
#extradirty
todays bird
Xuebing Du
Sade Olutola
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Cosmic Funnies

Andulka
Sweet Seals For You, Always
occasionally subtle
dirt enthusiast

romaâ
almost home
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
trying on a metaphor

â
Today's Document
DEAR READER
Misplaced Lens Cap

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@freyaadlcr

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astridnylandâ:
âA guide to living in the reality of being a 21st-century woman,â Astrid winced as if taking a whiff of something rotten while she read the cover of a Cosmo magazine. She was posing in the doorway, looking like sheâd time-traveled there from 1960â˛s Paris. âI hate the idea of reality. Itâs a construct! There is no one reality. Like, my reality isnât the same as your reality, yâknow? Or maybe itâs all one big simulation. Thatâd be kinda cool, huh?â Blonde strands of hair hung from under a red beret, fishnet-clad legs were tucked into white ankle boots. A joint smoldered in her hand as she spoke. âHey, you wanna read your horoscope?â Astrid took a puff, held it out in offering to the other.
âIf reality is a construct, can I be that giant troll from the first Harry Potter instead of a girl? Iâve always wanted to ave snot drip down my nose and swallow a human whole,â Freya mumbled, lifting up her blue-tinted sunglasses, sighing heavily like an old-timey film actress, draped across a chair like a limp noodle. She was still on a comedown from the night before, eagerly accepting the joint handed to her, smoke curling around her mouth as she exhaled. âGo for it. Iâm a Leo. But be warned, if it doesnât tell me today is going to be the best fucking day of my life, I shall have to bathe to sooth myself. And if I bonk my head and slip below the water, so be it Mr. Rose!â She sighed out, in an impression of Moira from Schittâs Creek.
hmmm i have way too muc energy so give this a like if you want a little text starter from freya or darby!!

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laviniasfmâ:
The brunette usually preferred men a little older than her, she loved the college boys just like the next person, but more mature men always attracted her. But she had good company and possible free drinks and Lavinia wasnât going to waste that opportunity. âOkay, Iâm loving the attitude. I donât know why but it really makes me proud.â The brunette had already been heavily judged for her âlifestyleâ, not committing to anyone, waking up in a different bed every day, but she didnât care. And he loved the fact that there were more women out there who were completely comfortable with their sexuality. She laughed at the girlâs comment, knew exactly what she was talking about. Throwing my hair back and fixing the neckline of her blouse, Lavinia stared at the blonde, giving her a wink.
Freya liked the girlâs attitude, her eagerness to go along with her plan, the edge of excitement in both of the girlâs voices as they discussed their flirting strategy. Her impulsivity was hard to match at times, but both of them seemed equally interested in the prospect of finding strangers to play with for the night. âThey look like we could swallow them whole. you know whatI mean. Wink in their direction and theyâll nut and buy us a diamond ring each,â she joked, sauntering over towards them, swish of of her tennis skirt announcing her presence as she settled into a seat next to the boys. âHi there. We thought you guys looked lonely. Didnât want your night to be a total sausage fest. I mean, whereâs the fun in that,â she drawled out dramatically, taking a vodka shot from the tray they had in front of them, Freya zeroing in on their targets. âThis is my friend Lavinia. Kind of a sexy name, non?â She asked the, the two boys in front of them grinning at their dumb luck to be with two girls that looked like them. âUh, Iâm Scott and this is Garrett,â the blonde next to Freya introduced.
âNoah, No-ster,â a greeting in monotone, Freya laid upside down along the length of her friendâs bed, blonde hair hanging and joint tapped off.  She hummed a bit of a song caught in her head, tapping her leg, white strap of her tank falling over. Her breath was murmured, smile warming into a choking laugh, one which she has to slam a hand against her sternum to ease the pain of. âFuck me, dude, this shitâs strong. Câmere,â Freya said, sitting up touching her friendâs hair in the affectionate way she had with people, Freya cleared her throat, wetting her lips before speaking. âGet in on the partay, mâlord. I tip my cap, extend my hand, and humbly ask⌠Will you smoke with ya girl, gentle king?â @noaheartsâ
undcneâ:
â wait, heâs won oscars? what the fuck. â she laughed. â i thought he hadnât. not that i know shit about the oscars. i havenât seen them inâŚÂ i donât even know how long itâs been. â she grimaced. â i bet heâs making his next movie for pornhub as we speak. â she reached away from the bar and grabbed an errant menu. â lip smackers in a cup is the only way to live. â yes, marla drank straight vodka often, but that was only because she was too lazy to mix drinks herself. â i feel likeâŚÂ something strawberry. â
Freya spaced out for a few seconds, thoughts in her mind rattling around like tumbleweeds in an old Western ghost town, mind going blank as she thought back on the last time she watched porn. âWhoa, sorry. Ws just having a war flashback to the last porn I watched. The girl kept screaming âOKAY, OKAY!â in this really guttural voice. Kind of took me out of the experience. Reminded me of Meryl Streepâs guttural screech in Big Little Lies.â The bartender came by for their order, and Freya selected a cocktail at random. âMm, strawberry is so good. Do they still sell strawberry flavored cigarettes? I think those ones were the first I smoked.â
laviniasfmâ:
Lavinia checked the bar out again, looking around quickly. She wanted to find a good option for the blonde and maybe a better option than the bartender who was sending her some dirty looks. â Nothing against my short kings, but tall man is everything. There is nothing better than feeling small around their arms,â she sighed. âIs there someone who caught your eye or should we take a walk to find something for you?â
Freya gave another cursory glance around the bar, spotting the pack of boys she had been eyeing all night, a couple of cute guys who looked around their age. âThey could be a good option. Maybe we head over and see if theyâll buy us drinks? At least weâll have some more options to pick from,â she said, grin on her face. âI wonât rest tonight until I get laid,â she said, unconsciously wetting her lips, hands playing with her silk soft hair. âAt least theyâre our age. Big plus to me if they guy doesnât look like heâs about to have a heart attack if you fuck him,â she joked.Â
@frey_adler: rt if we haven't banged yet bt ur don to clown

