Untitled

“You’re early,” you accuse as he walks in. 

“Since when do you know when my training ends?” James asks. You sound like you’re sniping at one another, but as usual the joviality in his tone is unmissable. 

The sounds of his entrance are familiar, perhaps more ingrained in your mind than they ought to be. Keys jingling as he hangs them on the hook, shoes toed off and left by the mat, heavy footsteps headed for wherever you are in the apartment. 

When he finds you in the kitchen, you both speak at once. 

“What happened to your shoulder?” 

“You know how to cook?” 

“Hurt it at training,” James answers, shrugging with the shoulder that doesn’t have an ice pack held to it. He’s probably too nice for it to occur to him to withhold his answer until you’ve given yours, as had been your first thought. “What are you making?” 

“How did you hurt it?” Worry pries at your tone. Your hands have stilled on the cutting board. 

“We had a scrimmage, and I got shoulder-barged.” He gives you a smile, a shadow of the real thing, but gentler. Reassuring. “It’s not bad.” 

You frown. “I don’t know what that means.” 

“Didn’t expect you to, love.” 

“Why do you need to ice it if it’s not bad?” 

There’s a look in James’ eyes that’s wavering between smugness and softness. You balk at the sight of it. “I need to be a bit careful with it,” he hedges, “but it’ll be good by morning. Now, you’ve distracted me. Do you mean to tell me you’ve known how to cook this entire time?” 

“Yes,” you concede with a laugh. “I’ve always said I cook for myself when you’re not around.” 

“And here you are, doing it right before my eyes.” James leans on the counter with his good arm. He looks immensely entertained. “I’m honored.” 

“This isn’t just for me,” you say, looking down to resume chopping onion as your face warms slightly. “It’s for—” Another remonstrative hiss from the stove, and you whip around, moving the pot off the hot part entirely. You’re a bit relieved for the excuse to face away from him. “It’s for both of us. Also, I just want to provide a disclaimer right now that I never said I was good at cooking, only that I knew how.” 

James’ laugh rumbles behind you, just as you knew it would. He’s too easy. You can practically feel the force of his smile hitting your back, like the sunshine brought inside. 

“Here,” he says, taking a couple of steps toward you, “let me help.” 

“No!” You whirl again, stopping him before he can actually enter the kitchen. “No way. James, I’m trying to do something nice.” 

“And it is very nice,” he says, earnest. “It just seems like you could use a hand.” 

“I’ve got it,” you insist. Your hands are up to ward him off, but you put them at your sides when you realize how close they’re hovering to his chest. “It doesn't count as doing something for you if you do it yourself. Anyway, you’re incapacitated.” 

“I’m…” James looks confused, but then he glances down to his icing shoulder. “Oh, come on. I’m hardly immobilized.” 

“For all intents and purposes, you are.” You do your best to infuse your voice with conviction. You’ve found that’s usually the way with James. If you show any hesitation, he’ll turn on the charm and have you eating out of his hand before you know what’s happened. You herd him away from the kitchen. “Go sit down. Dinner will be ready soon.” 

You can’t help but be aware of him as you finish up, knowing he has to hear the sizzling when you accidentally spill things onto the stove or the one mumbled curse you’re not quick enough to bite back. All evidence that you’re not nearly as practiced a cook as James. You can practically feel his grin from a room over. Still, when it's done you’re fairly proud of yourself. 

James is beaming as he accepts his bowl. He hikes his knees up so you can pass between the couch and the coffee table, making a show of sniffing the steam rising from the food. 

“Is this risotto?” he asks, waiting for your little nod before his mouth drops open in astonishment. “You are so sneaky! I didn’t know you could cook at all, let alone fancy shit like this.” 

“It’s not that hard to make.” You look down at your fork as you raise it to your lips, blowing. 

“Sure it is! Loads of people have a hard time with it.” 

“Do you?” 

James grins, caught. You feel your own smile tugging at your lips as you take a bite.

He follows suit, forking a bit of the risotto and blowing to cool it before taking it in his mouth. His eyes dip closed, head lolling back, and he moans. 

“Oh my god, this is good. I’m never cooking again, now that I know you can do this.” 

You take another bite to avoid a response. You’re fairly sure the heat from your face could power the apartment for a month. 

James makes a few more over-the-top compliments of your culinary skills, which you deflect as best you can. As always, you eat mostly silently while he chatters, but when you look over your attention gets snagged on his shoulder. 

He’s only using the one hand to eat, bowl resting in his lap while you hold yours up closer to your face. His ice pack sits beside him now that he can’t hold it on anymore. You catch yourself gnawing on the inside of your lip. 

“Does it hurt?” you ask. 

James looks over, following your gaze. “Yeah,” he admits. “Nothing I’m not used to, though.” 

You feel your eyebrows pinch. “You get hurt often?” 

He smiles bemusedly. “It’s rugby, love. Getting a bit roughed up is part of the deal.” 

This doesn’t sit right with you. Though you hadn’t pondered it much before, you realize you’ve sort of been thinking of James, with his muscles and constant smiles and easygoing manner, as somewhat invincible. He seems like such a source of light in the world, it hadn’t occurred to you that anything bad could happen to him. You don’t like the idea of him being hurt. In any capacity. 

You realize this is likely playing out on your face when you notice James watching you. His eyes are soft. “As much as I would love to milk this for attention and maybe a sponge bath,” he says, setting his fork in his bowl, “it’s really not that bad. See?” 

He pulls down the sleeve of his shirt, and the effort to placate you is wasted. You take in a quiet, horrified gasp at the deeply colored bruise on James’ shoulder. One of your hands raises as if to touch it. It hovers in the space between you. 

“That’s not that bad?” you look at James in alarm. “It looks broken.” 

“It’s not,” he laughs. It’s a bit awkward, as close to self-conscious as you’ve ever seen him. “Trust me, I’ve had a couple broken bones in my time. It’s only bruised, and the muscle’s a bit strained.” 

The muscle, you’re noticing now, is quite substantial. Your focus is on the bruise, but the shoulder beneath it is eye-catching as well, hefty and taut-looking, presumably from the strain. That, or James is flexing. 

You raise your gaze quickly to his. Brown eyes tinged with smugness. 

“You’re worried about me.” His lips stretch into a grin. Not your favorite one in his arsenal. “Aw, sweetheart, I love you too.” 

You direct your attention back to your food, face hotter than hot. “I have justification for worry,” you say, the teasing tone you were going for undercut by the unintentional softness of your voice. “You’re voluntarily participating in a sport that seems like it’s trying to kill you.” 

James takes a self-satisfied bite of his risotto. “I don’t know, I was pretty worried when you fainted in my arms last week.” 

You side-eye him suspiciously. “I didn’t actually do that.” 

“Turn your foot to the left. Then point your toes. It’ll help you wiggle your foot free,” he instructed.

You did as told and soon enough you were free. 

“Thanks,” you said softly. 

You immediately went into gathering the rest of your things.

“Yeah, it’s no problem, love.” He stood up when you did. “I’m Remus, by the way.” Part of you wanted to laugh that Remus thought you didn’t know who he was. Instead, you mumbled out your name and said, “Thanks again, Remus.”

Then, no longer feeling like studying due to your humiliation, you headed in the direction of your common room, holding your book tight to your chest. Remus watched you walk away. He recognized your face from the classes you had together and the time you spent at the library. He had never approached you in the library because of the focus that emanated from your table; he didn’t want to disturb your flow. 

You hoped to put the embarrassment of falling into a false step behind you. You had gotten Remus’ attention, but it wasn’t in the way you wanted. You certainly hadn’t wanted it to be paired with the laughter of your peers. Little did you know how deeply you caught Remus’ attention.

He chatted with his friends outside of the Transfiguration classroom the next day. When you walked by, he smiled at you and said hello. You returned the gesture and hoped you weren’t blushing as all of his friends looked at you. You took your seat and tried to calm yourself down. Simple pleasantries should not send you into such a frenzy. 

Remus noticed your reaction, finding it curious. It didn’t deter him from acknowledging you whenever he was near you. He would’ve been lying to himself if he said he didn’t think your blush was cute. The more he observed you, the more he realized how much you kept to yourself and seemed content to be alone. That, however, made Remus want to get to know you. He wanted to know the girl who hadn’t put herself directly in his path. 

He made sure to stop by wherever you were studying in the library to say hello. He would take a longer route to where his friends were sitting in the Great Hall so that he could ask you a question about homework, whether he actually needed the answer or not. He tried to catch you in between classes, but you proved to be more elusive then. Each interaction left you blushing and flustered, although after two weeks of it, you came more accustomed to it. Remus saw that as progress and hoped you would be open to having a real conversation with him. 

If someone had told you a month ago that you’d be trying to avoid Remus, you wouldn’t have believed them. However, you somewhat were. Every time he spoke to you, you felt like the whole castle was listening in and judging every word you said to him. You assumed that he was just being polite. You assumed that you were just the girl who fell on the stairs to him. 

---

“When I call your name, come get your essay and then you are dismissed,” Professor Flitwick said, holding the stack of graded essays at the front of the classroom. “James Potter, Emmeline Vance, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin.”

The first four students got up and retrieved their essays. You rested your head on your hand as you waited for your name. Obviously they weren’t in alphabetical order, and you assumed it wasn’t grade-wise either since you were confident in the essay you turned in. After a few more names were called, Flitwick called yours. You got your essay, noted the O at the top and left the classroom with a small smile on your face. Maybe it was the order in which the essays were turned in?

“Hey!” Remus called from where he was standing off to the side. 

You kept walking. There was no way that he was talking to you. Sirius or Peter must’ve been called after you. 

Then he called your name. You froze. You could hear footsteps as he jogged over to you. 

“How’d you do?” he asked once at your side. “O! Nice.”

You realized you were still holding your essay and hurriedly tucked it inside of your things.

“Yeah, I put in the work.” 

He gave you his easy smile and then ran a hand through his hair.

“I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

“Um, sure?” 

“Would you like to study with me later?”

You stared at him, unable to breathe. Had he just asked if you wanted to study with him? Well, yes, he had. But it didn’t feel real. Your mind started to spin with worry. You wanted to study with Remus. You wanted to spend time with him. But whenever he studied, he was always surrounded by so many other people vying for his attention. It was bad enough that whenever he talked to you, you could feel the eyes of everyone passing you; you knew that they were wondering why a guy like Remus was talking to a nobody like you. 

Remus said your name, bringing you out of your thoughts. 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’d like that,” you managed to say.

His smile, which had briefly faltered at your hesitation, relaxed. 

“Great!” he said. “Meet you outside the library after dinner, yeah?” 

“Yeah. Erm, I’ll see you then, Remus.”

Remus turned and headed back towards the classroom, likely to wait for Sirius and Peter if they hadn’t been called already. You took a deep breath to steady yourself before you continued on your own way. You had just agreed to study with Remus and he was the one to ask you. He had actually asked you. And you agreed. 

It didn’t take long for your nerves to spike. You were regretting your decision to agree. The feeling of looming embarrassment hung around you for the rest of the day and through dinner. Part of you debated sending Remus a note saying that you were feeling ill and couldn’t make it, but another part told you that he might not invite you again and this could be your chance to make an impression on him. 

You ended up walking to the library. With each step, you felt your heart rate increase. You were sure that if you weren’t holding onto your things with such a death grip, your hands would be shaking. 

Remus was waiting for you, just as he had said he would. 

“Hi!” he greeted you enthusiastically. 

You smiled at him as he held open the door for you.

“I’ve got a table claimed in the back,” he told you, taking the lead.

Your nerves changed into confusion as you passed Remus’ usual collection of tables. He led you to a more secluded part of the library where his things littered one of the smaller tables with only two chairs around it.

Trying not to sound too ecstatic by the sight, you asked, “Oh, is it just us?”

Remus chuckled softly. “I invited you to study, not our entire year.”

A subtle blush dusted your cheeks.

“Oh… I just… You’re usually…” you mumbled.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. There was that easy smile again. “Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I assumed you’d rather have a more private table.” He paused as he watched your face for a change in expression. “We can move to a different table, if you’d like.”

Your blush became more prominent. He actually put thought into what table you’d like to study at? 

“Oh, no, no. This is good. You’re right. I study better when there’s less people around.”

“Helps with focusing, don’t it?”

“Yeah,” you breathed as you placed your things on the table.

His smile grew. He pulled out your chair and helped you in before taking his own seat. The two of you worked diligently in silence for a while. Every once in a while he stopped and watched you work; he loved the face you made when you focused so deeply that nothing around you could catch your attention. 

“What’d you think of Slughorn’s lecture today?” he asked.

“Hm?” You looked up from your assignment and processed what he had asked. “Kind of repetitive, if I’m honest. I guess some students need the review though…”

“Glad it wasn’t just me,” he smirked. “Good thing there are some pretty distractions in that class.”

