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A/N: Last Alcie fic for the selection OC! I guess it takes place in the right timeline since I don’t even talk about Haila haha.
Warning: Tracie is more obsessed than ever
I am a fucking hypocrite. This is the thought crossing my mind when Alan starts kissing my neck. I do exactly what I spend my time warning the girls against. I should maybe feel a little guilty… Nah. Alan is a too good kisser to regret anything. I kick out the girls from my brain and dedicate myself to our great making-out session… until Alan decides it’s enough for today, which doesn’t get me in a good mood.
I squeeze his half unbuttoned shirt, trying to pulling him closer to me, but he’s too strong and resists easily. “Stop, Trace.”
“Whyyyyyy ?” I moan, even if I already know the answer. He wants us to take our time, ‘cause you know, I’m not like his exes blablabla. It’s romantic, okay… but a little cliché too. And… MY HORMONES ARE TOTALLY AGAINST THIS DECISION. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND FUCK !
Alan grabs my hands. “You know why.” He kisses my forehead. “And I’ll be late for work.”
I groan and cross my arms, looking at the hour. The worst is that he’s right. He has to go to work. Letting go a sigh, he pulls away from me. While he gets ready, I try to find something to make him change his mind. Maybe I should invest in lingerie ? Or on the contrary, not wearing underwear at all ? Hum… What would be the most appealing ? I should ask my sister, she knows that stuff better than I do. But then I remember that nobody knows for Alan and me, it’s supposed to be a secret. That’s what he wanted first, because the media still stalk me, even if I’m not in the Selection anymore, and his sister’s safety is his priority. But I don’t mind it, I even love having him only for me without anyone disturbing our privacy. Also, it’s my first relationship ever. I don’t really know how it works and I prefer discovering it on my own than being advised by everybody. Yes, including Aliya. She’s gonna kill me when she learns.
Alan decides to put another shirt on, and the view of his naked and muscled back reminds me of my new goal. And what if I wait for him in his room, totally naked ? Uhm no, even I know it is not a good idea. But I am so desperate… and frustrated. I want more and it gets harder and harder to accept his stupid decision. He knows I’m not someone patient. Making me wait like this is a pure torture !
Alan suddenly turns back and shakes his head when he sees my face. “You’re unbelievable.”
“And you’re annoying.” I sulk. He simply raises his eyebrows. “And frustrating. And…” I am interrupted by his warm lips on mines, but he steps back before I have time to deepen the kiss. “I know, babe.”
“Moron.” I throw him a pillow and he laughs and then gets quiet. He grabs a lock of my hair and totally changes of subject. “Are you ready for tomorrow ?”
“Yep.” I can’t hide my excitement.
“Good.” He leans to kiss me again. “Now go away.” I pout. “Andrea is coming.” He adds. Fuck. I immediately get up and adjust my outfit. It is out of the question that I see his sister. Not because of the secret-thing, I don’t care if she knows or doesn’t… I just can’t bear her and her behavior towards Alan. He does his best to protect her and she does everything to hurt him more and more. At the beginning I thought it was only her adolescent crisis, but I start wondering if she doesn’t just really hate Alan. I saw the way she looked at him when she entered that car the other time… She didn’t seem guilty for a bit, but even happy to see Alan so devastated. So if I meet her again, I’m afraid it will be the war.
I kiss Alan quickly and leave his small house.
Fuck. It hurts more than what I thought. I close my eyes and try not to cry in front of Alan. I don’t want him to think I am a wimp. And I wanted that, I have to deal with it now. Fuuuuuuuuuck. When will it be over ?
“Babe, are you okay ?” Alan asks in my ear, his thumb stroking my hand.
I nod but can’t hide a grimace. I feel like a thousand of needles are pricking me. Wait… A thousand of needles are really pricking me.
“It won’t last.” He reassures me.
“Unless she doesn’t stop moving.” The tattooer says. “Control your girlfriend, Alan, or her tattoo will be a shit.”
“You heard the man, babe.”
“Fuck you.” I groan. “Fuck both of you.”