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breefmâ:
hidden away in a booth, bree was sipping on a cheap beer, courtesy of the bartender who knew her by name at this point. visiting this cozy hole-in-the-wall spot and taking advantage of their dollar well-drinks had almost become a ritual for bree after her late-night waitressing shifts. she was almost startled to be joined by a stranger. and after a long night of serving up food to terrible tipping fellow college students, this company felt as unwelcome to the exhausted bree as an std. still, she couldnât help but sympathize with the girl as she slipped into the booth for cover. âhim?â she pointed into the crowd less than subtly, pretending to gag into her beer. âhowâd you end up talking to fucking sloth from the goonies? maybe iâm being dramatic. but he definitely looks like heâd sniff your underwear and make a shrine to you, given the chance.â
âIâm thinking of opening a charity. Calling it Pity Fucks for Gross Old Men. Thought he could be a candidate,â she joked, brushing it off. In truth, she had been feeling impulsive that night, her poor self-control on full display as she agreed to meet a strange man for a hookup. âHe wanted to go on a real date. Dating is so boring these days,â she complained, bringing her hand up to her face and making an exaggerated fart sound. âLike, letâs just fuck and get it over with.â Freya let out a soft laugh at her comment. âOr like he wants to drink my sweat.â She took another sip of her drink, bright blue eyeshadow on her lids flashing. âWhyâd you have to bring the sloth into this? Cruel. Now Iâm going to have nightmares. For shame, for shame...â
undcneâ:
â honestly, i have no fucking idea. sounds like something sheâd do, though⌠â she shrugged. â fuck that, though. can you imagine bringing a cop home? â she shuddered, but, seconds later, found herself smiling again. â right? heâs, like, the definition of the word freak. my ex made me watch from dusk til dawn and he literally sucks toes in that fucking movie and i had to leave the room. i couldnât handle it. â freyaâs joke inspired a vivid image of a spectral steve buscemi hovering in the dark. marla had never read a stephen king novel, but she imagined that was their whole vibe. eldritch translucent steve buscemi hallucinations. â cute. honestly, i miss butterfly barrettes. totally forgot they existed until this moment. like, those really nineties ones? andâŚÂ yeah. iâd love one. â
The girl played with a lock of her blonde hair, a curl sticky from when it had stayed into her drink earlier, wetting her lips and letting out an animated laugh. âWhy does every basic boy like him as a director? I swear, he could start directing for Pornhub and theyâd give him another fucking Oscar. Tiny Teen Sucks Toes while Brad Pitt Says âFuckâ A Lot. Silencio, old man,â she joked, imagining the fake title for Tarantinoâs porn video debut. Her own style hadnât evolved much past the 90â˛s. âYeah, those ones,â she echoed, heading towards the bar, her gaze drifting aimlessly towards a cluster of men, blowing them a kiss absentmindedly. She had always been hideously poor at self control when it came to flirting. âWhat do you want? Iâm thinking something fruity. Like Lip Smackers in a cup.â
At least whatever is wrong with me is really really funny
As requested.
laviniasfmâ:
âDonât they all?â Lavinia liked to fix some imperfections with Facetune just like the next person, but she never lied about who she was or how she looked. But still she ran into a catfish or another, she didnât understand why someone did that. And the worst part was when she refused to continue the date, she was the shallow and wrong one. Lavinia couldnât help but touch her lips with the blondeâs comment, giggling next. âHe was?â she asked, checking the man behind the counter. âThe night has just become more interesting, letâs go. But first, letâs find someone better for you.â
âTotally,â Freya drawled out, sounding like a Valley Girl as she slid over to the bar, denim skirt riding up as she leaned her elbows on the wood, blonde curls spilling down her back. She had a knack for sensing sexual tension and flirtation, and the bartender had been subtly checking out Lavinia all night. âBut who? Ooh, can he be tall? I like feeling like a tiny pixie next to a guy.â