You gave him a curious look as you repeated, “Pretty distractions?”

“You know,” he said, resting his elbow on the table, “the same pretty distraction that I have Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Defense with.”

You bit your lip. You had those classes with him.

“Believe it or not, saw that same distraction on the stairs a few weeks ago. Strange how she travels…”

Oh. oh. You blushed furiously before turning your attention back to your assignment. Remus Lupin was not flirting with you. There was no way. 

He let you return to your work, watching you sort through your thoughts for a minute before returning to his own. Once again, you worked in tandem. After a while, you started yawning. You cleaned up your stuff, which caught Remus attention. 

“This was nice,” he said as he started to gather his own things. “I’d like to study with you more, if you’ll have me.”

If you’ll have me. 

“Same time tomorrow?” you offered.

“Same time tomorrow.”

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Sirius, James’ best friend, roommate, and favorite nuisance, groans loudly where he is sprawled in his chair next to James, feet up on the desk. Remus, the one person in their group who you can stand, elbows Sirius and shoots him a quick glare. James’ eyes are still on you, smirk on his lips, and you send him a dirty look. He’s so fucking cocky.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

The door to the lecture hall finally opens, and everyone sits up a bit. Well, everyone except Sirius. 

The professor stomps in, ten minutes late but with clearly no cares in the world, the stack of papers in his hand catching your attention. The exam from last class, one that might finally allow you to pull ahead of James. Or, he did better than you again, and you’ll have to suffer his cruel teasing for another few weeks so you can cram until the next exam. You need that test back. 

Your professor places everything down at his desk with a light groan, running a hand through his hair. He looks around the room, scanning all of his students’ faces, before clearing his throat. 

“I’ll be passing back exams at the end of the hour.” There’s a collective groan but he doesn’t care, continuing on with the lesson. You force yourself to pay attention and take notes, to not think about the potential outcomes of your exam results, to not look in James’ direction even though you know if you did that he would be looking at you. 

This thing between you and James has been going on since freshman year. You stepped onto campus, bright-eyed and valedictorian of your high school, and you vowed to yourself that you were going to repeat the success of the last four years. And, for the most part, you have. 

Except for James Potter. He’s a constant thorn in your side, and he relishes in it. The two of you are in a constant battle for who will be the top student at the University. James somehow always ends up on top. And so for you, it really is a war. You fight tooth and nail. You stay up way too late studying every night, living off of caffeine and short naps between classes. You involve yourself in different activities, you complete every extra credit opportunity, and you attend every office hour, every study session, every single thing you can do. And yet, you always find yourself lagging behind James Potter, who seems to score perfectly on every exam despite not opening his textbook once. It’s infuriating, and you hate him. 

He knows that he gets on your nerves. He loves it, he purposely antagonizes you. Like he’s doing right now.

Your eyes meet his, unconsciously seeking him out as he takes over your thoughts. His eyes are there, on you, just as you knew they would be. He sends you a cheeky wink. Prick. 

Your handwriting is shaky today, a result of your bouncing leg as your stomach churns with anxiety, waiting for the exam results. You chew on your nail, crossing off a word and shaking your head when you spell it wrong. When you aren’t writing, it’s back to tapping.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

You don’t feel like you take a full breath until the test is physically in your hand. You practically tear it away from the professor, eyes darting all over until you spot the score. 100%. Your heart soars, but then you falter just a bit when you realize you missed the extra credit question. You pray that James did too, or that he didn’t score as high.

But you know better.

And so does James, evidently. Because the second you look up, that signature smirk is on his lips and he holds up the test so you can see, a long finger pointing at his score in the top right.

102%. Fuck. 

You really don’t want to be here. The music is too loud, everyone is drunk, and there’s a cloud of smoke so thick you find it a little hard to breathe. 

You had been wallowing in self-pity in your dorm, pouring over your textbook on a Friday night instead of doing anything fun. Because of James fucking Potter and his stupid 102%. He’s been teasing you all week, laughing and whispering with his friends when you walk by.

“Need me to tutor you, darling?” He’d called out with a bright voice, only chuckling when you flipped him off. You hate him and his beautiful face. 

And tonight, your study/self-pity session was interrupted by your phone ringing several times. 

Your roommate asked you to come pick her up from a party, but you’ve searched the frat house twice now with no sign of her. You’ve tried calling, and she won’t answer your texts either. It’s frustrating, and you’re about to go home without her when a familiar voice catches your attention. 

“I mean it!” You know it’s James before you see him, peeking around the corner to spot him, Sirius, Remus, and Peter pouring drinks in the kitchen. “She looked at me eleven times today. I counted!”

“You’re hopeless.” Sirius announces, head shaking before pouring some of the alcohol directly into his mouth from the bottle. Peter gives him a disgusted look and you almost snort. “She hates you.” “I know,” James seems defeated at Sirius’ words and your curiosity is fully peaked at this point. “Why do you think I have to count how many times she looks at me?”

“Have you ever tried, I don’t know, talking to the poor girl?” Remus asks, taking a sip from his cup before taking the bottle away from Sirius when he drinks straight from it again. 

“She always thinks I’m teasing her, even when I really mean it.” James shakes his head, “If pissing her off and getting better scores than her is what keeps her eyes on me, then that’s what I’ll do.” 

Oh. Oh. 

Is he talking about you?

You hold your breath, pressing closer to the wall as though you’ll be able to hear any better, peeking around the corner to watch the four men talk. James takes a large sip of his drink and you find your eyes lingering over his figure.

“I still think you should just tell her.” Peter speaks up and James knocks into him with his shoulder. 

“You know I can’t just do that, Pete.” James shakes his head, and you watch as his chocolate curls flutter against his forehead. “What do I say? ‘Hi, I know you’ve hated me for the last two and a half years and I’ve been pretending to hate you too. Can we go on a date?’”

Sirius snorts, and it’s in perfect timing to cover the slight gasp that comes out of your mouth. He really is talking about you.

James Potter has feelings for you. You thought he hated your guts. 

“What are you doing?” The voice of your roommate from behind you has you practically jumping out of your skin. You whip around to find her watching you with a judgmental look on her face.

“Nothing!” You say quickly, clearing your throat. “I’ve been looking for you. Are you ready? Let’s go.” You don’t really give her a chance to argue, tugging at her arm as you pull her out of the frat house and back to your car. 

You try to pay attention to the conversation your roommate is having with you on the way home, but it’s difficult. Your mind is racing, focus on the conversation you overheard back at the party.

Does James really have feelings for you? He said he only continues to rile you up because you won’t look at him any other way. You don’t trust him if he acts serious. Is that true? 

The only time you can remember that James Potter tried to act sincere with you was the one time you had to miss an exam due to needing a trip to the hospital. He pleaded with the professor on your behalf, convincing him to let you take it a different day. When he told you what he did, you assumed it was because he didn’t want to win an unfair fight. You didn’t think he’d advocate for you because he cares or anything. 

Oh. Maybe James is right. Maybe you don’t take him seriously. 

You toss and turn in your bed that night for hours, mind racing as you rethink almost every interaction you’ve had with the bespectacled boy since the two of you met freshman year. James, for all his annoying flaws, seems to be a good friend. He’s thoughtful, he’s funny, and he’s so handsome it makes you sick sometimes. And he’s so, so smart. 

You hate the feelings churning in your stomach. On one hand, you hate him. Even if he has feelings for you, that doesn’t make it okay for him to tease you, and you still want to be better than him. You need to win. But on the other hand… you could really like him, you think. If you let yourself fall for him. If he really does have feelings for you and it wasn’t all a cruel joke.

But how could it be a joke? James didn’t even know you’d been at the party, and none of his friends had spotted you either. They’d been talking casually, not like they were making fun of you. 

You sigh, flopping into a different position again as you try to get comfortable. You spring up suddenly when you get an idea. 

“I’m going to seduce James Potter.” You say, a happy laugh falling from your lips. “And then I’ll sit by him during the next exam and he’ll be so distracted that I’ll score higher than him!”

You grunt suddenly as a pillow comes in contact with the side of your head, flung by your roommate.

“Go to sleep!”

You’re tapping your pen on your desk again. But this time, there’s no exam to take or score to wait for. You’re waiting for the end of class, eyes darting between the clock and the boy who you’re hoping to catch on the way out. James.

He seems to notice that you’re looking at him more often. You knew he stared at you a lot, but you didn’t know it was actually the entire lecture. You find yourself glancing at him repeatedly, his eyes waiting for yours every time you do. 

This is making you more nervous than you thought it would. You’ve thrown insults and curse words at James like it’s second nature, but the idea of asking him to come back to your dorm with you is making you feel a bit sick. What if you misunderstood everything you overheard? What if they’d been talking about someone else and now you’re going to make a fool of yourself, providing a lifetime of bullying fuel for the one person who really can get under your skin?

You shake your head as the professor dismisses the class, swallowing nervously and quickly packing up your things. You shove down your anxiety, replaying your plan in your head.

Get him in your dorm. Get him naked. Get close enough to keep him distracted from his classes.

You head toward the lecture hall’s doors, and find James and Sirius walking out right in front of you.

“James?” You call out to him. Both James and Sirius turn around, James with eyes as wide as saucers, and Sirius with a bit of a gleam in his eye. 

“Hey,” James says, running a hand through his hair as he tries to seem casual. Now that you see it, it’s so obvious. You’d thought he was so cocky before, now you realize he’s been trying to get your attention..

“Could we… talk?” You ask, shuffling a bit on your feet as your heart races. You try to seem solid, but you don’t know what you’ll do if he laughs in your face and calls you a loser.

He doesn’t. He wouldn’t. Instead he says, “Of course,” though you can tell by the look on his face that he is incredibly confused about why you want to speak to him.

James waves Sirius off and you take a breath. “Can we… go to my dorm?” You ask him.

You can see the suspicion in his eyes, the way the muscles in his jaw tighten and his lips purse. He crosses his arms and then speaks, voice a bit short and clipped. “Your dorm?”

“Yes.” You say with a nod, keeping your voice steady even though you feel like your heart might explode, “I just… I need to talk to you.”

Your words and tone seem to have the desired effect and his hardness softens just a bit. He nods, and walks back with you to your dorm. Your roommate is gone tonight, at her boyfriend’s house, so you know no one will interrupt your plans. 

You sit on the bed, gesturing for James to do the same. He looks out of place here, and it doesn’t help that his body is fully tense and he seems extremely uncomfortable. 

“What did you want to talk to me about?” James asks, and you understand why he is so suspicious of you. He should be, considering your plan. But you have to score higher than him on the next test. And if that means distracting him with his feelings for you, then you’ll do it. 

“I’ve just been… doing some thinking.” You say slowly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You move a bit closer to him, sitting on your knees beside him. “I feel like I owe you an apology.”

That gets his attention. His head whips in your direction, his guard falling for a moment from the shock of your words. “You’re apologizing to me?” You nod, playing with a strand of your hair. “I haven’t been very nice, and I… I don’t want you to think I’m a bad person. I like you, James.”

He stares at you, lips slightly parted, and it’s like you can see his brain short-circuit. His eyes, as big and beautiful as always underneath his glasses, blink several times as he tries to process what you’ve said. You wait, and after a long moment you decide to speak again.

“Aren’t you going to say you like me back?”

“What?” James shakes his head, and it seems like his hand reaches for your waist instinctively, but stops short of actually touching you. “I mean, yes. I like you, but I don’t understand. I thought…”

“That I hated you?” You say, tilting your head and batting your eyelashes at him. You see his pupils dilate, his Adam’s apple bob. You shake your head. “I don’t hate you, James. Actually, I…” You lean forward to reach and brush some curls off his forehead, then whisper to him, “I really, really want you.” 

“Is this really happening?” James asks, like he’s torn between his mind and his heart. You don’t give him a second to question you, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. He responds immediately grabbing for you and deepening the kiss. His grip is tight, and he lets out little whines and moans in your mouth. You ignore the way the sounds make your thighs clench and your stomach warm. 

He pulls you forward into his lap, your legs on either side of his hips. You roll forward, pressing down against him. He’s already hard, and you can tell he’s big. Your heart flutters but you ignore it, continuing to focus on James as you find him bucking his hips up into yours. He really must have been pent up, waiting for this. 

“Holy fuck. Holy fuck.” He whispers between kisses, hands grasping at you like a man touch-starved. 

When he pulls his lips away from yours to breathe, he quickly leans forward to attach them to your neck. You find your eyes fluttering closed as his tongue darts out against your skin and leaves saliva and warmth in its wake. Despite trying to push down your own feelings, you find yourself wanting more of him. Not just to seduce him, but also because it feels good. 

You reach down, freeing James from his pants. He lifts his hips a bit to help you. He’s even bigger than you thought and he finds the audacity to smirk a bit at you, making you roll your eyes.

You stroke him a few times, hearing him whimper your name. You hate the way your throat tightens when he does. Your own pants are tossed aside quickly, along with your underwear. 

