I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.

who wanna be friends with drawbacks

only real thursdayheads know what day it is today

waiting for my nails to dry affords me the perfect opportunity to do the dishes and organize my sandpaper and steel wool collection and synthesize acetone

“nobody is making you do this” i am driven by unnatural forces you will never even begin to comprehend

pomegranates are so damn difficult to eat like could you be less of a metaphor and more of a fruit for a second im trying to have a snack

Did you know that you can waste your free time by not knowing which activity to do so you do none of them

calling out for my mom in a moment of extreme pain and terror, but taking an aside to explain to the audience that i mean i want the concept of a mother as caregiver and protector to defend and rescue me rather than my literal mom, whose presence would neither bring me comfort nor improve the situation

wow you got to the red stop light faster and more dangerously than anyone else. should we throw a party?? should we call nascar

I have infiltrated the ranks of sweetie pies

your mama is so gothic you will never escape the generational curse

being a symbolism enjoyer should humble you because at the end of the day no matter how eloquently you articulate it youre essentially saying "i love it when things have meaning"

my hobbies are Colours and Shapes but, like, in a mature, sophisticated adult way

oh, that gap in my resume? i was on a doomed polar expedition and was stranded in the pack ice

my best friend linen my brother in arms cotton my partner wool my beautiful sister silk

our sick deranged enemy polyester....

the demon lord, prince of lies, "Vegan Leather"...