Potatoes are Foxy

Babygirl I’m popping joints that paleontologists don’t even know about

No, fuck. Chiropractors

Yo mama so old her chiropractor is a paleontologist

i was at the doctors today and there was a guy sitting behind me with his baby, and the baby starts crying in its pram and the guy just stands up, faces the kid and says “Come on now, don’t cry, you’re better than that”

also, someone else asked him how old his baby was and he said without even a moments hesitation, “he’s 36 he’s just got a height problem” and I’ve only just come to terms with the fact I’ll never say something that funny in my life

It high-key sounds like you stumbled in halfway through a comedy about a dude who’s friend got magicked into a baby

they should invent a tummy for girls that doesn’t hurt

they should invent a tummy for girls that doesn’t hurt

remember when you were 10 and you would hang out with your friends in order to Look At The Computer together like you went to their house and experienced the information superhighway together. and then leave