Bitches love me cuz I have the unmistakable stare of a dog who has immediately lost the toy you Just Retrieved from under the couch
macklin celebrini has autism
taylor price
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Discoholic πͺ©
Doug Jones

#extradirty
Today's Document

shark vs the universe

ellievsbear
The Stonewall Inn

Andulka
NASA

titsay
official daine visual archive

bliss lane

Kiana Khansmith
occasionally subtle
I'd rather be in outer space πΈ
seen from Italy

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@freezi-drink
Bitches love me cuz I have the unmistakable stare of a dog who has immediately lost the toy you Just Retrieved from under the couch

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thank god vampirism is a flexible metaphor
itβs about being queer itβs about surviving assault itβs about alienation and most of all itβs about how everyone who loved you before might not be able to even look at you now, no matter how many times you try to explain that you didnβt ask to die and you didnβt ask for that death to leave you only half-eaten when it got bored of you.
This is without even mentioning the broader metaphorical implications of disease and contagion; foreign invasion; colonial or imperial violence; interpersonal abuse; generational trauma; religious trauma; violent cultural assimilation; repressed or suppressed desire; the fear of no longer being able to recognise or relate to someone you love; and on and on and on.
Vampirism is a flexible metaphor that reflects the anxieties and desires of its age and its authors, and I love that for it!
if i was on the xmen and magneto was saying "im gonna kill all world leaders unless they destroy all their nuclear weapons.... and then i will take over the world" then i would simply wait to stop him until he got done with the first thing
"the og astarion if i'm being quite honest"
smash or pass: preminger (barbie as the princess and the pauper)
smash
pass

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Tips for writing those gala scenes, from someone who goes to them occasionally:
Generally you unbutton and re-button a suit coat when you sit down and stand up.
Youβre supposed to hold wine or champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming up the liquid inside. A character out of their depth might hold the glass around the sides instead.
When rich/important people forget your name and theyβre drunk, they usually just tell you that they donβt remember or completely skip over any opportunity to use your name so they donβt look silly.
A good way to indicate you donβt want to shake someoneβs hand at an event is to hold a drink in your right hand (and if youβre a woman, a purse in the other so you definitely canβt shift the glass to another hand and then shake)
Americans who still kiss cheeks as a welcome generally donβt press lips to cheeks, itβs more of a touch of cheek to cheek or even a hover (these days, mostly to avoid smudging a womanβs makeup)
The distinctions between dress codes (black tie, cocktail, etc) are very intricate but obvious to those who know how to look. If you wear a short skirt to a black tie event for example, people would clock that instantly even if the dress itself was very formal. Same thing goes for certain articles of menβs clothing.
Open bars / cash bars at events usually carry limited options. Theyβre meant to serve lots of people very quickly, so nobody is getting a cosmo or a Manhattan etc.
Members of the press generally arenβt allowed to freely circulate at nicer galas/events without a very good reason. When they do, they need to identify themselves before talking with someone.
As someone who spent over a decade catering luxury events, let me add some back of house info:
These events are almost always open bar. They're not trying to make their money back on alcohol. They want you to drink and eat and donate generously.
If there are cocktails, there will be at most two on offer, pre-made in large tubs. You cannot order a different version, it is what it is.
There are two types of events: cocktail style or seated. The first includes roaming hors d'oeuvres or a fancy buffet with tiny plates called a grazing station. For a long night, the roaming food will get a little bigger throughout the evening and have a 'main' at some point based around a protein.
A seated event will usually be more structured and may include multiple courses. Silver service is not in vogue anymore. You are likely to get either alternating meals brought to you like at a wedding, or served banquet style. A good caterer can get a plate to everyone in a 300 person event in about three minutes.
Drunk people are the same no matter how expensive their suits. They still laugh too loud, spill their drinks and slip on the dance floor. They are usually less embarrassed about doing coke in the bathrooms.
A full scale event that starts at 6pm will have staff arriving at noon to begin setup. Earlier if there's a light show or pyrotechnics. Typically venues don't just have 30 tables and three hundred chairs lying around, let alone table cloths, chair covers, etc. It's all rented and brought in on the day. Bands and DJs will be running audio tests in the background throughout.
Most heritage buildings that host these things, like museums and manor houses, aren't really designed for them. They might put down mats so you're not walking in stilettos over two hundred year old wooden floors, the kitchens are weirdly far away, and there are not enough taps. There is never anywhere for staff to sit, so if you open the wrong door you might find half a dozen waiters sitting on upturned milk crates in a room full of million dollar paintings, eating the left over bread.
Really old buildings don't have enough bathrooms, which means the staff will be sharing with the guests.
Clean up starts the second the event ends, if not sooner. Unattended glasses will start to disappear first, then table decorations. When the timer ticks over, the lights come back on and exhausted staff strip the tables, pack up dirty glasses and unopened wine bottles and have to Tetris it all into the back of a van. The venue is booked for that day only, so everything has to be gone before anyone can go home. A large event that finishes at midnight might take until 3am to be cleared away.
These are very long and physically demanding nights for anyone working them. The staff all get to know each other, and will absolutely notice someone trying to sneak in wearing a borrowed uniform. They are not being paid enough to care.
Rewatching cloho and I think its criminally funny that Daisuke was the character to drop most often.
Like yeah, we brought this 80-year-old man on our perilous adventures, his heart stopped a couple times, but he's fine.
Resteraunt servers have the funniest and most surreal workplace stories of any profession. They have the job that mean nurses think they have. The entire world is working against them the entire shift. And then you feel terrible for laughing. Itβs not funny that you tripped and spilled an entire ice tea all over a toddler and the kid started screaming at the top of his lungs. Nobody was having a good day, thank God it wasnβt a hot coffee. Thatβs not funny. I did laugh so hard tears started rolling down my face when you recounted this mortifying ordeal though.
whatever youβre going through, youβre not them