James’ hands grasp at your hips, and his eyes are dark and hazy as you look down at him from your place on his lap. His Adam’s apple bobs again as he swallows thickly, his chest a bit shaky as he breathes. 

It’s time to lock in, you think, and lean forward to press a kiss to his jaw. You literally watch his dick twitch and you lick up his neck to his ear.

“Are you going to let me fuck you, James?” You whisper into his ear, seeing his body shiver. A thought crosses your mind that being above him like this feels a million times better than being above him in GPA, but you force that idea away as soon as it appears. 

He whines, and you pull back, sliding a hand up to rest against the front of his throat. You tilt your head and see James’ entire face flush, his cock bright red and already leaking. “Well?”

“Yes, please, yeah…” He whines and you pretend not to absolutely relish in the way it sounds. 

You squeeze his throat a bit as you slide down onto him, and he practically cums right then. You smirk a bit, giving the both of you a moment to adjust. He feels really fucking good, too good. You find yourself enjoying every roll of your hips, every buck of his. You squeeze a bit tighter every time he tries to speak, and it always has his eyes rolling back and his hands gripping you harder. His body trembles, and pieces of strangled whimpers escape his mouth as you grind down onto him.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” You moan out, the sound escaping you before you can stop yourself. One of James’ hands moves to your wrist, holding it but not pulling it away from his neck. In fact, at the next roll of your hips, he pushes your wrist closer, encouraging you to tighten your grip, and you do. 

The sight of his writhing beneath you is everything you could ever have hoped for. James is completely at your mercy, and it makes you feel invincible. You cum harder than you ever have in your life, and James follows not long after. 

You make the mistake of falling asleep next to him afterward, telling yourself that it’s to make him really think you like him. Not because you wanted to sleep with your ear pressed to his chest, listening to his heart beat. It’s just soothing. You tell yourself it won’t happen again, even though deep down, you know you’re lying. This has changed things for you, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.

The day of the next exam finally comes, and for once, you find that you aren’t nervous. You studied your ass off the entire past week, and with your plan to distract James going well so far, you don’t feel like you have much to worry about.

You take a seat next to James for this one, and he smiles lovingly at you. His friends snort, and you wonder what he told them. The talking stops instantly as tests are passed around. You spend the entire time brushing your foot against James’ calf, at one point bending over to pick up your pencil and purposely showing him your cleavage. It works to distract him, and you’ve convinced yourself that you have this in the bag.

You leave feeling confident, James following you like a puppy. He’s been by your side almost the entire time since you hooked up with him. You find you like having him around. 

As his hand slides into yours and his smile makes your heart skip, you aren’t sure if you're still lying to yourself about how you feel. The more time you spend with him, the more you find yourself liking him. It happens slowly, until one day you realize that the things that used to be frustrating about him now make him endearing. Your walls crumble like old castle walls, until you’ve accepted that maybe these feelings have been there since the beginning.

It’s these realizations alone that keep you from breaking down when you finally see the test scores.

“How?” You ask, eyes darting between your test and James’. You got a 98%. James got 100%.. “I was trying to give you a boner the entire time!”

“Joke's on you,” James says with a smirk, grabbing your test from you and pressing a kiss to your cheekbone. “That happens every time I watch you during an exam. I’m used to it.”

°˖✧✿✧˖°

He introduces himself as Todd after you explain that you've been looking for your friend for half an hour to no avail. With a sympathetic smile, he offers to help, which you gratefully accept. Anything to find your friend and put this dreadful night to an end.

"Are you, like, one of the brothers?" you ask, noticing the letters on Todd's cap as you follow him through the house, but it's a little too dark to make them out. Not to mention, you don't really remember which fraternity your friend even brought you to tonight.

"Nah," Todd shouts over his shoulder. "Not here." He doesn't provide any more information than that as he changes the subject, suggesting the two of you search the backyard.

"I thought the yard was off limits,” you shout as you speed walk to catch up with him. He’s walking so fast that you barely have time to consider why he would think your friend would be outside.

Stepping into the cold, he explains, "Apparently their neighbors complained about the noise last weekend, so they're trying to keep the party inside. But a couple of quiet people shouldn't be an issue. It's nice to be away from all the noise, eh?"

You shudder when the night air hits you, hugging your arms around yourself tightly and attempting to smooth away the goosebumps already prickling on your skin.

"Maybe if it wasn't freezing."

You look around at the back yard, finding it completely empty except for a thin layer of fallen leaves and scattered beer bottles hidden in the uncut grass. Todd is leading you straight across the lawn, farther away from the house and any source of light. You’re starting to get a weird feeling about this—and Todd—so you slow to a stop while he continues to head deeper into the darkness.

"Hey, I don't think my friend is gonna be out here. I'm gonna keep looking inside–"

"What's the rush?" Todd's demeanor changes when he notices you’re falling behind. He quickly closes the distance between the two of you again in two strides.

You release a dry laugh, realizing that you've been too trusting, and your tone turns serious. "I should really find my friend."

"You said she was with a guy, right? C'mon just let her have her fun." Todd drops his voice an octave, trying to sound seductive, but it comes across embarrassingly forced. "Maybe we can have some fun too."

When he reaches to touch the side of your face, your mood starts to change from a little let down and slightly annoyed to seriously pissed off.

"Don't," you say coldly, jerking your head away from his touch.

"Aw, c'mon," he continues to try to coax you, still somehow thinking he has a chance at convincing you. When his fingers graze your sides, you shout at him to keep his hands off, but instead, he slides them to your waist, holding you firmly.

"Let go!" you demand, planting you hands firmly on his shoulders and pushing. He chuckles at your feeble attempts, making you angrier, so you switch tactics. You wrap your hands around his wrists and pry his hands off, applying a pressure to the inside of his wrists that makes him release you with a hiss.

There's an angry voice in the distance shouting "Hey!" presumably at the two of you. You hear the steady sound of footsteps growing louder—one of the brothers probably coming to yell at you for sneaking into their backyard. You're a little too busy to care as you stomp away from Todd.

Todd doesn’t seem to notice the newcomer either. Too absorbed in the sting of your rejection, he starts getting angry too.

"Don't be such a prude," he snaps. He catches your wrist and pulls you back to him with a swift tug, spinning you around to face him. You draw your free arm back, using the extra momentum from the spin to your advantage as you punch him squarely in the jaw.

The punch throws him off balance, sending him stumbling back. His foot catches on an empty beer bottle, twisting his ankle as he loses his footing and crashes onto the grass with a heavy thud.

You stand above him, a little stunned at your actions. Todd is whining pathetically about the pain from the punch to his face, and the pain from the fall to his ass.

Someone jogs up beside you, and you can feel their gaze darting back and forth between you and Todd.

"Nice punch," he says, a little out of breath.

"Thanks," you reply flatly, only now starting to process that you—with the help of a beer bottle—sent this man tumbling to the ground.

"Alright," the mystery man says like he's about to get to work. He steps into your line of sight, looming over Todd for a moment.

He has a mop of dark curls spilling out from under a red baseball cap sitting backwards on his head. The cap matches his letterman-style jacket, which clings to his broad frame, drawing attention to his muscular body. Under different circumstances, this is a view you’d appreciate.

He bends down and grabs Todd by the collar of his shirt, roughly pulling him to his feet. Even with both of them standing, he still towers over him.

"Hey, man. What's up?" he asks Todd, his casual words contrasting with his abrasive tone.

"That slut just punched me!" Todd shrieks.

You roll your eyes. How pathetic.

He tightens his grip on Todd's shirt collar, using it to shake him roughly. "Watch your fucking mouth or I'll be the next," he threatens, and Todd goes quiet.

Your eyes widen at his sudden sharpness. Almost involuntary, you shift your position, angling yourself to get a clear look at the boy’s face. Black rimmed glasses sit lazily on the bridge of his nose, under his furrowed brow as he glares daggers at Todd. His eyes are big and brown, almost seeming out of place against the hard scowl carved into his features.

"Here's what's gonna happen," he continues. "First, you’re blacklisted. You’re never stepping foot in my house again. And what's this?"

He plucks Todd's hat off his head, inspecting the letters with a scoff before tossing it to the ground. "Of course. I'm sure nationals will be happy to hear about how you've conducted yourself tonight."

Todd's eye twitches at the threat. "Let's not pretend I was doing anything she didn’t want. Look at the way she’s dressed—flaunting herself, just begging for attention."

"What did you just say?" he seethes.

"James, c'mon," Todd says, revealing the name of the taller boy. He speaks with a nonchalance that makes James' nostrils flare, angered by his dismissiveness of the situation.

You begin to wonder how they know each other when James sets him straight.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to? My friends call me James, you don't get to call me shit. The fuck do you think this is, man? I catch you in my backyard putting your hands on a girl who clearly doesn't want anything to do with you and you think you can talk to me like we're friends? I don't even know who the hell you are."

Your eyes must be bulging out of your head by now. It feels like you’ve been dropped into a scene from a movie—an exposé on the dark side of greek life, or maybe the mafia. Not knowing much about either, it’s hard to say, but the backward hats and pounding music from the house quickly remind you of where you are.

James lowers his voice, his tone dipping into something almost menacing. "But I’ll find out from your brothers, and when I do, you’re finished here. Done. Now come on."

Todd flinches as one of James' hands clasps over the back of his neck with a sharp smack. There were some other guys you hadn't noticed before back near the house, to whom James hands Todd over.

Once James notices that you're still standing in the middle of the yard, he jogs back over. On his way, he takes off his hat, running his fingers through his hair to loosen his curls.

"Hey," he says in a soft voice, vastly different from the one he used on Todd. "Are you okay?"

The change in his demeanor catches you off guard. You exhale while you collect your thoughts, a steamy white cloud filling the space as your warm breath meets cool air.

"That was intense," you say. You don’t mean to dodge his question, but he did just switch from mafia boss levels of threatening to sunshine and rainbows.

James breathes out a laugh. "Sorry about that. Gotta be a hardass with some of these dicks, especially ones like that. Part of the job."

You raise an eyebrow, curiosity piqued, wondering what job he's talking about.

James reads your expression, and stands up a little straighter as he introduces himself. "President James, at your service." With an exaggerated wink, he tugs at the edge of his jacket, pulling it taut to show off the letters sewn over his chest.

You nod in understanding. "Well, thank you for stepping in, Mr. President," you say, a slight tease coloring your tone.

A smile like sunshine overtakes his lips. "No need to thank me, really. Anyway, you handled it pretty well before I got here. That was some punch—is your hand alright?"

You had forgotten about that. Splaying your fingers out in front of you, you inspect your knuckles. "Mhm. Fine. I don't think I can feel my limbs anyway." You wrap your arms back around yourself, the cold become almost unbearable in your tank top.

"Shit, yeah, it's cold out here, isn't it?" James holds his hat between his teeth, freeing his hands as he strips off his jacket. Your eyes linger on his toned arms for a moment too long, and suddenly his hat has made its way back onto his head and he's holding his jacket out for you.

"May I?" he asks.

As much as you want to say no, you truly are freezing, so you let yourself be draped in his warmth and the scent of his cologne. The fabric has an unexpected weight to it, almost offering a comfort similar to an embrace.

James rubs his hands up and down over newly blanketed arms to encourage some warmth into them. James studies your face with softened eyes, his tone taking on a more serious note.

"Hey, listen... I'm really sorry that happened to you. Everything he said, and did–"

"It's alright," you interrupt.

"It's not. That shouldn't be happening. Not at my house—not anywhere. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that creep. And if you wanted to take it to the school, I'd be more than willing to–"

"No, no. That's more trouble than he's worth."

James nods, respecting your decision. "For what it's worth, I'm gonna make sure he won't be allowed in any of the parties around here anymore. I doubt I can get him completely blackballed, but I'll do what I can."

You offer James a small smile in response. You're glad to hear that, really, but now that Todd's gone and that's all over, your main concern is finding your friend and getting the hell out of here.

"Why don't you let me give you a ride home?" he offers, almost like he can read your mind. His kind, brown eyes almost make you want to say yes. But after the night you've had, you owe it to yourself to be a little less trusting.

"I don't know." You bite the inside of your cheek while you decide if you should disclose your current dilemma. James does seem eager to help. Deciding to tell him, you say, "I was looking for my friend."

James is quick to offer his assistance. "Who's your friend? Maybe I can help."

You tell him your friends name and recount what she was doing when you saw her last. "She ran off with this guy. Long black hair, leather jacket, I think I heard his name but it was something... unique."

James sucks in a breath through his teeth. "Sounds like Sirius."

"Sirius, yes! That was his name." You're momentarily excited, thinking that James could actually help, but the look on his face squashes the feeling promptly.

"Yeah, uh," James scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, "Sirius left with a girl like an hour ago. About yay high," he holds his hand out to your friend's height. "Tan. Brown hair."

