For the past two years, my depression has been getting worse and worse each day. I’ve talked with a couple of therapists and a psychiatrist but neither of those seemed to work with my mental health situation. A couple of days ago I talked to my primary doctor about my depression and later I was admitted to a crisis center for suicidal thoughts and urges. I’ve actually been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while, but was always afraid and ashamed to open up about it. The last person I told about these dark thoughts told me that people with those thoughts were weak and stupid. Up until around 2019 I never spoke a word about it to anyone, especially not my family. While hanging out at the crisis center, I felt embarrassed for being there, but I was constantly praised for being brave, and was told that knowing you have a problem is the biggest step to solving it. 

Now for my apology. I’m terribly sorry for shutting everyone out. I was very scared, scared that I’d just let people down over and over. My comics failed, my dream of becoming an animator failed, it felt like the world was falling apart for me. I tried so hard to give up on art, to prevent further feelings of failure, but that actually made things worse for me. It’s hard to push art away, but it’s also been kind of hard to push my art out there. I still don’t think I’m all that great of an artist, or a storyteller, no matter how many times people say I’m good at it. This is where my mind is between a rock and a hard place. I want to keep people happy, but I constantly feel like a burden and that I have no purpose for living.