all of your feelings are valid as in “worth acknowledgment and internal consideration” but some of your feelings are also stupid and mean, and you need to deal with that shit without making it anyone else’s problem

like we are all beings of light, namaste, but also every single one of us has an ugly, dumb, selfish, lazy goblin living inside of us which can never be silenced or destroyed. and being a decent person means keeping that little fuck in his special little playpen hidden away in your heart, with his colorful enrichment rattles and his favorite pieces of raw meat, where he can pipe up with his wretched little opinions and you can nod sagaciously at him and pat him on the head and tell him you understand why he feels that way and never, ever let anybody else get their feelings hurt by him, because he sucks shit and nothing he has to say is worthy of notice by anyone but you. you should pay attention to him, but only because it’s important to understand your own worst impulses, and because trying to ignore him will make him break down a wall and run out into the street where he can show passerbys his privates and eat cigarette butts right off the ground. your goblin is valid: that doesn’t mean he’s fit for company.

everyone more pretentious than me is an insufferable poseur and everyone less pretentious than me is a clueless philistine

My old person trait is that I think a website should work in a web browser and not try to open an app

I BURST OUT FUCKING LAUGHING OMG

Babygirl I’m popping joints that paleontologists don’t even know about

No, fuck. Chiropractors

Yo mama so old her chiropractor is a paleontologist

remember when you were 10 and you would hang out with your friends in order to Look At The Computer together like you went to their house and experienced the information superhighway together. and then leave