alive in theory

i got a new hairbrush today. diary entry of a girl from 1843. mama says a whole boar was killed to make this for me. think of that, dear journal. a whole boar slain for a little girl such as myself.

Why the fuck do burger recipes assume you’re grilling out for a family and not planning an elaborate 2 week baby trapping scenario in which you still don’t exactly know what the baby in this situation would be because you’re gay and he definitely can’t get you pregnant. Not that you’d want to get pregnant of course. But you do think it’d be the easiest means of convincing him to stay. there’s never a recipe for like 4 burgers max.

If ilya threw the first pitch at a baseball game it would be reminiscent of the carly rae jepsen pitch because he would think he would be good at it and just not prepare and cliff would be laughing his ass off and making fail edits on his instagram stories of the ball only making it halfway. ilya would look at the jumbotron and be like Cut Camera. Cut. camera. And shane would be on the phone with Rose like what do i do… its everywhere… the video… and Rose would be like Oh! I don’t know! I don’t date guys that would be bad at throwing a baseball :/ anyways lets do brunch soon! And yuna would call ilya and be like Honey. Yeah. I saw the footage

I'm the cunt you followed back