Big Butt Bigger Heart

*turns into a tree to avoid responsibilities*

Putting potato chips on a sandwich with the other ingredients so you get a cronch is absolute the only righteous way to live

hey what the fuck

Stop being afraid to live deliciously

Penis is an ugly word too

Créme de la cock

Thin fuckin ice

Me in the party: Gosh golly! This beat is… Whoo! This beat is… DANDY!

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

That you cannot fax money to someone.

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing

me: *embarrasses self in public* me: *loudly* i sure hope no one MURDERS me tonight in my sleep WHERE I LIVE at 125 west (that’s W-E-S-T) roa…

i have been feeling really great recently !!!

april fools im dead inside

Me w ppl I don’t have a crush on: babe, baby, hun, dear, love, light of my life Me w ppl I have a crush on: pleased to make your acquaintance good sir, my good colleague.

He?

This got 32k and the guy was in the bathtub the whole time trippin on lsd