You sigh. Some best friend you have. Here you are, searching for her endlessly, and she's ditched you at the party she brought you to.

"She was your ride, I’m guessing?" The corner of James' lip quirks up in a sorry half-smile as you nod. "It really is no trouble for me to drive you home."

You tap your foot on the ground anxiously. You're really wanting to just accept his offer. He seems nice enough, but there's still a little voice in the back of your mind telling you to be careful.

"I just... I don't really know you."

"Understandable," James starts. "But... you kinda do. I'm pretty sure we have chem together."

"I don't think so." You think you’d remember a muscly, likely rambunctious, frat boy in your boring chem class.

"Okay, I was playing it cool,” James’ teeth graze his lower lip in a bashful manner. “I know we have Chem together—with Professor Brown? Tuesdays and Thursdays. You sit in the front row. Y/N, right?" James looks a little sheepish as he recalls your name.

You nod slowly, really looking at James for the first time, trying to place him. Then it hits you—you do remember him. He sits a few seats down from you in chem, always rigorously taking notes and asking questions you wouldn’t have thought of (but are glad to have the answers to). Seeing him like this, though, is such a contrast to the smart guy from class that you didn’t even recognize him at first.

You feel a heat creep up the back of your neck. You’ve only ever spared him a few glances, but you’ve always thought the smart guy from chem was pretty cute.

"Oh. Oh, right. I–I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. You're James Potter." You try the name on your lips, realizing the name didn't click because you had only ever heard your professor call him by his last name.

"That's me," he grins. "And don't worry about it."

You give him a nod, a bit awkwardly. He seems like a good guy, but you’re still not sure if you want to get in his car. "Well, James, I should probably just call an Uber or something anyway. I don't know if you've been drinking or anything so..."

"Oh!" James holds up a finger, stuffing his other hand into his pocket and pulling out a black rectangle. You mistake it for one of those big, clunky box vapes and almost want to roll your eyes. But then, James surprises you by blowing into it instead of breathing in.

The device beeps, and he shows you the little digital screen, previously hidden behind his hand, that reads "0.00" over a glowing green background.

"Haven't had a drop," he confirms. "I haven't smoked or anything else, either. Not my thing."

"Why do you own a breathalyzer?" you ask, a little dumbfounded.

"So I can breathalyze people," he shrugs, fiddling with the device—tossing it a few inches up in the air and catching it.

You raise your eyebrows at him, not satisfied with his non-answer.

“Sorry,” James chuckles at himself. "Uh, I have a lot of people leaving my parties trying to tell me they're sober enough to drive. I got loads of these ‘cause they can't argue with the numbers... as much as they might try to."

"Where did you even get that?" you ask. You can't imagine there's a very big market for personal breathalyzers.

"You can get almost anything with Prime delivery!" he says it like he's proud as he tucks it back into his pocket. "Hey, you want one? I've got a drawer full back in the house." He points with his thumb over his shoulder.

You laugh, shaking your head at his offer. James laughs along with you, his lips curling into a boyish grin.

Well, if you’re going to put your trust in anyone else tonight it, it might as well be the smart boy from chem who takes safety seriously enough to own multiple breathalyzers.

You start walking towards the house. When you don’t hear a set of footsteps following behind, you call over your shoulder, "Come on."

James catches up quickly, happy to be invited to join you. "Where are we going?"

"To your car so you can give me a ride home."

From the corner of your eye, you watch his face break out into a wide grin. And from there on out, there's an extra pep in his step as he leads you to his car.

When you're safe and sound, back in the comfort of your own room, you flop onto your bed with a dreamy look on your face. You hug the jacket closer to your body, thankful for the excuse to talk to him in chem on Tuesday. Little did you know, he let you keep the jacket so that you'd have one.

Everyone argues back and forth while James sits quietly, wondering who to call. He knows who he wants to call, but he doesn’t know if they’d want to speak with him.

“This could change everything,” Marlene says, ever the romantic, “This could be your second chance, James. You should call the one you miss the most.”

“The only one you’ve ever really loved.” Dorcas agrees.

“The one that got away.” Alice says softly, a knowing look in her eyes.

“So, Evans.” Sirius repeats, causing everyone to either laugh or roll their eyes at him.

James doesn’t pay them any mind, he continues to stare at Alice, releasing a shaky breath when she nods encouragingly at him. Of all his friends and classmates, somehow Alice was the only one who knew his true feelings. While James assured everyone that he was fine when he and Y/N broke up, Alice had been the one to stumble upon James crying one day. He had confessed that he missed you and Alice had told him that she did as well.

She didn’t think you’d stop talking to everyone else when you guys broke up. She knew you had your own set of friends prior to dating James, but she had hoped that you’d still hang out with them every now and then. Considering that Marlene and Dorcas were already best friends, leaving Alice to be the third wheel among them, she had enjoyed having a girlfriend of her own, and cherished your company. It hurt Alice to see you pass them by in the Great Hall, not even glancing at them, as you made your way to the far end where your friends were.

Alice had tried to convince James to talk to you, to which he always refused, stating that it was done. After a while, everyone got back to teasing James about Lily, putting you on the back burner, and when he and Lily finally started dating, you were all but forgotten; being brought up only in passing, remembering something funny you had done, before moving on to something else. No matter how much time had passed, Alice always saw the sadness in James whenever you were brought up. His smile always seemed dimmer and his eyes filled with longing. Even if James had managed to fool everyone into thinking you were just a girl he dated for a few months, a girl that he was over; Alice knew that was far from the truth. That being said, he picks up the phone with shaky hands.

“Guys he’s calling!” Marlene shouts excitedly.

“Put it on speaker!” Sirius demands, causing everyone to cheer in agreement.

James types the number and presses “call”, nervously bouncing his leg up and down.

“She might not even answer.” he tells the group, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself.

“What if this isn’t even her number anymore? What if she somehow knows this is my number and lets it go to voicemail?” He asks, looking at his friends.

This comment causes most of them to furrow their brows in confusion, wondering who he could be talking about, considering he and Lily still talk on occasion. But if he wasn’t calling Lily, then who?

The phone continues to ring, causing a pit to form in James’ stomach. “I don’t think she’s gonna-“

“Hello?” a feminine voice asks on the other line. The woman can be heard talking to someone in the background, wishing them a good weekend. She gets a chorus of “you too” in return before a door opens and closes shut.

“Hello?” The voice asks again. Remus reaches over and smacks James on the arm, snapping him out of his stupor.

“H-hi, hey!,” James stutters. “Y/N?” he asks, causing his friends to look at each other in confusion. You and James dated for a few months at Hogwarts but they didn’t think it was that serious. Not serious enough for him to call you instead of Lily for this dare. After all, he had spent years pining after Lily, not you.

“…yes?” you ask into the phone. Your voice comes off soft yet confused.

“Hey,” he says again, and then rolls his eyes at himself, “It’s James.” he breathes out.

“Who?” you ask, causing his heart to drop. “Wait, sorry, hold on really quick.”

Everyone hears you fumble with your phone for a bit before your voice rings out again, this time sounding louder than before.

“Hello?” you ask again, checking if the sound is better.

“Hi,” James answers, not knowing what else to say.

“Oh, that’s much better. Sorry about that,” you laugh softly, “Who is this?” you ask again.

“It’s James…” he says with a grimace, half expecting you to hang up on him.

“James…” you repeat, as if you’re in thought. “James from Hogwarts?”

“Yeah…” James answers, looking at Remus who just shrugs his shoulders. James from Hogwarts, he thinks to himself, that’s what she remembers me as?

“Oh shit,” you curse, surprise evident in your voice, “I didn’t recognize you. Your voice sounds so different on the phone.”

Everyone snickers at your comment.

“How’d you get this number?” you ask and immediately, the laughter stops.

“I uh…I ran into your friend Charlotte like a week after we graduated and I asked her for it.” James says sheepishly. He hopes nobody comments on the fact that that’s a long time to have someone’s number and not call them.

“And she gave it to you?”

“Well I say ‘asked’ but it was more like begging,” James admits, blushing as remembers following her around as she did her shopping, pleading with her to give him your number.

“Huh. So what do you want?”

“Just needed to ask you a question, love.” he tells you, the term of endearment slipping out without him even realizing.

“Okay…” you trail off, unsure of what’s to come.

“How are you?” James finds himself asking instead.

“How am I?” you repeat with an incredulous laugh. “You called me to ask me how I am?”

“No, sorry.” James shakes his head, even though you can’t see it. “That’s not the question. But I do want to know.”

“I’m fine.” you say simply.

“Yeah?” James asks, a soft smile on his lips as he talks with you.

“Yeah.” you confirm, wishing he’d just hurry up and get to the point already. “So…”

“Why didn’t it work out? Between us, I mean…” James asks breathlessly, finally asking the question that’s been plaguing his thoughts for the past two years.

“James,” you sigh, “Why are you asking this now?”

“I don’t know,” James says honestly, ignoring the stares of his friends. “It’s always bothered me; not knowing why you broke up with me. But no matter how badly I wanted to reach out to you- to ask you- I just didn’t. I was too scared. But I-I need to know what happened. Can you- from your perspective- can you tell me why we didn’t work?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh, “I just felt like you didn’t love me.”

“What?” James asks, horrified. “Why- how could you possibly think that?”

“Come on,” you scoff, “You know-“

“No, I don’t,” James interrupts, shaking his head furiously. “I-I thought I was a good boyfriend. I thought-“

“You were,” you coo, feeling the need to reassure him. “It wasn’t all bad. You were funny and kind. You were caring. You were patient with me and my short temper and you always managed to make me smile whenever something was bothering me.”

“And your friends,” you sigh, causing them all to perk up at their mention. “They welcomed me into their group with open arms. They never made me feel like an outsider. I-I studied with Remus, I would play-fight with Sirius; Alice and I would have sleepovers all the time and stay up talking and giggling until three a.m.”

“Then…why?” James repeats, even more confused. If everything was as great as you said, why break up?

“I…I’m not an idiot, James. Even though we weren’t in the same circle, I knew about Lily. Merlin, the whole of Hogwarts did. Through the years, I would hear in passing every now and again about you two. I knew you fancied her. I knew she had been the only one you had ever been serious about, which is why I was so confused when you started paying attention to me.”

“Is it so hard to believe that I thought you were beautiful? That I enjoyed your company?” James asks.

“No, but us crossing paths was a chance encounter.” you stress. “We had been taking the same classes since first year, James. But it wasn’t until Professor McGonagall changed the seating arrangement in seventh year that you finally noticed me. Do you remember why I turned you down the first couple of times?”

“You said you didn’t want to cause any problems between me and Lily. But I told you there was nothing going on between us.” James tells you, growing frustrated.

“Yes, but your actions told me otherwise. How many times did I see you playing with her hair, or whispering in her ear?”

“I was talking with her,” James defends.

“You were flirting with her!” you correct. “You were dating me and flirting with her. I don’t know how you didn’t realize it when everyone else in the bloody school did.”

“Do you have any idea what that was like?” you ask harshly. “Having to hear day in and day out for months ’oh, it’s just a ploy. He’s doing it to get Evans’ attention, and I think it’s working. It’s only a matter of time before one of them makes a move’”

“And then I go to you, my boyfriend, for reassurance, and I don’t get any. Instead, my feelings are brushed off and I’m called, what was the word again? Oh, right, delusional. Yes, I loved you, but I couldn’t do it anymore, James.”

“And anyway,” you huff, clearly worked up by this conversation, “This was two years ago, I don’t understand why you’re calling me now asking me why it didn’t work out. If you were so bothered by the break up, why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because I wanted you to be happy!” James shouts, standing up from his seat. He moves away from the couch and starts pacing the living room, running his free hand through his hair in frustration.

“I feel like we should give them some privacy,” Marlene whispers to the group.

“Shh!” Sirius shushes her, waving her off.

“I loved you so much, I would have done anything for you to be happy. That’s why I let you go without putting up a fight. I was doing what you wanted.” James sighs dejectedly.

“What I wanted?” you repeat skeptically. “What I wanted was for you to fight for me! For us! I wanted you to show me and everyone else at that damn school that I was the girl for you; that I was the girl you wanted! But you didn’t do that!”

“Instead, you went running to Lily!” you laugh coldly, “Just like everyone knew you would!”

“That’s not fair,” James says, sadly. “If I had known that you-“

“That I loved you? That I wanted to be with you?” you interrupt. “What? Would we still be together right now? Married, living in a nice little cottage, a couple of kids running around?”

Beep.

“Y/N-“

“You’re right,” you sigh, “I’m being too harsh. If you didn’t know that, then clearly I wasn’t the best girlfriend either.”

Beep.

“Merlin’s beard, what is that noise?” James asks exasperatedly.

“My phone, letting me know the battery’s about to die. Good timing, too.” you huff.

