someday

🤝

marrying rich men

Literally Every Male In Her Life Including Edward: You can’t do that

Bella: How bout I do it anyways

Jake: You want me too tho?

Bella: I care about you as a friend but I will always choose Edward and you need to accept that

Jake: Sounds like a love triangle ;)

Bella: It’s really not, stop it.

General Audience: Urg, Bella is so indecisive and does whatever Edward wants!

Bella: Imma slob that wet and cold knob if it’s the last thing I do, get up on me, boi!

Edward: The sex would kill you, we can’t

Bella: THEN FUCK ME TO DEATH, PUSSY

General Audience: Bella is a wilting flower who’s never heard of sex before

Bella: *is literally one of the only people in the world to figure out about vampires all on her own, gets very good grades in school and has multiple academic interests*

Emergency Plans for Y2K

Respecting Edward’s Privacy #7

Petition to Buy an Actual Castle in Transylvania and Turn it into a Theme Park (Emmett’s idea)

Petition to Let Edward Move Out of the Garage 

Medical Tools are not Toys 

Stop Prank Calling the Denali Coven They Know It’s Us We’re Literally the Only People Who Have Their Number 

Respecting Edward’s Privacy #8 Why Do We Have to Keep Having This Conversation Emmett 

The Great “What Color is the Dress” Debate of 2015

meanwhile bella’s mind:

Mike: Do you think vampires can be picky eaters? Like a vampire sees a person and is like nah, I don’t want to eat that guy. He’s not my blood type.

Edward: No, because a vampire’s thirst for blood would be too strong so regardless of a person’s blood type a vampire would still find their blood appetizing.

Mike: Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know you were the world’s top vampire expert, excuse me

renesmee: renesmee

new classmate: that’s… interesting

renesmee: my mom was on crack when she named me

bella, sitting literally two seats away: