The idea of the last version of me someone I haven’t seen in years thinks of is nausea inducing to levels doctors may have never seen before. I’ve been at the very least, 10 people in my 21 years of living. Not to say my values or morals or quote en quote life path has changed. But I have.

I’ve been 20 pounds heavier and I think 10 of those was grief. I’ve been a last night‘s make up and morning joint 16-year-old and I’ve been a faithfully naive 20-year-old with a false sense of identity. I’ve been a scared and dishonest 14-year-old with enough lies to fill the state of Texas.

Finding the silver lining, there are some things I’ve never been. I’ve never been truly and fully lonely, as much as I felt like I was. I’ve never been afraid to live no matter the risk or reward. I’ve never been 22 and I’ve never said I love you and not meant it. I’ve never been in a real fist fight and I’ve never wanted to. I’ve never been 21 and fallen in love, but anything is possible - I’ve seen this firsthand.