Potato

i skink therefore i scram...!

your twenties are Also about discovering that you’re not a bad person in all the ways you believed you were but you’re a bad person in completely new and exciting ways

they call me the information withholder for reasons i won't get into

Settlers of catan

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

On the topic of seam ripper play in erotic muppet fanfiction, I also just kind of wish I was made of a material that someone else could gently rip apart at the edges and reshape me in a some sort of different arrangement. God made me in his own divine image but I am not divine and divinity burns me. I see the people who have pulled at their own threads and made themselves into something really beautiful, and I see them nod at each other in solidarity and understanding, but they do not see me as I silently scream to them from the ground. I am an unmoving puppet and I need another's hands to grant me permission to become myself. I am trapped in a body that burns me and I lack both the hands to undo its seams and the mouth to cry out in pain. I do not know how to stop smiling. Man you KNOW the muppets got sooo freaky backstage

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

"rickrolling is mean" rickrolling is the gentle, kind, prosocial descendant of what we used to do on the internet, which was putting a redirect to goatse in every possible misspelling of a url