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“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”
— Oscar Wilde
Would you treat your friend like this?
If you have a really good friend, would you...
Tell her she's ugly, fat, and stupid?
Force him to hustle and grind long past the point of burnout?
Make them engage in unsafe sex?
Make her abuse drugs?
Make him binge-drink or otherwise abuse alcohol?
Tell them their goals are ridiculous?
Tell her the world would be better off without her?
Tell him that he'll never amount to anything?
Make him eat junk food, even though what he really wants is fruit?
Forbid her from eating?
Make them stay up all night, even though they were exhausted and struggling to stay awake?
Tell her she's "damaged goods" because of her sexual history?
Make him feel guilty for having, desiring, and/or enjoying sex?
Tell them that the Creator of the Universe hates them and is going to torture them for all eternity?
Tell her there's no point in going to or finishing school?
Berate him for struggling?
Tell them their sexuality or gender is wrong?
Tell her she can't do anything right?
Tell him that therapy is only for crazy people, or makes him "weak?"
Encourage them to keep seeing those toxic friends or that abusive partner?
Tell her to stay in the crappy job she has, instead of looking for a new one she might like better?
Tell him that no one loves him, or that he doesn't deserve to be loved or deserve to be happy?
Keep bringing up and berating them for mistakes they made days, weeks, months, years, or even decades ago?
Tell her she's incomplete without a partner, and encourage her to latch onto the next person, no matter how unhealthy they are?
Tell him he doesn't need to take his medications?
Make her have sex she doesn't really want to have, just to please her partner?
Tell them that everyone secretly hates them?
Of course you wouldn't! If you did, you'd be a real asshole. You'd be a terrible friend. So why treat yourself that way? Treat yourself the way you'd treat a good friend.