“You were a bad boyfriend, and I was a bad girlfriend. That’s why it didn’t work out between us. Let’s leave it at that.” you say quickly, rushing to finish the conversation before your phone dies.

“I hope everything works out between you and Lily. Or whoever you’re seeing now. Truly, I do. Take care, James. Do not call me again. I won’t answer.”

And with that the phone call ends. James stands there, in the middle of his living room, staring at the phone in his hand. It’s silent for a few seconds before Dorcas awkwardly claps her hands, getting everyone’s attention.

“Alright, who’s next?” She asks, softly. The fun atmosphere ruined by the heaviness of the phone call.

“You guys go ahead,” James says, making his way towards the door.

“Mate, where are you going?” Remus asks, standing from his seat.

“It’s not over yet.” he says with a shake of his head. “Still gotta ask if she’d consider giving us another chance.” he tells them before speaking into the receiver.

“Hi, Charlotte? It’s James! Yeah, James Potter. Listen, can you curse me out another time? I need Y/N’s address. Why? Well apparently she broke up with me because she thought I didn’t love her. And I didn’t do anything to stop her because I thought she didn’t love me. Yeahhh, so I need her address so I can tell her that that wasn’t the case at all. Brilliant! Thanks, bye!”

Everyone stands in silence, unsure of what to do now.

“Should we keep playing?” Sirius asks.

“Or pack up and call it a night?” Remus adds.

They all stare at each other for a moment before Alice bolts from her seat and rushes to the door.

“I’m too invested in this! I need to know how it ends! James!” she calls, running down the steps, “Wait for me!”

Everyone else is quick to rush out the door, chasing after James and Alice into the night.

[ t i m e s k i p ]

You’ve just come out of the shower when there’s a hard knock at your door. Not expecting anyone tonight, you stand up with a confused frown on your face.

Running your fingers through your damp hair in an attempt to make yourself look presentable, you head towards the front door. The knocking has gone from rapid, consistent taps to a heavy fist pounding against the wood. The door shakes so much, you’re scared it’ll fall off its hinges. With your wand gripped tightly in your hand, you yank it open, only to become more confused at the sight that greets you.

James Potter stands on your porch; out of breath and hair disheveled as he stares at you. Looking past his shoulder, you see all his friends standing on the sidewalk. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank, Alice, Marlene, and Dorcas are all watching you as well. Alice has a beaming smile on her face as she waves enthusiastically at you, clearly happy to see you again. You awkwardly raise your hand at them in greeting before turning your focus back to James.

“I know you said you didn’t want me to call you again-“

“So you show up at my house unannounced?!” You shriek.

“And why are they here?” you ask, gesturing to his friends.

“They followed me!” James shrugs helplessly.

“What are you even doing here?” you ask, rubbing your temples in an attempt to rid yourself of the headache you feel coming on.

“To tell you, in person, that I did love you.” James says, releasing a shaky breath.

“….Alright. Thanks for stopping by.” You nod at him. You try to close the door, only for James to push it back open with his hand.

“No, Y/N, listen to me. I’m sorry for whatever I did that made you initially doubt my feelings for you. I’m sorry I was a tosser that didn’t listen to you when you tried to tell me what was bothering you.” James tells you sincerely.

“It’s okay,” you shrug.

“It’s not.” he says with a shake of his head. “I should've told you all this back then, and I don’t know why I didn’t. But I’m telling you now. Yes, I fancied Lily for years but that stopped the moment I met you.”

You roll your eyes at that and James grabs your hands, squeezing them once before continuing.

“I don’t know how you did it, but one interaction with you and I was hooked. Nothing else mattered and nobody else compared. I found myself looking for you in the great hall and in between classes. I’d ask around about you because I wanted to know everything that there was to know about you. I felt an actual ache in my chest whenever you turned me down. It was so bad I had to see Madam Pomfrey about it because I honestly thought I had an arrhythmia.” he says, which causes you to laugh and roll your eyes again, this time in affection.

“I didn’t fight for you then, so I’m fighting for you now. The truth is I liked Lily; but I only ever loved you.”

You widen your eyes and gasp at his confession. Somewhere on the sidewalk, someone, most likely Alice squeals.

“I loved you on that first day, when you shared your inkwell with me after I forgot mine in the dorm. I loved you when you watched all my quidditch matches, even though you weren’t a fan of the sport. I loved you when you hung out with my friends, even when I wasn’t there and when you spent Christmas with me and my parents.”

You bring a hand up to wipe your eyes before placing it back in James’ hold. You sniffle and grin at him, chin quivering as you do.

“I loved you every second that I dated you. I loved you when you broke up with me. I loved you the whole time I dated Lily, which sounds horrible-“ James admits, causing you to laugh.

“But it’s true. That’s actually the reason we broke up.” he admits, “I couldn’t be with her- or anyone for that matter- when my heart belonged to you.”

“I loved you then and I love you now.” James tells you, gazing lovingly into your eyes. “And I need to know if there’s even the slightest possibility of you loving me too? I know I let you down last time. But-“

James doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Having heard enough, you surge forward, getting on your tiptoes to place your lips against his. James immediately brings his hands up, cupping your face gently as he kisses you back. When you pull away, he follows, placing another chaste kiss against your lips. James kisses you all over your face, causing you to giggle before he leans his forehead against yours.

“James,” you call softly.

“Hmm?”

“Look at me.”

“I can’t” he tells you with a shake of his head, forehead still pressed against your own.

“Why not?“

“Because I’m scared this isn’t real. I don’t want to open my eyes and realize it was just a dream.”

“Does this feel real?” you ask, squeezing his hand with your own.

“Yes.”

“What about this?”

Your other hand comes up to cup his cheek. James sighs at the warmth, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand.

“Yes.” he nods, slightly.

“Then open your eyes, Jamie.”

James takes a shaky breath in before slowly peeking his eyes open. Once he sees that you are in fact, still there, he releases the breath he was holding. James tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear before cupping your face in his hands.

“I love you.” you tell him, cheeks warming at the look of complete awe that he gives you.

James kisses you again before pulling you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

“I love you” he whispers into your ear, causing you to smile.

It’s only when Alice squeals loudly that you remember everyone else was still there. You pull back and share a shy smile with James before turning towards his group of friends that have been standing on the sidewalk.

“I guess I should invite you guys in?” you say, glancing at James briefly before turning towards the group again. “I can order some pizza and you guys can fill me in on what you’ve all been up to.”

Alice is the first to run up your steps, shoving James to the side and pulling you into a tight hug.

“I missed you so much!” she exclaims as she makes her way into your home.

Everyone else slowly makes their way inside, either hugging you or giving you a quick pat on the shoulder in greeting.

You’re about to head inside when James pulls you back.

“What? What is it?” you ask, looking up at him worriedly.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, gazing at you with a soft smile. “Just wanted one last moment with you before we head in.”

You roll your eyes and grab his hand, pulling him behind you as you walk in.

“You’re acting like you’re never gonna see me again.”

“Am I?” James asks.

“Only for the rest of your life.” you tell him, pulling his face towards yours for another kiss.

“Ready to see some lions demolish those snakes?” he asked. 

“They don’t stand a chance!” Peter yelled and the four of you headed to the stands. 

Between the noise, Sirius’ signature cologne, the feeling of his arm around you and the fact that you were simply replaying his face lighting up, you didn’t realize that the match had ended until Sirius was dragging you onto the pitch. Gryffindor’s seeker caught the snitch, obviously. 

The entirety of Gryffindor house was overly obnoxious with their excitement for the win. The players’ names were being chanted and some seventh years lifted the seeker onto their shoulders, earning louder cheers from the crowd. It was all a lot, but Sirius didn’t let go of you for one second. Not even to properly congratulate James. Sirius clapped his sweaty friend on the back with a jovial “You did it, mate!” but that was it. 

“You’re coming to the party,” Sirius told you once the two of you had stepped away from the center of the crowd. 

You blinked up at him. “Oh, I was planning on catching up-”

“You’re my girlfriend. You have to be there! Plus it’ll be fun!” 

You pursed your lips together. The parties students threw weren’t your scene. You had never gone to one outside of the Hufflepuff Common Room, since at least there you’d have an easy escape. You’d heard that other houses were rowdier. Much rowdier. 

Then Sirius gave you his impressive puppy-dog eyes and you remember his face lighting up at the scarf, which you subconsciously fidgeted with. You caved. Whatever homework or reading or whatever you would’ve busied yourself with could be put off until tomorrow. 

“Fine.” 

“Brilliant!” His face lit up again.

With an arm around your waist, he led you to the Gryffindor Common Room for the celebration. 

Sirius’ assurance that the party would be fun couldn’t be further from the truth. At least, not for you. Your eyes darted around the room, seeing the few Gryffindors you could potentially talk to all being busy with someone or something else. One leg crossed over the over, foot bouncing and a deathgrip on your bottle of butterbeer. You had thought the cheering in the stands was deafening, yet it paled in comparison to whatever was happening around you. 

To his credit, Sirius never ventured too far from you. He glanced back to where you sat from time to time, flashing his wild grin. He stopped by to make sure you were good with your drink, which at the time wasn’t even half empty. As  you nursed it, you decided that you should’ve been more firm in telling Sirius that this isn’t anything close to your scene, even if it is his. 

You waited until you finished your bottle before bailing. You found Sirius attempting to stack empty bottles into a tower with Remus and someone you didn’t really know. You had to put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. 

“I’m going to head out. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you yelled – you had to or you weren’t sure if he would’ve heard you.

You turned to leave, but he grabbed your arm to pull you close to him. He kissed you. It was more firm than your first; it lasted longer too. Then he gave the boys a salute and walked out of the common room with you. 

“I, erm, I can find my way back,” you said, trying not to sound flustered and awkward. “You can return to the party.” 

He shook his head. “Nonsense. I’ll walk with you.” He reached your hand to intertwine your fingers. “Everything alright?” 

You shook your head slightly. “That was just… too much. You’re the only one I really know or talk to at this point.” You shrugged.

“I could’ve sat with you,” he said, giving you a worried look. “I should’ve-”

“No, Sirius. It’s fine. I mean it. I just… it’s no big deal. I’m just not ready for Gryffindor parties, I guess.”

He frowned and looked like he wanted to press it further, but he let it go.. Somehow, he kept forgetting that you weren’t Mary. You weren’t any of the girls who he usually let hang off of him. So, naturally, it made sense that you weren’t going to like all the things they did. 

He gave your hand a squeeze and relaxed a bit when you squeezed it back. You were immensely glad he left it at that and you walked the rest of the way to your common room in silence. It allowed your mind to settle, your nerves to ease. It was comfortable being with just Sirius. Because, yes, the relationship was fake but there was a friendship between you. 

“Thanks, though.” Your voice was soft. “For walking me back. It was nice.”

“I’ll walk with you wherever,” he said, smiling. He seemed to understand now that the party was overwhelming for you and getting out of there was a necessity. 

You saw it happening before he really moved. His eyes flickering toward your lips. His leaning forward. One hand coming up to rest on your cheek and the other resting on your hip. And you felt yourself moving almost instinctively. Both hands on his chest and leaning into the kiss yourself. Kissing him back. 

There was more feeling than back in the common room. That one felt performative. That one was for the people at the party who knew Sirius and the kind of person that he was. This felt like when he called you his girl, like it was for you. And that was enough to put your heart into overdrive. 

You were breathless as you pulled back and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sirius.”

And then you disappeared into your common room. Sirius stood there for a minute. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. He was a tad shocked that you had kissed him back. He told himself that he was just helping you get used to kissing him; he thought it felt right for you to start showing a little bit of PDA. And if you were reciprocating, that must be a sign that you were okay with him being more affectionate in public. 

And maybe that would be enough to get a reaction out of Regulus and his parents. That was the purpose of this. The only reason he was doing this, besides getting to know you in order to not make a fool of you in front of your parents at the muggle party. Annoying his family was his sole reason. Nothing else. Nothing had changed. 

---

Maybe it was because you really only had Emmeline and you knew she had plenty of other friends, but you were spending a ton of time with Sirius and his friends. He walked you back to your common room every evening, assuming he didn’t have detention for a prank or talking back to a professor. 

Sirius probably looked extremely possessive. He practically had a hand on you at all times. He seemed particularly fond of having an arm around your waist. He had a special look just for you, one of adoration and softness. If you didn’t know the truth, you would’ve thought this boy was completely smitten with you. The way he reached for you whenever he sensed your presence felt like it couldn’t be faked. And here you were, knowing that all of it was. 

Sirius had made it his mission to show your relationship off in front of anyone and everyone who looked your way. Still, there was nothing from Regulus nor his parents. Sirius could flaunt you all he wanted. He received no repercussions from the Black family.

Emmeline, however, had quite the opinion of your relationship. She told you as much during one of your now-less-frequent library study sessions.

