.

I wanted to think that it didn’t matter. I had good reasons, considering all the time I spend studying and learning and calculating. I deserve this. My brother didn’t. Damn Thomas. How could he? All because of his love for some girl. A six. He had to fall in love with some six. Idiot. He comes from a family of smart people and he’s still an idiot. I had worked for that money, I wanted to build up something on my own. He took it. He took it all. 

Somewhere in my mind I was glad, if he was going to live a life as a six, he would need it more than I did. But still, I’d have to get together my money again. And thank god, Haiden ‘came of age’ as they so romantically speak of. Selected get money, money I needed for my research plan. 

Now I needed a strategy. I know that I will tell Haiden eventually, of course I had calculated already how long I needed to stay. Now I had to be charming and all. I will have to study in advance. Which got me thinking, maybe this whole Selection could be a study itself….These girls, 35 of ‘em, all there for their own reasons, reasons like mine, but also other ones. Some may even think they are in love with this guy, which is scientifically impossible. You can’t fall in with someone you’ve never met. 

The last thing now is at what cost? What will I do to stay in the game? Again, not romantic, but I don’t know how anyone could see it as different than a game. I’d have to make friends, obviously. I could do that, right? But when there’s friends, there’s enemies. Who will be what? A friend, enemy or both? I can’t help but wonder which one Haiden will be. 

“You can do this.” I sighed as I let out all the air my lungs contained.

Why were people so damn hard. Numbers didn’t lie, or judge for that matter. Equations were correct or wrong, nothing in between. Animals couldn’t lie either, though I had had the idea Albert, my dog, could speak when he almost ate my application letter. Was this really a good idea? What could I, I offer Haiden or Illea? Through social beliefs I think that I have some aspects that can be perceived as pretty. But other than that? What does a princess even have to able to? History isn’t fun like science. Still, I should read more history books, I should have prepared better. Since when did I become so obsessed with just the goal? Get your damn shit together Aliya! Now I’m speaking in third person, the Selection has barely started and I’m insane already. In desperation a stuffed the last piece of chocolate in my mouth. Another thing I can’t do in the palace. I can’t do all of this, people and their rules that aren’t proved by Einstein, it just isn’t my thing. 

I’ll have to make it my thing. I have to! I will just look up everything that I can. When you can’t solve the problem in one way, use another formula right? I should go to the stables, the only thing that can really clear my head.

As I brush and saddle Newton, he seems happy with the snows that has fallen outside. He likes the winter, as his body is more prepared for cold than us humans. Sometimes I wonder how everything’s designed to fit like this. But then again, now is not the time to think about that nonsense. Newton breaths against the snow and makes flakes jump up. I smile, this is my home, at least for now. My grandparents once moved too, not from Atlin to Angeles, like I’m about to do, but from a whole other country. They came from a little place called the Netherlands, as they wanted to study the behaviour of atoms, which the somehow couldn’t do there. When I was little, they used to teach me Dutch, though I’ve become lazy in it. Would it be something that could be useful in the Selection?

Great, another variable.

We drove through the beautiful sight in peace. I’m always glad to feel that I have that trust with Newton. Will I ever have that trust with a person? Like I thought I had with Thomas? My parents are great of course, and so are my grandparents, but still I feel I want someone else to know me like no one else does. Oh my, this stupid Selection already made me think about love and, and feelings. My nose wrinkled at the thought, as it is merely a distraction of the solution in my formula.

“Darling! Dinner is ready, and we have some good news!”

I woke up out of my thoughts, as the mentioning of food is always a good thing. My mom can cook fine I guess, but my dad could really cook. I hoped for his lasagne, while the news would probably just be that they proved another theory for the thousandth time.

But it wasn’t. A letter, he wrote. He wrote us a letter! My feelings are between rage and relief, love and sadness. The latter wins when I get to see the letter.

“This is it? This is not a letter, a believe this is the definition of a short note.”

“Aliya, he’s safe, if you just-“

“No, dad, I will not do anything but look up the definition of a letter and send him that. He disappears, takes his own and my research money to live happily ever after, and we get a note?!”

“But as long as he’s happy?”, my mother claims, even though I never thought of her for a sucker for love stories. “We want that for you to honey, to be happy and… well find love.”

“You want me to run away as well? Good thing I’m going to the palace then!”

“Aliya plea-“

Nope, just nope. I crumbled up the letter, correction: note, in my fist, and went upstairs. As I looked at it again in my room, I couldn’t help but smirk at the really badly drawn little star that was on the bottom of the letter. Why the hell would he even do that, idiot brother. Why do I miss him so, idiot me.

I had said goodbye to everyone, except for Thomas of course, who we haven’t heard from anymore. I had hugged Albert and Newton one last time, my grandparents, parents. My mom gave me a tight hug, and slipped my brother’s letter in my hands to take with me. The gesture made my eyes prick, as I have been looking for his famialir face in every crowd, and I knew for sure what I’d look for during the parade later. My dad’s eyes showed some more fluids than normal as he claimed “It is terribly cold today huh.” “Not cold enough to freeze those tears dad.” With that command, he hugged me as well. I knew how emotional he was, not fitting his scientist job. Myself, I was a mix between the two, able to cry easily, and really theoretical the other moment. But this moment, I fought with everything I had to fight back the tears, a crying girl in a parade would be embarrassing as hell. 

I had also hugged some friends before the parade. I had friends, most people don’t expect scientists to have them somehow. Jess for example, though we haven’t been friends for my whole life, two years or so, I guess I consider him my ‘best friend’. Best friends. Friends grow in and out of your life, so I never used that term really. But I hope to have a phone in the palace to be able to call him. We hadn’t talked much lately, I was mad because, well because he knew what Thomas had planned. He should have told me. But because I was going away to Angeles for what may be forever, he came for a goodbye. It’s nice to talk to him, though I wonder if I ever fully trust him again, if I ever did. Did I? 

I had no time to think about it, as the car had stopped and my door had been opened already. The parade had been exciting, people waving and clapping for me, just for getting in a game, for my letter being picked. Silly if you think about it.

“Thank you sir.” “You’re welcome lady Tyson.” Lady Tyson, that sounded good, it sounded as if he respected me, though I doubted he did. I was probably just another Selected girl and sadly most men don’t take girls my age seriously. I hope the one of us who becomes queen, is a feminist. The fresh air is nice, though my legs thought otherwise wearing a thin panty. As I stepped out of the car, I saw a plane and the place is empty. Empty? Apparently I have already began to crave attention, after just a few minutes of town parade-hand waving. I had expected more people, and I am disgusted with myself when I feel disappointed. Grow up, this is not what you want in life, you aren’t a two. 

Speaking of two’s. Aubrey is on my plane as well, the favourite so far. Further there was Mila, Cressida and Sophia. As we board the plane, all I wanted to do is calculate. What would be the gravity force and the friction that would occur considering the air was somewhat like 10 degrees whereas the density of the air– Stop Aliya, damn how many times will I talk in third person to myself these upcoming months. Socialize first okay. Though Cressida does not seem very social, I respected her right away, and I hope she wants to become somewhat friendly with me eventually. Aubrey seems amusing, maybe that's why she's voted the favourite. As Cressida puts in her earplugs immediately, I had the urge to make funny faces behind her. “Hmpf, someone is not interested, we could make funny faces behind her without noticing.” “You know I can still here you right?” A small blush appeared on my cheeks, but I recovered fast. “Good! I hoped we could make you laugh with us as you seem not interested in social contact at all.” “Well aren’t you joyfully sarcastic. Any of you play poker?”

That’s what we were doing for a while, but we were interrupted by a cracking sound. A voice filled the plane “Hello ladies, this is your captain speaking. I have just received some devastating news. Lady Azalea Archer has been shot and passed away. The rebels have claimed this terrible action.” We all look shocked, even Cressida showed a small crack of emotion. I entered for the money, and all these girls have their reasons, but at what cost? This girl, dead, just for being a Selected. I understood people were unhappy, though taking someone’s life because you’re sick of fighting for your own? As a three, I’ve never been afraid of hunger, and now my reason for the Selection feels selfish. People were dying, maybe as Queen I could-- No, that’s not why I’m doing this. I want my research! I hate and disgust my own thoughts. 

The flight was fine, Mila and Sophia were both really kind. I liked how Aubrey was poetic like, all the time. Cressida really seemed to have her poker face down, though she seemed to forget when the game was over. The poker game at least, the other game had just begon. It feels weird, but as we arrived to the palace, I truly lose all my breath. I am amazed by the construction, I wonder what material it is that can hold such stress. Its yield strength must be enormous. But above feeling amazed, I feel scared. I am probably not the only one. As I look around, I can think of every girls name. As I liked to study, I learned everyone’s talents, caste, even the flower of their province. Mine was spring snowflakes. I love those, they are the start of spring, obviously. Winter is great, but not as beautiful as spring, the coming alive of nature. And even better, I could study outside with the good weather. With these thoughts of flowers, my eye catches Viola. Though her name probably isn’t based on the flower, but on the violin, judging by her talents and caste. As she noticed my staring, I was afraid I’d come of weird. But as we had to stand and wait in line, she came standing next to me and we chatted for a while. 

I did not hate the jewellery, or the make-up. At home I wore it as well. Three’s still have to attend parties and fundraisers. The make-over will be fun, the being here less. All the talking, gossip, people looking, although it’s more like staring. Every one of these 35--I mean 34 girls, is fixated on winning this game. I make a mental note not call it a game in front of the Prince. It’s basic math really, 34 girls plus a prince to fight for equals my nightmare, or a similar word, as nightmare is probably not a justified word I can use for it either. 

Math is not the only subject I like, physics as well. I like to use that as an excuse for my liking of jewellery. The bending of light particles is fascinating really, and I’m too ashamed to admit I also just like the sparkles. I have another excuse for the make-up. My cousin, Suzan loves it much more than I do, so she wants to try all the new trends on me. I’ll act like I hate it towards my parents, but she knows I like it secretly. It is truly amazing how it can change you into this other person. Imagine that that person could handle this Selection.

I have to stop whining. I was doing fine so far, even though there are enough mean girls, the majority wasn’t. Out of the 34 girls, there sure are some girls who were nice to me, and there may even be one who likes science as well. Like Tracie, who I hope to befriend with. And some girls could cook really well, it’s safe to say they all were talented. Good thing I could blow them away with my skill of knowing how numbers work. That’s what people are really waiting for. And we’re back to the whining again. I’m doing great really. 

“Hi! I’m Layla! I will be your maid!” My maid, apparently, had long dark hair, probably, though it was all hidden in a braid to look neat in her uniform. She was what people call pretty, as she had a glowing skin and cheeks and an enthusiastic smile that took over her whole body. I don’t know why, but she seemed even happy to be my maid. Wasn’t I just another stupid Selection girl? Two maids followed, “This is Lilly and Sabrina!”. They were a little more quiet than Layla, but I guess everyone was compared to her. But even so, their smiles seemed equally as kind. I was still afraid if I’d be able to make friends with the Selected, but my maids seemed to soothe me just fine. 

“H-hi?” I was overwhelmed by Layla’s enthusiasm, but I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted to let them now that I wanted to trust them, that I’d try, that we could be friends. I wanted them to know I respected them. “Sorry, I’m a bit on my nerves, I’m Aliya, but I bet you know that already huh?”

Sabrina spoke first: “Yes we know, we have to do our research as well, what you like and don’t, could you imagine if we did not no your allergic to nuts?”

“I am not allergic to anything”, I claimed, maybe for annoying people, but I kept that thought for myself. 

“We know!”, Layla chirped. “But we’ll talk when we will do your make-over. You’re already really pretty! I did not mean it--” 

“Slow down Layla”, Lilly spoke,”Let’s just get started, if we take too long, people are gonna talk. Okay Lady Tyson?”

Lady Tyson, I wanted them to just call me Aliya, but I’d wait with that. “Sure!”

“First a before-picture, smile.” Somehow Sabrina pulled out a camera out of nowhere and I smiled awkwardly when the light flashed. “We’ll have to work on being photogenic...” I joked, as it is not something I had ever practiced. To my surprise, Lilly took it seriously, “Good idea Lady, that would really help you get further.” 

I looked sheepishly at her, what the hell have I gotten myself into? An overrated beauty-pageant...But in the corner of my eye, I saw Layla trying to hold in a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. The sight of my horrified face must have been hilarious, as Sabrina smiled as well. It made me relax, and I smiled with them. This might just work out, I thought, as I leaned back, got covered in make-up, soft strokes of brushes on my face. Sabrina took more pictures, as it seemed that I look best when I’m not looking or laughing at Layla’s jokes. When they were finished, I knew that scientifically or not, I looked good. With a few instructions I even managed to look cool at the camera. “Thank you so much, you did an amazing job.” They had not changed anything extreme, to my liking, they trimmed my hair a bit to make it look more healthy. They darkened my eyebrows fr expression, and applied more eyeliner and eyeshadow than I usually wear. Smart as they were, they made my skin a little less white, as the Prince would not want to be blinded by my white skin the first time we would meet. Given the sunny weather here in Angeles, I’d probably adapt a natural colour soon enough, they had said.

“We are here to serve you Lady Tyson, that’s what we do.”, Lily claimed, and I couldn’t help but notice that her voice hinted she had other dreams in life. 

We talked some more, and I bonded quite well with them, as Layla was funny, Sabrina was kind and trustworthy, and Lilly was smart. But no matter what they were, they were trapped in their caste. Even though I was from a higher caste, I felt trapped as well, even though I felt ashamed of it. I had it so good, I should not be allowed to complain, but I did. I did, as a human does, as was to be expected. There is always more, always another equation to solve, another question I could not answer yet. And now, now there were a lot of questions, and only a small piece of that questions would be asked by the Gossipel later on. Even though I did not believe myself enough, I had to show everyone that I was a good candidate. And I would start with that, in the interview.  

 He was okay actually. Quite okay…I felt weird that I thought that. How come that being a royal ultimately made you look good? It didn’t make any sense, but his jaw and eyes said otherwise. Not that I fell in love or something, I am not an idiot. I did not know how to feel about this experience. I liked all these palace things way too much. The pretty sparkly dresses, Madeline, Mila, Sophia, Tracie and others were all so nice, and the food! Oh the food! That Baguette could sure cook.

Was I losing myself or was I finding a new part of myself? The point of this selection is finding a new queen, but apparently it’s a nice source for self-doubt. I always knew exactly who I was, what was changing now? This is not what I am supposed to do! I know some girls try to find themselves here, but I was always fine with who I was. I’m the nerd to some, but I knew I’m more than that. But it seems, that I was weak enough to be confused by dresses and make-overs. Conflicted, definitely conflicted. The stories of the rebels made me want to stand up for people, and the other Selected made me want to be nice to them. I enjoyed the dresses, the interviews, saying words I hoped make a difference.It was wrong, very wrong. What if it was just a new finding? Plenty of formulas have been altered to find out that they were missing a variable. It’s just…I didn’t want the new part of me replacing who I always was. What if I change? What if it’s not for the better? Stupid stupid stupid stupid! Just…sigh…Just focus on the goal. You will stay in this competition, and one day you’ll go home and have your money. You’re doing fine, you’re having fun, making friends. Besides, you’re still calculating like a badass. Just breathe, maybe look for the stables in this palace? “Good morning Lady Aliya!” I had convinced them to ditch the back name, Layla quickly agreed, perky as ever. Lily and Sabrina followed after a short time. “Good morning Layla, Lily, Sabrina.” I smiled at them, though I was not a morning person, they mostly brought a smile on my face. “We chose a simple dress for today, my lady.” Lily held out a dress with a soft material, which looks nice, like all of them. I miss my pants though. “How was your interview with the prince! What did he ask? Was he nice? How did he look? Are you in loooooveee?” “Layla please, she just woke up!” Sabrina saved me from drowning in all the questions. I chose to answer some of them, starting with the most ridiculous one. “Really Layla?” I laughed, as she looked at me eager to hear everything. “Love is not something to happen at first sight, at least, I don’t think so. As for how he looked, well quite nice to be honest…” I had studied my fair share of the human body to know how blushing works, but I still hated in nonetheless. I had no feelings for this prince, and I was not going to develop them either. This was ridiculous. “He asked basic questions really, and it seems we might have a common humor. I still need to learn more about history though.” “We could start right away with books from the library, my lady, if you wish.” Lily was helpful, I was thankful I had such great maids. “That would be great, thank you.” A date. A date. Had I even ever had a date? Not to my knowledge, but with how I was feeling now, I could have had a date, pass out, leading to a concussion and a blurr in my memory. My hand was at the knob of my room, but I hesitated. My maids would be there, and I would have to hear all about the “don’t be nervous, just be yourself”-nonsense. Why did people even say that? Don’t be nervous? Like that’s ever going to help? “Ooh you mean like stop being nervous? Why didn’t you say that before, it’s all gone now.” It doesn’t work like that. How it did work however, I didn’t know. I sighed, it have to face them anyway, I would never be able to prepare myself for a day without them. I mean I could dress myself of course, but I needed them to make me look like I belonged here. I needed them to compete against all these beautiful girls. How Haiden could ever choose from them all, I have no idea. My first guess would be Madeline, but just because she’s so damn sweet. With some people, that kind of goodness makes me want to throw up, but she’s too genuine to even think of such a thing. Besides, I’m trying my fair share of being a kind girl. Most of the girls didn’t make it very hard, I actually liked most of them, I mean, somehow they selected genuine nice people? One would think a game like this would have every girl file their nails as sharp as they can be. Well not file them themselves of course, we have maids now, I’m glad I’m allowed to wipe my own ass. But still, I was pleasantly surprised by everyone’s kindness. Finally, I opened my door, and was immediately blinded by a stupid ray of sunshine. As I was in an irritated mood, I cursed this sparkly dress for the first time, since it lighted up in the sun, resulting in blinding me. Sabrina immediately closed the curtains. “Sorry my lady.” “It’s not your fault”, I sighed, again, poor poor me. “I’m just feel like punching something and throwing up at the same time. I have a date. “ Layla turned around so fast, I think she’d stretch a muscle. “With Prince Haiden?” “No with your mom, of course Prince Haiden!” One corner of Lily’s mouth lifted at my remark, resulting in a smirk. I’ve learned that she likes sarcasm as well, as Sabrina is more one for puns. Layla laughs at anything really, it could be annoying, if it weren’t for her amusing and contagious laugh. “Are you the first one to get a date, my lady?”, Sabrina informed. “I don’t think so, I think he’s dating every girl left. He’ll have to go on 30 dates, poor guy.” “Lucky you mean! I’d love to go on 30 dates with some girls.”, Lily grinned, and I laughed. It didn’t bother me that she liked girls, it bothered me more that Lily did not want to talk about it. I noticed before that she’d had the desire of being somewhere else than here, and I wanted to help. Not that I could do much, I don’t know if the woman she loves, loved, or whatever, had problems, or that Lily was the problem. I could not imagine it being Lily though, she always seemed open enough to joke about it. “So what are you two going to do? “We don’t, I mean, I don’t know yet. All I know is that we’ll have a date.” “Not when, where, anything?” “Not yet, but I’ll probably hear soon, I guess. Not too long I hope, or I’m going to miss a lot of food while being nauseous.” “Oh my lady, don’t be nervous, just be yourself!” Didn’t I tell you? I thought it would be Layla to say it too. “Maybe I could take him horseriding. Am I even allowed to ask him to do a thing? I mean, I feel like I’m not even allowed to blink my eyes sometimes.” “Don’t worry lady Aliya, we’ll figure it out.” Sabrina’s words were not any comfort, but at least she tried. I couldn’t do it. How could a keep on acting like I was here for him? He was too nice, too good a person for this. My maids had tried to ask me everything, but after some short answers, they seemed to understand and left me alone. They seemed to understand something I didn't have a clue with myself. I lay on my bed, my mind running like it was solving every math problem I knew at once. As guilty as I felt, a little tiny spark of hope had appeared. What if I could be here for him? None of these girls could be in love with him already, so what if I too would take that road, and perhaps find out on the way? Maybe there could be something there, maybe there could be a chance of love for me? I mean, he seems nice, smart enough to intellectually challenge me, and anything but ugly. I felt weak for considering this. I had always been ambitious, trying to strive for my goals, and now? Now I was considering puting my goal on the sideline, for some guy? Or… or was I simply trying to make it easier for myself, not having to lie? Shame was winning from hope now. How could I give up my dream? But it occured to me, I could have both. With staying in this competition, to truly get to know Haiden, I would do my best, as I always would. That meant I stayed just as long as if I would have stayed for the money. And if there was no fairy tale here for me, I could always go back to my research, hopefully with enough money to do so. I guess this Prince guy had intrigued me all that much. I must consider calling him Haiden now. Haiden… my mind wondered back to our date. "I was wondering if you would like to show me the palace stables?“ “Of course,” he said while offering me his arm. “Do you ride? "I miss my horse at home. Do you ride as well?“ "Sometimes, but not as often as I’d like. I’m not particularly drawn to horses.“ I took his arm, annoyed by my own happiness that he’d offered it. “I see they’ve thought you to be charming” I smiled, before quickly realising how that could sound “Or you could be a natural! I mean, uh, thank you." I sighed, I knew I did not have that much experience with boys, but this was just humiliating. I could talk for hours with Jess, not caring if I insulted him somehow. Jess insulted me plenty of times anyway, that was kind of our humour. "So far, you’re making me more nervous than the interviews and with Exposing Illea out there, that says a lot.” Exposing Illea left me alone for a couple days now, which was a relief. But I found it easier to defend myself there than to have a normal conversation with him. Luckily, Haiden laughed, a damn charming laugh as well, not fair. “That makes two of us,” he claimed, though he didn’t do a bad job at hiding it. Do they teach you that in prince-school? “I wonder which one of us is more nervous,” he continued, “it’s definitely debatable.” This was my chance to show I’m not a weak little girl. “I think I’ll pas debating with you, I don’t want to beat you and ruin the date.” His brows lifted in surprise, but seemed amused. “Confident are you?" "I try to be, though the presence of a Prince makes it a little harder, but it’s just a tittle right? We have a lot of scientific debates at home, so that’s why.” I looked around, still amazed by all the beauty this palace holds. I wondered how the decoration on the supports would influence the moment of inertia, before I ordered myself to focus. “And one has to have at least some confidence to endure here in the palace I think.” "No, I like it. People who have opinions make me happy.“ he admitted. A weird fluttering feeling made its way to my stomach, resulting in a small blush. I looked away, trying to regain myself. Trying not to think about the way he wore the blouse, fitting just right. Probably litteraly made for him. With that tiny small pause, I felt sure enough to say: "That’s a relief”,and I laughed, “then the future queen will at least have some opinion on things. I would hate to see a following puppet to be the example for little girls in Illea.” He quickly responded, with curious eyes, and I felt like a was walking in a trap. “Do you imagine yourself  as a good example to children?” he asked. Children, being an example, what did I do! I gasped, trying to recover fast and say something smart, maybe joke a bit? “Oops, I kind of trapped myself there huh?”, I joked. “Well, at least I think that I try to show what I stand for, and I try to be kind to people if they deserve it. I saw a lot more Illea than I did before, and if I’m not an example yet, I hope I can be someday.” Satisfied with my own answer, I held a smug smile on my face. We finally reached the stables, which each looked larger than my own room at home. The horses each had their own beautiful stable, their skin glowing proud. They looked curious  probably wondering if we came to feed them. Each horse had a plate on their door, with a name, and I stopped at Cherrie. A stupid name for a horse, but she couldn’t help it. As I petted Cherrie, I said, “Horses and riding in the forest help me clear my head, you should try it some time when you don’t want to be in the centre of attention anymore, like you mentioned in our interview.” He looked around, clearly uncomfortable here, not knowing if he too should pet a horse. He was uncomfortable a lot, I noticed, certainly for being a Prince and all. “It’s a good idea if I ever found a horse that actually liked me.” he confessed. “Well they say the horse is a mirror and sees right through you.” I laughed, “But most of the time they fall for a treat.” As I pulled out a sugar cube I saved, and fed it to Cherrie. I turned around, to find him standing as awkward as before, still, annoyingly handsome. “Simple question for you, since you’re asking me such hard ones; what is your favourite colour?” I immediately felt stupid for wasting our precious time on a question like this, but still, I wanted to know. He seemed to relax a little, glad to be over the horses perhaps. “"Blue, navy blue.” A royal colour, to be expected. "What’s yours? “Red.” I panicked as the conversation seemed to get dull, what we’re all the tips of Layla? Lily had mentioned something, if I could just remember what she’d said… "Good to know. At least I get to know you a little bit better piece by piece. With growing up, seeing you as the Prince, it’s hard to know what to ask the guy behind that, you know, you.” I confused eventually. "I know it’s hard , which is why I’m doing my best to open up, but it’s not something I’m very good at.” He looked at the ground, somewhat ashamed if his inability to open up. If I could just explain that a lot of people have that problem and most of them are wearing masks instead. But it seemed to be too much of a sad topic. Instead, I tried to comfort him. "It’s okay. I hope I’ll have enough time for you to open up.” Wait, was thus flirting? It wasn’t, right? How come words came out of my mouth that suggested I wanted to stay long, and him to open up to me? I had to correct this somehow, and fast. The next words flew out if my mouth, hoping to save me. "Or some other girls will! I did not know there were so many pretty girls in this country, or they did a damn good job at the make overs!” There, now at least he’d think I’ll be running of with one of the other selected. Which was still better than the previous possibility. Gladly, he laughed. “Me neither. I had no idea they’d be interested in me at all, honestly.” He looked at the ground, a bit ashamed perhaps. He frowned, as if he still hadn’t cracked the case on why these girls were here. His insecurity was misplaced, as every girl jn my hometown had applied to this Selection. "Why not? You are uh..not ugly and smart and other things.” I cursed my cheeks when I felt them heat up again, as I wondered how much I resembled a tomato right now. This was going splendid now wasn’t it. He looked like he did not know what to do with this remark either, a remark that I had meant as some sort of compliment, in which I clearly failed. “Other things?” he frowned, “Uh, well, I don’t know about that. It just seems people would be more interested in my father than me as a person.” His father? The playboy king? I suppose he was a fine king now, but as boyfriend or husband? I forced myself to choose my words diplomatically. “Depends on what person you’re looking for.” “I suppose that’s true.” “And what a person themselves is looking for.” I tried hard not to wrinkle my nose at the though of king Ashton as a boyfriend. Definitely not the type I was looking for. “I guess you’re smart enough to see through them.” Good going Aliya, finally something that sounded like a real compliment. I would have been happy it if I wasn’t here for other reasons than him, and I felt like I was betraying him. “Know from experience?” he asked, as he seemed curious to see if I would open up. Not that easily mister. “I have mistaken some people yes. My brother actually.” Why did I even mention that last part? Haiden seemed intrigued somewhat, but I would not let him. “But no need for such sad topics,” I said with my sweetest smile, “I would love to know what you’re opinion is on science? I know you like poetry and writing, which seem quite the opposite.” I asked, changing the subject like a pro. As he had said to have some trouble opening up himself, he had no choice but to accept the new subject. “I’m fond of science,” really or just to please me? What did I hope the answer would be?, “but it’s never been my calling. My father tried to get me to do it all the time, but it was never fun for me, so he gave up.” “Well, I’d hate for you to do it if you don’t like it.” I might be getting the hang of acting like a sweet little girl. “The same goes for me with poetry so.” I laughed, “I think it’s cool, but I’m not really invested in it. But I don’t mind hearing you talk about it though.” and I threw in another sweet smile. “It’s not something I often talk about, honestly. My family’s not into it, either, so it’s usually something I keep to myself.” he said, walking along with his hands behind his back. Would he offer his arm again? I thought he liked this subject? “Oh I’m sorry, but I hear a lot of girls here like it a lot, so that might help?” I suggested, “I don’t know a lot about it sadly, but as I said, I wouldn’t mind at all. I always love to see my parents get happy when they talk about their research or something, and you seem to get happy about poetry too.” I continued. “I definitely like it, but it’s not the most important part of my life. Besides, it was always kind of a personal thing, I guess? Something I could do in my alone time.” Abord mission! I searched for words, I had to fix this somehow. One bad thing plus another equals error. I looked at him, somewhat relieved that he still politely smiled, but then again, those darn eyes didn’t help me find my words. I choose to walk away some steps as I stumbled over my own words. “Oh sure, I didn’t mean to- uh..” I found another horse, Ceasare, and awkwardly petted him. I sighed, words Aliya, words! “Well I really wish I had a brownie right now, that would make me shut up.” I let out, more to myself and Ceasare than to Haiden. No better way to make a good impression to get caught talking to animals. My shoulders tensed as I heard him let out a laugh. See, I must look like an idiot. “I made it awkward, sorry.” I let myself relax, he was still as awkward at this as I was. Good.

