Rachel

Up until this point, I had truly felt a lack of any control in my life. I was depressed without a sense of who I was. A major factor in my depression was the treatment from my mother my entire life. That night, I took back my power from someone I believe to be bipolar and narcissistic. But who actually knows?

After that night, I saw her only a few more times. Once on her terms, she showed up at my new apartment with a bag of things she claimed to belong to me (none of them actually did) demanding money from me as if she hadn’t kept the settlement money from my car accident claiming I still owed her rent from when I still lived with her. That ended with me kicking her off my property. That felt damn good.

Fast forward 6 years and I reached out to her to meet up for coffee. In the span of these 6 years we lived in the same town and she never once sought me out. I got married and didn’t invite her to the wedding, but I invited my aunt with whom she lives. Mind you, she sent a wedding card and house warming gift with my aunt, but my mother has always bought my love with gifts and nothing else.

Anyhoo, we met up for coffee after not seeing or speaking to each other in 6 years and the first thing she says to me is, “I’ve never liked your step mom.” Followed up shortly by, “I still can’t accept you for loving a woman.” I expected both things, but hoped for better.

I had spent the last 6 years learning who I am without anyone else and expanding my family to include non-blood relatives. I did so much work to heal myself and I wondered, why hadn’t she? Why didn’t she see that fateful night as a failure on both our parts, a jumping off point to learn and grow?

This meeting was arranged in hopes that she would prove to me she had learned or grown in some positive way and I was immediately faced with the reality that my mother is stunted and will never be better than what she is. Do I love her? Yes. But I love me more.

She honestly believed that the only reason I was reaching out was to let her know I was pregnant and she would soon be a grandma. Neither were true, but in her head that’s what I would want to talk to her about after all these years. I had written her out of my future children’s lives the moment she hesitated when I asked her if she would consider my children with a woman her grandchildren.

Trump’s appeal to black voters isn’t an appeal to black voters at all. Darnell hits it on the head:

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

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Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

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Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

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Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

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Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

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Bro: so…how was narnia?

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Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

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Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

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Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

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Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

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Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

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Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

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Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

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Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-