EAT THE FOOD TINA

Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?

I love asking 7 different people for advice then do what i want

Girl you need to get out of bed faster than this

The best thing about showing 911 to new people is that no matter how much you try to explain Buddie’s homoerotic subtext no one, and I mean NO ONE, is prepared for Eddie’s introduction scene.

no one follows the trees warning

You know the parable about how the foolish man built his house upon sand and the wise man built his house upon rock and it’s always about having a sturdy foundation well there is also the fact of location which is that the sand probably used to be rock except it’s been eroded to sediment because it’s a FUCKING FLOODPLAIN

I feel like a dumbass, but @rapidashmascot just revolutionised my understanding of that parable.

My family quotes that parable loudly every time another planned housing community on a former floodplain gets inundated with water.

i can't believe you're "supposed" to make eye contact with people. like be serious i don't need to see your soul like that

i’m like “i don’t give a fuck” & then have an anxiety attack

Maybe becoming a werewolf wouldn't fix my mental illness but it would fix my Not Being A Werewolf problem

Becoming a werewolf would replace most of my immediate problems with brand new, exciting problems.

My husband has informed me that around 2-3am he woke up to muffled screaming and discovered that the cat had pulled open the Tupperware drawer and crawled inside, but her weight had closed the drawer and she was stuck inside and needed rescuing.

Permission to laugh?

I mean I definitely laughed

how does a cat open a cupboard drawer?

With her little criminal paws

can we see the little criminal?

Something that I first applied to working with children, and have applied in a limited form to working with adults: you don't need to tell someone when they read your instructions wrong. Sometimes it's enough to point out what they did right and then whatever they didn't do? You ask them to do it in more precise words, and you make it sound like it's a new request. Remarkable how fast things get done this way.

This is also a habit I built up from emergency response training. If I say "I need you to bring me a first aid kit and an accident report" and you bring me just a first aid kit, it's so much more efficient to say "thanks now can you bring me an accident report" than "I asked you to bring an accident report why didn't you bring me one".

Once you've internalized "a person bleeding out is one of the worst times to start an argument" you start to wonder what other tasks could get accomplished without arguing

* rubs my fingernail against the side of a jewel case *

vrriip vrriip

might drive my chevy to the levy. it better not be dry tho

you guys won't fucking believe this