“It's not your fault, I think? It will be awkward for some time I guess. I mean, you're supposed to find a wife in 35 random girls?  How could it not be awkward.” I answered relieved.

“I'm glad you agree.” he laughed, “I know some people think I should be able to choose immediately, but it's definitely harder than I was expecting.” he definitely found this Selection hard. Why didn't people understand falling in love takes time? They want him to be with someone he loves...right?

“So you didn't think choosing between all these girls would be hard from the start?” I joked.

“Oh no, I definitely knew it'd be hard, but people kept assuring me it'll be fine. Nope, not fine.” he confessed. Poor guy, 30 girls, Lily may think she'll like it but I doubt it'll be all fun.

“People always say that. "Don't be nervous, just be yourself" Thanks that advice made all my problems go away!” I said, reminded of Layla’s ‘don't worry’.

He laughed, before confessing: “The funny thing is being myself is being nervous.”

I thought that much.

“I figured, but believe me, most of these people are. But they just fake it. And I must say, the amount of makeup I get put on helps covering the nerves.”, thinking back on the amount of time it costs to get ready in the morning. “But not faking is better in a way, I guess.”

Another almost compliment, going good.

“I doubt you need that makeup, anyway.” he commented. He commented that, he said that, he implied that, that I looked good. I knew I wasn't ugly or anything, but hearing it from a guy for the first time? Now I just need to have the scientific reason for this feeling, what hormone makes my stomach feel this way? Push it away, come on, breath in, breath out. You're just surprised because it's your first date, no biggie.

We talked some more, about who's stupid idea it was organising 35 girls in a palace to find a wife. About, being friends first, about his favourite food (grilled chicken, good choice). About parents, about him being able to keep secrets, unlike all the gossip going around. About food some more, I even arranged I could bring as much food home with me as I like, if I get eliminated. When, not if. But now it can't go back anyway right! So much food!

“I like laughing with you, I think, so far. So I guess that it'll work out either way, maybe, I don't know... I should get back to talking about food again..” I said eventually. “If you like, but I don't mind.” he commented, did he want this to be an awkward competition?

“It's kind of a safe choice, I mean everybody loves food.” (duh!) “Nothing could go wrong when talking about food. I can see things I like about food, things I like about people are harder to say. Just like numbers are easier too.” I confessed.

“Maybe things going wrong are exactly what we need.” is what he said next. Why? Where the hell was he going with this?

“We do? Why would we want things to go wrong?” I still wasn't convinced, but I had to say something more positive, “I mean, eh it could be interesting?”

“That's how you tell who someone really is.”

Okay, so he just wants to get to ‘know’ me better. “Yes that's true, but I don't know you that well yet.. which is what your point was of seeing how someone really is.. I see. Okay, we will give it a try then.” I confessed, I had to give in I guess. Maybe just show him a little bit about myself?

“Tell me something you don't like about me.” he said confidently, he seemed sure that this was going well.

“You're a Prince.” Shit, I said that way too fast! “Yikes that came out wrong, I mean, I always wanted to fall in love with a person, not a tittle.” There was no lie there. Even though I didn't really consider falling in love with either the boy or the title a possibility yet.

“All right, understandable. I even hate that about myself sometimes.” he luckily claimed. He looked at his shoes for a moment, maybe taking in his own fate.

I let out my breath, my shoulders dropping, “Okay, I'm glad you accepted my answer.” my face showed an awkward smile.”Now it's your turn.” Though I was still unsure, I couldn't help but smirk a little. What would his Hotness-highness dislike about me?

“I hate that you doubt yourself.” he confessed. The awkward boy was somewhat gone now, he seemed to have that answer ready on the tip of his tongue. Did I seem so insecure to him? I normally wasn't, I thought, but I had to confess that dating was more challenging than I had hoped. I'd rather be solving an integral with three directional components, way easier. Haiden’s eyes began to show some uncertainty, as I hadn't answered yet.

“blabla understand blabla.”

He seemed to like that he'd understood me right, which is reasonable. He has to try to understand all these girls, before he can have a clue on who will have to go home. Haiden was anything but a guy who would just make unsupported decision. “Well that wasn't as bad as I expected honoustly. You may be on to something with that going wrong thing, my friend. Blabla” I smiled, until I noticed a had called him my friend. Well it came out as a joke, I'll be fine. His words made me forget my thoughts in a minute, and laugh again. “It's proven science, my lady.” He said with the certainty of a true king, before he his face changed in a smile again. I tried to put on a serious princess face as well, my nose high in the air.

“Well if it's proven, I won't argue with you then.” I couldn't hold that face for long, I was smiling again when I said: “It's good to see we don't like things about each other, we're off to a good start.” I chuckled at my own words, we sure did some bonding, maybe I could say that I don't like his tie next?

He smiled, as he said: “I'm glad. I think we should head back now, but I look forward to spending more time with you.”

He guided me back inside the palace, a true gentleman that's for sure. I actually had fun, we laughed and stuff. With a smile on my face, I walked down the halls. It took me till my door to realise I wasn't here for him. Guilt washed over me when I opened my door. My maids seemed surprised by my expression, which must have been between happy and guilt. My face showed too much, as I tried to put down what I didn't want anyone to see. Tracie was right. If men could be equations...if this whole Selection could be an equation? But what am I calculating for? Who am I calculating for?

Letter she got from her brother. Secretly somehow, I don’t remember how anymore, but she does.

Dear Al,

I'm sorry , I shouldn't have left you, and I am sorry I took your money. Here's another attempt to explain.

I met Sarah a year ago, she was a cleaning lady in the library, next to her full time job. Our science can never explain what I started to develop for her, and I know we both thought I'd be forever alone ;) but apparently not!  I kept it a secret for long, maybe because I thought you, mom and dad, wouldn't understand or were afraid I would throw away my future for her (honestly I would, but that's not the point). But with what I know now, it's for the best.

I miss you like hell. I hope you forgive me. How much chocolate will it take for you to forgive me? Not that I have a lot to provide now...we had it damn good Al, but I'm sure you knew that already. I may live a  different life now, but I'm still going to offer you some unwanted brotherly advice! I know you love my advice ha! So, Al, I saw you on the reports, (you look gorgeous, as always, Sarah didn’t believe me when I said you're my sister) and I know why you are in that palace. I'm sorry you have to, because of me. But, pull back a little of those defence lines, just give it a try, give him a try. I know you can't see my face (lucky you) but when I'm with her...no equation for the stupid smiling face I'm making, or the feeling, let me tell you that. I want that for you too, I don’t want you to forget to even try. Your world of formulas and solutions is fine, but you deserve more. There is so much more Al, and I think you're starting to see it too. I know you'll try to calculate what you're feeling, but you can't. You'll have to let go. I'm not saying you have to fall for that Prince like a slut, what kind of bad protective brother would I be? You don't have to fall for him at all, I'm not saying...uh, well just give dating a try, okay? (Without being slutty! I'll find you!) You are strong, you'll survive a heartbreak if you have to. Newton had an apple fall on his head, that sucks, but without that shitty apple, he may not have discovered gravity? I know this will convince you because you always called apples ‘graffity’ when you learned how to talk so. If it doesn’t, consider this; I know we are important to each other, like no one else, like a neutron to a electron. But who or what is your proton Al? As I was saying, I think you deserve to see the world in something else than numbers, and I think you'd be damn good at it once you do.

You'd make a good Queen, Al. Go for it. This is your research on it's own. (The theory of Selection by Charles Darwin Aliya Tyson, ha! I'm so funny, runs in the family)

I love you, sis, be safe and kick some Selection butt.

Love, Thomas

PS Don't you dare call me To-to when you talk about me there! I'll know! (Inside resources)

Water washes away the stripes of mascara, the water running over my face like the tears did before. The whole experience, seeing him again, finding out who he was, and, somewhat expected, forgiving him before I can blink twice. He’s a good person, that I always knew. Now, he’s a true hero, defending those who can’t fight themselves.

And now he’s giving me his stupid advice. When I doubted I knew him, he never stopped knowing me. He knows how I think, he knows what to say. I considered it myself. Stopping this idiotic ‘fall in love-no I won’t’. It’s hopeless, and not to say, foolish. His words are just the push I needed, as they always are. I’m going to let go. Not falling right away, but not stopping myself if I do. Not having feelings, but not pushing them away if they show.

A smile is on the edge of showing. Thinking of home, of Thomas, of riding in the woods with Newton, of singing while no one can hear me but Newton. Normally, I would calculate how much sound these walls would absorb, the thickness and material. But now, I don’t care.

You’re letting go, I remind myself.

I wanted to see him again, I thought. I sat at my desk, staring out the window, my Calculus book in front of me, untouched.  “Everything okay, lady Aliya?” Lily looked at me, with a frowned expression, clearly under the impression that something was off. Nothing was wrong really, I was just…daydreaming about Haiden. Gosh, how had it come this far. “Yes! Yes, everything is fine, Lily. I’m just staring, that’s all.”

Her look went from concerned to mischievous, and I didn’t like it one bit. “Staring huh? Well you know what they say-” “As a matter of fact, I do not. And I don’t care, just let me freaking stare would you?” I walked out of my room, leaving Lily behind with the amused smile on her face. I shook my head, thinking back to what Thomas had said. ‘You’ll try to calculate what you’re feeling, but you can’t’. So I don’t, I know it’s no use. But the more I give in, the more scared I get. There were 15 girls left. I breathe in -I was still here- and out. Does that mean he can like me? Don’t flatter yourself, Aliya. He has 15 girls to choose and he hasn’t asked you out or anything. At least I made good friends, I think to myself, with the names of Mila and Tracie and many more popping up in my head. Every elimination, close friends are send away, like Sophie and Madeline.

Tracie and I made up after our fight. I still don’t agree with her actions, but can’t stay mad at her for long. She is what she is, and that includes an amazing friend. She told me to ask Haiden if he likes me, but I could never do that. Why would I make myself vulnerable like that? If he says no, than what do I say? ‘Ah yes I see, not that I liked you or something. Ha! Not at all, just checking for hypothetical reasons.’ Yes that would be real convincing. I sighed as I walked through the halls, wandering around, going nowhere in particular. I just wasn’t as impulsive as Tracie! Burning one guard’s uniform doesn’t do the trick. Unless…my mind got into idea-mode, as soon as I saw the familiar curly haired boy walking at the end of the hall. This was the time to be bold. In a couple of steps I ran towards him, as ladylike as I could. Before my self-doubt could stop me, I opened my mouth: “Haiden.” He turned around at the sounds of my voice, and I was pleased to see his face again, “May I ask you something?”

“Lady Aliya,” he said flustered, I had probably woke him up from his thoughts, the daydreamer, “Hi. Uh, sure.” He frowned just slightly, wondering what it could be I wanted to ask him. The corner of my mouth lifted a little, as I spoke: “Before we take this any further, I need to know,” I let out a small sigh, as if this was really serious business, “Can you cook?” My eyes sparkled, hoping he’d see the fun in my remark. To my delight, he smiled as he spoke: “Well, I’ve only tried once and got banned from the kitchen for a while, but I don’t know, maybe.” A small piece of me had hoped he would have said that he could make amazing chocolate cake or something, than I would have kissed him right on the spot. After eating the chocolate cake, of course. However, I wasn’t going to give up with a 'maybe’. “You know, now would be a great time to try!” I said, hoping my enthusiasm would convince him to come with me, “The 'oh so scary’ Chef Baguette is not in the kitchen right now, Chef Fromage is. What do you say?” My eyes were practically begging, “Oh and call me Aliya.” I added. I was trying to date the person, not the Prince, so if I was calling him Haiden, he should at least call me Aliya.

He went into a familiar pose, uncertain, shifting on his feet. “Uh, well, I don’t know. I’d probably set something on fire,” he confessed. “Than it’s a dinner with a huge candlelight,” I joked, as I was convinced to make this work. He laughed, which got those butterflies working again. Would wine drown those? “Optimism will only get you so far,” he countered, narrowing his eyes as he teased. “Far enough to get you to come with me?” I bit my lip, hoping we could spent time together. I know he was busy, but we both needed to find out what could be there, right? He shrugged, “I suppose so,” he said. I tried not to lose hope when he didn’t seem to be as enthusiastic as I was. He’s just busy, I told myself, I had to stay positive. “Great!” I quickly took his hand and dragged him towards the kitchen. “So I remember grilled chicken was your favourite,” I mentioned, trying to show that I had listened to him, “so we can do that, or a dessert or something.”

“Not sure about the chicken. It seems… above my skill level,” he let out, smiling clumsy. He reached for his neck with his loose hand, going through his hair, “I feel like I’d poison you.”

It’s somewhat comforting that he at least cares about not killing me? I looked at him, and then shook my head, “I’m not going to let you cook for me alone, hell no,” I smiled at him, “I don’t trust your cooking that much either.”

“Ye of so little faith,” he said, acting very insulted. “You can try and prove me wrong, I’ve changed my judgement on you once, you can make it twice,” I pointed at him, though realising I should have chosen my words more carefully. “Once already?” One eyebrow lifted in surprise, clearly curious. We were close to reaching the kitchen, and I was glad so, because I started to say stupid things, “You are not as spoiled and annoying as I expected.. so that’s good?” Way to go Aliya, you really know how to give compliments. The kitchen was mostly empty, more than enough space for us two. I tried to save the conversation, “I’m thinking…brownies? They’re easy and damn delicious,” I opted. Thank goodness, brownies would always save me. He still looked a little flustered, but gladly, he ignored my previous remark. “Uh, sure,” he spoke, “As long as you don’t let me do anything, we should be fine.”

“Oh come on, there’s no fun in that!”

“Well, it’s both of our funerals, so I guess so.”

“You have sisters, somebody else will take over the throne, no worries.”

“Such optimism,” he shakes his head as he makes that same remark. I was trying to be optimistic, what else can I do? “You rather have me be pessimistic?”

“Well, opposites attract, so I suppose not,” he commented. And there it was again, the fluttering feeling, and nothing I could do about it. Nothing about the blush either. “Yes well, so we need butter, eggs and chocolate…” I tried, looking the other way, as if I was looking for supplies.

“Can't we just make a box mix?” he whined, clearly he wasn’t trusting his own cooking abilities. “You want the easy way? No challenge?” I objected.

“I'm asking for all of our sakes,” he countered. I caved, to easily really, but I didn’t feel like making it an issue, “All right, all right.”

“So do you dare to put the mix in a bowl then?” I opted, not planning on letting him go so easily.

“I don't know, will it bite me?” he joked. “It's not a cat Haiden,” I teased.

“You sure?”

“Positive,” I answered, “I believe you can do it, open the bag and pour it in a bowl. It's not as easy as ruling a country, but you'll manage.”

“So much optimism,” he lets out again. It’s really becoming a thing now isn’t it? He reaches for a pack out of a cabinet, while I grabbed a bowl and spoon. He opened the pack, and he tried to throw the powder in the bowl. Somehow, he got the powder on his face too, though I have no idea how he managed that. I bursted out in laughter immediately, “I was wrong, maybe you're not ready for this advanced cooking. Here let me get that,” I grabbed the nearest napkin. I gently tried to get of the powder of his cheek. I tried not to stare at his face. He snorted, “See, I told you,” laughing at his own disability to cook at all. I was still giggling at the sight, “It sure was worth it though! You should have seen your face! Priceless!” I practically screamed. “Besides, you got almost..half of it in the bowl..” I tried, looking thoughtful at the bowl, “And it brings a new meaning to powdering your nose,” I added, quickly laughing at my own joke, I couldn’t help it. Haiden rolls his eyes, “Mmhm,” he lets out, seconds before he grabbed a handful of powder and chucked it right at me.

"Wha-" No way that he could do that unpunished, "Oh this means war!!" I giggled while grabbing a handful myself and throwing it back at him.  He tried to block it with his hands, but hilariously failed. He looks at me for a moment, but then looks at the bowl. I follow his gaze, but I am already too late to prevent it. "Surrender!" He screams as he dumps the whole bowl over my head. I let out a small yelp, but quickly realize that makes the powder get into my mouth too. Just like that, I'm covered in the brown powder, my hair, my face, my dress. This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to get more tanned in the sunny Angeles. But I was not giving up just yet. "Never!!" I screamed back, grabbing the cup of water within my reach, "This is your last chance, and there's still a chance I'll forgive you..." I tried to look threatening, but I couldn't help but grin, and I doubt anyone could have taken me seriously while I was covered in brownie powder. "Wait!" He stopped me, hands outstretched, "We could do something much better with this stuff." He opted. My first thought was actually making brownies, but then I'd have to stick my brownie-powdered-head in the oven.. A no go. Instead, I ask, "Such as?" He went to a cabinet, finding three cartons of eggs in it, grabbed those and with his eyes sparkling like a child, he said "Let's throw eggs off the roof." I let out a laugh, I had been wondering when I'd get to see his adventurous side. "I like the way you think," I smiled at him. In return, he tucked the cartons beneath his arm, and with his free hand, he grabbed mine, "Come on." We walked through the halls, fast and excited, but I thought back to my first visit on the roof..."Now please tell me there's an elevator, those stairs killed me last time with Tracie."

We had burned Liam's uniform on the roof, and I could only hope there was no evidence of that visible anymore. "Well, it's not used often, but there's one in the passageways."

"Thank God, you may be all masculine and athletic but not me," I exclaimed. Gymnastic Haiden, masculine Haiden...but now was not the time to wonder how he would look shirtless. His laugh stopped my thoughts altogether, "I'm not masculine or athletic, but that's beside the point. Let's go." He led me through the halls and doors until we reached the elevator. Eventually, we reached the roof. The view was amazing, and I wondered if Thomas would be in the reach of that view. "You want to throw the first egg?"

"Ladies first.,” He nods, “Though, I suppose I should since it was my idea and I'll get in less trouble."

"If I can't get into trouble for burning a g-" I stopped my sentence right there, realising one of the reasons I nor Tracie were into trouble yet, was because Haiden didn't know. It probably would be for the best to let it stay that way. "Yeah no, you're right, you should go first," I added, trying to put on my most innocent smile. He stared at me for a moment, trying to read whatever I was hiding, but then, he grabbed an egg and threw it off the roof. I followed his example, "I bet you've done this before?"

“Not with eggs,” he answered.

“Honoured to be on such a special occasion then, so you just throw yourself off the roof?” I said, hinting to the story of how Cressida pushed him off the roof. He laughed at my words, “I wish,” That’s kind of depressing, “No, it's usually rocks, shoes, things I hate in general.”

“Not any cats I hope,” I teased, knowing about his idiot phobia of cats. “Not recently,” he answered, his face as if he was trying to remember if he did. I laughed again, “Soothing words really,” I mocked, “So many frustrations huh?”

“It's better to release a little every day than have it build up.” he pointed out.

“I suppose so,  wouldn't want it raining cats around here.” I walked towards the cartons filled with eggs. ”So eggs are better,” I said while throwing another egg. It helps, surprisingly. It’s no fire therapy, though I never tried that. It almost feels like I’m throwing away the last pieces of anger towards Thomas. “I get why it helps.”

“Most definitely. Ever punched a hole in the wall?” he asked, while throwing an egg into the air. This was getting slightly disturbing, should I ask? I wasn’t sure how good I’d be at helping him, I hoped distracting would work best. “Not yet, but I'll sure give it a try when I'll need it next,” I tried. I should be making a list, fire therapy, punching walls, and every other option of anger management for when I’ll get eliminated. I was still scared. “Throwing darts is nice too,” I opted, throwing another egg, trying to throw the fears away with it. “Or throwing rocks at a river.”

“Mm, too tranquil,” he answered. “Yeah I figured that when you attacked me with powder,” I noted, trying to smile again, ignoring my previous thoughts. “It wasn't an attack. Just a slight aggression,” he objected. I grabbed another egg, “Aggressive towards me? Already?” I held up the egg, “And here I was thinking you could possibly eventually like me.” I tried to be casual, like I didn’t just say that. Just throw the egg.

“I never said I didn't like you,” he commented. Pushing this, him,  any further for a better answer would ruin me, probably us both, so I accepted it. “True,” I answered, as I made another egg leave the roof, “You were smart taking three cartons of eggs,” I changed the subject. “Most definitely. Though I feel bad for wasting food.”

“We can look for rocks,” I said, already looking around on the roof to find some, “or your shoes,” I joked. He looked at his shoes, “Not my shoes. I like my shoes.”

“Well my maids will kill me if I'd throw my shoes…,” I said, thinking of Lily, Layla and Sabrina, “Rocks it is!”

“We could get someone else's shoes.” His eyes start to glisten again. “Once again, you have a great way of thinking. So who's shoes are we thinking of?”

“I happen to have two sisters with too many shoes to notice a few missing.”

“I'm totally pinning this on you if this goes wrong you know.”

“My sisters are more likely to kill me than you.”

“Okay, then I suppose you can pin it on me. So where are their rooms?”

“We could also get an unsuspecting guard to get them if we really want to get away.” Again, he tries to take an easy way, does he think lowly of me or of himself?

“That'd be too easy.”

“So is using boxed mix.”

“I stole my brother's stuff all the time,” I let out, sighing at the thought of Thomas. Just smile.

“A thief, huh?” he looks at me, intrigued.

“A creative way of borrowing, mister.” I teased. “Maybe I should put you in the dungeon, thief,” he jokes back. “Excuse me?” He had replaced my fake smile with a real one, “You are the one suggestion we'd go 'borrow' your sister's' shoes!”

“Creative way of borrowing, excuse you,” he said playfully. “Exactly, so no dungeon! Now show me to their rooms, or are you getting cold feet?” Feet, shoes, I count that as a pun. “Oh, never. Elaine may have stabbed me one time, but she's still just a child,” he told. “Stabbed you? Where?!” I looked at him, scanning his body as if I could find the spot. “You must have deserved it,” I joked.

“In the arm with a pen,” he revealed, “Later after she was grounded she whispered ‘It was worth it’. That still haunts me.” A pen? A freaking pen? I had to laugh, but I tried to hide it with my hand. “Okay I'm sorry, I swear I try not to laugh,” I said, laughing.”You've had a problematic youth, with the cat thing, now this, how did you even turn out okay?” Okay as in human, I’m glad he’s not perfect.  

“Please,” he shakes his head, “that's just the tip of the iceberg.”

“Please tell me more,” I say intrigued.

“Well, Eloise broke my leg after pushing me down the stairs when we were little.“

“Oh my god, you sure you want to steal their shoes? I don't know if I'll feel safe at night,” I laughed again, I was doing that a lot this date. If it was a date, maybe a rendez-vous? ”If we get out of there without being stabbed it'd be a miracle,” he said, shaking his head in desperation. “Let's get some if this powder off first, not leaving evidence everywhere,” I took out my pony-tail, shook the powder out of my hair, and rearranged my hair again. “Any ideas on what's the best way?” I said while tying my hair back again. “You know your sisters and their..stabbing abilities..,” I continued.

“Make sure they're not in the room and run,” he responded, while we walked from the roof to his sisters’ rooms. We arrived, and I took of my heels, which should help. “Let’s do this,” I say, determined. This was fun, really, Tracie should see me being all impulsive. “So which sister has the best heels for this occasion?” I asked him, now noticeably smaller than Haiden. “Eloise most definitely,” he answered. “Okay,” I walk over to her door, on my toes, and softly knock. “She's not here or she ignores knocks,” I said, while I looked over my shoulder at Haiden. Slowly, we enter the room, Haiden quickly finds the way to Eloise’s shoe closet.  “Um, are you getting nervous?” he asked me, obviously teasing me. “Nervous? About borrowing? Not at all.” I spoke. About him? Totally, yes. “You mean about the shoe operation right?” I asked, somehow stupid enough to dig my own grave, “Or about..you?”

“Either, I guess,” he answered, as he frowned. “I can't say I'm not at all nervous..but not for the shoes,” I admitted. Recover this, fast! “But I think every girl here is a little bit, or at least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better,” I let out a nervous laugh. “I'm nervous about everything, but you can probably tell by now,” he comforted. We sat there, at Eloise’s shoe closet, as we had just both confessed our nerves. It made me feel a little better. “You're doing fine really, better than I would do,” I confessed. Me, dating 35 boys at once, talk about hell on earth. I folded my legs beneath me, facing him as he sat on the ground as well. “Well, thanks. I guess I'm just really confused and, well, kinda scared,” he looked at the ground. I touched his arm, trying to comfort in whatever way I could. “Of not finding anyone? Enough of us like you, don't worry about that.” I knew Tracie liked him, and Mila, and, well, I did too, I guess. “No, not really about finding anyone. I know if I had to I could choose someone I didn't love.” he looked sad as he spoke the words, “Mostly it's about failing.”

“I would love to give advice and say that you won't fail, but all I can say is that I believe in you.” I looked at him, as I spoke the words that I hoped would help him. He would make an amazing King. “Thank you. It means a lot,” he showed a hint of a smile, but quickly stood up, “Anyway, let's grab some shoes.”

“Let's do that!” I spoke, as I got to my feet as well, “Not too pretty ones, I have some respect for shoes left.”

“Eloise always wears her shoes too tight. We're doing her a favor.” he argued, while grabbing random shoes out of his sister’s closet. “Can't argue with that,” I said with a smile, “So back to the roof?”

“Sure. Don't want these shoes to go to waste,” he smiled, holding all the heels in his arms. If only I had had a camera... We made our way back up to the roof, me grabbing my own shoes again, which were still standing in the hall. I helped him carry the shoes of course, which was uncomfortable, they were sharp.

“Do you want to throw first?” he asked when we were back on the roof. “I would actually, this shoe is asking for it,” I said, thinking of how sick I am of fighting for the same boy as my best friends, while constantly missing Thomas. I threw the shoe, far away from the roof.  “These could all kill a man, don't you think?” Haiden noted. It immediately made me think of Tracie, and even though I still hate she did it, I wonder how she looked with that baseball bat, being all badass. “Probably, I think that's the reason Tracie wears heels in the first place,” I said, with a grin. Haiden laughed, “I don't understand how women wear them.”

“It's okay actually, kind of feels like you could take on the world,” I spoke thinking of the feeling, “Something for you to try,” I continued, teasing him. “Maybe someday.” he said, placing his finger on his chin as if he truly considered it. Haiden, the drag Queen King.  “I don't think I'd look very good in them.”

“That doesn't say much, you'd look good in a trash bag,” I commented, not even blushing now. He probably knows he’s good looking anyway. Damn royal genes. The image of Haiden in a trash bag popped in my head and I let out a small chuckle. Amused, he grabbed another shoe and threw it into the air. “Liar,” he grinned. I faked a gasp, insulted, pushing away the fact that I indeed had lied to him, “Like I would lie to you!” I responded, still acting insulted. “Liaaar,” he continued teasing me, grinning while doing so. “I do not lie!,” I tried to defend myself, “When have I lied?,” I panicked when I noted the trembling of my own voice, “Maybe…you are the liar!” I said, desperate to change the subject, trying to joke my way out. He tipped his head, “Everyone lies at least a little bit,” he said, looking at me with truth seeking eyes, “Whether it’s about yourself,” Close, “what you think of me,” Not really, “your family…” My mouth dropped, shoulders tensed. Was it just me or did he say family like he knew…

“What do you know…?” I asked, not having the nerve to look him in the eyes. This is it, I thought, I’m going home.

“More than you think,” he answered, mysterious, but I was certain he knew anyway. But if he knew, would he know..?

“Do you know where Thomas is?!” I almost screamed, jumping towards him, grabbing his shoulders. Just a second, until I realised what I was doing. I stepped back, shaking my head in confusion, shame, and a spark of hope. Thomas. But now, every small chance I had with Haiden, was ruined. I ruined it.

"Sorry, I mean, my motives changed, you know, I’m here because of you now…“ I tried, the sorrow clear in my voice. I’m such an idiot.

"Who is Thomas?” Haiden asked, confused by my outburst. I got just as confused, he didn’t know? “My brother,” I whispered. He looked at me, somehow he did not seem mad, but I couldn’t quite figure out what he thought. “No, I don’t know, I’m sorry,” he confessed.

“That’s okay, I just hoped… I don’t know. I’m sorry too,” I let out, “But you must know that I like you, that I am all in this Selection now,” I continued, throwing it out, what did I have to lose? “I hope you’re not mad, if you are, please let me explain Haiden.”

“I’m not mad. I mean, it’s good to hear,” he spoke, referring to the part where I said I liked him. Right, I said that. “You’re not? Oh thank goodness.” I dared to show a little smile in relief, “But what did you think you knew then?” I asked. We had stopped throwing shoes, just standing there, on the roof. “That’s the thing,” he said, “I don’t know exactly unless you tell me. But, I can sense when someone’s keeping something, so it’s all a matter of making them crack.” He quickly realised how that must have sound, “That sounded sadistic, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I replied while letting out a nervous laugh, “I’m glad I told the truth,” I admitted. It felt relieving. “Me too,” he added, giving me a small smile in exchange. “You’re not sensing anything wrong anymore I hope?” I asked him, hopeful. “I don’t know.” He frowned, “We all have our secrets, though, and I respect that.”

“I don’t think there’s anything else I was keeping from you. And I will respect your secrets too.” I spoke, truthfully.

I realised that it must be getting late, and I had a rehab-sleepover with Mila and Trace. We were going to help Mila’s small drinking issue, before it became a big problem. So, I said “I think I’ll have to go now, but thank you very much for your time. It meant a lot to me.” I smiled, glad I could finally look him in the eyes without feeling guilty somewhere. Glad I changed my mind about him in the first place. “That’s okay. Thanks for being with me,” he answered, which resulted in those feelings in my stomach again. “Glad I survived it, being with you is torture.” I winked, chuckling at my own joke, “Bye Haiden.” I walked two steps away from him, thinking of talking about this to Tracie soon, which made me do something impulsive.

“I’m so afraid Trace.” I look at her for a short moment, before I quickly stare at the bedsheets again. I’m in Tracie’s room, comfortably sitting on her bed, with my legs folded beneath me. “Please let’s stay friends no matter what happens with him, who he chooses, one of us or another, or whatever,” I say desperately, looking up at her. I sound cheesy, but then again I never had been scared of losing someone important to me before, but I since I had...  She sits across from me. I talk to her a lot, walking up to her room, or she to mine. It’s mostly her, or Mila, I trust them. I won friendship in this Selection already, thinking of Sophia and Madeline as well.

“I’m afraid too. But I won’t let a man separate us Ali! Never! I’ll be your friend until your death I swear.” she replies, confident about it. Her lips form a smile, encouraging me to do the same. I smile a little, trying to believe the 'until death’ part. Could friendship be till death?

“Pinky promise it is!” I reply, trying to be perky again. I find comfort in her words, her voice filled with the determination I admire. I hold up my hand, my pink outstretched, waiting for hers. She grins, quickly following my example, “Pinky promise.”

We promise. It’s an action as if we are kids, about something that’s everything but childish.

“Glad we did this Trace, at least one fear somewhat solved,” I speak as I let out an awkward laugh. Talking about 99 problems…“You didn’t need to be afraid of that, I would never sacrifice a great friendship as ours for a guy,” she responds.

“Yes I know, but sometimes people leave when...you don’t expect them to. Love seems to be doing crazy things to people so.” I think of him, would he be okay?

“I’m not your brother Ali. I would hate me if I hurt you.” She says, as she puts her hand on my arm, knowing that I need the comfort.

“Wait!” I said loud, turning around facing him again. “There’s something I need to ask, okay this is going to sound stupid,” I stuttered. Why was I so determined to make a fool of myself? Why did I feel like I needed to do this for her? “But she’s my best friend okay? And…well you know, uh…do you like Tracie?” I closed my eyes, pulling an awkward face.

“Of course I like her.”

He answered as if it was the most normal thing  in the world. It could be interpreted in so many ways, but still…I was happy for her, and at the same time, it hurt. Was I a bad friend or a good one? She deserved it, him, to be happy. Should I just give up? Choose friendship over possible love? “Good,” I finally replied, “I just wanted to know. She’s a good person you know.” I commented softly. “All of you are good people,"  Haiden noted. "Yeah you’ve picked out a good bunch,” I said, which was true, if you would exclude Alexandra from that bunch. “Thank you for your answer, I won’t bother you any further. Bye Haiden.” I really had to go now, so I turned around and began to make my way off this roof, leaving him behind. “Goodbye, Lady Aliya.”

“Drop the ‘Lady’,” I spoke without slowing down my pace or turning my head. “I’m not calling you Prince either, I don’t go on dates with titles,” I joked. I heard him laugh behind me, resulting me to smile, as he spoke: “As you wish.”

A new challenge: Talking to diplomates. This part is from Ali’s POV and from a guard’s.

“ ‘How will you improve the world?’ Uh that’s so pretentious! Who could answer?”Tracie asked, throwing her hands up in the air in desperation. “Chocolate probably won’t be a good answer?” I made a face, feeling just as desperate. How were we supposed to talk to diplomates, without making a fool of ourselves. “No… but you could try wine with Princess Geneva?” Tracie joked. We both laughed, sitting in my room this time. I passed the chips over to her, “Okay so Mila should avoid her,” I noted. We were both still worried about her, that Ethan had an awful effect on her. She’s still trying to forget it, but sadly, has to fight the urge to use wine for that. “I’m planning on talking to prime minister Julia of Britain actually.”“I invited Princess Alessia, but I would like to talk to the prime minister too,”“Because of the French roots?,” I asked, before I added: “And cousin of Haiden…interesting,” I teased her. “I totally forgot she was his cousin,” she answered. I tried to be convinced, because she is forgetful?, “I only thought: ‘Oh I’ll show my only talent for this challenge: foreign languages’! And my mother would kill me if I didn’t talk to a French monarch whereas I have such a possibility” she continued. “That is a great way to show off your french!” I laughed at the remark about her mother. Could that mom hold Tracie back like no one can? “Sadly there are no Dutch ones,” I said. “Maybe the German chancellor speaks a little bit Dutch?” Tracie opted. “Who knows haha, but I doubt it,” I replied. “I just hope I’ll survive this one. And you and Mila too.”We talked some more, but we couldn’t really get of the topic. “I’ll become friend with Princess Geneva, she looks as insane as me, she’ll defend me to let me stay,” Tracie said, hopeful. She wanted this, she wanted to win. I wanted this too, I thought, sick of it. I bet we were both wondering who the hell came up with the concept of the Selection at this point. “But actually the hardest is not to talk with them, but talk about these questions…” Tracie continued, chewing on some chips, forcing me to stop thinking about it. “I hope I can bond with Julia too,” I spoke while letting out my breath, grabbing the chips-bag from her hands, “But i don’t know how yet. And yes the questions are hell.” We were supposed to talk with the diplomats about how the world would change when we got Queen, how we would handle foreign relations, and prove we were suited for the job. I can hardly believe that I’m still here, not convinced that I should, now I had to convince some important people of just that. I had no idea how yet, but I knew that the idea grew on me , imagining myself as Queen, helping people, helping Illea. The image just popped up in my head, for a couple of seconds. Afterwards, I was weirded out by it, stuffing chips in my mouth. Could I be..?“Oh yeah, Julia!” Tracie spoke, reminded that I was planning on talking to the Prime Minister of the British Empire. “I’ll try to ask advice, and show interest in her country I guess.” I went on, not as certain as I wished to be, “I hope I’ll find out more about her along the conversation.”

“I think it’s enough. We can’t do more,” she encouraged, the words probably for helping my nerves as much as her own. Tracie seems all tough, but she can be scared. I remember when she told about that boy, who now had send her his wedding invitation. I’m not like Trace to go running after someone with a bat, but I sure had no sympathy for that guy. How he broke her heart… Maybe that’s why I had asked Haiden what he thought of Trace, to see if I could prevent her from being heartbroken again. Haiden…”I wonder if he’ll be there, watching us.,” I started, not doubting she’d understand who I meant with ‘he’, “Oh gosh,” somehow, I panicked, “I’m going to fail right in front of him! Will there be cameras too? What if the whole country’s watching?” What if Thomas would be watching, or my parents? I could have not been more unprepared. Even with the lessons with Heather, I am still just a person who lived in a world of numbers. And even though I am gaining more insight in this country’s problems, it doesn’t mean I could solve them. “Don’t panic Ali,”Tracie began, resting a hand on my shoulder. “He can’t be there every time we talk to a diplomat, he has other things to do… And they can’t follow us with camera all day,” she assured me. She was right, I just lost it for a second. Sometimes, the walls just can come closing up on you, and unfortunately, the palace has a lot of walls. “You’re right, I’m acting ridiculous.” I sighed. “Totally ridiculous. Just be yourself. If you win, you won’t be able to pretend you’re someone else every time there are diplomats… It will be okay.” she spoke, while grabbing the chips bag out of my hands again without me fully realising it. “You are right..again, when did you get so wise?” I asked, pulling a confused face, teasing her. Of course I knew she was smart, but it did not always had the possibility to show when she rather does things before thinking. “When you convinced me to become responsible,” she shrugged. It’s true, if she would become a bit more responsible, she could have better chances in this Selection. So that’s what we tried. “I have such good influence on people,” I laughed, putting on a smug smile as if I was proud of myself. Instead of laughing with me, Tracie shaked her head, “And me bad…” She whispered. She grabbed some more chips from the bag. The chunks were getting small, the bag must be almost empty. “No you don’t. You made me more impulsive instead of overthinking,” I said while offering a comforting smile. She looked up at my words, the corner of her mouth going up, a smile on the edge of showing. “Not too impulsive I hope,” she noted, while tipping her head, perhaps finally somewhat proud of her impulsive character. “Just fire-therapy and asking Haiden random questions,” I answered, closing my eyes and sticking my nose in the air like a saint. Tracie held the bag upside down, trying to get the last crumbs out. While shaking the bag, her head shaked with it, “Okay you’re impulsive enough now I think.”