It won’t last, he said. I spend six fucking hours being tortured ! At a certain point, I don’t even feel my shoulder blade anymore. I didn’t think it would be that long, I can’t stay laid doing nothing during so much time. So I start singing, which annoys the tattooer because “I distract him and make him deaf with my awful voice”. Alan tries to make me forget the pain by telling anything. I focus on his deep voice and even get asleep.
“It’s over.” Alan whispers. I open my eyes and feel like my shoulder blade is burning. He helps me to get up and leads me to a mirror at the bottom of the tattoo salon. I almost break my neck to be able to see the beautiful fox I wanted. I love the geometrical form it takes at the end.
“Why a fox ?”
“Lexie was foxy.” I simply answer, smiling sadly.
He kisses my forehead. “I’m proud of you.” The tattooer then puts a bandage on my fox, and I notice Alan’s look on my breast. “Pervert.” I tell him.
“I plead guilty.” He smirks. Given his lustful look, I don’t need to invest in sexy lingerie. Simple bras seem to be enough. “Pff…” He’s such an idiot.
After the tattoo, I buy ice creams for both of us. I’m sooooo hungry, I could eat my own arm. We go back home laughing. I secretly hope we could continue what we were doing yesterday, but Alan is determined to follow the tattooer’s orders and to clean my tattoo. If he thinks I’m gonna give up, he is kidding himself.
I open the door of the house, ready to apply my plan, when Mila gets out of the living-room. Fuck. She wasn’t supposed to be out somewhere, like Aliya ? I drop Alan’s hand and pull away from him, hoping she didn’t notice anything.
“Trace ?” Mila asks, looking confused. She notices Alan and stutters. “Oh uh... hi.”
He waves quietly. “Hi.” I pretend to be happy to see her. Not that I’m not, but I would have preferred to see her in few hours. “Hum hey ! You… uh… are not outside ?”
She still looks surprised to see us. “Uh no.. I had another headache…” She suddenly change the subject. “But that's not the point. You two though..” She grins, and I have to admit it’s a little bit frightening. Alan runs away in the kitchen, while I scream. “HOW DID YOU LEARN FOR MY TATTOO ?”
Maybe I let sketches of the fox in the living-room ?
“Wait what ?” Mila answers. She looks as lost as I am. “Why are we running and screaming ?” She shakes her head. “Everyone knows right ?”
Alan comes back from the kitchen. “Uh... she isn't talking about the tattoo Trace.”
“What is she talking about then ?”
Mila finally realizes something and shouts. “WAIT YOU GOT A TATTOO!”
This conversation is a mess. We talk about two things at the same time.
“WHAT DOES EVERYONE KNOW ? AND YES I GOT A TATTOO!”
Mila decides to give up the story of the tattoo, which first releases me.
“YOU ARE ON THAT DAMN FRONT COVER”
“WHAT” Then Alan shows me the cover of the magazine he’s been holding for few minutes. It’s a picture of us, kissing in front of the college. It was the day I officially stopped uni. “WHAT” I repeat. Mila grabs the magazine out of Alan's hands. “LOOK.” She shakes the magazine. My eyes widen. “THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK.”
Alan rolls his eyes. Luckily, Mila can’t see him.
“Trace come on, there is no denying anymore. You are on that fricking front cover!”
“Babe they all know, why are you denying ?” Alan adds.
“Because you wanted it to be a secret !”
“Nothing can be secret with you, Tracie.” He sighs but doesn’t look particularly angry.
“You got a point.” Mila tells him.
“I know.” He answers proudly.
I prefer to ignore him. “Did Ali see this ?”
She did, as I learn it hours later, after Alan ran away because of Mila. I try to deny, to make as if I don't know what she talks about. Even I wonder why I do that, it's stupid, and it makes me look stupid. But I can’t help it. I use my tattoo as a distraction and it quite works. But Ali smiles all the time. She seems happy for me at least. They all seem happy for me. I guess they really are. But still, it’s so strange. Alan and I are an official couple. Fuck, I can’t even say if I like this word. Couple. It’s too normal for us and our insanity… I mean my insanity.
I realize I am in front of his door only once he opens it. Oh because I knocked too?
“I’m an idiot.”
“You’re an idiot.” I say at the same time as he talks. We laugh and I shake my head. “I should hit you for letting me with Mila on my own….”
Alan leans against the door, smirking. Arrogant idiot. “Why don’t you do it then?”
