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LIFE UPDATE: Where Have I Been?

This would be my first writing again for 2017.

I have lost my vocabularies.

I don't know where to begin.

LIFE UPDATE: Where Have I Been?

It's been a while since my last post! I really love blogging, writing and sharing... but i have my priorities and i should focus more on those important things.

First, i am here at the office (yes, i'm employed!) listening to Shawn Mendes' Three Empty Words on Spotify. I decided to write again because i missed this!!! I've been a little preoccupied lately, with the recent heartbreak (lol), graduation, and workload.

I'm listening now to Callum Scott's Dancing On My Own (too much feels). Actually nothing much happened lately, so this would be a boring post these past few months.

WHAT HAPPENED LAST DECEMBER 2016?

Nothing much, a lengthy term break. I became addicted to K- Dramas, that i forgot that we are still not finish on our thesis. I can finish one series in one day, all night, all day. Then the following day, i am only waking up if my mom called me to eat. That's how my life went, and that is one of the reasons why i gained a lot of pounds aside from endless eating (because why not?).

Learnings: Know your priority. And stop binge eating while watching kdramas!

HOW ABOUT JANUARY?

One thing i regret, i forgot to post another cliche "new year, new me" resolution blog post (lol). But, nevermind, i wouldn't be doing it anyway. I actually read again what i wrote last Jan 15, 2016 , to see if I have achieved some of my resolutions last year.

Improving myself

YES I CAN SAY I HAVE IMPROVED IN A LOT OF ASPECTS.

Move on from lost friendships

I AM SOOOO OVER IT.... THEM.

Healthy lifestyle

I'm not gonna lie, i failed...... I gained a lot.

Travel

School, House, School, Out with friends on a weekend.

Love life

Yes, I met someone. And i was happy and I learned a lot.

Just to clear things out, what i wrote above are just some updates of my failed and successful resolutions of Year 2016.... I'm still coping up with this current year.

Learnings: If you really want change, do it now. Don't depend change on what you wrote on your New year's resolution, FOCUS on what you really want, what your heart desires. And not everyone will stay, they will just be another lessons learned.

FEBRUARY (#NowPlaying How Will I Know by Sam Smith)

Birth month... or should i say 1 month almost lovelife. And this song fits perfectly on everything that happened this month, now it's on repeat. I did the worst decision of my life... something i thought would be best for me, for us, but nah. This is the same guy I wrote about a year ago last September 2015. One of the lines that hit me the most in the said song is, "This love is strong. Why do I feel weak?". I am very sure of you, but this walls that surround me stopped me, my trust issues and all. I pushed you away..... Again. I got my priorities, and you got yours. I focused all my energy on my studies, my family and everything that i neglected you. Then we both chose to give up. That's it, end of another ALMOST getting back together. I guess we are really not in God's perfect timing. As the song goes, "How will I know if you really love me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat. I fall in love whenever we meet. I'm asking you what you know about these things." I didn't gave him the chance to prove his love, now it's too late.

Learnings: One day he won’t have more love left to give. One day, he'll find someone that would bring out the best in him. You're just gonna be there watching him from afar. And as you follow him on social media, when she posts that picture of him and his forever, you’re going to hate yourself because it could have been you. "It should have been you."

There will never be an easy way out, always take the risk in love.

MARCH (#NowPlaying All I Ask by Adele)

I am about to say that March, April, May went by just the same stressful month for our deadline on our thesis. BUT NO, March had to be the month of regrets, where my "what ifs" suddenly came out. There's nothing more painful than seeing the one you truly love, whom you rejected, finds another. Yup, the one i'm talking about on my February ganaps.

"Cause lately I was thinking I never told you, that every time I see you my heart sings." (#NowPlaying Nervous by Gavin James) I never did, i never appreciated when you were still there, i never listened to your heart. "Maybe we will meet when we get older, maybe we won't." The moment i saw you happy, i let you go. "So I won't say I love you if you don't"

Learnings: Enjoy every moment with someone, and when it's time to let go. Let him go, say goodbye with an open heart. Never hold grudges on anyone. Always remember that every morning is a fresh start.