Sabrina picked out the dress, and I had to admit she has good taste, even though I knew that already. A few months ago, I never would have thought I would be walking around in a dress like that, but now it seems to fit. The diplomats would be there soon, and in my mind I tried to prepare my words to the Prime Minister of the British Empire. “Aye!” I yelled. “Sorry my lady, there was a knot in your hair,” Layla replied. “I figured, the other option was that you were trying to pull the hairs from my scalp, but somehow you seem too nice,” I joked, fighting the urge to rub the spot on my head. Apparently I had hardly slept, and had been twisting and turning in my bed, making my hair a mess. It was even worse than when I had to wash out all the brownie powder after a date with Haiden. “But don’t worry, that was the last one. We’ll start curling your hair now!” She said enthusiastically. She had been wanting to curl my hair since I came here, but I never had the patience to sit still for that long. Layla turned around to grab the curling wand, while Sabrina began to spray some kind of emulsion in my hair. It smelled nice, so I didn’t complain. Layla walked back to me, practically skipping of joy. I don’t know what it was, but the last couple of weeks she had been even more perky than usual, something I didn’t thought was possible. Lily was painting my nails, every detail would be taken care of. They always made me look nice, but when I admitted how scared I was, they promised to put some extra effort into it. “So you know how you’re going to approach the Prime Minister of the British Empire?” She asked, not looking up from my nails, focussed at doing her job as always. “I was thinking on walking up to her, flying seems so extravagant,” I replied, my voice plain and sarcastic, acting as if it was a normal answer. Lily chuckled at my sarcasm, not responding, knowing I’d give her her answer in a sec. “I think I’m going to start with welcoming her here, saying it’s an honour and all. Which it is, of course. There’s not that much to find about her, but she’s feminist and a woman with a high political function, which seems like someone I’d love to talk to,” I said, considering the possibilities. I wanted advice from her, not only on being a Queen, because what are the odds, but mostly on how to better the country. Illea had many problems, the castes only being one of them. “That sounds great my lady!” Layla commented, or more kind of praised. “I think you made a right choice indeed,” Lily added, “You are getting more into politics aren’t you?”

“I suppose so, I always had my opinions of course, but I see now that we can’t rely on just a few people to change a country. It’s like the deformation of an iron material, it doesn’t happen when just one particle moves.”

“You had me till the particles,” Sabrina said while shaking her head, just shortly before she continued curling another strand of hair.

“But I made it easier by saying particles! It are actually the small mistakes in the crystalline structure that-”

“Couldn’t you just have said ‘Yes’? Yes you are more into politics, there,” Lily interrupted, grinning.

“Fine, yes I am more into politics now,” I answered nagging like a child before I stuck out my tongue at her.

It took some time, but I looked good. The dress fell all the way to the floor on the back, shorter on the front, with ruffles all over the skirt and body. The colour wasn’t really blue, but with a hint of green, Sabrina called it ‘Emerald’. It was hard to describe, but pretty nonetheless. It had no sleeves, which made me freak out a little. Not to forget my shoes, which were sandle-like heels, in gold. I may never wear something gold on my head, but at least on my feet, I thought to myself.  Lily had told me what was going on with Layla, it was one of the guards. Guard Malic and she had been dating for some time now, as far as you could date in a palace- which I was trying to do, so I couldn’t judge. I was happy for her though, and I reminded myself to congratulate her after this. Now it was time to go downstairs and meet the diplomats.

She wasn’t was my personal favourite, but of course I would do anything for Layla. Since I would be guarding the visit of the diplomats, she asked me for a favour. It helped that she asked right after we made out, but I would have said yes either way. Besides, it was just to look how lady Tyson would do during her conversation with the Prime Minister of the British Empire. So there I was, looking out over the hall, while eavesdropping on lady Aliya Tyson. She looked nice, and I was proud of the fact that Layla had been playing a part in that. The whole palace looked even more polished than usual, with too much food and wine flowing like waterfalls. I held in a sigh, We could save a whole villages of Sixes and Sevens with all this, I thought. My stomach turned as I felt I betrayed my family, having enough food, and living in a place like this. I remind myself that I do this for them, that I work so they can buy groceries and so that Sally can go to school sometimes. It’s easy to forget the troubles inside these walls, but my guilt always catches up on me. I suppose it’s easy to forget for them too, the Royals, given the fact that they always stay between walls, no matter if it’s this palace, or another nice place. I wonder if their feet have ever touched mud.

I was glad the journalists were gone already. The flashes of the cameras blinded me, and all the jewelry that the girls and diplomats wore were no help. I was happy that I could report to Layla that lady Tyson had survived that part perfectly fine. Even though Layla told she had some troubles with posing for pictures before, she had done fine now.

Lady Tyson began to walk towards the Prime Minister, luckily within the reach of my hearing. She walked certain, back straight and head high, but she was fiddling her hands behind her back, nervous. Before she opened her mouth, she quickly scanned the room. Looking for familiar faces, I supposed. She found them, Lady Regan first, then Lady Beauchamp, and she eventually even looked for the Prince. It surprised me, as I always wondered how many of these girls were actually here for him. Finding her friends in the crowd seemed to relax her, as she stopped messing around with her hands, instead folded them in front of her body. “Welcome to Illea, Prime Minister,” she started, “It's an honour to meet you. My name is Aliya Tyson, one of the Selected, but you probably guessed that,” she added, offering her hand to the diplomat standing before her. “Hello, Lady Aliya,” the Prime Minister answered, shaking Lady Tyson’s hand. “Likewise. How are you today?”

“Excited and nervous, somehow both. How are you enjoying Illea so far?” she asked while trying not to look tense, but failing. “It's been several years since I've been to Illéa, but it's still exceptionally beautiful,” Minister Cranston replied. Of course, she wouldn’t be a diplomate without talking like one. “I'm glad you think so.” Lady Tyson smiled back, polite as she should, “Sadly, I haven't had the pleasure to visit your country yet.” I rolled my eyes, I would have to be standing here all evening, listening to them kiss each others asses?

“However,” she continued, “I have great respect for your country. I am glad to see your country function so well without a caste system, it gives me hope for Illea.” I turned my head, trying to read her face. Did she really care? She was a Three for goodness sakes, any caste above Four hardly ever care. I focussed on Lady Tyson and the Prime Minister, as if I could hear them better if I watched them. “Do you not agree with the caste system?” the Minister informed, polite, unclear if she agreed with her or would crush her on the spot. Lady Tyson shortly bit her lip, wondering too if she was on dangerous territory. After all, the King would be close in this room somewhere, and she kind of insinuated she disagreed with the way he ruled. “I believe that the King does everything in his power to make Illea a good country,” she spoke, recollecting herself, standing behind her own words, “So for now, the caste system can't be solved yet, but I believe in a better future for a united Illea.” I think that could have gone worse. “That's noble of you,” the diplomat answered, seeming pleased with the answer of the Lady, “Do you have any idea how to replace it or what you should replace it with?”

“Of course, but I'm still just a citizen,” Tyson began.

“I think that if we can help solve the prejudice between the castes, that would be a good first step. I hope this could be helped somewhat, by providing more education for the lower castes,” I suggested, thinking back on the idea I got during my debate with Madeline. “The castes can't be removed all at once, people will have to adjust, so a lot more measures would have to be made after that,” I considered, glad she nodded at my words, “I would love to hear your opinion, as Prime Minister!” I went on, hoping I did not seem like I was only here to flatter her. I was truly interested, she was someone I could only look up to. In the corner of my eyes, I noticed a guard looking at us, and I wondered if it was because I was hilariously failing. But I thought I was doing okay? In front of me, Julia Cranston considered my words, thinking about the advice I asked for, “I've never experienced castes like you have, so I can't necessarily give a solid opinion, but I think that's a good way to start,” she commented, and I swear I wanted to hug her out of relief. “Removing them all at once is not a good idea and would definitely cause some type of whiplash and outrage.”

“Thank you for your insight, I hope I have the ability to help these people someday,” I said with a smile, glad I may actually be on the right track. Her agreeing with my ideas meant a lot, maybe I could make a change somehow. “No problem. That's what I'm here for,” she shrugged, having no idea that it was a big deal for me. Still, I wondered how she had gotten where she is know. I never thought I would be where I was now, and a part of me still didn’t know if I was losing or finding myself. Last week, I had reached the amount of time, and thus money, that I had calculated beforehand. But in the moment I realised that, I also realised it didn’t seem that important. Of course, I still wanted to do my research, but it felt like it could wait. This couldn’t. “Have you always wanted to be in this position? Prime minister?” I asked, hoping she would say that she never thought she would be. “I've always known since I was a little girl I wanted to change the world,” she started, “It didn't come until right before college that I wanted to be in politics somehow,” she added. “That sounds amazing.” The more she talked, the more I felt like I was going to worship her. But it would be probably be weird to ask her for a picture with her autograph, to start an ‘inspiration wall’, I joked to myself. Yes, I was that pathetic, joking to myself.  “But did you never doubt if you were on the right path? I mean, this is not what I thought I wanted before.. “ I admitted, which was probably the wrong way to show I would be a good Queen.

“Oh no, I doubted every single day. As soon as I started University, every semester, every year, even my own graduation. I started out as a lawyer and every day after every stressful case, I'd doubt myself, what path I'd chosen. The key is to doubt, but to keep going,” the Prime Minister answered, saying her words without shame, but every word carrying wisdom instead.  

“You are one good example of a power woman,” I let out, impressed once again. “I needed to hear this, thank you. I'm glad I'm not just crazy,” I let out a nervous laugh, “Then I'd make a terrible queen!” I tried to joke. “Craziness is apart of the job. Without the crazy there'd be no politicians,” she replied, showing a small smile, which I returned. It had me wondering what her crazy part would be. Thinking of crazy, I scanned the room to see what Tracie was up to. I found her talking to Princess Alessia, she seemed to be doing fine, though I couldn’t miss the devious smile on her face. I hoped she was really trying to act responsible. I ordered myself to focus on my own conversation, “I suppose you're right. What advice do you give your Queen Eilidh for example?”

“Good question. She tends to not take my advice, but I always tell her the same thing I'll tell all of you: Have a backbone and don't back down. And I'll especially stress that to you women of Illéa,” miss Cranston answered, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms to underline her statement. “Because of the lack of feminism? I'll remember your advice, and I'll try to live up to it.”

“Not necessarily the lack of feminism, but more so the increase of sexism that I've seen so present in this country,” she even wrinkled her nose a little in disgust. I couldn’t blame her. “Are you willing to elaborate? Even though I have my suspicions,” I asked, thinking of the principle of the Selection on itself for starters. “The fact that only princes are allowed in the line of succession,” her voice showed little signs of rage, mad at the world we live in, but still diplomatic, “The fact that men are always considered the head of the house, the whole Selection as a whole, not to mention other of Illéa's ridiculous policies. Obviously it's no secret that I'm not their biggest fan,” she confessed, turning her head to the side, looking for the one to blame, I supposed. Honestly, I was glad we could talk about the issue, but I didn’t mind that I didn’t see the King close to witness it. I had to admit I was a little scared of actually facing the man. But that would not make me hold my tongue now, as I felt enraged by this issue too, “I'm glad have the opportunity to talk with you, because I agree with it all. It's disgusting honestly,” I commented, and it was my turn to wrinkle my nose, “Why should we be less because of gender, caste, race or anything for that matter?” my voice raised a little and I had to remind myself of where I was. “The castes are on of the things I would want to help Haiden solve, but sexism, racism are just as important,” I concluded. She nodded, “The castes are only part of the issue. It's the mindset of bigoted old men that refuse acknowledge that times have changed and will keep on changing with or without them. And it's up to the future generation to keep up and change everything.” I saw Haiden as part of that generation, I had high hopes for him. He has to for goodness sake, Illéa needs him!  “You're absolutely right,” I agreed with her, “and I...I hope I can make a change, no matter if I get Queen or not,” I said, making the decision for myself while speaking the words, “This experience has inspired me that much, I want to do something for this country, for these people.”

“I'm glad,” she replied with a grin, glad she found another person sharing her opinions. I wasn’t the first person to agree with her, and knowing the Selected, I gladfully wouldn’t be the last. “I'm glad to tell you that I have faith in a lot of the Selected on these subjects,” I spoke, proud of the fact that those girls were my friends. “We can only hope that Prince Haiden makes the right decision and picks a girl with a good head on her shoulders,” she replied, while lifting her eyebrows up for a second, a hint of doubt perhaps. “Haiden is no idiot either,” I argued, feeling like I should have his back, “but still, I too can only hope.” Hope is all I had, since I had no idea what Haiden thought of me.

“If the other girls are anything like you, I'm sure we'll be fine,” she affirmed. I lost my speech for just a second, not knowing what to do with such a compliment, “I-I don't know what to say. Thank you so much,” I smiled, letting my head make a small bow.

“May I ask, do you have faith in Haiden?” I have to know what the rest of the world thinks of him.

“I don't know him well enough to say I do.”

“I hope that changes soon. If you have the opportunity to talk to him, I'm sure he can prove himself to you,” I replied, feeling the need to show my faith in him again. He may be nervous all the time, I think he makes substantiated decisions. The Prime Minister nodded, perhaps not fully convinced.

“What are the topics you still want to achieve for your own country? I would love to hear about the British Empire.” Tyson changed the subject. I had to admit, she was doing well. She formed her opinion, not making the things better than they were. I hoped what she said about the other Selected was true, then their might be hope for the future of Illéa.

“Well, I'd love to have it flourish much more than it is, as well as have more diversity in the workplace. The British Empire is one of the most accepting and diverse countries in the whole world, but we'll always strive to better ourselves.” Another point for the Prime Minister, she made the British Empire sound amazing, I almost wanted to move there. “How do you think Illea could help your country? Because I do hope we could. International relations are of course important to help each other, even if we have problems of our own,” Lady Tyson opted, obviously trying to show she would be nice towards foreign relations. Miss Cranston didn’t take the bait that easily, “We rely on Illéa mostly economically and in times of war, the latter of which is unnecessary right now because the British Empire is currently doing very well maintaining peace,” she stated. “On which we again can learn from you,” Tyson praised some more, even though she was of course right. The British Empire seemed to be everything that Illéa wasn’t. Freedom, peace, was it even real?

“It seems that the bond between Illéa and the British Empire could certainly grow tighter if you ask me, your country being such an example to ours,” she continued, and I hoped the Minister would agree, I wanted a better Illéa as much as everyone. “It's hard to have a tight bond with a country that we have worked so hard to not become.”

“If our country would function better, it would show in our economy too, which would benefit the British Empire,” Lady Tyson countered, making a solid argument, “And if you worked so hard, you could help us, help all these people living in Illea too, giving possible guidance to better ourselves. Which I think sounds like something you would do, help people,” she added, putting up a smile, trying to win the Minister over. “I can't help unless the leaders of Illéa want it, and currently, they're not interested,” Miss Cranston shrugged, she shook her head, disappointed in our country. “I am sad to hear that. Just another topic on the list of things that should change,” Tyson joined the head shaking, while looking at the ground, mixed with different kinds of disappointment. “If I may be so bold, then why are you here?” she asked. I had the same question in my mind, why would Illéa bother to invite someone they didn’t want to listen to?

“I do everything in my power to change their minds every time I come here. Illea is one of the largest and most powerful nations in the world, and they're running on old philosophies that will get us killed,” she frowned, the anger showing between a small crack in her expression, trying to tame it with diplomacy. “I'll try to help you change their minds from now on. The rebels are a clear message that change is indeed very much needed!”

The rebels. They killed one Selected, but since then, the palace had not been attacked. But everywhere else in the country, they rioted. I was glad every time I received a letter from my family, confirming they were still safe.

“I doubt how much influence I'll have on King Ashton,” I looked down, picking at the ruffles of my dress, “But I'll try to convince Haiden to have a meeting with you,” I said while meeting the Prime Minister’s eyes again, now determined. She smiled, nodding at me in approval, “Thank you, Lady Aliya.” She offered her hand, I shook it as I said: “No, thank you Prime Minister, also for taking the time to speak with me. I hope I'll see you again and hope you will enjoy the rest of your stay here.”

“Have a nice day,” she replied, “Remember to visit me in England,” offering me an invitation along with a warm smile. “I wouldn't dare to forget,” I replied with a laugh, glad to have met her. She had been a real inspiration. It had really helped me trying to define my, perhaps political, future. I really need to convince Haiden to talk to her, I thought as I walked away from Julia Cranston. The room was big, but still it was filled, with Royals, Selected, Politicians, and the future Queen...I shook of the thought, “Thank you,” I said to a servant who offered me a glass of wine. I was proud of how I had handled the conversation, but now the adrenaline was ebbing away, and the nerves were fighting to get to the surface again. I took a sip of wine, looking out over the room, as I now stood at a table with hors d'oeuvres. I tried to eat gracefully, but all the talking had made me hungry. I turned around to face the crowd again. The easy way would be to go up to another Selected, just chatting. But that was not why I was here, I reminded myself as I made my first step towards Princess Geneva Martinelli.

Eliminations

I try to listen to him speak, I see his lips move, but the words don’t seem to reach my brain. If I would have to divide my body into emotions, I’d say I’m mostly made out of nerves. I breathe, in and out, a lousy attempt to some kind of meditation. It’s something with a good mindset right? If I would have believed it, it may have helped. Instead, I caught a glimpse of my shaking hands, and I made them into fists immediately. Has this competition turned me into anything else than a nervous wreck? I admit, I never really doubted my abilities before the Selection, since I mostly stuck to what I knew and at which I excelled. Here however… dating, talking to diplomats, having to show I’m Queen-worthy?

But in those tiniest of moments, I think of all the amazing things, I made friends, Haiden included, some for life, I hope. The experiences made me realise I should step out of my world of numbers, a challenge is not always a difficult calculation, but can be anything. I wanted new challenges, changing Illea being one of them. The castes, the sexism…

I look up to Haiden, trying to meet his eye. He doesn’t meet mine, but I hear him beginning on the list of the eliminated girls. “Viola Smithin,” he speaks, sorrow in his voice, and I try not to let my eyes produce tears. The longer you stay here, the more it hurts when a friend has to leave. I consider every one of them friends honestly, well, almost everyone, so hearing any of their names will feel like a hit. “Azalea Starling,” Haiden continues. Another one. She tries to stay strong, not showing that she’s hurt, but I bet it does. How soon will I find out how much exactly? If I pass this, I’m in the Elite. The Elite. It sounds surreal, but on the other hand, it doesn’t mean a thing. “Alice Tatcher,” he speaks.

What will I do if I make it, I wonder. Will I have to fight? Will it become more competitive when it’s the Elite? Or will I still be hoping one of my close friends will become Queen instead of me? It’s easier to wish for them. I look up again, and this time, he looks at me, just shortly, then back to the paper in front of him. I realise it can’t mean anything good. The paper, with names waiting to be said out loud. My heart is pounding. I would burn the paper with my eyes if I could, I can’t take it.

“Aliya Tyson.”

Manhattan and Alice were also eliminated, but I didn’t really listen anymore. I did not cry, I did not let myself. But it hurt like hell. I liked him, I really did, or I think I did, or… It doesn’t matter now. All I can hope for now, is that it’s over soon. Tracie and Mila look shocked, sad and more. I think about how I’m going to miss them, how Tracie called us family. Will I miss them as much as I miss Thomas? I arrange with them that I will have to pack my stuff first, and then I’ll go to them for a goodbye. I walk upstairs,  my hand sliding up the wall as I do, somehow trying to say goodbye to this place. I reach my room, and Layla drops something when she sees my face. I can’t see what, as Sabrina is hugging me already, followed by the other two. Then, the tears come.

I always thought I would sense something like this somehow. Maybe figure out a spy in the palace. See them luring in the halls. Find out they are climbing over the wall. But I had no idea.

A chill went down my spine, as I saw a woman dressed in worn clothes, with a cloth to cover her mouth. She looks around the room, I wonder, if to kill another Selected. I wonder why she chooses this room, maybe because I’m already eliminated anyways, packing my stuff. I’m in my bathroom, I saw her through the mirror, just as Lily beside me. I thank the universe for it being Lily, Layla or Sabrina might have screamed, but they’re safe somewhere else. We exchange glances, terrified glances, but keep quite. I search for something, anything, to help me out of this mess. My eye catches a book I was reading in the tub, before Haiden had called us about the eliminations. Not just any book, Advanced Mathematics Volume 3. Pages? 1024. My favourite? Absolutely. But my life, I hold a little more dearly. Like stealing my dad’s best calculator from his nightstand, I get the book in my hands. Lily follows my actions with care and frowned eyebrows. I know, not the first weapon of choice. But a lot of people get headaches from math, and so will this rebel. My moves may have made little sound, but in the time, she was probably distracted checking my closet and bed. Now, she’s just a few steps away from the bathroom. Lily is in the other corner of the bathroom, giving me signed instructions, viewing the rebel in the mirror. From next to the door, I hold my breath, watching Lily’s shaking fingers counting down. In her other hand, she holds a hairspray can, and I know there are some hair ties in the cabinet. Lily’s hand has now turned into a fist. Zero. I smash the book right on top of the girl’s head, with every muscle in my body tensed. She falls onto her knees, groaning, trying to grab her head with her hand. However, I throw in another couple of hits of Advanced Mathematics on her head, before she can. Lily wildly tries to spray some hairspray into the girl’s eyes, but mostly misses. No idea how, but eventually, she’s knocked out. “I bet you weren’t counting on that.” I let out with my panting breath, deciding that now is the time for a pun. Lily looks at me stunned by what we did, but with a small curl appearing on her mouth.

