Sword asks, Sanders Sides, and other nerdery

“Like what you see~?”

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Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.

Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?

They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.

On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.

Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.

In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.

Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.

Happy (late) Birthday Janus :D

You deserve a good ol’ break

Keep reading for my other versions:

Summary: Logan has a routine that he follows. It’s important to have a good routine.

Word Count: 2200

Read on AO3

cws: shouting and a bit of panicking

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Things had been in a bit of an… upheaval to say the least, at least in Logan’s mind, but he’d still managed to keep at least himself on schedule, if not anyone else. He even had it printed out so as to take the burden of remembering his routine off of his mind.

Logan: Of course.

It’s like there’s a Jedi loose in a Senate building. I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a Jedi loose in the Senate building. It’s never happened before, no one knows what the Jedi is going to do next, least of all the Jedi.

He’s never been in a Senate before, he’s as confused as you are.

There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, “We’re joined now by a man that once saw a Mandalorian in the Jedi Temple.”

Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen a Mandalorian in the Jedi Temple. This is a Jedi loose in the Senate Building.

When a Jedi is loose in the Senate, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, “What’d the Jedi do?”

The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, “The Jedi gave his secret wife his lightsaber?” I didn’t know he was allowed to do that.

The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the Jedi at all. You’re down in the Senate hall like, “Hey, has anyone…Has anyone heard–” [imitates lightsaber noises like the actors] Those are those quiet days when people are like, “It looks like the Jedi has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the Jedi is like, “I’m gonna betray my order and join the dark side and bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new empire!”

That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking Sith Lord. And then… then… then you go to brunch with people and they’re like, “There shouldn’t be a Jedi I the Senate.” And it’s like, “We’re well past that.”