“Because I love you, idiot.”
I raise my eyebrows, curious to hear what he has to say now. But he looks just shocked, staring at me with a widened mouth. I didn’t think it would touch him so much. I mean… It isn’t obvious? He suddenly catches my lips with his and wraps his hands around my waist.
“There’s only you to say it so normally.” He rubs his nose against mine, grinning.
“It’s normal to love you, Alan Holland.”
He pulls me closer to him. “And honestly, it’s not at all to love you.” I wrinkle my nose, ready to insult him. “But I do.” He continues, “with all my heart. I fucking love you, Tracie Beauchamp.”
I smirk. “You fucking love me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. So now, let’s go to your room.” He shakes his head.
“Sofa. I don‘t trust you.”
I squint and give him the finger... some things will never change.
|| A I L E E N & H E R s e l e c t i o n F R I E N D S ||
I wanted to practice making edits so I ended up doing this. No particular reason behind it. Just the girls Aileen interacted with and got close to at some point. This includes: name, a trait Aileen identified each of them with and (thanks to @thedandelioninperspective‘s suggestions) a crack nickname. Enjoy! I had lots of fun with this Selection.
Ft. @lady-naomi-lafleur @mila-regan @aliyatyson & @tracie-beauchamp
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A/N : Hello dear people ! Finally Aliya getting shot from… Alan’s point of view lol. It was supposed to be really longer (it is only 3k words) but unfortunately Cassey deleted her account as you know so I lost our rp planned for this fic. And I wanted this fic to be over before leaving for Italy (and possibly before Bertha announces the winner). Anyway I did my best (but it is probably the worst fic I produced) and I think you could like the end. Enjoy !
“Andrea, get out of here !” I say, hammering on the door of the bathroom. What the hell has she been doing for two hours inside ?
“I’m getting ready !” She screams to be heard above the water. I’m pretty sure that there’s no hot water anymore… and that the bill will be steep. Thank you Andrea, we can see you’re not the one working all day to make us survive.
“Ready for what, Andrea ?”
She suddenly opens the door. “What the hell is that ?!” I yell. She wears a short and skin-tight red dress.
“I’m going to a party.” She shrugs.
She wants to go to the living room, but I block her. “And when did you think you would ask me the permission ?”
She bites her red lip. “Hum… never ? You’re not my father, Alan.” Then she takes advantage of her thin stature to pass and goes to the living room.
“But I’m your brother and your guardian.”
She grabs a small handbag, defying me.
“I forbid you to go there, Andrea.”
It’s already 9 pm, I know what kind of party she’s going to.
“And you know what ? I don’t care.” She replies.
And my exes always wondered why I didn’t want children. Andrea is only my sister but she enables me to see all the problems kids bring. I always feel guilty for this, but sometimes I think it will be great once she turns 18 and leaves the house. ‘Cause believe me, as soon as she is of age, she’ll leave and I’ll never see her again. Tracie doubts it will really happen, but I know Andrea. She is sure I am the source of her problems (what problems ? she’s only 15) and that I prevent her doing what she wants. Getting rid of me is her dream. But for the moment she has to live with the “jerk” I am, so she prefers driving me crazy.
I put my hand on the entering door to block Andrea. I certainly won’t let her go.
“Alan !”
“You’ll stay here, even if it means you’ll hate me until my death.”
“People are waiting for me !”
“No.”
“It’s not the first time I do that, Alan. I’ll be safe if that is why you’re worried.”
“What do you mean ?” I whisper, trying to control my anger. If she wanted to convince me with that, she totally failed.
“When you have to work late and you come back long after the curfew, where do you think I am ? At home, doing my homework or sleeping, like the nice little girl you want me to be ?” She answers aggressively.
It’s worse than what I thought. She’s worse than what I thought.
A knock on the door interrupts our fight. I look at Andrea, making her understand that it is not over. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. I breathe in and out, trying to stay calm and open the door.
“Tracie ?”
She raises her head, looking surprised to hear me calling her. She wears the sweater I left at her home the other night. I would find it cute if she didn’t have that look, the same as she had that day on the beach. I frown, Andrea almost forgotten.
“What’s wrong, babe ?”