“I was.”

A shock of recognition goes through my body. Every vein tells me who it is, every brain cell telling me it’s impossible. I turn around to look at him. I run to him. His arms close around me, the familiar smell, somewhat changed. “Thomas.” I sigh, in relief, with joy. His shoulder is quickly wet with my tears, his clothes not resistant to my flow of tears I kept for him. His clothes. A uniform of some sort, with a cloth hanging around his neck, just like… “Wha-” I jump back, suddenly afraid of this image in front of me, though I’ve never been. He looks at the floor, giving me some time to analyse him whole. Lily finished tying the girl with the hair ties, in anyway possible. She now has her hands on my shoulders, giving herself, and me the idea of protection. I want to hit him with my fist, but go for a nicer flat hand instead. It hits him with a surprisingly pleasant sound, which comforts my anger less than I’d hoped. His cheek colours red after my hand does, as I try to focus on him, not on my hot hand. He was never very muscular, but in everything, he changed. His hair messy, a small beard forming on his chin. He takes less time to recover from my slap than I expected, but rubs the spot nonetheless. He has already closed my door, and finally, he dares to speak. “I hoped you would have figured it out already.” I too, am disappointed in my own brain, for not connecting the puzzle pieces together earlier. Tracie, however, had thought of it.

“Try again, you pronounced the word ‘sorry’ wrong.” I bite at him. I was mad before, when I figured out he stole my money to survive, but I understood the need. Now I don’t. Neither does Lily of course, who stands behind me, trying to be tough, but I can feel her hands shaking on my shoulders.

“Sarah and I- We- She wanted to stop, you know, when we fell in love. She did, actually. But in the first month we ran away, she told me the truth. I joined, wanting to do something, seeing her life as a Six- it’s different Aliya, you have no idea. We’re together, rebels both now.” His voice trembled through it all.

“Did you kill.” All I could say, my eyes blurry in tears, blurry as the image of my brother I thought I knew.

“No. You know-” He cannot finish that sentence, smart enough to know how much I doubt him now, if not that he sees my expression is commanding him to not even dare to say that I know him.

“Aliya, who is this?” Lily whispers in my ear, still a bit shaken, but a hint of anger seems to boils up inside of her too, encouraged by mine.

“This is Thomas, my brother, who left us, me, and stole my research money to live with a Six, but apparently also to kill a few Selected while he’s ad it.”

“Aliya please, let me explain. We don’t kill, I’m part of the Northern rebels, we-” he states, as if that should clear the mess that I used to call my brain.

“I have just started to grasp the difference between a pump and a stiletto, and you expect me to an expert of the rebel world?!” I scream. I mean to be an angry little sister, but the familiarity of us together, makes me joke like old times nonetheless.

He too, seems to want to head back to that time, fighting the urge to show a sad smile, and failing. I sigh. Lily has stopped ‘protecting’ my shoulders with her hands, somehow more at ease with a rebel, now that he is my runaway brother.

“I don’t know how to explain it really, but we don’t kill, we just scare people to make a statement. I know you don’t agree with how Illéa is any more than I do. Informants told me about your conversation with the Prime Minister of the British Empire, about your debate as well. Deep down, you want to change the world too, and I’m here to take you with me. I’m sorry you got eliminated, but I’m not that sorry, because I get to see you again. If you don’t want it after all, you can go home afterwards, of course,” he smiled sad, and his eyes began to show the start of tears, thought he tries to blink them away. Tears I had seen last when his goldfish died when he was 10.

I smile, accepting him sooner than I wanted. I know what the ideas of the rebels did to me, but the thought of them killing people, I could just not accept, no matter the good cause. Slowly, the idea of him being a Northern rebel made me somewhat okay with it, whatever the exact difference was. Maybe even a small hint of pride started to show up. My brother, fighting for the good cause. “Okay,” I nod, placing my faith in him, the familiar trust in him starting to run through my veins again. And we hug again, as I feel lighter. Seconds later Lily comments: “But uh..what about the rebel in the bathroom?”

“Right. Ginny.” he replies, somewhat feeling stupid for forgetting one of his ‘own’. “Let’s just untie her, and she’ll escape with us, as soon as she wakes up.”

I keep looking at him through his actions, not trusting him fully yet. I smile at him, a small smile, but it was there. He smiles back, knowing me all too well, knowing I, deep down, think he is doing a good thing.

“All I can ask is forgiveness.” he says, after we carried Ginny on my bed. His eyes lower in shame.

“You will get it, eventually. Right now, it’s slow acceptance.”

“How slow? Not a Achatina Fulica snail kind of slow, I hope.”

Lily looks both confused and disgusted, probably not a fan of snails. I laugh, glad to see my nerdy nature loving-studying brother back. “But, how did you even know where I was, and that I was eliminated?”

“Sarah has connections I had no idea of, but they were handy for being able to find you, if it was just so I could hug you. After you’ve slapped me of course.“ he winks.

“But why did that girl come in Lady Aliya’s room then?”

“She’s a friend of mine, we knew which floor you were on, and were close on which room, but weren’t sure. She won the bet on finding you first.”

“Don’t know if she’ll still be happy with it, with how we attacked her.”

“She’ll be fine,” he shrugs, apparently used to worse by now, “Now I bet you have some friends that you need to say goodbye to?”

Tracie, oh my gosh, and Mila, and and…”Yes!” I let out. “But how-?”

“I will stay hiding in here, if you’re is okay with that?” he asks Lily, “We should be fine if we just lock the door or something.”

“That should be enough yes,” Lily answers, ”Sabrina and Layla are still busy doing your laundry of some clothes you took from home. And I trust you Aliya, so I guess…” “Good moment to drop the Lady, finally,” I joke. She chuckles, “Now just go you idiot.”

“Okay, but don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, besides sneaking into a palace and all.”

So much can happen in one day. My brother, he’s back. He’s here. I’m going with him. I’m going to be a rebel. I’m going to fight for this country. I have to tell the girls. I run through the halls, letting it all pass through my mind, trying to process it. I turn around the corner, and the Selection hits me in the face, almost literally. "Oh! I’m sorry! I just-” I begin, excusing myself for bumping into this woman, but then she turns around, “Wait! You’re Roxana Wate, the former Selected?! Oh my goodness I’m so sorry!” She’s gorgeous, glowing as she’s holding a baby in her arms, cute as pie. Thank goodness I didn’t hit her hard. “Roxana Ayers now. I am married,” she smiles, clearly not bothered the situation. She sounds almost British, but not quite, still Illean in there. “But why are you running? Is everything alright?”

No, nothing is alright. I got eliminated, my brother it here and I have to say goodbye, I will never see Haiden again, and what more. Haiden. I feel somewhat relieved that the whole reunion with my brother made me forget the pain already. However, it is creeping up again now. I need another lost sibling, I joke to myself. “Oh yes, I’m just leaving and I… I have to say goodbye and something happened and- oh sorry I- it’s nothing to babbling about to you! Sorry to bother you,” I trip over my own words.

“You don’t bother me, dear! I know leaving is hard but you need to calm down, okay?” she gives me a comforting smile, while she puts a hand on my shoulder.

Haiden still has some issues though, so he will need a strong queen next to him,” I say, trying to find reasons why we wouldn’t have worked out. “Issues, really? His mother didn't tell me anything about it, I hope he will be okay! But if he finds the right person, I'm sure he will.”

“Well it doesn't seem he believes he can be king himself. But I believe he will be okay as well.”

“He is looking for a queen and can't even believe he can be king... The girl will have to be very supportive,” she shakes her head, “And who are these friends you want to see win?” she asks, looking curious. “Mila Regan and Tracie Beauchamp! Or Patricia Genevieve Beauchamp to be precise but if you'll call her Tracie right away, I bet you score bonus points.”

“ She's not the one who is supposed to score bonus points with me?” she laughs. “Yes of course, but if she can be the future queen it can pay off! And she's fun to talk to so. A little to much fun sometimes, where Mila comes in and saves the day with being responsible. They're great.”

“This Elite seems more interesting than mine then,” she laughs, “A funny girl, a responsible one, anything else I need to know?”

“Ehm there's one girl that thinks she's queen already, Alexanra. Niara is really sweet. Noami is referred to as Nana and she likes fire. Oh and Lizzy is good friends with the guards, or at least one that I know of. And Aileen is responsible enough too, but fun as well, she helped me clean up a wine mess, long story.”

“That's a funny bunch of girls... But I should not let my son with Lady Naomi then.”  

“Oh no she can be responsible as well! It's fire therapy you see.”

“Fire therapy?”

“Yes, to burn something in order to let something go.

We talk some more, about the the Selected, about Haiden, about fire therapy. But as much as it helped, reminding myself of how wonderful the Selection had been, I realised I really had to go, so I ended our conversation. “The point is that they're all amazing girls. And I'm lucky I got this far and got to spend time with them all. Thank you for reminding me of that. But I'm afraid I have to go now. Once again thank you for everything. Bye Tristan! Perhaps we'll meet again your Grace.” I speak, addressing the sweet baby in her arms as well. “We'll see each other at the wedding I guess! And you're welcome, if I helped you, I'm glad!”

“The we-wedding, yes! Sure!” I say, as I rise to my feet. I give her a small, awkward smile. The wedding. I quickly reach for the door, trying not to think that way. When I am out of sight, I start running through the halls again, not caring that I may bump into someone else too.

I throw the door open, out of breath, as both Mila and Tracie look shocked by my abrupt moves. “Guys,” I breath, definitely not made for running, “something happened. Tho-Thomas. Is. Here.” I speak, taking breaths in between the words, mixed with exhaustion and excitement. Getting to say out loud that my brother is back. Mila is the first one to react, “W-wait Thomas? Your brother?”

“Yes!” I say enthusiastic, smiling that I have him back, “It's kind of hard to explain but he's uh-well a rebel -Not the bad killing kind!- but he came for me and I- I'm going with them.” I answer, the words getting stuck in the back of my throat. I have to force them out, and I don’t know why, this is a good thing? They will be happy for me?

Tracie just looks at me, her face getting whiter, silent still, which is not like her.

“You're going with him! Honestly this plan sounds way worse than giving me another glass of wine!” Mila worried. I start defending him and myself immediately, why aren’t they happy for me? “He explained okay! And I can go home any time, and he's my brother!” I contradict, saying it like it’s not a big deal, even though I do realise it is. But what else can I do? This feel right. “Are you sure about this?” Mila asks, not at all convinced by any of my words. “I am Mila, after the debate and the diplomats, I know I want to do something,” I justify my actions, knowing the truth of my words. Finally, Tracie finds her speech, not amused with my hypocrisy, as I went nuts when she wanted to go after Ethan. ”Yeah, but rebels Aliya? Are you sure this how you want to do something?” Tracie argued. “Says the girl who ran after Ethan with a bat,” I scoff. She narrows her eyes, “I was with guards, not rebels.”

“We have all been irresponsible,” Mila tries. I’m glad to see her in her responsible ways again, even though I still have to convince her. “I will be with my brother!” I opt.

“But.. but rebels!” Tracie practically yells.

“I'm sure it's not that bad!” A lousy argument. I have the explanations, the reasons, but I can’t find the words. I had hoped they would be happy for me, and now that my excitement is shattered, so are my debating skills.

“I'm not as sure of that,” Mila softly tries to negotiate with me. “I know he's your brother but... you don't feel your betray Haiden?” Tracie adds. Both try, but I can’t be bothered, or actually, of course it bothers me, but I won’t be changing my mind. I sigh, knowing my next words aren’t going to sound like a good enough argument either, “They just want to change Illéa, and they are different from the ones that killed that Selected. And, Haiden doesn't have to know.” Stupid Tracie, trying to make me change my mind by mentioning him. He obviously doesn’t care about me, why should I care about ‘betraying’ him?

“Rebels are still rebels. There must be another way to make things change!” Tracie claims, supported by an ‘I agree’ from Mila. “And do you ask me to keep a secret? I don't know how to keep a secret! I'll tell by accident and then you'll have problems and it will be my fault and I don't want you to have problems!” Tracie continues. I roll my eyes, irritated. Maybe I just shouldn’t have told them, maybe I should have just left, like...like Thomas did. “I will be fine, why don't you guys trust me?” I throw at them, “I'm not going to run around with a gun or something, there's more about it.” I am still standing at the door, though I’ve carefully closed it of course. Tracie and Mila stand in front of me, both still wearing pretty dresses. I however, have already put on my jeans and black jacket from home. Such a contrast, I realise now, how I’ve changed.

“I trust you. But not them.” As Tracie speaks those words, her face goes from kind, to wrinkling her nose at the word ‘them’. “I’m not liking the idea,” Mila adds. Tracie takes the whole situation in for a second, “Hum... I think it is a bad idea... But it would be hypocritical to say you not to do it I guess,” she lets out with a sigh, not happy to admit it.

“How else am I going to make a change?” I add. “Politics?” Tracie opts. Great, I just thought she would stop disagreeing with me. “Like they're going to listen to a 19-year old woman,” I scoff. That’s exactly why I have to do this, don’t they see?

“They will!” Mila argues. “Rebels frighten everyone, they won't make a change if nobody supports them,” Tracie shrugs. I know she has a point, and even though I am not really a rebel yet, it frustrates me nonetheless. “Then I'll make a change in their tactics,” I comment.

“ Aliya,” Mila pleads, trying to sooth me and make me realise the dangers of this plan, “what if you get caught, I'm sure the King won't like the idea of a former Selected as a rebel.” The King, I never even spoke to him, why would he care for a me? But if he did, it could have an effect perhaps. “Maybe that's just what they need to wake up and see what they're doing,” I shrug.

“You will have many problems if you're caught. We couldn't help you,” Tracie says, realising she can’t hit someone with a baseball to safe me if needed. Not that she will need to. Mila sighs, perhaps disappointed in me, and the idea of that makes me sad. I want to make the people around me proud, which I hoped fighting for people’s right’s would do, making myself proud in the process. “Just think this through Ali. This is not your best plan,” she comments. “I taught you to be impulsive Ali but this... even me wouldn't do something like that,”Tracie adds. I’m sick of it, I wanted their support, them to be proud, to be badass like Tracie, wanting equality like Mila. Above all that, I am infuriated that they aren’t happy for me, reunited with my brother, whom I missed so much. “Here I was, thinking my friends would be happy that my brother came back for me. But I guess it's too much to ask,” I bite at them.

Mila says something about being happy about my brother, not the rebels, but I forget to listen, because Tracie’s words sting more. “Ali! Yes it's great he came back, but only to convince you to join the rebels!”

Only to convince me? How dare she! “No he didn't! He gave me a choice, knowing what I find important,” I screamed. Somehow, she has the guts to open her mouth again, giving me the urge to run away from them. “He uses you Aliya!”

Hit. I never thought she could say something so mean to me. My eyes begin to tear up, but I bawl my fists in anger, not wanting to be weak now. “How could you say that! You don't even know him!” I yell at them.

“Because he suddenly comes back when you're eliminated and then you decide to join the rebels! Don't you feel it's strange!”

Of course it feels strange, this whole day was strange. I could wake up right now, had it been all a dream. But it wasn’t, it was real, and my mind made up, also for real. She just doesn’t understand, they both don’t. They are still in this dream that’s called a Selection, not dropped down out of the clouds.  They don’t know Thomas, they still think they can change the world when they become Queen. Maybe they can, but I can’t, I need other ways. “I'm going. Good luck in this Selection. I hope you'll be happy,” I mumble, turning around. My hand is already at the doorknob. “Aliya don't act like this, think clearly,” responsible-Mila tries, stupid. I just scoff, “I can't believe I talked to Roxana about how great you guys were.”

“ Aliya! Don't go like this!We worry about you!” Tracie shrieks. “Aliya,”Mila urged, “we care for you that is why we are so afraid.” I am still holding the doorknob, my back turned towards them. But at their words, I turn around, facing them, as I’m facing those fears too. Because they care, they really do, their eyes say so. My eyes, however, are showing merely tears. “I get that,” I quiver, the first tear running down my cheek, “But you don't have to insult my brother for that.”

Before the second tear can drop on the ground, it drops on Mila’s shoulder instead. She hugs me tight, “Hey, it’s okay.” She is followed by Tracie, who can only bring out a soft “Aliya...”

“Do you promise us you won't do stupid thing,” Mila talks into my hair, as we are still in a hug with the three of us. All different, but close.  

“I won't, mostly planning probably, the political sides,” I show a sad smile, “I believe him okay, and I need you guys to believe me,” my voice trembles again as I speak. The tears are still coming, and I wonder if the last time I cried so much in a day was when Thomas left.  “We believe you,” Tracie nods. I look at Mila for a confirmation. “Okay, I believe you,” she answers to my relief.

We let the hug go, and Tracie starts to count the conditions on her fingers, “Send us letters,” she stars, starting her count, “Call us. Every. Fucking. Day. Or I'll find you and these rebels and kick all these asses,” she says, like it’s nothing. I chuckle a little. “Yes and take all the damn chocolate,” Mila adds, with a smile. I smile back at them, glad they trust me.

Life after the Selection

It was quite an adjustment. From living in a palace to living in a small house with the three of us. I lived with Thomas and Sarah, which is less awkward than it sounds. My room in the palace is almost as big as this house in total, but I don’t dare to complain. Sarah says almost every day how good we have it here. The money I got during the Selection is a big help in being able to keep living in this house, so my research will have to wait again. But I know it’s worth it, my research can wait. I was glad Sophia was nearby too. Not only did it make me feel less like a weirdo for joining the rebels as ex-Selected, but also because she’s a great friend. There are meeting places, where people like Sophia and Sarah train, and where Thomas plans. I don’t get to do much yet, but they started with a basic training of self defence. The information I get is mostly from Thomas, because I am not officially invited to meetings yet.

Even though my parents are so kind to give me some money, it’s not enough to provide for the three of us. So, Sarah works as a maid during the day, vastly underpaid because she’s a Six, and Thomas as a tutor. We discussed what I could do, without drawing too much attention as an ex-Selected. We came with a fitting cover, I’d be doing charity work for lower castes, which most of the higher casts wouldn’t come close to anyway. It’s perfect really, I could act like an amazing ex-Selected, being touched by ‘the experience of the Selection’ to help out. Next to that, I can be a messenger between the rebels and the people of the lower castes, people who want to join, or have already joined the rebels. And above all, I can actually help kids with a basic education, because that’s what I do, homeschooling the lower castes for free. I always knew the situations of the Fours and lower were bad, but it’s always worse from up close, the Eights their conditions are just inhuman. I wonder how Haiden sees it from out of the palace, far away, would it just look like a paper cut? Now that I see the open, infected wound from up close?

The letters I have to bring back and forth are sealed, so they give me no news. Thomas mentioned that they say I am still too emotionally connected to the people in the palace, which is true I suppose. I still care for Haiden, and some of the Elite even more so. I miss Tracie and Mila very much, not to mention Lily, Sabrina and Layla. But for so far, I just do my duty as messenger. Thomas thinks I can help in the first plans in a couple of weeks. Maybe I will forget him by then already. Sarah and I talked about it, since she turns out to be very nice, Thom has good taste. She says some first crushes come fast, like with Haiden, but can go just as soon. Others linger on some more, as I suppose happened with Trace with that first boy. Some people just go crazy like Ethan… I however, hope I forget him as soon as I can. I know it wasn’t love or anything, as in my opinion, love is a two-sided thing, which hadn’t been the case. What love is then, I don’t know yet, I can only look at Thom and Sarah, and how they look at each other. They behave perfectly normal when I’m home, but their loving looks can escape no one. I wonder if I will ever find that.

At the moment, I am homeschooling Simon, a 14 year old boy and a Five. His mother is a rebel, so I have to pass on some letters to her about the upcoming plans, which I wasn’t informed with myself yet. His father was deceased, a sickness they had no money to cure, just another sad story out of all the ones I heard in in just a couple of weeks. I stare in front of me out of the window. It’s raining, making the streets here filled with puddles and mud. I don’t think I have seen it rain here in Angeles yet.

“So x=5?” Simon asked, not quite sure of his found answer. “Almost, maybe check if you didn’t get a minus mixed up somewhere.” I smiled at him politely. Some of the kids I teach are impressed by me being an ex-Selected, but Simon wasn’t. He was mostly just polite, and more interested in the appearances of the Prince himself, since Simon turns out to be gay. He hadn’t gone public with it yet, but it was quite clear. I was glad to hear his mother say she accepted and loved him for how he is, which I heard her say a couple days ago, before I walked in.

“I’m home!” An unfamiliar voice yells from the back of the house, but the shrieking door had already betrayed this person’s presence. Simon does recognise the voice, and immediately stand up and runs to the guy at the door. He seems to have the need to hug him, but goes for a high five instead, perhaps thinking it’s more manly. It was a good choice, but only because the guy was soaking wet from the rain. I myself walk up to this new person, outstretching my hand. He, however, looks at me with disgust, and before I can even introduce myself, he speaks. “You’re on of those Selected,” he says with a wrinkled nose, “Since when is my brother one of your charity cases?”

“He!” Simon responds, defending himself.

“Excuse me?” I take my hand back, making it into a fist out of frustration. So this is Simon’s brother, who had somehow never been around these couple of weeks?

“They’re not going to take you back just because you keep acting like you care about the lower castes, you know.”

“Wha-? Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine,” I sneer.

Simon begins to chuckle, while his brother rolls his eyes and ends with a face palm. “What? What did I say?”

“His name is Ray!” Simon responds, still laughing, which results in a push from his brother. The corner of my mouth lifts at the joke, “What a glorious pun,” I smile mischievous, “But sadly it doesn’t make up for you being a fucking ass.”

He fakes a gasp, “Oh my, no wonder you were eliminated, or did the Prince learn you that language?”

“Hmpf,” I let out, my worst comeback ever, crossing my arms.

