the worst knight errant you've ever seen

What a privilege it is to show signs of aging.

What a privilege it is to not have passed at a young age.

What a privilege it is to have smile lines, wrinkles, graying hair, healing scars, and other signs your body has lived for years.

On the one hand, I guess it was only a matter of time? On the other hand... there's ten billion Video Game White Guys on the damn internet, how the hell did the roulette decide to land on me of all people?

Really difficult to describe the feelings I'm sitting with right now. Resignation, I guess? Incandescent, directionless rage? A weird sense of personal violation?

Especially since there is literally not a goddamn thing I can do about it. The channel is just churning out ChatGPT slop essays with AI editing, it's not like I have a copyright claim. It's plagiarizing from millions of people all at once, it just so happens to be doing it while wearing my voice as a kind of skin suit.

I guess I just have to be ready for this to happen more frequently. If my luck stays bad, whatever model got trained on my voice will be used on god knows how many slop videos churned out by automated systems, and then there'll be thousands of the fuckers.

This rock now travels with me in my pocket until it tells me to give him to someone else.

when considering the sexual violence against trans women, it's important to remember that "people only view us sexually" does not mean the same thing as "people only find us attractive". it means "people can only conceptualize of our existence within a sexual light" because that's how the majority of our coverage in media has been tinged in the past century. as a result of the chaste and patriarchal nature of modern capitalism, gender and sexuality are inseparable in much public discourse by virtue of propaganda, and as a result, a trans woman is seen as sexual because efforts towards projecting specifically femininity is only categorized as sexual. and when paired with the uncharitable perception of "man", that propaganda can often evolve how people view us directly into "sexual threat" anywhere, for any reason. i could be in the freezer aisle of costco looking down at the ground while i push my cart and i'd still get dirty looks for wearing a dress (this has happened).

when i say "they're either jerking off or sharpening a knife", i mean we're either viewed sexually, or as sexually threatening, in almost all scenarios.