She suddenly wraps her arms around my waist, buries her face in my t-shirt and cries. I hate that sound so much, it breaks me a little bit every time. I would like to let her come in, but I know it’s a bad idea, there’s Andrea trying to look upon my shoulder.
“You let them come here ?” Andrea mumbles. We both know who she refers to. All these girls I dated, I flirted with, only because I found it funny and wanted to pass time. I didn’t worth more than my father at that time. Luckily it’s over now.
Oh and fuck, I can’t let Tracie there. I make us enter. Andrea raises her eyebrows when she sees Tracie but then widens her eyes when she recognizes her.
“You date ex-Selected now ? Congrats.” She says, sarcastic.
“We’re not dating, Andrea.”
She looks at my hand stroking Tracie’s arm, skeptic.
“Go to your room, Andrea.”
Instead of that, she crosses the door and leaves.
“Wait two minutes, Tracie.”
She nods and dries her tears. I run after my sister, who walks quite quickly with her heels. She reaches a black car.
“Andrea !”
“Sorry Alan.” She says, getting into the car. I watch her draw away, wondering once again what I did to her.
“She’s a bitch.” Tracie says behind me. I turn around, surprised to hear her voice, especially to say that. “Don’t say that. She’s not.”
“She is and you know it. Look at how she treated you.”
I know how Tracie exaggerates with words all the time, so I don’t take it bad. And maybe I know she’s not totally wrong. I cross my arms, still looking at the place that car was few minutes ago. I wish I had stopped her.
“She would have run away through the window of her room.” Tracie says, in echo to my own thoughts. I often ask myself how we do to guess what the other is thinking about.
“Why did you come, Trace ?” I ask. She was crying two minutes ago and now she talks to me as if it never happened.
“Aliya got shot.”
I’m not sure to have heard clearly. “What ?”
“Aliya got shot.” She repeats and tears appear again in her eyes.
“How… ?”
“I just need you to drive me to the hospital. I feel… I feel I can’t do it on my own.”
She puts her hands in the pockets of my sweater.
“I’ll drive then.”
She makes a small smile. I can’t stay at home waiting for Andrea anyway, I will get totally crazy. I take Tracie’s hand and I wonder a short moment if being with her is not the thing that will make me really insane.
In the car, Tracie explains me that Aliya is actually a northern rebel. From the two friends, I expected Tracie to be the rebel one, honestly. But for having already been approached by rebels, I guess she’s probably too out of control for the job.
More she talks, more a kind of anger starts growing inside her, I hear it in her speech. She’s talking about that rebel guy, Ray, when we arrive at the hospital… And mad is not strong enough to describe how she feels about him. If she had a gun, Ray would be dead. When I cut off the contact, she gets out of the car before I can say anything. Will everyone run away from me tonight ? I call her twice but she doesn’t even turn her head, walking in a determined way.
She enters the hospital and I have to run after her, knowing she’s going to do something stupid. I find her easily, she yells at a guy I guess is Ray. I put my hand on her mouth just when she’s about to shout “rebel” in front of everyone. I convince her to go somewhere else to talk. I don’t know if I should have done that. She is very angry at Ray and doesn’t hide it. She even says he is responsible of what happened to her best friend. It’s obvious Ray is already not okay, worried about his girlfriend and she increases his guilt.
Until Ray punches the wall and gives in, silently sobbing. There’s a changement inside her, she sees something in Ray she probably never saw before. She sits next to him and reassures him… well the best she can reassure someone. I even think I assist to the beginning of their friendship, but none of them will admit it.
Tracie becomes the Tracie we all know again when Ray decides to clean his t-shirt. I’m pretty sure it’s because he wants to be alone but obviously Tracie doesn’t understand it like that. For her, it’s simply a t-shirt someone has to clean. She begs Ray to do it, saying she has to do something. I frown at that moment. She’s not as okay as she wants to show it. But Ray doesn’t notice anything in her attitude, he already thinks she’s weird, he doesn’t try to understand why she does what she does like I do. Too late. Before I have time to comment, Ray gives up and takes off his t-shirt. She asks me to stay with him. Girl I hardly know him, what am I supposed to do ? She leaves running, making a comment about Ray’s muscles before disappearing in the corridors of the hospital. I know she’s not tactful usually, but there, it’s different. She says that as a distraction. I should follow her… But Ray needs me too. I’m not sure anyone thought about what he must feel with his girlfriend in an operating room. They probably did like Tracie and got angry with him - not as violently of course. He’s alone… I guess it’s up to me. I sit next to him, not really knowing what to say. I finally do the best as I can. He doesn’t seem to believe me when I say Aliya will be okay and that it is not his fault, but I try. He looks a little bit better and everything’s fine until he talks about Tracie and her crazy attitude. I think he doesn’t understand what I’m doing with her. I don’t either to be honest.