“Well I think you’ve teached Simon enough, you better get going.”

“You can’t just decide that!”

“Yes I can,” he starts to pick up my books, pushes them in my hand and practically kicks me out, “Now bye, faux-princess Aliya!”

Just before he closes the door, I catch a glimpse of his hand. At the bottom of his index finger, is a tattoo of a familiar star. I sigh, Great, now I’ll probably see that prick again at a meeting. I try to hide my books from the rain as best as I can, and begin to make my way home.

It’s right after diner, and Sarah, Thomas and I are on our way to the forest. Sarah’s in front, knowing the patrol of the guards the best. Deep in the forest, we meet a whole group. I see Sophia in the distance and wave. She waves back at me, but I can’t go talk to her, I have another self-defense training. Sarah informs me that my previous trainer had to go on a mission, so I’ll be paired up with someone else.

“Just a second, I’ll go fetch him.”

In just a minute, she’s back, with, of course, Ray walking besides her. Oh, come on life, why?

He’s too busy talking to Sarah to notice me, but when he finally does, he opens his mouth, he quickly closes it, and just frowns, silently, annoyed. I however, put on the sweetest smile I have, determined to make him look like the ass, while I act like an angel.

I offer my hand again, but he refuses. “So what, you decided you wanted to play a rebel too?”

“Good to see you too Sunshine,” I respond, with my fake smile.

“Ray! I expect some respect towards our new recruit!” Sarah turns towards him. She’s smaller than him, but definitely not impressed by his length and broad shoulders, “I don’t know how you’ve met, but whatever happened, put it aside. Understood?”

Ray sighs, but can resists to roll his eyes this time, “Understood,” he answers.

“Good, I’d hate to beat you in sparring again for insulting Thomas's sister, don’t you agree?”

I just stand there, amused by Sarah’s authority, and by the fact that she stands up for me. Ray’s eyes widen in surprise, but he simply nods. Sarah pats his shoulder, winks at me, and then walks away with a smug smile that’ll probably last a couple hours.

“You’re Thomas’ sister?!” he asks desperately. “Yes, is that a problem?” I mocked mischievous. “No,” he growls, “Follow me.” I shrug and do as he says. “I was just gone for a couple of weeks…” he whispers to himself and shakes his head.

We start training, he shows me some basic moves, but has the habit of letting me drop the ground every time I’m too slow. As for right now, I’m laying in the dirt, painting, as I let out a groan. “Again,” he says. I’m starting to get really frustrated, and just want to punch him in the face, but I get up. Instead of following his orders, I actually aim for his face. Sadly, he quickly grabs my wrist.

“What the hell was that?” he demands, angry.

“Self defense,” I shrug, thinking Tracie might be proud of me.

“Well, the technique was terrible. Again,” he responds, as he lets go of my wrist. I scoff, “Yeah right,” I sneer, and turn around to walk away.

“So that’s it? I begin to wonder if you even got eliminated, or you just called it quits,” he torments me. I ball my fists at his words, wanting to hit him once more, but knowing I’d probably fail, again. When I don’t move, he grabs my wrists and turns me around himself. “Come on, Einstein, try again.” If I’m not mistaken, his mouth tried out a small smile. Good to see my temper’s amusing. “Einstein?”

“Don’t take it as a compliment, I just repeat what my brother calls you,” he shrugs.

“Fine,” I speak as I get into position again, glad his brother seems to appreciate my lessons. “Hmm,” Ray lets out, as he starts to correct my stand, putting my hands and legs in the right position with his hands.

Flashback about Ray.

The market was crowded. The Royals had just announced that their son had ‘come of age’, and that another Selection would be hosted soon. The only thing that did to me was hate this country more, and give me this opportunity. I would be heading North soon, for a mission Angelo decided I should be part of. I didn’t complain, the only problem were  the ones I would leave behind. My mother was proud, of course, as rebel herself, so she hid the fact that they would need my earnings to survive, but I knew. So I had to do this, for Simon, for her.

It’s not like I never did it before, I tell myself as I make my way through the walls of people, all stumbling to get their groceries. The market may be the only place where some castes unite, Threes till Sixes, but not lower, and certainly not higher. The revolving looks made me blush in shame when I was a kid, but now, it’s the other way around, because they’re nothing but revolving. Higher castes, turning their backs to the real problems, just looking down on us from the thrones that are their lives, disgusting. If I could, I would steal from them, but it’s too high a risk. Instead, I have to do for a merchant, a Four, and I pray, hoping that they won’t be hurt by a couple missing breads, or a few lost apples.

The first catch is easy, the crowd as my ally. I swift away two baguette’s, as the merchant is distracted by a demanding customer, with a French accent. Next are a couple of peers, rolling in my bag with the sweep of my hand, fast yet silent. It’s just a month, I remind myself, deciding on how many risks I should take. Simon and mom should be able to live from our stocks, and the little money we have left, even if that meant no school for Simon this month, but Simon in his grow spurt needed more. The mission was still unclear to me, as they preferred to let you in the dark, to keep you safe, they say. Most likely, it would consist of invading a house of an important Two, taking whatever we could to support the people who needed it. The truth is, my family are also those people, so gladly, I got some money during most missions as well. But before I would receive that, I would need to make sure they’d survive without me, as when we had to survive without dad.

I decide to take one more risk, aiming for a bottle of milk this time, a hard one, as glass tends to make a lot of sound. I wait, and wait, for the merchant’s wife to stop standing so damn close to that damn milk. Just when I want to give up, a kid comes running out their door, followed by another, crying. The woman goes running after them immediately, even when her husband seems like he couldn’t care less, the asshole. Nevertheless, it gives me opportunity, and I softly let a bottle glide in my bag, when I feel someone grab the hood of my vest.

“I guess you’re not aware what happens to thieves, young man,” the voice speaks, authority flowing of his words, making himself seem important. A guard, obviously, I think as I begin to consider my options. He holds me tight by my neck, while I still hold my bag in my hand. I feel the knife up my sleeve itching against my skin, the steel blade feeling cold against my warm body. If I want to pull it out of my sleeve, I will have to act fast, as it won’t be long before the guard decides to put me in cuffs or beat me down. The problem is, I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt this man, who is probably just doing his job, may have kids and a wife. But do I have a choice? What about my life? Just as I let out a sigh, deciding it’s him or me, someone intervenes.

“Lucas! There you are,” the guy speaks, walking towards me with spread arms like we know each other. Lucas? If he’s doing what I think he’s doing, he could call me Maria for all I care. “I was looking all over for you, I see you got the groceries? And met up with a fine guard too?” he says while offering the guard a hand. He doesn’t take it, of course, still holding on to me tightly, his brows furrowed at the boy, who looks a couple years older than me, 22, maybe 23 I’d say.

“Uh- Yes..Barry,” I make up, “Fine guard indeed, but-“ “You aren’t in trouble again now are you? How many times have I told you to wait for me to pay before you put it in your bag,” the boy speaks shaking his head, “Officer, let me tell you, he never learns,” he adds as he begins to count some cash in his hand. It’s not much for a Three, which I guess he is, judged by his ways, but it’s certainly enough for a bottle of milk. The guard seems to realise that too, and his grip loosens somewhat, giving me the opportunity to breath in a normal manor. “Here you go sir,” he says as he hands the merchant enough money for three bottles, “Now come Lucas, we have a lot more groceries to do, or mom will get very mad.” The guard groans, but let’s go of me, “Fine,” he mutters, “But I’m watching you,” he adds as a warning. “I wouldn’t want it any other way Officer, have a good day,” I tease with a small bow. The guy can’t help but grin, but quickly grabs my upper arm to prevent any further trouble. Out of sight from the Officer, he shifts up my left sleeve, luckily not the one with the knife. “Hello there, fellow rebel,” he whispers with a smirk at my tattoo of apparently a familiar Northern star. I shake my head in confusion, but decide it can wait another minute, “I can’t thank you enough, you probably saved my life there,” I let out, relieved. “No problem, don’t mention it. I’m Thomas by the way,” he speaks, offering his hand. I take it, trying to remember the name Thomas, it sounds familiar somehow, “Ray,” I reply. “Oh I know, I don’t roll up everyone’s sleeve just for the thrill of it, you know,” he jokes. “Yes, how did you-“ “I saw you at camp. I was in one of those tents? Well, anyway, I recognised you and considered you could use some help.” “Tents? But then you’re on of the planners. How come I’ve never seen you before?” “I just arrived, I’m with Sarah, we just moved here from Atlin,” he speaks with a hint of sorrow. Sarah is a tough one, known among the Northern rebels, even if she mostly stayed up North, she impressed people with the few missions she had done here in Angeles. She didn’t seem to be the type to fall in love easily, and certainly not with a Three, but love fools us all apparently, as it seemed this guy left everything behind for her. “I’m sorry you had to save me there, I just saw no other option. I’m leaving for a mission soon, and my little brother..” “It’s okay, I would do the same for my sister without a thought,” he replies, the sorrow in his voice clearer this time. He certainly misses her, I think to myself. Before I realise it, he stuffs some money in my hand, “Here,” he says, “Take care of your brother.” “No- I can’t take this-“ “You can and you will, or I’ll let Sarah look up your address and deliver it myself.” I let out a sigh, both in shame and relief; They will be okay. “Thank you, again.” “Don’t mention it, just take care of your brother like I should have taken care of my sister,” he replies with a sad smile, “I’ll probably see you soon at the camp Ray. Try not to get caught before then.”

In the meantime, during Haiden’s birthday, the Southern rebels attacked the palace and killed the queen. Also, Ali got drunk and kissed Ryan, but she only vaguely remembers how he carried her home and she then kissed him. So awkwardness...

The days after the dead of the Queen went by fast. As soon as Thomas found Angelo and informed him about the news, he called in a meeting. A lot of rebels were convinced that this was the time to attack the palace, at a time they’re at their weakest. Angelo agreed, and the planning and extra training started immediately, collecting as much people to participate as they could, they would need it, with our biggest mission so far. But no training for me, at least not yet. Angelo decided that they would need as much information on the palace as possible to pull this off, so Sophia and I were obligated to call in for the meetings. I was glad, though scared as hell at the same time, that I could finally show my worth, though it weren’t really happy circumstances. Sophia however didn’t seem comfortable with her new task, rather being on the field, seeming to hate to sit still for a minute. Sarah and Ray were assigned to training, with Mako, Kita, Charlotte and Terry, one of the small training teams they put together, next to the other ones. I was planning to avoid Ray as much as I could anyways, and being assigned to different tasks certainly helped. I dared to look at him once from a distance, trying not to be impressed by his muscles, which was a hard task, let’s be honest, I mean, he wore sleeveless! His eyes met mine for a moment, and I tried an awkward smile, but he just looked away, red creeping up at his cheeks. It could be from exercise? It still confirmed my suspicions; he hadn’t been as drunk as I was when it happened. I tried to forget it, focusing on the plan for the attack as much as I could. So, Thomas, Sophia, Angelo, Yasmine and I spend our days in a big tent, staring at the maps of the palace in front of us.

“We have to wait till after funeral,” I speak. Angelo raises an eyebrow, wondering about my motives, “And why is that?”

I search for a good reason, I couldn’t just say I promised Mila I would, or that it would crush Haiden. “Before every event, they crick up the security, every ball or a visit of diplomats. Right after the events, there’s a bigger chance of us coming inside,” I explain, remembering the benefits of the fact that I lived in the palace for months. Thomas looks at me with a proud look on his face and nods. ‘I knew you could do it’, he seems to think, and I want to believe him. “Good, we need the time anyways,” Angelo responded, not as impressed as my brother, “Maybe if we could make team A enter here, B and C operate a surprise attack there as distraction,” he opts, pointing at the map on the table, “And D, E and F through here, here and here,” he continues. Yasmine shakes her head, “No, patrols mentioned that entrance is even more heavily guarded than usual, it’s where the other attackers came in.” They continue to discuss the options, while Sophia and I stare at the map, desperately trying to find a solution. Thomas moves on to the blueprints instead. After analysing the prints for a minute he calls me, “Aliya, see these supporting beams?” I nod, wondering if his interest in architecture brought him an idea. “Well, they’re totally unnecessary, structure wise, unless there’s something that needs the extra support there, do you…?”

“Let me think,” I respond as I take a closer look at the prints. “Isn’t that the hall towards the library?” Sophia asks over my shoulder. “It is. And it might be… There is an elevator that Haiden and I used once to get to the roof, but it isn’t commonly used,” I say, as I search the map for the elevator, “That elevator should have been here,” I point at the map, “But it’s not on the prints.”

“Are you sure you got the right prints Tyson?” Angelo asks. My brother and I both turn around at the mentioning of our last name, and Angelo realises his mistake, “Right, I meant you, Thomas.”

“Yes, ah. Well these are the most recent prints we could get our hands on, from the most recent renovation, which happened before the Selection.”

“So it means that those supports could be for another unused elevator,” I comment. “Which means we just have to reach till those elevators, and use those to move up to the other floors,” Sophia reacts.

“And what do you propose we do when they just turn off the elevators?” Yasmine asks, doubting this newfound plan. “They won’t, or not in time at least. We will be up and running before they can figure out how to shut them off,” Angelo thinks out loud, and I’m glad he seems to be supporting the plan.

It takes two days to plan the operation into perfection, and when we have, there’s still a lot of training to do, even for the ‘theory-people’ like my brother and I. Staying put was an option, but I didn’t even consider it, neither did Thomas. He goes along with every mission Sarah does, wanting to protect her while it’s probably more needed the other way around. Now that I’m going along as well, there’s no way he’ll stay home. The problem with training is Ray. He’s still my trainer, and we both don’t know how to handle it. I still can’t remember exactly what happened that night, if I kissed him or he kissed me, where it happened, or how I got home. Above all, I have no idea what to think about it. Statistically, I spent more time with Ray after my elimination than I had with Haiden, I tell myself. It feels rushed, and wrong and way to fast for my liking. Was drunk-me subconsciously telling me my feelings, or was I just drunk? What did he feel? Mila was right about alcohol dammit.

“So again, I guess?” I look up to him, as I lay on the ground. “What? Oh yes, yeah, again,” he says, as I disturbed in a daydream apparently. “Are you nervous or something?” I ask, grabbing his hand to get back on my feet. I’m not really getting any better at these combat skills, I’m just not made for it. It’s a miracle they even let me go on this mission honestly.

He scratches the back of his head, “Is it that obvious? Look I don’t know wha-”

“But haven’t you like, done this before?” I say before he finishes his sentence. He was a rebel for years right? Why would he be nervous for just another mission?

“Excuse me?” He looks insulted somehow, though I don’t understand why. “What kind of guy do you think I am?” he asks, crossing his arms.

“Uh- a rebel? Isn’t that what you do as a rebel, rebel attacks?” I respond, crossing my own arms as well in defence.

“Oh- rebel attack, yes that. Of course. No, I’m not nervous for that.”

“But- you just said-”

He clears his throat and gets into position, “Again,” he just says, his face back into a serious expression.

“Excuse me?” I ask, surprised to find how she thinks of me, apparently. Do I really look like some kind of playboy that takes advantage of drunk girls? Not that I took advantage of- It wasn’t my fault! “What kind of guy do you think I am?” I argue, starting to get angry. So she doesn’t care at all? I know she was drunk, but somewhere, I’d hoped it had opened her eyes like it had with me. What was I saying? I haven’t even known her that long!

“Uh- a rebel? Isn’t that what you do as a rebel, rebel attacks?” What? She wasn’t talking about the other night? I want to do a face palm so bad, for an Einstein, she could be so oblivious sometimes.  “Oh-” I sigh, “rebel attack, yes that.” I shake my head, “ Of course. No, I’m not nervous for that.”

She tips her head, looking confused. “ But- you just said-”

I clear my throat, trying to get my act together. “Again,” I command, pulling a straight face. Are we both going to fall like she does every training, or will it be just me?

“Wait ‘till my signal, okay?” Sarah says, she is leading our group, which consists of Mako, the strong one with the shoulders so broad, he could stand in front of us all and we would disappear. Thomas, the planner, like me. Sophia, the fast one, I tried once to keep up with her running, but I gave that up ever since. And Ray, good in taking people down, I know from experience. Sarah was quite worked up, because she feels like they don’t take this team serious. We are just supposed to try to get to the kitchen and steal supplies, while some other teams need to search for hidden documents that could be of help and paints the walls with slogans. But she accepts it, dutiful, and she would never dare to say out loud that it’s because of some inexperienced people on her team, like me. But she’d probably yell at me if she knew what I had in mind, which wasn’t the original plan. Luckily, Sophia had agreed in going with me, because no way that I’d could go run around in the palace and survive without her.

It’s a dark night, as fog hugs the Palace like a soft blanket, which is in our advantage. We sit between the bushes on the edge of the gardens and it’s only a small distance to the servants entrance to the kitchen. Sarah takes a deep breath, “Now!” she whispers, and we all come into action. We run, quiet and low, to the nearest wall, and let our backs meet the concrete. We are all panting as we stand against the wall, not because of the run, but because of the excitement. We wait for some guards to be out of reach, and Sarah gives us a signal, ‘Go’.

Sophia opens the entrance door, stealthy like only she can, and peeks around the corner. “Clear,” she says with a nod.

We go in, Sophia in front, followed by Sarah, Mako, Thomas, me and Ray. He is so close behind me, I can smell his scent. The same scent that’s on his jacket, that he gave drunk-me that night, or at least I think that’s how it went. I still have that jacket laying in the corner of my room, not knowing what to do with it. If I would give it back, we’d have to talk about what happened, even though that would be best, even according to Tracie. All I know is that this scent is making my stomach feel weird. I feel a lot worse when we enter the palace, and Ray’s scent disappears into another. Familiar places can hold scents, scents can hold memories, and the palace holds enough of those.

We need to go through this hall, third door on the right, and Sophia leads the way, best at not making a sound. Sometimes, out of nowhere, she stands behind me, and I get a heart attack, quite annoying, that’s happened at least ten times already. Now, it’s going to happen to a guard, and I cross my fingers it’s not Liam, who has suffered enough already. Sophia commands us to wait by holding up her hand. On her own, without carrying fear like I do, she steps forward, towards the guard patrolling around the corner.

“Hé-” an unfamiliar voice sounds, before it’s quickly just muffled sounds.

“You guys coming?” Sophia says a second later, as she puts her head around the corner looking at us. I look at her with wide eyes, as I still have to get used to this new side of Sophia, but the others don’t even shrug. We walk past the unconscious guard, “Sleeping on work hours, pfft,” Ray shakes his head, and I smirk at his sense of humour.

We reach the kitchen without any further trouble, but as we approach the kitchen door, there’s the unmistakable voice of Baguette the chef filling our ears. He hasn’t seen us yet, as he’s talking to himself while chopping up some vegetables. Tomatoes it seems, the King’s favourite. Thomas tries to make something from his French accent, listening focused to his mumbling, not used to his language like Sophia and I.

“Stupidde Hux,” he whines as he cuts into another tomato.

“Zlook atz me, I am le Hux,” he speaks, waving his knife in the air in an oddly manor, mocking the butler I suppose. Sophia and I exchange glances, amused at hearing him speak again, just before Sarah decides to go in. She’s lucky Baguette is focusing on his conversation with himself, and his lovely food of course, so she can easily sneak up on him. Poor Baguette, I think, my stomach almost screaming for his amazing brownies.

“Sacreblue!” Baguette yelps, as Sarah gives him a small tap on the shoulder. It makes him turn around, his eyebrows disappearing under his cooking hat, out of surprise and fear. Before Sarah can even lift another finger to punch him, he faints.

“Well, that was easy,” Mako comments.

“Let’s just hope it stays that way,” Thomas responds, “When the first other troops will be noticed, we might find more trouble.”

“In the meantime, we should just grab as much as we can,” Sarah commands.

The kitchen holds another familiar smell, reminding me of the time I spent here with Haiden. The perk about that is, I know where they store the brownie-packs. We all started getting as much supplies as we could, searching through the cabinet’s, while Sophia and I exchange a glance.

“We have to go now,” Sophia whispers. I nod. The others are still filling their bags, as I try to sneak away as softly as Sophia before me. I look over my shoulder, at my brother, “Sorry,” I whisper, promising him I’ll be back soon in my mind.

“Wait up, Sophia, seriously,” I let out, catching my breath, leaning into the nearest wall. Why does Sophia have to be so bloody fast? She looks at me as if I’m going mad, ‘Fast? Me? I was going slow’ she seems to think. She already took out the guard in front of Mila’s door, without a sound, and we can finally reveal our faces again. I take a couple of deep breaths, “Okay, I’m good, just, you open her door okay? I’m catching my breath for a minute,” I say, panting. Sophie’s hand reaches for the doorknob, but it swings open before she even touches it.

“Aliya! Soph!” Mila yells when she sees us.

“Oh goodness,” I whisper under my breath, realising this is where the real trouble begins. Sophia seems to be thinking the same thing, as I hear her whisper “Shit,” beside me. “I told you to be quiet,” Sophia says to me. “I’m sorry, I’m inexperienced,” I respond.

I clear my throat, and walk towards her, “Mila, are you okay?” I ask, as she looks at my moves with wide eyes, “Listen to us, there’s something…you need to go to the bunkers okay?”

“Wait,” she shakes her head, “What?” she raises her voice, and it scares me. What if someone hears us? I know we are supposed to be the first team, and other people were actually assigned to making sure the Selected were safe before the real shit would go down, but I wasn’t going to leave this to someone else. What if the guards and rebels would be too late?

“This isn’t what we promised,” Mila comments, frowning, and I pray she won’t get mad at me. I scratch the back of my head, feeling uncomfortable with having to admit I didn’t keep a promise, “Yes, maybe, but that’s not really important right now.”

“Definitely not important,” Sophia lets out a nervous giggle.

“It is!” Mila starts yelling now, “You said no violence!”

“Believe me, you’ve got bigger problems if you don’t stop yell-”

“There’s no reason I’ll go to the bunkers,” Mila interrupts me, crossing her arms.