“You are ridiculously cute together!” she gushed. “And I’d say you’re better for him than Mary ever was. She’s pretty nice, don’t get me wrong, but seems really happy with you. I even heard a professor say it’s nice to see him applying himself. Reckon that’s from all that time he’s spending with you in the library.” She shook her affectionately. “I miss my study buddy, but you should see yourself when he says your name. You light up like a bloody Christmas tree with those muggle fairy lights.”

“Let’s hope he can survive an evening with my family,” you said lightly as the winter break drew near. 

You had mentally decided at the start of December that that would be how you”broke up” with Sirius, ending the charade after the holidays. You’d tell everyone that your parents were horrendous than either of you could have predicted and it just wasn’t going to work. You hadn’t told Sirius about this plan yet. You’d get there eventually. 

Too soon, it was time to go home for Christmas break. Although neither of you said it out loud, you knew that both didn’t want to leave. You had complained about your respective families enough times over the past few weeks to get the feeling across. But now you were walking with Sirius and the boys to the Hogsmeade Station. 

“Go on ahead, we’ll just be a second,” Sirius told his friends once you arrived at the platform. They nodded and boarded the train with you. “Come here.” Then he pulled you into a tight hug – cologne ever present. “I just wanted to say goodbye in case I don’t see you on the other side. 

You laughed. “Sounds like you might die on the train.”

“Just might.” There was his bright grin. “I’ll write and we can figure out where I need to meet you. Your parents good with an owl? Or do I need to figure out muggle post?”

“My parents good with an owl? No,” you snorted, “but send it anyways. Muggle post would defeat the purpose of you being a wizard.” 

You leaned up to kiss him. He was still smiling when you pulled away. Then you boarded the train together, but he went to the Marauders’ usual compartment and you started searching for Emmeline. 

“No girlfriend for two weeks? How will you survive?” Peter teased as the door slid closed behind Sirius and he took the open spot next to Remus. 

“We’re not that codependent-”

“Past month says otherwise,” Remus muttered.

“-but I am going to a Christmas party with her family. Kind of excited for that.”

“Her family? Muggles then?” Peter leaned forward. 

Sirius nodded. 

“You’ll have to tell us how that goes. We don’t celebrate with Mum’s family,” Remus said.

“It’s going to be weird not seeing you gits for two weeks,” James said as he stretched his legs out under the seat across from him. “I don’t even know why we’re going to Greece.”

“To travel, see the world?” Remus suggested as if it wasn’t the most obvious answer. 

“To culture you,” Sirius added. 

“If they wanted to culture me, we could’ve gone to France and then you could’ve convinced your parents to take you and Regulus to the Black Manor there. Imagine, the Marauders take on Paris!”

Sirius snorted a laugh. “The Black Manor isn’t in Paris.”

“Well, no. But they have trains.” James paused. “I think. Remus, they have trains, right?”

“How the hell would I know? Do I look like I’ve traveled?” 

Sirius, having been the only one of the four that had been to France, couldn’t answer the question. He hadn’t been allowed off of the manor’s property. As he listened to his friends debate whether the French muggles were advanced enough for trains or buses or some kind of transportation that they could use, Sirius thought about asking the boys what they thought about his family’s lack of reaction to you so far. There was no way that Regulus didn’t know that he was dating you and that you were a muggleborn. And there was no way that Regulus hadn’t written home about it; he was a snitch when it came to Sirius. 

Sirius wasn’t surprised at how quickly his mind went back to you; you had become a large part of his day-to-day life. He doesn’t bring it up though. He worried that if he started talking about getting a rise out of his family, he’d let it slip that he’s only dating you to piss off his parents, and you’re only dating him to piss off yours while having a tolerable date to the Christmas party. It wasn’t that the boys couldn’t keep a secret. It just felt right to keep it completely a secret. It helped Sirius maintain the illusion and prevented any slip ups. 

After the train pulled into King’s Cross Station, Sirius took his sweet time getting off the train, not quite ready to leave the company of his friends. The atmosphere they provided easily topped that of his family. When he did spot his parents in the crowd, they were impatiently waiting for him with Regulus already at their side. 

“It’d do you good to be punctual, boy,” Orion said. “Time is everything.”

“Whatever.” 

“Manners,” Walburga snapped, causing Sirius to flinch ever so slightly.

Then he rolled his eyes and followed behind Regulus as the family made their way to the exit. He briefly scanned the crowd in a last minute attempt to catch one last glimpse of you. You were long gone by this point. While you also weren’t looking forward to exchanging your friend for your family, you knew better than to keep them waiting. Being muggle, they were unable to access the platform. You met them out by the ticket office, like you always did.

“Kreacher, bring the trunks upstairs,” Orion said as soon as the family stepped through the door. 

The elf grunted in response. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. 

Regulus and Sirius exchanged empty glances. They both knew that they were more than capable of bringing their trunks upstairs. 

“Dinner will be ready soon. Go change,” Walburga said, taking off her coat and hanging it up.

They had been home for less than five minutes and Sirius was already looking forward to your party. In his opinion, anything was better than spending time with his family. He had debated staying at school for the holidays at one point, but he made a deal with you and he wasn’t going to back out of it. He couldn’t let you down. 

Walburga yelled for Sirius to join the family for dinner. Apparently he wasn’t to keep them waiting any longer today. The room was silent when he pulled his seat back with everyone’s eyes watching him. He immediately started cutting into the steak on his plate, not waiting for anything. 

“Sirius, tell me about this girlfriend you apparently have,” Walburga said with a firm and even voice. 

His fork clattered against his plate. “What?” 

“Regulus told us that you have a girlfriend. Have you picked someone with a proper future? Good blood?”

“Well, you won’t like her. And I’m going to a Christmas party with her next week.”

Walburga’s eyes narrowed at her eldest son. Regulus smirked. 

“How do you know we won’t like her?” 

“Trust me, I know.” 

“Sirius Orion, answer your mother,” Orion said flatly. 

“She’s in Hufflepuff and a muggleborn.” 

All color drained from Walburga’s face. “Are you trying to embarrass us more than you already do?” 

Sirius shrugged and took a bite of his dinner. 

“It is an honor to be a Black and you act like it’s your mission to tarnish our good name,” Orion said. 

“The name was tarnished long before I did anything,” Sirius mumbled. 

“Young man, you have already proven yourself to be a disgrace to us. I’d say you’re a borderline disaster,” he snapped.

“Disappointment for a first born,” Walburga added. 

Regulus sat there silently with an amused expression. He hadn’t told his parents any details about you because he wanted to witness the blowback rather than be the messenger. 

“She’s quite lovely,” Sirius said through gritted teeth, trying to keep some kind of calm demeanor. “If you were remotely decent, you’d give her a chance and maybe you’d like her.”

“You are a damned plague to our bloodline,” Orion said bitterly. 

“Right.” Sirius left the table and his plate that he had only taken a few bites of. 

He locked himself in his room and threw himself onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling. He’d sneak down in the middle of the night to get something to eat. Now that they knew about you, he doubted his parents would make him sit through meals with them. If they tried, he’d refuse. 

“If he thinks he’s going to a party with… that girl… No. He won’t,” Walburga said in a low voice. The comment wasn’t really directed at anyone but it lingered in the air. The rest of the dinner was quiet.

“Claire said it’s not too late to invite Marcus,” your mother told you as you helped clear the dinner table a few days later. 

“We don’t need to invite Marcus. I told you, my boyfriend is coming.”

“There’s no need to lie. No one is named Sirius. We can ask Claire if any of her other friends would be available, if you’re going to be a pain about Marcus.” 

“I’m not lying! Sirius is my boyfriend and he promised he’d come.” 

“Please, you’ve never said anything about a boyfriend. All my friends know when their sibling is dating someone,” Claire said from the doorway. “If you think getting pretend stood up is getting you out of the party, you’re out of your mind.”

You looked to your mother. “Would that have worked?” 

“No!” 

“Damn. Well, either way, Sirius is coming. So don’t contact Marcus or anyone else. I have a date.”

Similar conversations were had until Sirius’ owl arrived. It tapped against the kitchen window until Claire screamed for you and you let it in. Sirius had written that his parents exploded at him when he told them about you, so part two of the deal was complete, and he asked for the details about the party. You left the owl in the kitchen as you went to write your response. 

“Mum! She has a bird in the kitchen!” Claire shrieked. 

“Wizards use owls for mail,” you tried to explain as you returned, closely followed by your mother. “I’ve told you this a hundred times.”

“That is no reason for one to be in our house,” your mother gasped, unable to remove her eyes from the bird perched on a chair back. 

“Except that I’m a wizard. As is Sirius. And all of his family.” 

“Just get this bird out of my house before it ruins our furniture.” 

You wrote as quickly as you could and sent the owl back to Sirius. You also included your sister and mother’s reaction to his owl, figuring he’d get a laugh out of that. 

---

“Wow…” Sirius heard as he headed downstairs from his bedroom. 

He stopped in front of his brother’s room. 

“What now?” 

“I don’t know what’s worse: that you’re actually going to some muggle party or that that’s what you’re wearing,” Regulus sneered.

“Muggle clothes?” Sirius asked as he looked down at his outfit. “What’d you expect? My best dress robes?” He laughed. “Use your head, Reg. I’m at least trying to blend in a bit.”

Sirius hurried down the rest of the stairs and slammed the front door on his way out. He didn’t bother saying goodbye to his parents; he knew they didn’t want him going, which is why he never told them when the party was. As he walked down the street, he felt eyes watching him. Kreacher was most definitely in the window, eyeing him. As soon as he turned the corner and was out of sight, Sirius stuck his wand out in front of him. Within seconds, the Knight Bus had pulled in front of him. A young man stepped out to greet him. 

“Not my first ride, sir,” Sirius said coolly, handing the man eleven sickles before climbing aboard. 

“And where are you headed, young man?” he asked, closing the door behind him as the bus started to move. 

“Anywhere within a few blocks of the Arnold Ballroom. Muggles will be arriving there. I’ll find my way once I’m dropped.” 

“Going to dance the night away, eh?” a shrunken head near the driver laughed. “Take ‘er away, Ern!”

Sirius hastily sat down on a bed before the bus jolted forward, sending all of the beds backwards. There were only a few other passengers on the lower level of the bus. Most of them were older, around his parents’ age. One was reading a book, which Sirius didn’t see how it was possible, given the bus’ erratic movements. As quickly as it had started, the bus stopped. 

“Leaky Cauldron!” the conductor yelled. 

Several people got up off their beds and exited the bus. The conductor helped move some of their trunks and other luggage.

“One of our most popular stops,” he said as he closed the door. 

“I would assume so,” Sirius responded. “Plenty of shops and stuff in Diagon Alley.”

“And Knockturn Alley, too,” he added with a twisted smile. 

Sirius grimaced, looking away. From the few shops his parents took him to, he knew it wasn’t a pleasant place. 

“Next top, around the Arnold Ballroom!”

Your father stopped the family car in front of Claire’s boyfriend’s house. 

“This Sirius, you said he’s meeting us there?” your mother asked you. “Not arriving by broom, is he?”

“Yes, he’s meeting us there. Didn’t specify how he’s traveling, but frankly, I’d prefer if he arrived via dragon,” you deadpanned, earning a gasp from your mother.

Claire shot you a nasty look before seeing her boyfriend open the front door. 

“I’m kidding!” you exclaimed. “Sirius is well aware it’s a ‘no magic’ night. Especially around Roland.”

Claire opened her door and hopped out. She wrapped her arms around Roland. He was rather unremarkable in your opinion. You smiled to yourself at the fact that Sirius was better in every way, except that you knew that Roland liked Claire and Sirius didn’t like you like that. 

“Come on, lovebirds,” your father yelled out his window. “We have a party to get to!”

Climbing back into the car, Claire introduced you. “This is my sister. I’ve told you about her and her boarding school.”

“Ah, hi! Glad you could join us tonight,” Roland said. “I thought you said Marcus was coming too?” 

“No,” you said quickly, cutting off whatever excuse Claire was going to say about her own friends. “I actually have a boyfriend. He’s meeting us there. Claire just didn’t know about him when she tried setting me up with her friends.”

“Oh.”

Claire pursed her lips. She hadn’t asked if you were seeing anyone when she sent her letter; however, when you received the letter, you had rarely said a word to Sirius in your four years of schooling together. If anything, it was Claire’s letter that brought about your situation. Still, you weren’t going to pass up on the opportunity to bash on your sister. 

“So, how was school?” Roland asked, leaning forward so he could see you past Claire. 

“I think I’m passing. Unless you personally add up all your tests and stuff, they don’t really update you until after exams in the spring,” you said. 

“Doesn’t seem quite right. I would definitely fail if we didn’t get reports,” he responded.

“Because you still somehow see studying as optional!” Claire said.

“It is! Most of the time… You just do your assignments, learn from those, and bam, A’s on tests.”

“If only it were that easy,” Claire sighed. 