APRIL & MAY (#NowPlaying Welcome To My Life by Chris Brown)

Typical stressful environment, paperworks, deadlines, graduation preparations, toxic people, broken heart, all the negativity are here in this month actually. I almost gave up, in school, in life, in everything. I was at my lowest point that drinking had always been my refuge. I never told anyone what i felt, what's been up with my head, what i really want in my life, i kept it to myself. I was so selfish with my own thoughts, i though about writing but i did not. I told myself, "write when you're already okay, when you have passed all these shits already." And now, I'm here still alive, fighting and happy. Laughing at my miserable-summer-self, i never thought i would come up more stronger after all these dramas. I have always been ma-drama, but iba to. LOL

Until late of May, my best friend went to Canada, for good. Another emotional ganap for me, so as much as possible we bond together. I can't imagine life without my best friend, feeling ko it would be boring. I have written a blog post about her already, click this. Our friendship will never be broken by anyone else, not even distance lol. I got her through the moon and back of the universe, she became a sister to me already, along with Bratz. I will never forget her last night here in the Philippines with us, i can't show her my tears. But as soon as we got in the car, i cried like a little baby, i wanna go back and told her not to go. And the following day, as soon as she got off the plane, i called our friends and cried out that i missed her already. Lol

Then i got employed, hooray!!! A new chapter begins.

Learnings:

Remember your importance.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Don't be a coward, speak out what you feel. Call a friend, tell her you're sad or happy, burst out your emotions so you could release it all and feel relieved.

There would always be that one friend, your best friend, that you could trust, you could rant to and share everything. There would always be a person who is willing to listen.

Smile, because you are alive, and that is enough.

#lifeupdate #destiny #challenges #whatever

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To my Blair, To my Kendall, To my Gigi Hadid, To my bestie since 2001,

If it wasn’t for your support and guidance in my every life situation that I have been through, I wouldn’t be this wiser and stronger.

You are my Blair, sophisticated-glamorous-fab-golden-bff, (thank me) I see B in you in every way, kaartehan and all. Being so mean and straightforward sometimes but still have the kindest heart deep down. My buddy in drooling over these lonely boys, Chuck Bass and Nate Archibald always and forever!!

You are my Kendall, hahahahaha you always listen to my rants and when I’m being so Kylie sometimes.… lol a lot of times pala!! You are a sister to me already, my confidant at all times. We may have our differences and opposite beliefs but I think that make our friendship more fun and exciting!

And of course, my Gigi Hadid! I see a modeling potential in you. Always with poise and with good looking fashion statement. I must admit, you are prettier than me. Lol hahaha you are the highlighters to my contour! Always my make up, workout, and all the kaartehans enthusiast!!

We may not see each other often, but always remember that i gotchu! You know i’m only one tweet, chat or call away. I am grateful to have you as my bestfriend, wuvv you always B!

Xoxo, C. 💋

wnq-writers

I’ve been intoxicated with joy before, the kind when you can’t stop smiling & feeling like you have the world in your hands. I’ve also been consumed by sadness, the kind when nothing can make you smile & feeling like the world is out of reach. Either way I always come crashing down twice as hard & I don’t want that anymore, I just want to be in the middle, comfortable.

kaelenhoon, two sides of a coin (via wnq-writers)

4 Stanzas Of My Life

In the depths of despair, i found myself. Thoughts murmuring in my mind Realizations, optimism, positivities What am i made for? As i look into my glass of water I ask myself Is it half full or half empty? It is half full I chose to see the bright side Optimism at its finest Why bother to the negativity? If i could handle it I wish everyone will do the same No time for agony, pain and regrets No more sadness that could kill Choose silence with inner peace

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"Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood." - William Howard Taft

youtuder

cwote

:))

Don't be blinded by the title..... Read before you give me any violent reactions. I wrote this at around 3am in the middle of a thunderstorm, and that's the reason i couldn't sleep.

And if you have finished reading, the last line i wrote will explain why i chose to have that title. Because for me, the search for the one is over. He found me, and i found him as well. Answered prayers it is, Thanks be to God!

This is dedicated to my love, Jack Rhey!