“Oh yes there is,” Sophia argues, “You, miss future Queen, need to be saved.”

Suddenly, she seems to realise what might happen, and she grabs my shoulders, “Where is Haiden? Is he alright!”

Sophia scoffs, “As if someone would dare to touch the Prince…”

“This isn’t funny, you broke the promise!” Mila responds to Sophia’s remark.

“Please Mila, don’t be a stubborn Tracie, and come with us,” I speak.

Speaking of the devil, out of nowhere, Tracie comes running around the corner. “I heard my name!” Tracie screams as she points at us, as if she ‘caught’ us, which she kind of did.

“Wha-what the hell?!” I know I shouldn’t make noise like this, but what is she doing here? She was supposed to be safe at home, as she lives at my house now. I left her behind, snoring in her sleep, or at least I thought so. “Tracie?”

“Ooh God. We are making so much noise,” Sophia shakes her head. Tracie ignores her completely, “Aliya! I can’t believe you lied to me!”

They need to stop saying that, I’m not even that big of a liar. Right?

“Ssssh, stop yelling!” I yell, ironically. We’re so going to be screwed.

“I won’t stop yelling!” she replies. I bring my hand to my forehead, ‘’You guys are getting us all killed, or at least Soph and me.”

“You wouldn’t if this was going as planned!” Mila shouts in. This may not be going like her plan, but it was certainly going as I planned. Including this mess, I expected her to make a fuss.

“You said nothing big would happen?!” she continues to accuse me. Tracie is now beside her, crossing her arms, “Political side huh?” she sneers, reminding me of the promises I made them when I told them I’d be a rebel.

“Just a tiny robbery…” Sophia whispers as a joke, “Now sssh,” she commands.

“I couldn’t stay home as the others were going to run through the palace with you still here?” I reply to the accusations.

Mila is not convinced, shaking her head, “Those rebels have only caused trouble, I thought you had brains Ali!” Tracie nods beside her, as if they’re working on the same case, “I thought it too,” she says, like taking a mother’s side in a fight with a sibling.

Sophia is sick of it, and shoves the girls in the closest dark corridor, as they just won’t stop shouting, “Stop screaming. Talking is okay, but no screaming please.”

I move a bit closer towards the girls, lifting my finger as I want to defend our case, “ ‘Those rebels’ are getting supplies for the people of the lower castes who are dying,” I hiss, suddenly aware of the backpack with food I still carry, “ ‘Those rebels’ are looking for documents to put an end to the castes,” I sneer, annoyed at their ignorance.

“You could’ve gotten those without attacking the palace!” Mila defends. “We’re making a statement,” Sophia replies, not impressed, “Now, if you guys keep screaming, we definitely will get caught,” she says, moving closer to Mila.

“Fine. I’ll stop yelling, but now we have to send Mila to a bunker,” Tracie speaks, with some sense, finally. As a response, Sophia grabs Mila, who starts yelling like there’s murder and fire, “I am not going into a bunker! This is insane! Let go of me Soph!”

And of course, the noises attract people, I hear footsteps coming closer, and it’s a miracle this didn’t happen sooner. Perhaps all the guards were too busy fighting off the rebels outside and bringing the royals to safety? But it are not guards that approach us, it’s Naomi and Niara. Well, that means we don’t have to look for those anymore, I think.

“What’s going on?” Niara asks, taking in the mess that’s in front of her. It must be some picture, Mila sputtering against Sophia’s grip, while I rub my forehead trying to solve this, and Tracie almost exploding out of anger.

“Wait, what is happening?” Naomi ads, looking just as confused at Niara at the whole scene.

“Oh no,” I whisper, “Hi Naomi, hi Niara,” I say with an awkward smile and wave gawky. Mila just sighs frustrated, saying ‘no, no, no’ in a loop.

“Ali and Soph attack the palace,” Tracie spills like a child, which was to be expected. She can be such a stubborn child sometimes.

“Look, it’s kind of hard to explain, but there’s going to be running a lot of rebels through these halls any moment, and we need you to go the bunkers,” I try to explain as best as I possibly can in one sentence.

“Uhhh, so where do we go?” Naomi asks, and I’m glad there’s at least one of them that doesn’t want to make this as hard as possible.

“No, we’re not going anywhere,” Mila protests.

“You’re dying with me almond,” Niara takes Naomi’s hand. Honestly, I didn’t expect it to get this messy. Maybe we should have let those assigned rebels look after the Selected before the real attack would start, instead of doing it ourselves? If this would last any longer, team C would be coming to check if the Selected were in safety themselves, and they would not be happy with us doing their job.

“Just down these stairs,” I try to get them with me.

“I’m not going anywhere until someone tells me what’s going on,” Niara speaks, crossing her arms.

“There’s a rebel attack Niara,” Tracie replies.

I pull an awkward face, not knowing how to make it sound any better, “Well, sort of?”

“Sort of?” Niara asks, not at all comforted by the doubt in my voice. Sophia decides it’s time for action, and grabs both Mila and Niara, ready to drag them along, out of this corridor and straight to the bunkers. They both protest, but when they were playing princess in the Palace, Sophia gained some serious muscles.

“I’m not part of it by the way,” Tracie tries to justify her actions. I throw an angry look at her, still not over the fact that she was planning to sabotage us and followed us here.

“Well…uh I do not want to die,” Naomi ads, she says as she looks at Niara. I hope it will convince Niara to come with us. “Fine, but why are you taking us and not the other girls?” Niara objects. As answer, all the girls start to talk at once, Mila asking about her maids and Haiden, Naomi not willing to die, and Sophia says my name as a cry for help, not able to handle this mess. But neither can I. I just sigh, “It’s all planned.” Or at least it was, I don’t know what’s left of it now. Would my brother be okay? “The Prince is found more important than the Selected, so that’s why we wanted to check to get you to the bunkers in time.”

“Yes,” Sophia tries to take my remark as an answer to all their questions, “Aliya planned it. So it must be right,” she speaks with a smile. Her trust in me is touching but… The girls all exchange glances, silent for a minute, certainly doubting to put their faith in my planning skills. In my defence, I hardly did much of the planning. Naomi clears her throat, “One question,” she opposes with a calm voice, “Why are you guys attacking!” she starts to scream. She is accompanied by Tracie in her opinion, while Sophia rolls her eyes besides me.  

“Because there’s a lot of things wrong, the castes are suffering, and now was the perfect time to act.”

Mila isn’t listening, “Nobody will get hurt in the palace, you said, it will be fine, you said,” she speaks softly.

“If you would listen to us, it would be fine,” Sophia argues.

Niara still isn’t planning on going with us, “How can I know to trust you?” she notes. It hurts, honestly, I consider her a friend as well. “Because we spend months together in this Palace?” I defend myself. Sophia supports my comment, “I mean, if you want to get hurt, we could leave anytime. I can’t promise that the other rebels are as nice as we are.”

The thought of other rebels seems to make Naomi move, as she grabs Niara and Mila, “Let’s just go guys!”

“What about the other girls though?” Niara opposes again. “Other rebels will take care of those girls, don’t worry,” I answer. I would have done it myself, but we’re standing in this corridor for ages now.

“Fine,” Niara eventually agrees, “Show us the way.”

Sophia begins to look around the corner, but Tracie quickly interrupts her, “Guards are somewhere else. I told them Haiden was trying to kill himself on the roof,” she shrugs. “What!” Mila screams, not fully realising Haiden wasn’t actually killing himself. “You did something good at least,” I sneer at Tracie, who in response rolls her eyes. She should have never come after us, the idiot. “Now follow us.”

“And be quiet,” Sophia ads.

We begin to make our way down the stairs as quietly as we can, even though Mila is still whining on about being taken against her will. Niara asks about the King, and Elaine, but I assure her they’ll be fine, we’re not those kind of rebels. Maybe we should come up with another name, rebels seems to have a negative ring to it. Freedom fighters?

“How long will this rebel attack last?” Naomi asks. “Not long Naomi,” Sophia assures her, “Don’t worry.”

When I finally dare to breath again, thinking this might work out, Naomi turns around and begins to run upstairs. “I need to get my ukulele!” she explains, whatever reason that is. Niara tries to grab Naomi, bit misses, “They’re not going to take your ukulele!”

All I can do is hit myself for the head. A ukulele? Seriously? Possible future Queens ladies and gentlemen.

“Aliya. Tell me. Why did I agree to come with you?” Sophia says to me softly. I groan, “Because we care for these idiots,” I say through my teeth. While Mila drops on the ground, hopeless and done, Niara begins to run after Noami, yelling her name. “Shit,” Sophia whispers, “I am hearing someone. Run!”

But it’s too late. Niara was already around the corner, in reach of the rebels and guards during a fight. The sound of a gun echoes from a distance, just loud enough to reach over our panicking voices. We hear a yelp, and quickly run up to see what’s going on. Niara is laying on the floor, Naomi is nowhere to be seen. As we come closer, it’s clear to see that she’s been shot in the leg by a wild shot from the fight going on at the end of the hall. The attack had now fully started. Niara tries to be tough, “Go, I’ll be fine,” she groans as she grits her teeth. The guard that probably fired the bullet, shows the intention to come towards us, but it would be no help involving him. I don’t like it, but it’s what’s best, so I say “Sophia, take care of that guard!” She gets moving right away, and as I focus on the wound in Niara’s leg, she has probably kicked him in the nuts already. Mila’s sobbing makes it harder to concentrate, not to mention that I am not advanced at fixing wounds. Niara continues to groan, as the blood is now spilling on the floor, making the red carpet a shade darker. Luckily, the bullet does not seem to be stuck in her flesh. I rip a stroke of fabric of my jacket, and bandage the wound as best as I can. “It doesn’t touch anything important it seems. You’ll be okay,” Tracie speaks, looking over my shoulder. I hear Sophia say something about the rebels coming. Tracie and I lift up Niara from the ground, as she clenches her jaw, holding in the groans, while she carries her heels. Sophia comes around the corner, and because of her speed, she lands into a wall. Somehow, that opens a secret bunker that we didn’t know of. Mila looks at Niara, not noticing Sophia behind her, “What have we done!” she whines. Sophia grabs Mila at her arms, and shoves her into the secret bunker, before she can even protest. She yelps, but Sophia closes the door and just like that, she’s gone. One less problem, I think, even though I realise how bad that sounds.

As Tracie, Niara and I look at the scene, a guard grabs Niara’s shoulder, trying to turn her around. She does turn around, but he won’t be welcomed as a rescuer. In a reflex, she stabs one of her high heels into his chest, his red blood instantly contrasting with the blue of her shoe. As the guard whimpers in pain, Tracie finishes it with a knockout punch. We stare at the unconscious guard on the floor for a second, but there’s no time to linger. Mila seems to be shouting inside her safety bunker, “Mila stay in there,” Sophia says, as if Mila even has that option, “When this is all over, someone will get you.”

Sophia takes over Tracie’s place at Niara’s side, “I can’t believe I have to do this,” Tracie speaks, pulling out her gun from behind her jacket. Why didn’t I notice that before?

“Tracie, don’t do anything irrational please.”

“What? I won’t shoot you,” she replies with a shrug. I sigh, not feeling like it to make another fuss. Tracie starts walking in front of us, making sure the coast is clear, and we descend the stairs.

“Where’s Naomi?” Niara asks after a few steps. We had all forgotten her for a moment, after someone getting shot, and a bloody heel and… well everything really.

“Shit,” I curse, “I hate this plan.”

“Naomi!” Niara begins to yell. We hear the sounds of more people approaching. More people means more trouble, we really have to get out of here. Tracie realises the same thing, “She practices Taekwondo, it will be okay!”

“Nao-” Niara shouts again, but I place a hand over her mouth, and she continues in a muffled scream.

We make it down the stairs, and by that time, Niara has calmed down somewhat. We find the secret bunker that I remembered from the blueprints, and we open it for Niara. She can’t fully stand on her leg yet, and she looks like a mess as she stands in the doorpost. “How long will I be here for?”

“Just a couple of hours, three tops,” I try to soothe her, “You go in here, and the guards will find you as soon as this is over.”

“Please hurry though,” she says with a sad smile.

“We will Niara, now stay safe.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

And with that, we close the door.

“Okay. Everyone’s safe,” Tracie says with a sigh.

“Yes, now I can kill you for being here Trace!” I start to get furious at her again.

“No, you won’t kill me. I’ll go back home. See you later if you’re still alive and not caught,” she says with a mischievous smile. I sigh, “I’ll see you at home then Tracie.”

We smile at each other, the fighting will come some other time. Not now.

“See you later girls!” she says as she runs off. I don’t know how she thinks she’s going to get out of the Palace, but she’ll find a way, she always does.

“We should check if Naomi’s really okay,” Sophia opts, and we go upstairs again. In this short time, the walls have been painted with slurs, common to our eyes. I don’t pay much attention to it, just glad that the attack seems to have been moved to somewhere else already, but Sophia’s eyes shine with pride as she reads the slogan she came up with herself. Even if I didn’t know which one was hers, I would have placed a safe bet on it being about healthcare, the issue she cares for the most. She almost died as a child because of the lack of that care, and she wants to make sure that no one has to go through that experience like her.  We make our way to Naomi’s room, as we continue to whisper her name loudly. No respond. In her room, we don’t find her ukulele, so she must have gotten a hold of it. However, we find a couple of men laying unconscious on her bedroom floor and a trail of blood, luckily not much, which leads to another safety bunker. “She must be safe, right?”

“She must be,” Sophia responds. It’s all we can do, I think. A second later, we hear a scream. “That sounds like Ginny!” Sophia says. Ginny! The girl that was with my brother when he came for me here. “We have to go help her!” Sophia sprints towards the sound right away, and I follow.

Just as we run past a corner, a familiar grib surrounds my wrist.

Even though I’m not a fast runner, I still get pulled back hard. As he holds both my arms now, I face his furious expression. “Ray?”

“You’re alive! What were you thinking?”

“I- uhm,” I stutter.

“I’m taking you back to the others,” he speaks infuriated.

“But Soph-”

“She can take care of herself, unlike you,” he sneers, “You can’t just- I was- don’t do that okay!”

“I’m sorry?” I say, even though I don’t know if I really am.

“Let’s just go,” he grinds his teeth.

“I can’t believe you put yourself in danger like that!” Thomas yells at me. I hate when Thomas yells. He did that last when I spilled milk on his architecture drawings, and that had been before he ran off with Sarah. He is pacing up and down our living room, running his hand through his hair.

“Don’t you understand at least a little bit-” I try. He throws his hands in the air, “Of course I do! That’s the worst about this! I put us both in danger with making you join us!” he shouts. Tracie was lucky, Sarah wouldn’t yell at her, she would just tell her she needed to act responsible in order to keep living with us. That included not falling asleep next to a tree somewhere so we’d have to find her by following the sound of snoring.

“But I missed you so much, and honestly, I thought we’d make a great team,” he sighs, “Sadly, it doesn’t really work if you don’t want to work with me, and just sneak off.”

“Like you did?” I accuse him. Why I bring this up again, I don’t know, I thought I was over this. However, it doesn’t matter how I meant those words, they’ve already hurt him. He stares at me, with an open mouth and pained eyes. “I’m sorry Thomas, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just…”

“I guess I deserve it. Why did I think everything could go back to normal?” he speaks, somber, his gloomy eyes wounding me. “Tho, you were never normal, you crazy idiot,” I joke. He snorts, “Look who’s talking,” he responds as he gives me an elbow, “But please, even if I won’t agree with your plans, enlighten me about them from now on.”

“I promise,” I whisper as I give him a hug. The nerves from these whole night had been eating me up, and I was tired as hell. “You know I want to be here right? I’m not just a rebel because you are.”

“I know, I know, but I was afraid you’d die there okay!”

“You weren’t the only one…”

“What?”

“Ray. It’s going to be an awkward couple of training sessions the upcoming days.”

“Ray? Well, you don’t really have to worry about, you don’t have to take self defence anymore,” he says with a smile, assuming I’d be happy about it.

“Oh..yes, good. Great.” Stupid. I should be glad. I know it’s because of Ray, and I hate myself for it, or at least partly. I need to talk to him dammit.

“Okay, spill it,” Thomas says, making a hand gesture to underline his words.

“Wha-what? I-I-, it’s-”

“Oh come on, you do realise I’ve been seeing you lie to our parents all the time? And see how bad you are at lying to family?” he mocks.

“Right. Even though I would love to spill, but uhm…I don’t remember much…”

“What?! What did he do to you! When- I’m going to find him right-” Thomas begins to shout. “No! No, it’s not like that. I had some beers and…and I think we kissed when I was drunk, or I kissed him…I don’t know, but lips were involved.” I shake my head and wave my hands oddly in the air at my lousy attempt to explain. “Aah, that night,” Thomas responds, “And now everything is awkward?”

“As awkward as talking about this to my brother, yes.”

“Okay, okay, just..go talk to him, or something.”

“I will, I will, tomorrow. Now shut up and let me sleep please,” I beg, dragging my hands along my face, exhausted. He grabs me by my shoulders, and turns me around in the direction to my room, where Sarah and Tracie are in hiding. I pull my arms up, and walk towards my door like a zombie, and Thomas laughs. I’m so glad we can always fix things so easily. I open my door, “We’re done arguing, you can go kiss my brother now,” I joke at Sarah. “What, pffft,” she says as she stands up and walks passed me, and can’t stop herself from winking at me. I immediately pull a face, even though I caused that myself.

“I’m sorry Ali,” Tracie says. “It’s okay, Trace, I’m sorry too, it’s what we do, I guess. I’m too tired to talk about it. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

Today.

I had talked to Tracie already, and she and I came to the conclusion that we would inform each other of the important things, like planning a rebel attack on the palace, and fairly discuss the ideas. As far as we can have reasonable discussions with our stubbornness.

Now I have to talk to Ray. I knock on his door, hoping Ray would open it, and not his little brother.

It’s worse. His mother.

“Aliya! What can I do for you? Are you here to tutor Simon? Or do you have a message for me?” she drops all those questions at once. I wonder what kind of person his father had been, because how can this chatty woman result in a son like Ray? I had heard stories of how she is a terribly good fighter and rebel, so at least that explains something.

“Uhm, no not really,” I clear my throat, “Is Ray home?” I ask, while I hear my own voice tremble for a moment.

“Oh dear, did everything go alright on the attack yesterday? He didn’t say anything about it, kind of cranky,” she speaks, “In fact, he has been acting weird for a while now, oh please, come in dear,” she continues as she gestures me to walk in, “He came home late one night and he hasn’t been himself since, can you believe it?”

“Uhm..”

“Do you think it’ll be a girl? Oh, I hope it’s a girl, he scares all girls away with his sarcasm, the idiot,” she goes on, shaking her head, “Please, please sit. I’ll fetch him.”

I sit, as his mother runs up the stairs. They’re home is small, but lucky for them, they have multiple floors. The living room is also the kitchen, and apparently also the room to practice music, as a guitar it standing in the corner. I know it’s Ray’s, and even though he had mentioned it during training, I hadn’t heard him play yet. It seems there’s still a lot I don’t know about him, but enough for me to feel this way it appears.

“Aliya?” he says surprised. Apparently his mom found it amusing not to tell who was here for him. “Hi,” I let out awkward, “I think we need to talk.”

He sighs, “I hate to say it, but you’re right.”

My lips form a small smirk, all I dare to do. At least he speaks to me? He closes the door behind him, and I swear I saw his mother peak from behind a curtain. We decide to take a stroll to the woods, and after minutes of silence, I decide to be the first one to open my mouth.

“Sorry for last night.”

“Did you have any idea how wrong that could have gone?!,” he yells, “How many ways you could have died?!”

“I-I said I was sorry!” I defend myself, “I just care for those idiots okay! They may seem stupid Selected to you, but they’re my friends!”

“Really? You did this for them? Or were you really just looking for him!” he yells back, wrinkling his nose at the last word. It’s good we are on the edge of the forest, or we’d be making quite a scene.

“Who?!”

“Oh come on, you know who! The guy with all the servants and a Palace and stables to make you happy and a kitchen full of chocolate! You wanted to go back that bad?!”

“Are you serious? Are you insane?” I feel the strong urge to hit him for the head.

“Well, I just followed my orders like a normal person, not sneaking off to get myself killed, but sure, call me insane,” he mocks, making a face, “Just tell me, were you two-?”

“Anything serious? No, not at all,” I say. I realised that at how soon I forgot him, and how I wasn’t worried about him during the attack like Mila was. He sighs, relieved it seems, and I instantly see my chance to mock him with that. “Happy now Sunshine?”

“Oh shut up will you. So you really were just loyal to your friends?”

“I guess so, but I like the sound of that, ‘loyal’,” I joke, getting more at ease with the situation, and I stick my nose in the air like a snob to make my joke even better.

“Great talking to you, you know, real serious,” he tries to say angry, but smiles nonetheless, “I guess I was annoyed at how worried I was,” he confessed. It makes me blush, but I don’t mind hearing it. It’s a lot better than the silent treatment he gave me last night.

“So…What exactly happened that night?”

“What do you remember?” he asks, seeming afraid of the answer.

“Me pointing at your beer, saying you should take it slow. Nothing about how I got home, and then-” I scratch the back of my head as we walk further in the forest. In just weeks, I know every tree, and it feels safer than the Palace ever did somehow. “Then something about..kissing you.”

He clears his throat, “Yes-that.. Well, you were kind of drunk? And I wasn’t really, so I carried you home.” My face turns red in embarrassment. “And you thanked me for that in that ‘way’. Then I quickly pushed you off of me and brought you to your room and left. I swear,” he speaks, putting up his hands as a sign of innocence, “I would never do something wrong like that, you were drunk and surprised me, else I would never had let that happen..”

“Never?” I ask. His expression changes, and he moves in front of me. “I wouldn’t say- What are you suggesting Einstein?” he says mischievous, perhaps happy he is not the only one who had trouble forgetting about it, even if I never fully remembered.

“Nothing!” I say fast, “I mean-” I sigh, “It could be that you’re not as annoying as you seem.”