“Claire has made enough notecards to cover her entire room,” your mother laughed.

“And that’s only this past semester,” your father said. “When you are all done with schooling in a few years, I will be burning your boxes of notes. You won’t need them at uni.”

“But I might!” Claire gasped.

You looked out the window and tried to drown out the conversation. Roland seemed okay, but this was only your first time meeting him. To a point, he reminded you of a bland mix of Sirius and James. A little arrogant in their abilities to just know stuff, and therefore, irritated when they actually have to put in effort to get the grades they want. 

Soon enough, you pulled up to the front of the Arnold Ballroom. You scanned the area for Sirius, not wanting to go in without him. You smiled when you spotted him leaning against a column near the front entrance. Even from a distance, you could tell that he dressed nicely. He waited for your family to walk towards him. 

Completely at ease, he threw his arm around your shoulders and said, “Took you guys long enough to get here.”

“Didn’t I tell you we were picking up Claire’s boyfriend?” 

“Don’t think so.”

“Roland. Nice to meet you…” Roland said, holding his hand out.

“Sirius,” he said curtly, not taking Roland’s hand. “Anyways, sweetness, you look absolutely gorgeous!”

Roland made a face like he had just bit into a lemon at Sirius’ rejection. Claire had raised her eyebrows at Sirius calling you “sweetness.” She wouldn’t have described you as anything close to sweet. 

“She wouldn’t tell us much about you. How long have you been going out?” your father asked.

“Couple months now? Got together near the start of the term,” Sirius answered easily. 

You had prepared him for the type of questions you knew your parents would ask. Everything you’d expect a parent to ask their child’s romantic partner, but you also prepared him for the edge that they’d likely have, being that he’s a wizard. You weren’t sure how Roland being there would affect that. 

You had purposefully avoided telling your family as much as possible to minimize the chance of contradictions. You looked up at Sirius and smiled. Oh, that cologne. The relationship is fake, you reminded yourself. Fake. 

“Is there any story to it?” Claire asked.

Sirius shot you a quick glance before answering. “Not really. Just noticed her in class when I hadn’t before.”

“I suppose she did bloom a bit,” Claire laughed.

“Oh, don’t be rude,” you snapped with a glare. 

“Perhaps we head inside?” your mother interjected, motioning to the door.

Your father took the lead. He gave the greeter everyone’s name and handed out sticker name tags. 

“I guess we’ll have to socialize tonight,” he said with a joking sigh.

“Ha ha,” Sirius mocked. “Sweetness, shall we find drinks? I’m absolutely parched!”

With his arm still around your shoulder, he moved you into the crowd and, more importantly, away from your family. 

“Sweetness?” you scoffed.

“What about it?”

“Never called me that at school.”

“I’ve decided to play it up. I only get one night with your family. We had weeks at school.” 

“Well, if you have a stupid pet name for me, what can I call you?” 

“The boys sometimes call me Pads for short?” 

“For your other silly nickname, Padfoot?” You let out a dry laugh.

“That’d be the one.”

“I never call you that though. That’s for your friends. And for tonight, I’m your girlfriend.” You paused. “Stud!” 

“Ew! No!” 

“My boyfriend, the Stud!”

“Sweetness!”

You found the drink counter and asked for two Cokes. You handed Sirius his cup and he lifted it up to his eye level to give it a little swirl.

“What’s this?” 

“Coke. Drink of the people.” 

“Is it… good?” 

“Oh, just try it.” You took a sip of your own to show that it wouldn’t kill him. 

He then took a tiny sip. Sirius looked like he was mulling the taste over, smacking his lips and debating how he felt about the carbonation. The look on his face made you want to laugh. 

“Well?” you asked with a cheeky smile.

He held up a finger and went to take another sip. Except it wasn’t just a sip. He downed the rest of the cup and turned back to the bartender to ask for another one. When he turned back to you with a fresh cup, he burped.

“Oh, excuse me.”

You burst out laughing. “So you liked it, I take it.”

“You said it was the drink of the people.”

You shook your head fondly and walked away from the counter. Sirius followed you, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him. 

“Level with me, sweetness. How has being at home been since having me as your boyfriend?” 

“Everyone was convinced that you didn’t exist. Thought I was making you up.”

“I knew it. I’m too good to be true!”

You snorted a laugh. “More like they’ve never met anyone named Sirius.”

“Oi, what’s wrong with my name?”

“Just uncommon, Stud.” 

“It’s a family name, you know.” 

You leaned in to whisper, “So a wizarding name?” 

“Hm… I suppose.”

You and Sirius found two seats at a mostly empty table. He placed a hand on your knee as you looked around the room, seeing if you knew anyone else here. 

“How has your family been?” you asked.

“I’ve been avoiding them since that first dinner back when I told my parents about you. Not too much different than usual. Highlight of my day is when I nick the Daily Prophet before my father gets to it. I like the crosswords.”

“Huh. I wouldn’t’ve picked you for a crosswords bloke.”

“You should know by now that I’m full of surprises.”

“Yeah, I really should.” 

When you finished your cup, Sirius offered to get a refill for you. While he’s gone, Claire passed by with Roland. She didn’t say anything, but she glared at you. You don’t think Roland even noticed you; that or he was still miffed that Sirius didn’t shake his hand. When Sirius came back, he not only had two fresh cups of Coke but a small plate of desserts. 

“I see you found the snack table,” you said with a teasing lilt. 

“Look at these! Mother never has Kreacher make anything like this.”

“Kreacher?”

“House elf,” he said plainly. He was surprised that the elf hadn’t come up in any conversation before. 

“Oh. People have those? I thought that was just Hogwarts?” 

“Families like mine do. He’s a crotchety old thing. Hates me, but the feeling’s mutual.” 

You nodded and took a bite of one of the desserts from the plate. You sat at the table for a little bit, snacking and drinking and chatting. It was nice. You’d never tell Emmeline but she was right that Sirius was perfect. For being your date to party. And in general. 

There was a shift in the music. A woman singing about Santa Claus faded until she was replaced with an instrumental piece. You probably wouldn’t have noticed if Sirius didn’t appear to perk up at the change. 

“I know this one.” He stood up and held out his dance. “Dance with me.” 

You stared up at him with wide eyes. It sounded like some kind of ballroom dance, something sophisticated, something you had no idea how to do.

“I don’t know how to,” you said quietly.

“You just have to follow my lead. It’s easy.” 

Something about the way he said it made you take his hand. There weren’t too many people on the dance floor. The few that were there were doing a simple swaying kind of slow dance. Sirius took your hands and started to lead you around the floor. It was like he had a choreographed dance hardwired into him. But he was right, it was easy to follow him. And even when you took a misstep, he kept going and kept you upright. 

When the song ended, you were breathing heavier than before. Then you noticed that several people had been watching you. You took Sirius’ hand and dragged him back to your table. 

“Another secret revealed,” you said.

“Mother made me take lessons when I was younger. Apparently any respectable man can dance.” 

“A bit old fashion, but it is an attractive quality.” 

“You think I’m attractive?” he teased.

“Shut up.” 

Then you saw someone you recognized headed toward you and Sirius. You grimaced. It was someone you had gone to school with before Hogwarts. And you knew through Claire that he had asked about you and why you left a lot. He was not someone you wanted to see. 

“We need to move,” you told Sirius firmly. 

You took his hand and searched for somewhere you could hide from the boy. You decided that behind one of the extravagant Christmas trees should be good enough. Sirius didn’t say anything; he just went with you. You peaked out from behind the tree and swore when you saw the boy had seen you go in that direction. 

Back behind the tree, you looked at Sirius and then at his lips. Surely the boy wouldn’t interrupt you if you were occupied, right?

You grabbed Sirius’ shirt collar and pulled him down to you. Sirius didn’t know that there was a why to you bringing him behind this tree, but he wasn’t complaining as he kissed you back. His hands quickly found your hips and didn’t let go. Of all your kisses with Sirius so far, this was the most intense. There was a hunger to how Sirius was kissing you, nipping at your bottom lip and then sliding his tongue into your mouth when your lips parted enough for him to do so. As it got more heated, your hands let go of his shirt and moved up to his shoulders and then into his hair. It was your first, and probably only, proper snog with Sirius. 

Not that you were really listening or focused on anything other than Sirius, there were approaching footsteps and a disgusted grunt followed by receding footsteps.The boy you had gone to school no longer had the urge to talk with you. 

But then there were more footsteps.

“Oh my god, gross!” Claire’s voice rang out. 

You and Sirius broke apart to see Claire and Roland staring at you.

“Have some common decency and dignity. Oh my god. Are you two fucking animals?” Claire hissed, having moved closer to you. “Control yourselves so we don’t get kicked out.”

Claire took Roland’s hand and stormed off. You looked at Sirius, embarrassed, and were relieved to see that he was looking just as embarrassed. Then you both started giggling.

“I guess you really meant it when you said dancing was an attractive quality,” Sirius said after he got control of himself. 

You just smiled at him. You didn’t want to tell him that you were actually hiding from someone you knew. You almost wanted to tell him that you were simply playing the part of girlfriend. You didn’t. Maybe because part of you was really wishing it wasn’t a part but what you actually were. 

“Want more Coke?” you asked. 

After another hour or so spent talking and snacking at the table you had claimed earlier, you excited the ballroom together, hand in hand. You were happy to have not had any more run-ins with your family. You sat down on the steps off to the side of the building. Sirius sat down next to you.

“Successful evening, I’d say,” you told him. “Guess that means your end of the deal is done.”

He didn’t say anything; he just stared at the night sky.

“And you said you were avoiding your family after telling them about your mudblood girlfriend. I suppose that means they were sufficiently upset?” you asked, leaning back to take in his quiet handsomeness. 

He nodded. “Definitely bothered and upset. Regulus is annoyed too, bonus.”

“So our deal is done then, huh.” You didn’t mean to sound upset by it. 

“I wouldn’t say that.”

You tilted your head. “What do you mean? Wasn’t all this for you to piss off your parents and for me to do the same by bringing you to this party? And the party’s over.”

“I’m extending it,” Sirius said with finality in his voice. “You are much better company than my family and currently a perfect excuse to stay out of my house and not be alone.”

“And out of all your real friends, you want to spend time with me?”

“Potters are vacationing in Greece.” Because simply saying yes was too much.

“Remus? Peter? Lily? Marlene? Hell, Mary? Dorcas?”

Sirius laughed warmly. “God, imagine if I showed up on the Evans’ doorstep! Her parents would have me, but her sister? I’ve heard stories.”

“And the others?”

“Too far and spread out,” he said, knowing fully well that Remus and Peter would both take him in and that he could get to either with the Knight Bus.

“If you say so…” you said before adding with more softness to your voice, “I don’t mind extending our deal. Getting out of the house will be nice.”

“Glad you think so! Because I wasn’t giving you an option,” Sirius said smiling. “Want to get some butterbeers?”

“From where?” 

“Come on,” he said, standing up and offering his hand to help you up.

Then he led you off to the side of the building and stretched his wand out into the street. 

“Sirius!” you exclaimed before being nearly knocked onto the ground by the sheer force of the purple double decker bus appearing in front of you.

“Welcome to the Knight Bus,” Sirius said.

The conductor stepped off the bus and looked at Sirius, then at you.

“Back to where we picked you up? And for her?”

“Both to the Leaky Cauldron, the popular spot.” Sirius handed the man the needed coins and boarded. 

“Well, come on, miss. We haven’t got all night,” the conductor said as you stood frozen.

You were hesitant to get on. Your parents were expecting to drive you home after the party. But butterbeers with Sirius sounded much more fun. You stepped up into the bus and sat next to Sirius on a bed. 

“Two more for Leaky Cauldron,” the conductor told the driver.

“Hold on,” Sirius muttered in your ear moments before the bus jolted into motion.

In shock, you grabbed his thigh and squeezed it. You felt yourself blush deeply. You stopped yourself from looking at his face. He chuckled softly and placed his hand over yours.

“Told you. The first time gets everyone.”

The way he phrased it made you think that you weren’t the first girl he had taken on the Knight Bus, but you couldn’t think of any time when he would’ve had the chance. You didn’t even consider that he could’ve been the one to show James, Remus and Peter the bus.

The bus jerked to a stop in front of the pub. An older woman exited the bus before them; the conductor carried her bag to the door. Although you and Sirius followed her through the door, one inside, she was gone. Odd. 

“Ah, Master Black,” a man said from behind the bar. “Can’t say I was expecting you tonight.”

“Hi Tom. Not too late for some butterbeers, is it?”

“For you? Not at all. Have a seat. I’ll have them out shortly.”

Sirius pulled two chairs down that had already been put up for closing. If it wasn’t so eerie, you would’ve thought the dim lighting was a bit romantic. The bartender, Tom, brought you and Sirius two bottles of butterbeers and then returned to his previous task of polishing glasses.