We stay silent after that. I start worrying about Tracie. She left us a while ago. Ray doesn’t look like he’s gonna punch the wall, I guess it’s safe to leave him alone.
I spend fifteen minutes to find the damn rest rooms of this ground. Let’s just hope she’s there.
And she is, crying in a side of the toilets. I’m not really surprised, even if it still breaks my heart to see her so overwhelmed. I’m such a jerk, letting her alone was a very bad idea.
I turn my head towards the mirror. Broken and with blood. Not difficult to guess she hit it with her fist. I can’t even imagine her hand right now.
“Trace ?” I call her softly.
She raises her head and reveals her red cheeks, wet by her tears. “What if she dies ? What if I lose her, like I lost Lexie ?” She is half panicking. I get closer slowly, while she goes on. “What if I can’t keep people close to me ? What if I lead them to death !”
I kneel down to face her. “Gosh, what are you saying, Tracie ? It doesn’t make sense !” She shakes her head, still hunched on the floor. Her hand bleeds, I can see pieces of the mirror inside it.
“I can’t go through this again…” She sobs.
“You won’t, okay ? You won’t.” I repeat.
Tracie finally lets me hug her. She cries on my shoulder, mumbling things I can’t understand. I don’t stop my “shhh” or the moves of my hand on her back a second.
“Why do people always say I am strong ? I’m not.” She suddenly says, her safe hand grabbing my bicep like an anchor.
“You are strong. But you’re human too.”
And that’s the moment I do the stupidest thing I could ever do. I just don’t think and kiss her hair. It’s quick and innocent, but it both makes us stop breathing. We look each other in the eye, both realizing something. Our faces are so close, I suddenly realize, my eyes staring at her lips.
“I-I sh-should do something for my hand!” Tracie almost screams, getting up.
“Trace wait !” She almost runs away, but stops at the door. She stares at me, shakes her head, eyes widened, and finally leaves me before I have time to think clearly.
That night is pure shit. First Andrea, then Tracie, and Ray. And Tracie again. Since I met her, she’s always there.
I don’t know why I didn’t leave. Why I am still in the hospital, waiting. For what ? Again, I don’t know. Probably for her. No. Not probably. I am waiting for her. Even if I know it’s stupid and useless. She ran away, and I’m not sure she’ll come back one day. I don’t know if it was too early or if I just should have never done that. But I can’t believe I am the only one who felt it. I got girlfriends before, but I’ve never had this feeling, this need to be with them, to share everything, even my soul. With Tracie I have it. And I love it… like I love her.
I put my head on the backseat. I love her, finally I admit it. I am in fucking love with her and nothing can change that.
I can’t let her go, I realize. If I give up now, I’ll definitely lose her. I have to try something. The only way to convince Tracie is to be more stubborn than she is. It’s not something easy but I’m determined to do it.
That’s the moment she chooses to appear in the hall. She looks very very angry. I don’t know what happened but it certainly won’t won’t stop me. I follow her and grab her wrist.
“Tracie, we need to talk.” She turns around and looks at my grab. “I should go, Alan.” The tone is distant.
I take the keys of her car, still in the pocket of my jeans. “The keys against a talk.”
She bites her lips. I know she wanna run away, but I have the keys… I feel a little guilty for forcing her, but sometimes the only way to do something with Tracie is to use extreme measures.
“Okay.” She sighs. She already regrets it, and it tears my heart more than I would like to.
“I can’t be your friend.” I announce straightforwardly, oncewe got out of the hospital and found a quieter place.
She gets white and steps back, not expecting that. “Wh-what ?”
