less if the useless thing broke down anyway
the way i see it, if it canāt cope with being starved for a few days per month to get rid of the excess calories then maybe it deserves to struggle to function and iāll deserve to be put through all the headaches and stomach pains
if somehow it leads to something thatāll kill me then thereās also no complaints there since thatās a win
i know that putting that much importance on your appearance is a messed up way to live and thereāll never be an end to it since thereāll always be something you or another person is unhappy with but this is what iāve gotten used to and this is probably the only way i know how to live now
i canāt see food the same anymore without thinking about all the numbers that go into each portion and how much iām actually consuming per day but i never really was big on food in the first place, i just used to be able to enjoy things without thinking about how itāll eventually turn into an ugly roll of fat somewhere on my body
i think iād die without nutritional values existing because now i need to know how much each thing is and i donāt actually think my brain can ever stop looking instinctively at the calories first and foremost anymore
i personally donāt think iām at a point where i need intervention or recovery since thereās nothing to actually recover from except possibly a shift in mindset but i donāt know if i truly want that
i still think itās nothing serious because iām still in control of it all and itās not like i canāt stop myself from getting better. if i really wanted to, i probably could so thereās nothing to really worry about
iām just annoyed that i wonāt ever be enough for anyone despite everything that i do and how i wouldnāt be enough for myself if i was āhealthyā and if my body looked differently to how it is right now