thoughts in hyperspace

I was dumb.  How to prevent nausea when taking a drug: take said drug with food.  How I took the drug this morning: with no food, and then skipped the next two meals.  Too add insult to injury, it is soooooo hoootttttt today, my abs are sore, I was dehydrated, I was sleep deprived, and I was anxious about finals.  

I started on an SSRI.  At first it was great.  Despite most people not seeing results for many days or even weeks, I started seeing differences the next day and continued to feel good on it mood wise for several weeks.  I felt so ‘normal’ I didn’t realize how much they were helping.  The second week and third week I started to feel extremely tired, and was recommended to drop down to a half dose.  This was defiantly ineffective at stabilizing my mood and I felt pretty shitty that week.  When I had another appointment we decided to try a different drug.  This one is known to give people nausea and insomnia.  I definitely had both of those today, but at levels that I am optimistic that they will go away as my body gets use to the drug.

I am not currently depressed.  I am not currently depressed.  I am not currently depressed but I have had 5 episodes in the last decade.  None of the professionals asked “why are you here? come back when you feel worse”.  They agreed that I should try antidepressants and got me an appointment right away.  If you are someone with recurrent depression who has a hard time getting help when you are in an episode, try get help when you are feeling relatively okay.  You will be taken seriously.

the only side effect I had was increased appetite, which was much appreciated after not feeling hungry for months.  Not everyone has bad side effects.

It was the right decision.  It was the correct decision. I feel like I keep second guessing myself because I can’t talk to my family about it.