“I can’t be your friend.” I repeat. The words are hard, violent. I see how they touch her. But she needs to know. I take a long breath to gain some courage, before saying it aloud for the first time of my life. “I can’t be your friend because I love you more than a friend.”
I think a second and realize that’s not how a normal relationship works. Love declarations come later. But we’re not really normal, are we ?
“Really ?” She only replies with a small voice, blinking.
How can she doubt about it ? This is so obvious, they all saw it before us.
“Of course.”
“More than a friend?” It seems she wants to make sure of something.
“So much more than a friend.” I whisper
Tracie crosses the few inches separating us. I touch her cheek with one finger lightly, as if I could make her run away if I push too strong. She shivers and gets closer to me. I feel her speed breaths on my face. We look each other in the eye few seconds, before she decides to make the last step and to kiss me. It’s brusque and surprising, like her. I put my hands around her waist and she wraps hers around my neck, holding me to make the kiss last longer. I bet she has never been kissed like that, neither did I. It’s stronger and more passionate than everything I knew before. Does it come from her, me or just the both of us ?
Tracie slowly pulls away, breathless. I cup her face, thumbing her cheeks, and let go a “holy shit”, which, I think, summarize that crazy day perfectly. She can’t help but bursting out laughing. I just look at her, her natural beauty, her appeased look. Our eyes meet again and I grin when I realize she looks at me exactly in the way I look at her. She bites her bottom lip, suddenly hesitating.
“You can kiss me again whenever you want, babe.” I say, guessing her intention.
As an answer, she simply gives me the finger, trying not to smile. I immediately lean towards her and catch her lips with mines. Aliya is definitely not the only one who got shot tonight.
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the moon sign is so important. it’s the first thing i want to mention to people learning about astrology, because although your chart is much like a jigsaw puzzle, your moon sign is one of the biggest pieces. much like the sun sign, it makes up a vast amount of who you are. your moon sign rules over your emotions, your impulses, and the deepest, most personal version of you. your sun sign is who you are when you’re in your element, most comfortable, around the people you trust. your moon sign is the inner workings of you every single day. the decisions you make, the way you perceive your emotions, and your viewpoint on the world are all products of your moon sign. so learn a bit about yourself!
☽ moon in aries ☾ : if your moon is in aries, you’re quite a character! passionate, impulsive, and excitable, you are fast paced and see nothing as impossible! you’re bound to have very strong emotions, be them good or bad, and you let them rule your every decision (though your decisions can hardly be called decisions; you just do what you want). nothing is ever boring with a moon in aries around!
good qualities: passionate, spontaneous, ambitious, optimistic
bad qualities: impatient, moody, hot-headed, dramatic
☽ moon in taurus ☾ : if your moon is in taurus, your personality can be best described as warm. you are affectionate, patient, and kind, and you’re a slave to routine. you want every day to be predictable, because you’re most comfortable following a pattern! your love for your family, close friends, and partner is gentle and unwavering, and you will stick by the people you care about through thick and thin.
good qualities: kind, loyal, frugal, fair
bad qualities: stubborn, materialistic, unforgiving
☽ moon in gemini ☾ : if your moon is in gemini you’re one of the most fast-paced moon signs. sociable, funny, and friendly, you’re much like aries in your impulsiveness, but unlike the fire sign which is unwavering, you’re an ever-changing person. you probably find yourself taking on traits of those around you, and constantly reinventing your style, because you can’t stand being the same person every day!
good qualities: interesting, funny, organized, intelligent
bad qualities: noncommittal, restless, rude
☽ moon in cancer ☾ : cancer moons are the most in-touch with their feelings of all the moon signs. if your moon is in cancer, you always know what you’re feeling, and always know what the people around you are feeling as well. you have great intuition, and that combined with your maternal nature makes you a wonderful friend, partner, and parent.
good qualities: caring, empathetic, loyal, nurturing bad qualities: pessimistic, insecure, finicky, self-absorbed
☽ moon in leo ☾ : if your moon is in leo, you’re incredibly generous. you express your emotions by giving all you can to others, especially those you love. you enjoy showering those around you in gifts, compliments, and affection, but you expect to be treated the same! you love to help others, and give some of the best advice. you feel your best when surrounded by people who care about you, and probably hate being alone.