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funniest possible singular sentence in the english language has already been conceived n it's the first line of the tardis wiki article on "sex"
the past tense implying sex has since been eradicated. the six (6) different synonyms all with 1-3 linked sources. those extensive citations juxtaposed with the extremely vague given definition of "an action performed by two or more people" . it's so fucking good. I could never put together a sentence this funny even if you gave me a full paid year off 2 do it
Leopard Figurine. Mesopotamia. c. 3300-2900 BC.
so called "free thinkers" when hi 1 quastion
what they don't tell you is that a well-written fic can get you to ship anything, and i mean ANYTHING. notp? not anymore. you will stay up late thinking about and crying over them for the rest of your life. characters you don't even know from a piece of media you've never engaged with? fuck it, they belong to you now. problematic ship that you loved to hate and now just love to love, that you must never tell your friends about? don't worry, ao3 knows how to keep a secret. like. a well-written fic will have you acting UP and that's a fact baby !!

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Ndebele
For all that the 1800s etiquette guides are--obviously--derangedly sexist from a modern perspective? They're also mindblowing in how casually they will assert things that MODERN DAY CONSERVATIVES would scream and cry and shit their pants about.
"People back then always married young it's natural!!!" Every single 1800s guide I've ever met casually mentions that, of course, you really shouldn't get married before you're at least 20, and waiting until 25 is usually better.
Or, like. Okay here's a long segment:
Just firmly going "it is crazy sexist to blame The Wife for overspending when thirty seconds of asking questions will immediately establish that her husband was outright lying to her about how much money they had. Talk to your wife like a normal person."
Or--okay, here. A section on being honest and not writing love letters in secret, because that's usually a good sign that there's something untoward going on....
....except that he then immediately acknowledges that sometimes, the reason you're hiding this from your parents is that your parents suck. That there are parents who frankly have not earned the right to approve or disapprove of your partner.
(I realize the phrasing there sounds a lot less strong than my summary, but--trust me on this. When you're familiar with the narrative voice of these kinds of books, this passage is downright radical. The mere acknowledgement that if you treat your kids badly, it's your own damn fault when they don't talk to you? I've genuinely never seen that before in this genre. Don't freak out over "properly trained", either. It's just a linguistic shift--at the time, "training" was used the way we would say "raising" a child today. )
"Delete all the nudes and sexts after a breakup or you're a piece of shit" has been the standard expectation since EIGHT. TEEN. EIGHTY. FIVE.
"Men and women being friends with each other is literally normal. Don't be a controlling freak."
Anyway I was wrong the publishing date is actually 1882 so like.
"If you have to abuse a child to keep order in your classroom then you're a bad teacher."
So like @ the modern Republican party, are the "traditional family values" in the fucking room with us right now--