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haydenkennedyâ:
haydenâs nose crinkled at the blondeâs reaction, a short laugh passing through her smile. âyour first mistake was drinking vodka anywhere near a frat dude.â she reminded her. it was a public service announcement really. standing the laundry basket upright, she began to pile the items back in with freyaâs help while half-wondering if they should be rewashed since theyâd come in contact with the apartmentâs floor. ânow that you mention itâŚâ she squinted, quickly taking a mental inventory of her possessions. âi may have lost an item or two. i always thought the dryer just ate the expensive stuff, honestly. you think thereâs a panty burglar in our midst?â she wiggled her eyebrows as she stood up and brought the basket with her. âwouldnât that be juicy.â
âNow thereâs an idea. Should have been drinking beer instead. He would have slapped my ass and made me king of the frat bros,â she joked, heaving the last of the girlâs laundry into the basket, dusting off her knees and getting out of her crouched position. âRight? Iâm thinking of launching an investigation, Law and Order style.â She heaved out a sigh, brushing back blonde curls. âNearly all of my lingerie has disappeared,â she complained. âSomeone, someone, is hoarding our panties in a pile. Any guesses as to who?â She joked.
romanovcsâ:
â ride him, rightâ leah rolls her eyes in the direction of the strange male who was now looking at both of them, âlooks like he canât even operate a lawn mower, lazy dick.â she turns her gaze back to her friend, looking down at the glitter now on her finger and she presses it to her own cheek proudly. âslippery nipple?â she giggles, stepping out of the booth after freya and her true, tiny height is revealed to all despite her high boots. â thanks !! i bought new hair oil and it smells like cherries.â she dances over toward the bar backward, holding her hand out to her. âwe can have fun together tonight, okay?â
Freya grabbed the girlâs hand, twirling herself around like she was ballroom dancing, white platform boots reminiscent of Margot Robbieâs character in Once Upon a Time. She giggled as she came to a halt, scent of whiskey and cigarettes on her breath as she leaned into Leahâs ear to speak softly. âPlus, the bartenderâs kind of hot. In a grizzled Charlie Hunnam kind of way,â she said, settling in at a barstool, kicking her legs back and forth like an excited toddler. âYes,â she said, nodding her head emphatically. âLetâs have fun. I wanna go crazy tonight. I wonât rest until one of us ends up topless or in jail. Or both,â she said, the bartender arriving to take their drinks. âHello, sir. Two extra Slippery Nipples here for me and my beautiful friend.â