“So the bartender knows you pretty well?” you asked, taking a sip.

“Sometimes my parents would run errands in the alleys that aren’t, ah, kid friends. Tom would agree to watch me ‘n’ Reg for a few galleons. Probably a decent deal for him. Got some cheap labor out of us, minus a few broken glasses.”

“You broke glasses?”

“Eh,” Sirius shrugged. “I think Tom was glad it was glass that was broken and not Reg’s face. His reflexes were too good.”

“Or your aim was bad.”

“Hey! I have aim!”

“Then why aren’t you on the quidditch team with James?”

“Because I don’t sweat.”

“Almost makes you sound like a nerd.”

He gasped and placed a hand over his heart.

“Too dramatic for one though.”

“And Moony has dibs on being the nerd of the group.”

“Isn’t he the reason you’re passing History?” you asked. 

“Correct. You cannot make me read that textbook.”

“You’ll be getting a troll in your O.W.L.s then. You know that, right?”

“I’ll just read the essays he wrote for me.”

“Okay, so you’ll get a dreadful,” you laughed. “I’ve talked to some older students. They ask about more than Binns will ever assign. Not sure how anyone actually passes those tests.”

“Or wants to. Can’t imagine there’s much for jobs in the magic historian department.”

“Don’t look at me for an answer to that. I’m still trying to figure out what jobs are available, period.”

“The Potters invented stuff. Mine live off family fortune from who knows what. Remus’s dad knows about spirits ‘n’ stuff. Peter’s dad sells potions. A skill he did not pass to his son. Work with magical creatures, as a curse breaker, specialized shop keeper. Auror. Healer. Plenty to do at the ministry.”

“You could probably go on and on. Perks of growing up within it all.”

Tom came over to refill your glasses. 

“No need to call the Knight Bus back here again. I’ve got a room set up for you two. Everything you need will be up there.”

“Thank you, Tom. Wait one second,” Sirius said, reaching into his pocket. 

He pulled out a few galleons and handed them to the bartender. 

“I know my parents treat you well, but, you know. Thank you.”

You were surprised at how genuine his thanks sounded. Tom just smiled and walked away.

“Anyways, Sprout will talk to you more about jobs at some point. All muggleborns end up okay. I suppose if you wanted, you could try something in the muggle world,” Sirius said, resuming your conversation. 

“Ah, I won’t be going back to the muggle world as an adult. It was home at one point, but now… not so much.” You paused. “Any idea what you’ll do?”

“Assuming I get a job, something for the ministry most likely. Could be an auror or field curse breaker. Keep tabs on people. I don’t see myself as a pencil pusher or a retail specialist,” he laughed. “Maybe I’ll just live off some mix of Black and Potter fortune.”

“Black and Potter?”

“Well, obviously I’m going to live with James.”

“Nice little bachelor pad dreams, got it.”

“You and Lily would be welcome any time!”

“Not sure you’d ever get Lily to step foot in there. Especially if James is home.” It was nice that Sirius was inviting you to his future bachelor pad, even if it was just as a friend.

“Unless he wears her down eventually.”

You laughed. You looked over at the bar and saw Tom smiling and shaking his head. You supposed it did look like you were on a real date, especially as dressed up as you were. And it kind of was, the after-party drinks. You were also still fake dating, according to Sirius. So really, there was no harm in it looking like a date. 

“What Remus and Peter?”

“Neighbors. Can’t keep us apart. And, that way, we can throw the biggest parties. You know, just combine everything!”

“Why not live together then? All four of you.”

“Peter has horrible taste in furniture.”

“You know that… how?”

“I just know.” He took a sip.

By the time you were finishing your mugs, both of you were yawning. Sirius thanked Tom again before heading up to the room. He seemed to know which one it was. You were beginning to feel uneasy about spending the night with Sirius and the fact that your parents had no clue where you were. To make things even worse, when Sirius opened the door, there was only one bed. 

Sirius immediately sensed your discomfort. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll sleep on the chair.”

Thankfully, Tom left pajamas for both of you on the bed. You’re glad to have something to sleep in other than your dress. Sirius tried to get comfortable on the chair, leaning back in it, as you crawled under the thin blanket. 

“Goodnight Sirius.”

“Goodnight sweetness.”

You would’ve glared at him or retorted with something semi-snarky if you weren’t feeling so tired. Tired yet your mind was spinning and replaying moments from tonight. Mainly kissing him behind the tree.

It felt like an hour had passed and you’ve been unable to fall asleep. The room is cold and the blanket is too thin to keep you remotely warm. You pursed your lips at the idea that popped into your head.

“Sirius?” you asked softly, not wanting to wake him up if he had somehow managed to fall asleep. 

“Yeah?” His voice sounded rough, probably from being tired, but he was awake. 

Embarrassment coursed through your veins as you said, “I’m cold.”

There’s a noise that tells you Sirius sat up in the chair. 

“Do you want…” Sirius’ voice trailed off. He didn’t want to sound too eager.

“If you’d be comfortable with it,” you said, trying not to sound desperate for warmth that you knew he’d bring.

You heard him get up and cross the room to the bed. The bed dipped down as he sat on the edge. There's a brief moment of more cold when Sirius lifted the blanket for himself. When he laid down, you snuggled into his side, relishing in his body heat. 

“Is this okay?” you asked softly.

He hummed affirmatively. He brought an arm around you to hold you against him. He radiated so much heat. Within seconds, you were warm enough to fall asleep. Plus, his heartbeat was soothing. 

In the morning, you and Sirius were quiet. You gathered your things and had breakfast downstairs. Sirius summoned the Knight Bus and you gave the conductor a location a few blocks away from your home. 

“Oh, I have your gift!” Sirius said as you walked closer to your street. 

He shoved his arm into his coat pocket, farther than he should have been able to. He produced a nicely wrapped box and handed it to you. 

“Large box for a scarf,” you said with a smile. “And I still feel bad that I don’t have a present for you.”

“And I told you that this has been gift enough. Don’t worry about me, love.” 

Sirius pressed a kiss to your cheek before you turned up the path to your house. He then turned back to walk the way you came. 

When you opened the front door, you were met with your father’s voice.

“There you are! Where the hell did you and that boyfriend of yours go to?” he yelled. 

“Took a bus into town.” Just casually leaving out most of the details. 

“And he didn’t walk you to the door?”  

“Drop it. I’m safe. I’ll be out of your hair in a week.” 

“You’re grounded until you go back. And then when you come back in the summer. You can’t just go off with your boyfriend. Especially without telling your mother or me where you’re going. Or you know, asking if you can! You are our responsibility. Do not forget that.”

“Yeah. I got it.”

You went to your room and changed into new clothes. You sat on your bed. You turned over the box from Sirius in your hands a few times before unwrapping it. It was more than the scarf you were expecting. In addition to the scarf, Sirius had given you a hat, mittens and a sweater. Everything was in Hufflepuff colors and the scarf had an embroidered badger on its front. It felt like too much. It wasn’t a real relationship and he just gave you so much. And you had given him nothing. 

You thought that would be the end of it. You thought Sirius would be done with you now. The party was done. He’d gotten out of the house and pissed off his parents. The deal was done. 

Then his owl was at the kitchen window again. He told you that his parents were reasonably upset that he had disappeared for a night, although he is certain that they didn’t know he was gone until he came in the front door. He got into a fight with Regulus over something stupid. And he asked if you’d want to meet up again before going back to school. You had to respond that you were grounded, meaning you weren’t allowed to leave the house. The invite was expected but appreciated nonetheless. Maybe a friendship with him would remain now that the fake relationship was over. 

He wrote to you every other day. He updated you on what James, Remus and Peter were all getting up to with their respective families. He told you about the mundane happenings around his house and everything that Kreacher was doing to spite him. You told him everything that Claire and your parents were doing. It was a boring existence. 

You had never been happier to go back to Hogwarts. You barely said bye to your family when they dropped you off at King’s Cross station. You didn’t look for Sirius on the platform. You figured it would be better to put a little bit of distance between you, especially since you had forgotten to talk to him about your “break up.” 

However, Sirius found you. 

“Sweetness!” he called. 

You froze where you stood. “Hi.” 

“Ready to go back to school?” he asked, pulling you into a hug. 

He noticed you were tense but attributed it to having been with your family. You returned his hug but only slightly. 

“Yeah. Anything’s better than home.”

“If that isn’t the truth.” He laughed. “The boys are just over there, if you want to say hi.”

“I’m going to ride with Emmeline,” you said uncomfortably. Talking to Sirius about your fake relationship didn’t feel right when he was treating you so nicely. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later then?”

You nodded, giving him a tight-lipped smile. He pulled you in for another hug and leaned in to kiss you, but you pulled away. He frowned. You boarded the train as quickly as you could. You needed to get away from him. 

He tried to kiss you.

The relationship was supposed to be over and here he was still putting on a show. You needed space. You found Emmeline sitting with some of her Ravenclaw friends. They didn’t seem to mind that you invited yourself in. 

Sirius was far more quiet than usual on the ride. The boys didn’t ask him about it. Being quiet normally meant that something had happened at home and Sirius never wanted to talk about it. Except nothing had happened with his family. At least, nothing more than usual or to be expected. He was upset that you pulled away from a kiss. 

You were actively avoiding Sirius as best as you could. Emmeline asked if something happened with him since you were back to being glued to her side. You told her that you didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t press you. 

Sirius caught on that you were avoiding him. When he tried to talk to you in the library, you shoved everything you had haphazardly into your bag and hurried away. You sat as far away from him as you could during classes. You were either clinging to Emmeline or hiding in your dorm. Sirius couldn’t get you alone. 

So Sirius did what he had to do. He asked Emmeline to tell you to meet her outside the bell tower so that he could talk to you. She agreed to it, mostly because she didn’t know what was wrong and you both seemed genuinely so upset. What she did know was that you two needed to sort things out. 

You shivered as you leaned against the wall ledge, waiting for Emmeline to show up. You were wearing the scarf, mittens and hat that Sirius had gifted you. You hugged yourself, mentally swearing at your friend for requesting that you meet up outside. 

“Putting my gift to use. That’s nice to see.” 

You squeezed your eyes shut. Sirius. It had been just over a week, and it still hurt to remember that your relationship, although fake, was over. 

“It was a bit more than a scarf,” you said in a monotonous voice. No emotion was better than what you were really feeling. 

“Well, I thought you’d maybe want to rep your house while wearing my scarf… You still have it, right?” he asked, leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah, I do. Erm, it’s in my trunk if you want it back…” You bit the inside of your lip.

When you finally turned your head to look at Sirius, you saw a pained, sad look in his eyes. It made something twinge in your chest. Why was he looking at you like that? 

“Why would I want it back?” he asked. You could hear the sadness from his eyes in his voice. 

“Because it’s yours?”

“I mean, it is, but you’re my girlfriend. And girlfriends wear their boyfriends’ scarves.” He paused, fidgeting with his hands slightly. “Unless you want something else? I have gloves, they have the Black emblem on them, but they are still nice. Um, I have some nice sweaters? Most are Gryffindor, but I have a few plain ones if you don’t want to wear that much from a different house.”

“Sirius?”

He gave you a puppy-dog look that made you want to cry. The conversation you were avoiding needed to happen because somehow he hadn’t figured out that it really was over. The deal had ended. 

“We’re not… dating?”

He didn’t respond, and you couldn’t quite read the new expression on his face.

“You know, since we went to the party? And you sufficiently pissed off your parents? So our deal… it’s done?”

Then Sirius moved quickly. He kissed you. Warm hands cupped your cold, rosy cheeks. He didn’t let go of your face when he pulled away, but you brought your hands up to rest on top of his. 

“I…” he started to say. 

Then he kissed you again and you melted into him. You couldn’t help it. He pulled back again and searched your eyes for something. 

“I’m not ready for it to be over. I don’t want it to be. And, damn, I don’t want it to be fake. I want to keep being your boyfriend and I want you to know that it’s real. I… I really like you.”

“You don’t-” you started to say.

“I like you. I don’t care about my parents. I don’t care about Regulus. Or Mary. Or gossip. I like you. I like spending time with you. I like talking with you. I like studying with you. I like sitting in the quidditch stands with you. I like you more than I thought I would. And, I know it was just for a night, but I’d love to be your perfect guy for as long as you’ll let me.”

You stared at him for a moment. 

And then you kissed him, moving your hands from on top of his on your face to his cheeks. 

“I’ll wear your scarf,” is what you said when you pulled back from Sirius. You took a deep breath. “I thought you were still pretending. That’s why I was avoiding you.”

“But you won’t avoid me anymore?”

“How will I get one of those sweaters if I’m avoiding you?”

tags: @navs-bhat, @bruxa0007, @faceache111, @lunevere, @deepthoughtsallday, @salvatt1, @ardentkhloeee, @akunoeyebrows, @tella-321, @siillly, @let-it-sn0o0ow