#MakataTime

Be Confident, Not Arrogant.

Arrogance is an uninvited, outward, boastful attitude. Whereas confidence is an attitude born out of an inward self-certainty. How would you know if you're hanging out with an arrogant person? Simple, he always wants to be the boss in every situation, never willing to hear suggestions, the miss-know-it-all. While being confident is there is an eagerness to learn more of his surroundings, willing to hear out someone's point of view, and also accepts if mistaken. There is nothing wrong with being confident, as long as you do good things that would motivate and inspire people. Superiority among others can burn down bridges, and you wouldn't want that. Right? Hear out other people's voices. Grow in God's love and have the will to learn more in every aspects of life. Humble yourself to the Lord, and inner peace will follow.

How my internship went? Read.

To all those who will be taking their internship, here are some of my experiences, learnings and also some tips. i would be happy to share a little knowledge that i have gained. Now... read! I spent 250 hours this summer serving to the public at Home Development Mutual Fund known as PAG-IBIG, Baliuag Member Services Branch, which is located at Augustine Square, DRT Highway, Pinagbarilan, Baliuag, Bulacan. The PAG-IBIG Fund is a Philippine government owned and controlled corporation under the Housing and Urban Development Coordinating Council responsible for the administration of the national savings program and affordable shelter financing for Filipinos employed by local and foreign-based employers as well as voluntary and self-employed members. It offers its members short-term loans and access to housing programs. Having three years of study in my course Public Administration helped me in so many ways, on how to interact with everyone that surrounds me and also how to be true to myself as a start before serving the public. In our workplace, we are just like friends who enjoy our job. They share things that would help us grow intellectually about what is PAG-IBIG is for. These people's skills are all good contribution s to my personal life and in developing new relationships at school and a good rapport with professors and other staff members. My supervisor is Mr. Jerry S. Concepcion; He is very approachable and kind. I learned that it is important to ask for help when you need it and not to be afraid of your supervisors. Also, asking to get involved in things that interest you can go a very long way; if you don’t ask about being involved in something you may never get there. In my professional life I plan to be confident with those around me and present myself as a leader. The seminars about the internship program was a success and a huge help for all of us students, We were enlightened with an introduction on how things will work how the grades will be given. The only thing that I would recommend for the future trainees would be choices or list of preferred companies that accept interns. So that it would be easy for them to choose where to spend their summer internship program. Some students started late because of still finding of a company that would suit their course. I am hoping for a consideration for the students that will not finish the internship program on time. Here are some tips that I can share to those who will be taking their internship anytime soon: Be early, take the initiative to come on time, or before the time that is set for you. It’s good that you practice your work ethics before you get in the ‘real world.’. It will give them an impression that you are interested in the job that you applied for. Be happy to help, and show them that you are involved with what everyone is doing. Allow yourself to learn, do not be afraid to be criticized by people who have been practicing since before you were born. Don’t brag, be humble. Just show them what you can do, and let your actions speak for themselves. Don’t be afraid to admit to them that you don’t know what you’re doing. Sometimes it actually is better to admit to your ignorance than to pretend to be a know-it-all sometimes. Be friendly. It’s a good thing that you are finally going out of your comfort zone, now push yourself further and acquaint yourself with everybody. Do your job well, and don’t complain. If you want to be remembered, do your best to show them what you’re capable of. The people for whom you intern now might be the reason why you will be employed in your future job, or not. Having an internship gives you a slice of what’s in store for you in the real world. You get to learn more about the career path you plan to take, and even take in some ‘real world’ advice from professionals for free. It’s one of those tiring, yet amazing experiences you’ll ever have. Internships will not only feed your mind with certain ideas, but they will also feed your soul with so much drive. It’s only up to you if you will make the most out of it, or not. In this internship program, I have learned so many things that would serve as a training ground for me as soon as I get a job in the future. I developed an employer- employee relationship with my boss and also with my co-workers, interacting with them have taught me how to do well in my job and how things work inside Home Development Mutual Fund known as PAG-IBIG. Without this internship program I would never had this experience. I am so grateful for all the opportunities that PAG-IBIG Fund presents to me, through this whole experience I learned a lot about leadership and confidence. I had a chance to be in the workplace before I make a decision on where I want to work and what I plan to do. I learned a lot both professionally and personally and plan to use those lessons to better myself. Just enjoy what you are doing, and all good things will follow.