“Is that so?” he speaks, clearly enjoying the situation. For goodness sake, I think.

“Let’s just both admit that we feel..emotions and get this over with okay?” I respond, throwing my hands in the air out of desperation.

“So…you want to try this out?” he asks, hopeful.

“Maybe…I do..I think. Unless you’ve got 34 other girls I’d have to compete with,” I joke, an attempt to make this less awkward. Even so, this was going easier than I expected, I guess I gained confidence in his hopeful expression, and vice versa.

“I can’t promise I don’t,” he jokes with a smug face, the idiot, “But I’m glad he eliminated you, because I don’t want the royal guards coming after me for kissing you,” he speaks as he comes a step closer. I let out a laugh, “Don’t worry, drunk-me kissed you, remember?”

“I’m not talking about that time,” he just whispers, while he softly places my head in his hands. It feels like gravity loses its grip on me, as his lips meet mine. My brain is always working, thinking of things, always something, but now? Nothing. I just feel.

Too soon, he ends the kiss, and studies my face, hoping I haven’t changed my mind, since I’m sober this time.

“Again,” I sigh. He smiles at the inside joke, and gladly answers to my command.

Sophia gets promoted in the rebel gang, and goes on her first mission she organised herself. They want to steal some supplies from a house of Two’s, but meet Aileen (ex-Selected) there. A guard finally enters the scene too, and shoots Ali, resulting in a punctured long. Meanwhile, Mila is still at the Palace, and won the Selection (not really but AU).

“Won’t you let go of me?”

“You’re still crippling like an old lady!”

“I’m fine!”

He let’s go of my arm, but still stand only a hair away from me, waiting till I make a wrong move. Not that I move that much. Stupid bullet, I curse, stupid lung. I’m a couple of days out of the hospital, and I would jump of joy if I could. Even if I loved everyone that came visit (except the yelling they did about how dangerous it was), hospitals are awful, as commonly known.

“I have to be in heels soon you know!” I say as I try to take another step.

“Mila won’t care if one of her bridesmaids isn’t wearing heels,” he responds.

Men, they don’t understand! It’s the most important day of her life! Heck, it’s the most important one of mine so far! I can’t stand there not looking my best for her? “We have to get your suit ready by the way,” I say with a grin. Ray throws his head back with a sigh, and when he faces me again, he has curled his lip in a pout. Cute as can be. “Do I have to?”

I try to take a bigger step, but I immediately regret it. I groan as I put a hand over the place where my stitches are.

Ray instantly grabs me again. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” I say as I wave his worries away, “And yes, you have to.”

I see her clench her jaw, but know better than to linger on it. “Great!” I say enthusiastic, trying to cheer her up. She smiles at my voice, knowing me too well. “Yes, it will be great. Everyone will be there, will want to talk about you, and we’ll be Royal guest, and have to act fancy and all,” she responds with grin like a little devil. I let out an exaggerated sigh, as if I really hate to go. Even if it’s not my biggest hobby, I really want to go. If I can walk next to her, show her to the world, dance with her, then I don’t mind at all. Haiden may have found his Queen now, but I know for sure he lost the best candidate he had. I’m glad she got eliminated though, what if we would have never met? What if-? Goodness, I love her.

I don’t know why I thought I would get some rest. Even if I have to recover, the tension in the house bears me down. Goodness Tracie, just tell me! But she won’t. She just looks at me, angry. She looks like it’s my fault, as if I’m the blame for it all. But for what? I don’t know.

It takes a few days, but Mila helps to solve it. As we’re on the phone with her, the bomb explodes. Tracie yells, I shout, she cries, I don’t. I didn’t. I felt sorry for her, of course, I tried to find every little thing I could have done differently. But I couldn’t cry.  It feels wrong. Heartless.

I shake it off. Everything is fine now, Tracie is fine now. We’re fine.

Friendships are harder than they seem, I think to myself as I open my front door.

“Hey Trace,” I say without looking up, I know she must be there. But when I lift up my head, there’s three girls smiling sheepishly at me as they sit on the couch.

I’m surprised, for a second, but then again…I should have known.

“I hate you all.”

Rest, the doctor said. Sure, no problem, I responded. Fucking hell.

Within a few weeks, she walks like before, no sign of her injury. The best thing of it all, she’s able to sleep over now too. I don’t mind at all. Her warmth. Her smell right next to me. Waking up with her kissing me, or the other way around. I never thought I could feel like this. Happy?

But I feel miserable right now. I’m sweating, nauseous, with my heart pounding in my chest. Ali beside me just sleeps, and the sight relaxes me somewhat. I could just watch her sleep, but I have been stalling this long enough. The little box feels soft, but it’s just the box. It’s the inside that matters, but my fingers twitch and turn waiting for the courage to open it. Come on, it’s not a big deal, I remind myself. I hide it under my cushion.

“Ali?”

“Hmm..”

“Are-are you awake?”

“No.”

“Ali…”

“Five more minutes…Or ten more kisses”

And of course I listen. I start with one on her shoulder, the next one a little above that. The third in her neck just above her collarbone. She giggles. The fourth one in the middle of her neck. The fifth close to her ear, she likes that spot. Six is her cheekbone. Above her eyebrow, on her nose. Nine is on her mouth, just soft. She looks at me, counting with me, I know for sure, little Einstein. ‘The last one?’ she asks with her eyes. I search for her hand from under the blanket, and guide it to my face. I kiss her hand palm, reaching for the little box with my other hand. She doesn’t see it yet, focused on smiling at me. Does she read my nerves?

“Ali?”

“Hmhm Sunshine?”

I pull the box in front of her face, and her eyes widen instantly. Please don’t freak out, I want to scream, but that would certainly ruin the moment. She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out, as her eyes go from the little box to me and back. Oh fuck I’m doing this all wrong. I command my shaky fingers to open the box. Is it light enough? Maybe I should have opened the blinds. Damnit, I ruined it.

“Ray..?” She looks at the ring, and I try to read if she likes it. I should really explain, but I just look at the ring. It’s a star, the same as I have on my hand, the symbol of the Northern Rebels, how we started. I thought it would fit. Words…I need words now!

“I-I’m not proposing…”

She lets out a breath, relieved. I totally should have explained earlier, idiot. I know she thinks we’re too young, and she’s right.

“Sorry,” I say, smiling awkward, “I shouldn’t have-”

“Sssh,” she says as she takes my head in her hands, “I love you Ray, just relax,” she encourages me with a smile.

“Yes, right. We’re too young and all, but uhm…since I love you too, I wanted to give you this. It’s not to ask you to marry me now, it’s- more a kind of- It’s to show you that I’m not going anywhere, that- that I believe we can make it to that ‘Some day’. So I’m giving this for that day, so you know, no matter what happens, you can look at it and know..I love you,” I stutter and mumble, but I get it out. Damnit, why is this so hard? This was a bad idea…

For a second, I think she agrees, as her eyes start to tear up. But her lips form a smile as big as I have ever seen.

“Al-”

She hugs me so fast as if she jumped at me, and we roll over, almost letting the box fall out of my hand. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I can’t deny it,” I try to joke my nerves off.

“Oh shut up you, or I’ll make you!”

She gives me kisses all over my face, giggling and at the same time. A tear lands on my cheek. Before the next can fall, I wipe it off of her face. “Honey, you okay?”

“Yes!” she smiles, “I’m just so happy with you. Thank you Ray,” she picks up the ring out of the box, and puts it on her finger. Can she get more beautiful?

Ali lets her head fall on my chest, and sighs, “Idiot.”

“You’re idiot now.”

“I’m so using this ring against you,” she grins as she lifts her head and lets it rest on her hands after she folds those on my chest. Her head moves with my breathing, and we stare at each other like a disgusting couple in love.

What makes it even more disgusting, is that we fell asleep like that.

Her in my arms.

I wear that ring for years. Six years to be exact. Six years before our day.

“Get up Ray, I’m not washing that pants for you.”

“Shut up Einstein, and just listen. For once?” he says with a smirk as he crunches down on his knee. I know exactly what he’s doing, and I have to hand it to him, it’s the perfect place. The woods, where the rebel camp used to be, where I literally fell for him a hundred times.

“Ali,” he whispers as he softly takes my hand, “I think now is our ‘Some day’.”

“That’s it?” I mock him, even if I feel guilty for somewhat.

“What?” His expression shows the hint of insecurity and fear. How can he even think I’d say no? Idiot.

“You’re really ‘ringing it’ now huh?” I have to make a pun, I can’t help it. He grins, but tries to look mad, “Oh just answer Ali. Yes or no, it’s not that hard you know.”

“Not that hard? Excuse me? What if you turn out to be some cranky sarcastic guy?” I respond with a smirk.

“For goodness sake Ali-”

“Yes! Yes Ray, of course it’s yes.”

He looks happy, I realise, as he pulls up my hand. Fuck, I’m happy too.

“Now if you’ll give me the ring, I can put it officially on your finger again.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

I want to throw up, but remind myself that my dress is white as hell, and brownies are waiting for me at the banquet. Oh and Ray, of course, at the end of the altar. Altar. I can’t do this. Crap, I can’t. Where do I run to? I look around the room, sitting in my chair as my usual maids do my hair. Layla, Lilly and Sabrina, they’re back with me again, and I love it. Just not now. Tracie’s is searching for tissues in her purse, discretely. Sophia is tying a bow around her dog Milo at the door, which makes me want to cry while I’m at it. A dog with a bow!

There’s no sign of a baby bump yet, thank goodness, but the hormones? It sucks!

I look over at Mila, who’s searching for the perfect nail polish close to the window, but it takes hours because she’s constantly hugging everyone who’s in her reach. Most of the time, that’s Sophia, and then they’ll cry together, and then Tracie joins.

Great, all my exits are blocked. No other choice but to marry the guy then, I suppose, I joke to myself. The guy I love.

She looks so beautiful, I want to cry. Please, don’t cry. You’re standing in the middle of a palace for goodness sake, you can’t be standing here crying! I try to straighten my tie, but I feel like I’m making it worse. She’s a few steps away from me now.

Six more steps.

Three steps.

One.

She’s just as nervous as I am, thankfully. But it feels right.

Some guy in fancy clothes talks some words, but I’m too busy staring at her. And she at me.

“Will you, Ray Jefford-”

“I do.”

The fancy guy clears his throat and I see Ali’s cheeks turn red at an attempt to hold in her laughter. What did I say? That’s the words right?

“Will you, Ray Jefford, take Aliya Tyson as your lawfully wedded wife?”

Oh, right, more words in that sentence. Hey, give me a break, can’t you see how she looks right now?!

“Yes, I do.”

“I do,” I respond with a smile. I am married! I fucking love Ray, I want to kiss him right now, go on with it fancypants man, say the words.

“You may kiss the bride.”

Finally! I launch for him, and he just catches me, and smoothly turns it around to a position where I have to lean under him. This is going to be an interesting wedding night.

As we stand back up, we face the cheering crowd. I see all the Selected, my parents, his parents, my brother and his now-wife Sarah. Everyone is here. Tracie is waving a baseball bat in the air and almost hits the person next to her, which seems to be Alan. Haiden claps but looks awkward at Mila rooting her fist in the air like a hooligan. Aileen is close by, with her prince charming. I think I even hear Milo bark somewhere. Or is that a cow? Naomi?  

Ray is used to it by now, he’s heard all the stories. But this story sure will be another good one.

“Now where are Baguette’s brownie’s…” I whisper in his ear as I give him a squeeze in his hand.

“You can have as much as you like, my dear wife,” he whispers back, “What do you think of Misses Sunshine?”

“I love it,” I respond with a satisfied smile.

We have two kids, and love them both incredibly much.

Dolci Maya and Brandon Jefford.

I came up with the names, Ray has no idea what Dolci and Maya mean or how I came up with Brandon, and that makes it even better. They’re running around the Palace gardens with the other kids, even if I’ll have to get them inside soon. Class will start again, and I have a lot planned for them this afternoon. Mathematics mostly, even if they don’t share my passion for it yet. But since Tracie is running after the kids like she’s a kid herself, I’ll give them five more minutes. I glance over my shoulder at Mila and Sophia and I smile.

“Won’t you let go of me?” “You’re still crippling like an old lady!” “I’m fine!” He let’s go of my arm, but still stand only a hair away from me, waiting till I make a wrong move. Not that I move that much. Stupid bullet, I curse, stupid lung. I’m a couple of days out of the hospital, and I would jump of joy if I could. Even if I loved everyone that came visit (except the yelling they did about how dangerous it was), hospitals are awful, as commonly known.  “I have to be in heels soon you know!” I say as I try to take another step.  “Mila won’t care if one of her bridesmaids isn’t wearing heels,” he responds.  Men, they don’t understand! It’s the most important day of her life! Heck, it’s the most important one of mine so far! I can’t stand there not looking my best for her? “We have to get your suit ready by the way,” I say with a grin. Ray throws his head back with a sigh, and when he faces me again, he has curled his lip in a pout. Cute as can be. “Do I have to?” I try to take a bigger step, but I immediately regret it. I groan as I put a hand over the place where my stitches are.  Ray instantly grabs me again. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” I say as I wave his worries away, “And yes, you have to.”

I see her clench her jaw, but know better than to linger on it. “Great!” I say enthusiastic, trying to cheer her up. She smiles at my voice, knowing me too well. “Yes, it will be great. Everyone will be there, will want to talk about you, and we’ll be Royal guest, and have to act fancy and all,” she responds with grin like a little devil. I let out an exaggerated sigh, as if I really hate to go. Even if it’s not my biggest hobby, I really want to go. If I can walk next to her, show her to the world, dance with her, then I don’t mind at all. Haiden may have found his Queen now, but I know for sure he lost the best candidate he had. I’m glad she got eliminated though, what if we would have never met? What if-? Goodness, I love her. 

Within a few weeks, she walks like before, no sign of her injury. The best thing of it all, she’s able to sleep over now too. I don’t mind at all. Her warmth. Her smell right next to me. Waking up with her kissing me, or the other way around. I never thought I could feel like this. Happy?

But I feel miserable right now. I’m sweating, nauseous, with my heart pounding in my chest. Ali beside me just sleeps, and the sight relaxes me somewhat. I could just watch her sleep, but I have been stalling this long enough. The little box feels soft, but it’s just the box. It’s the inside that matters, but my fingers twitch and turn waiting for the courage to open it. Come on, it’s not a big deal, I remind myself. I hide it under my cushion.

“Ali?” “Hmm..” “Are-are you awake?” “No.” “Ali…” “Five more minutes…Or ten more kisses”

And of course I listen. I start with one on her shoulder, the next one a little above that. The third in her neck just above her collarbone. She giggles. The fourth one in the middle of her neck. The fifth close to her ear, she likes that spot. Six is her cheekbone. Above her eyebrow, on her nose. Nine is on her mouth, just soft. She looks at me, counting with me, I know for sure, little Einstein. ‘The last one?’ she asks with her eyes. I search for her hand from under the blanket, and guide it to my face. I kiss her hand palm, reaching for the little box with my other hand. She doesn’t see it yet, focused on smiling at me. Does she read my nerves?

“Ali?” “Hmhm Sunshine?”

I pull the box in front of her face, and her eyes widen instantly. Please don’t freak out, I want to scream, but that would certainly ruin the moment. She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out, as her eyes go from the tiny box to me and back. Oh fuck I’m doing this all wrong. I command my shaky fingers to open the box. Is it light enough? Maybe I should have opened the blinds. Damnit, I ruined it. “Ray..?” She looks at the ring, and I try to read if she likes it. I should really explain, but I just look at the ring. It’s a star, the same as I have on my hand, the symbol of the Northern Rebels, how we started. I thought it would fit, and I need to explain that. Words…I need words now!

“I-I’m not proposing…”

She lets out a breath, relieved. I totally should have explained earlier, idiot. I know she thinks we’re too young, and she’s right. The ring took half of my money I had put away for an apartment, but it’s worth it. It has to be. 

“Sorry,” I say, smiling awkward, “I shouldn’t have-”

“Sssh,” she says as she takes my head in her hands, “I love you Ray, just relax,” she encourages me with a smile.

“Yes, right. We’re too young and all, but uhm…since I love you too, I wanted to give you this. It’s not to ask you to marry me now, it’s- more a kind of- It’s to show you that I’m not going anywhere, that- that I believe we can make it to that ‘Some day’. So I’m giving this for that day, so you know, no matter what happens, you can look at it and know..I love you,” I stutter and mumble, but I get it out. Damnit, why is this so hard? This was a bad idea…

For a second, I think she agrees, as her eyes start to tear up. But her lips form a smile as big as I have ever seen.

“Al-”

She hugs me so fast as if she jumped at me, and we roll over, almost letting the box fall out of my hand. “You’re amazing, you know that?” “I can’t deny it,” I try to joke my nerves off. “Oh shut up you, or I’ll make you!”

She gives me kisses all over my face, giggling and at the same time. A tear lands on my cheek. Before the next can fall, I wipe it off of her face. “Honey, you okay?” “Yes!” she smiles, “I’m just so happy with you. Thank you Ray,” she picks up the ring out of the box, and puts it on her finger. Can she get more beautiful?

Ali lets her head fall on my chest, and sighs, “Idiot.”

“You’re idiot now.”

“I’m so using this ring against you,” she grins as she lifts her head and lets it rest on her hands after she folds those on my chest. Her head moves with my breathing, and we stare at each other like a disgusting couple in love. What makes it even more disgusting, is that we fell asleep like that. Her in my arms.

I wear that ring for years. Six years to be exact. Six years before our day.  “Get up Ray, I’m not washing that pants for you.” “Shut up Einstein, and just listen. For once?” he says with a smirk as he crunches down on his knee. I know exactly what he’s doing, and I have to hand it to him, it’s the perfect place. The woods, where the rebel camp used to be, where I literally fell for him a hundred times.  “Ali,” he whispers as he softly takes my hand, “I think now is our ‘Some day’.” “That’s it?” I mock him, even if I feel guilty for somewhat.  “What?” His expression shows the hint of insecurity and fear. How can he even think I’d say no? Idiot.  “You’re really ‘ringing it’ now huh?” I have to make a pun, I can’t help it. He grins, but tries to look mad, “Oh just answer Ali. Yes or no, it’s not that hard you know.” “Not that hard? Excuse me? What if you turn out to be some cranky sarcastic guy?” I respond with a smirk. “For goodness sake Ali-” “Yes! Yes Ray, of course it’s yes.” He looks so happy, I realise, as he pulls up my hand. Fuck, I’m happy too.  “Now if you’ll give me the ring, I can put it officially on your finger again.” “Again?”

“Again.”

I want to throw up, but remind myself that my dress is white as hell, and brownies are waiting for me at the banquet. Oh and Ray, of course, at the end of the altar. Altar. I can’t do this. Crap, I can’t. Where do I run to? I look around the room, sitting in my chair as my usual maids do my hair. Layla, Lilly and Sabrina, they’re back with me again, and I love it. Just not now. Tracie’s is searching for tissues in her purse, discretely, leaving her baseball bat aside for a minute. Sophia is tying a bow around her dog Milo at the door, which makes me want to cry while I’m at it. A dog with a bow!  There’s no sign of a baby bump yet, thank goodness, but the hormones? It sucks! The girls don’t know yet, so I do my best not to cry at the sight of Milo with a bow. I look over at Mila, who’s searching for the perfect nail polish close to the window, but it takes hours because she’s constantly hugging everyone who’s in her reach. Most of the time, that’s Sophia, and then they’ll cry together, and then Tracie joins. My maids won’t let me join. ‘It will wrinkle your dress!’ they said.  Great, all my exits are blocked, I think after scanning the room. No other choice but to marry the guy then,  I joke to myself. Good thing I love kinda love him then. 

She looks so beautiful, I want to cry. Please, don’t cry. You’re standing in the middle of a palace for goodness sake, you can’t be standing here crying! I try to straighten my tie, but I feel like I’m making it worse. She’s just a few steps away from me now.  Six more steps. Three steps. One.  She’s just as nervous as I am, thankfully. But it feels right. Some guy in fancy clothes talks some words, but I’m too busy staring at her. And she at me.  “Will you, Ray Jefford-” “I do.” The fancy guy clears his throat and I see Ali’s cheeks turn red at an attempt to hold in her laughter. What did I say? That’s the words right? “Will you, Ray Jefford, take Aliya Tyson as your lawfully wedded wife?” Oh, right, more words in that sentence. Hey, give me a break, can’t you see how she looks right now?!

“Yes, I do.”

“I do,” I respond with a smile. I am married! I fucking love Ray, I want to kiss him right now, go on with it fancypants man, say the words.  “You may kiss the bride.” Finally! I launch for him, and he just catches me, and smoothly turns it around to a position where I lean under him. This is going to be an interesting wedding night. As we stand back up, we face the cheering crowd. I see all the Selected, my parents, his parents, my brother and his now-wife Sarah, his brother with his first boyfriend. Everyone is here. Tracie is waving a baseball bat in the air and almost hits the person next to her, which seems to be Alan. Haiden claps but looks awkward at Mila rooting her fist in the air like a hooligan. Aileen is close by, with her prince charming. I think I even hear Milo bark somewhere. Or is that a cow? Naomi?   Ray is used to it by now, he’s heard all the stories. But this story sure will be another good one.  “Now where are Baguette’s brownie’s…” I whisper in his ear as I give him a squeeze in his hand.  “You can have as much as you like, my dear wife,” he whispers back, “What do you think of Misses Sunshine?” “I love it,” I respond with a satisfied smile.

We have two kids, and love them both incredibly much. Dolci Maya and Brandon Jefford. I came up with the names, Ray has no idea what Dolci and Maya mean or how I came up with Brandon, and that makes it even better. They’re running around the Palace gardens with the other kids, even if I’ll have to get them inside soon. Class will start again, and I have a lot planned for them this afternoon. Mathematics mostly, even if they don’t share my passion for it yet. But since Tracie is running after the kids like she’s a kid herself, I’ll give them five more minutes. I glance over my shoulder at Mila and Sophia and I smile. 

How could we get so lucky, by just entering a letter in a Selection?