Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

YOU'RE A REGULAR WRITER! YOU CAN CRAFT A COMPLETE SENTENCE! YOU'RE A REGULAR WRITER! YOU USE THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF COMMAS! YOU'RE A REGULAR WRITER! YOUR PROSE IS GOOD AND RIGHT! YOU'RE A REGULAR WRITER! EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS YOUR VISION!

tomorrow is dog day afternoon night at the bar. they are going to turn off the a/c and lock us inside.

so many amazing words in the english language. you have clandestine and precarious and serendipity and iconoclast and then you also have staunch and sludge and slurp and smudge

I’ve lived alone cooking for one and I’ve been the main cook in the house for several people. I’ve worked with a budget of ten dollars and I’ve worked with a weekly budget of three hundred dollars. And either way there’s just never enough freezer space somehow.

what nobody tells you about weekends is that it’s already monday

me every 5 months: oh hey wait the fucked up stuff started earlier than I thought didn't it

I often forget that people outside of my little corner of the internet don’t see problems related to reproductive organs as gender neutral and making jokes about my very manly uterus won’t go over well with the normies

patrick is short for Patricide and squidward is short for Squealing Edward and spongebob is short because he has little legs

happy pride I'm glad I'm gay I'm glad you're gay I'm glad we're both gay and alive

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.