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A forlorn what?

i am a forlorn wanderer i seek for more adventures literally, physically mentally, emotionally

they say do not get lost no baby, go forth and wander anywhere, everywhere east coast, west coast

there is no wrong direction make some lefts and rights see the world's perfection and feel the blood in your veins ignite

#thoughtsintowords

What my future holds? I have been so caught up in my studies lately, that made me think what i really want for my future. Honestly, i still don't know. What does my future holds? Whatever it is, God only knows, but i hope it is something positive. I don't think I'm giving my best lately, what more could i offer if it is too late to realize what the consequences might be? There are a lot of questions murmuring in my mind, that need answers i cannot explain. To all the people who never left me in climbing the stairs of succes, Thank you. You will be forever in my heart and prayers. I see myself 10 years from now, still hanging out with these good old friends who were always by my side through the smooth and rough parts of my life. And also, I will never forget the Man above for all the blessings that I sometimes forget to give thanks to. I am in no rush of everything, because every good thing takes time. I'm happy where I am, happy where I was, and happy where I will be...

wordsnquotes

Here are the two best prayers I know: ‘Help me, help me, help me’ and ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’

Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies (via wordsnquotes)

Seeing you happy is more than enough for me. I will always be behind the scenes of your every success and even in times of failure. I gotchu, Jack Rhey! My love, I wish you heartiest congratulations on your success! Since we met, you have always challenged me to better myself and aspire for more. You showed me that anything is possible. You had a dream, you reached for it, and you got everything you wanted. Now your reward is here, and you totally deserve it. I’ve seen your determination, struggle and fight for those grades. You’ve shown me over and over that you can achieve anything you want. No matter what happens from here, know that I am so proud of you Jack Rhey! It has been a long hard fight to get here, and you’ve earned this moment! Your family and I will continue to support you, please sumunod ka wag kang makulit. I love you so much! Congratulations to the most worthy man I know, 1/C Jack Rhey R. Delos Santos!

A letter for my baby-girl-no-more-sister, Congratulations sizzums, you are finally on your way to senior high!!! I am so proud of the person you have become. You are so talented. You are smart, hysterically funny and beautiful inside and out. You are kind and generous. You are crazy, silly and don’t take yourself too seriously. I can’t tell you how often I talk about my incredible sister and brother. You and Kobe really impress the hell out of me! I want you to remember that all of us are and will continue to be your support system in whatever it is that you decide to do with your life. I want you to live your life and I want you to spend it by finding all that makes you happy. I want you to not be afraid to make mistakes. I want you to not be afraid to take risks because sometimes the scariest risks can result in an overflow of happiness. I want you to swim in happiness and I want you to feel as if you’re the luckiest person in the entire world. I want us to continue to be best friends. I want us to somehow become closer than we are now. I want you to know that I am the proudest big sister on your graduation day. Be happy with whatever you do and have no regrets. If you decide that you want to do something different, go with it. Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. You can physically go back but you can’t do over. We have good guts in our genes, follow yours! I love you so much, Mikachu! 💖 Always, Ate Cheska 💋

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wordsnquotes

She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.

Donald Miller (via wordsnquotes)

My what if-s

What if i have all the good things in life? What if i am rich? What if i have a complete family? What if my mom got an abortion instead of giving me this life? What if lolo was still alive? What if i am smart and having good grades? What if i am more than enough to everyone? All these questions were planted in my head because of all the hurtful things I've heard throughout my existence. All these things, that i will never ever forget. You guys put me in this fucking situation, that makes me cringe everytime you remind me i am worthless and that i never did anything right. I am sorry if i could not live it up to your expectations. I am trying so hard to be happy, i don't want my friends to feel sorry for me. I don't want to show the world i am aching inside. No one would understand how sad and pathetic my life is. I want to be free. I want to be happy. P.s This is not a suicide note (but close enough)

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