sad

i’m so lonely, i don’t want to be here anymore.

you moved on by finding someone new, i moved on by finding myself... we are not the same.

i don’t hate you, i don’t think i can ever hate you. you hurt me, changed me, and then left, but at some point you were my person. i can’t hate you

some days i feel okay, other days i feel everything at once; every goodbye, every i love you, and every ounce of pain that’s ever passed through me

something about the holidays just always hurts different

i am so alone and yet surrounded by so many people that claim they love me

constantly feeling inadequate and not enough is so soul crushing and dehumanizing. i’m tired of hurting

every pound lost on the scale is weighed down by the comments you thought my body needed

if anyone is listening, i don’t want to be here anymore

i’m too young to be this sad

i’m so tired of explaining myself constantly, i’m so tired of feeling the need to justify everything i say and everything i do and everything i feel. god forbid i feel anxious on my own terms, God forbid i feel like shit because of the circumstances i put myself in. God forbid i feel any type of negative way and turn to you for comfort only to be questioned and made to feel even worse for feeling the way i do. i’m fucking tired of fighting a million battles at once and then still feeling empty and lonely at the end of the day. i’m fucking tired of putting myself third, fourth, fifth to everything else in my life and getting shit in return to show for it. i’m so fucking tired of being tired. i’m tired of hurting. i’m tired of the darkness. i’m tired of feeling stuck while everyone else is moving forward. i’m so tired of hating myself and hating my body and hating my mental illnesses. i’m tired of my anxiety holding me shackled at my ankles. i’m tired of not feeling like myself and everyone on the outside expecting me to remain static. i’m tired of not feeling loved; tired of the pain and the tears. mostly, i’m tired of feeling tired