good qualities: organized, loving, generous, responsible
bad qualities: dramatic, needy, bossy, materialistic
☽ moon in virgo ☾ : if your moon is in virgo, you’re obsessed with detail and simplicity all at once. you like to keep a routine that’s to a t, but prefer to walk through life without doing anything incredible. you’re happy just blending in with the crowd, and doing small things to make a difference! you show your love in tiny gestures, like packing someone’s lunch or doing their laundry, and prefer not to get too sappy about it. you’d rather not make a big splash about anything!
good qualities: reliable, organized, selfless
bad qualities: insecure, withdrawn, apathetic
☽ moon in libra ☾ : if your moon is in libra, you want someone by your side at all times. you feel most comfortable when you’re in a relationship and quite insecure when you’re alone. you usually want everything to be perfect, almost unrealistically so, and you stress a lot about the little things. you have great social skills and likely lots of friends, and love being surrounded by them.
good qualities: adaptable, charming, sympathetic
bad qualities: overindulgent, indecisive, dependent to a fault
☽ moon in scorpio ☾ : if your moon is in scorpio, you’re intense in everything you do. from your interests to your relationships to what you eat for dinner, everything is a big deal. you probably like horror, mythology or astrology, and take great interest in the strange and the unknown. you have a constant thirst for excitement, and if there is none, you’ll create it. your presence is unmistakable.
good qualities: passionate, charismatic, ambitious, complex
bad qualities: possessive, dramatic, hot-tempered, may be disloyal
☽ moon in sagittarius ☾ : if your moon is in sagittarius, you are a free spirit. a sagittarius moon loves adventure, excitement, and change in their life. if any sign is likely to be a modern-day nomad that lives in a camper and crosses country, it’s a sagittarius moon. a sag moon living a conventional life is the type to pick you up at three a.m. to take you to mcdonald’s. they can’t stand doing things the same way twice.
good qualities: fun, fast-paced, spontaneous, passionate
bad qualities: irresponsible, flighty, rude, unreliable
☽ moon in capricorn ☾ : if you have a capricorn moon, you are an old soul. you’re practical and constantly striving for success, and you’re so driven that you’re bound to get where you want to be. emotions are not your strong suit, and many capricorn moons may remain single throughout their life, simply because they’d rather worry about themselves. reserved but not selfish, a cap moon is not very social.
good qualities: ambitious, intelligent, logical, even-tempered
bad qualities: insecure, unaffectionate, anxious
☽ moon in aquarius ☾ : if your moon is in aquarius, you march to the beat of your own drum. an aqua moon feels set apart from others, and tends to act as an outsider looking in; they don’t believe anyone can truly understand them. they’re funny, independent, and kind, and their intuition and observance makes them some of the best therapists, case workers, and even lawyers.
good qualities: independent, intuitive, idealistic, funny
bad qualities: egotistical, moody, distant
☽ moon in pisces ☾ : if you’re a pisces moon, you have incredible compassion that’s unmatched by any other sign. you identify with everyone in some way, because you have a sense of empathy and don’t struggle to walk in another’s shoes. you’re dreamy, optimistic, and romantic, and sometimes you lose touch with reality. you may be referred to as a “sponge”, because you soak up the emotions you’re surrounded by, and it’s easy for you to lose yourself in others’ problems, forgetting to take time to care for yourself first.
good qualities: empathetic, selfless, thoughtful, idealistic
bad qualities: impracticle, dependent, sensitive, may be a doormat
A/N : It was supposed to be a funny fic… and it is a funny fic… mainly. I mean, there are cute Alcie moments, but also things less funny (not that much don’t worry). I wrote it very quickly (well I tried to) so ignore my shitty writing and the mistakes in the text (actually do it every time I post a fic lol). Anyway, do you guys remember this fic from Cassey, when Tracie locked them outside ? Well you’ll discover, among other things, why she did it hehehe. With mentions of @mila-regan @aliyatyson (and Ray).
I wave one last time at Aliya, Thomas and Sarah. They go back to Atlin for few days, leaving me alone in this small house I learnt to love. At least I have Shrek with me.
First step, food. I made a stock yesterday and hid it under my bed. Chocolates, candies, biscuits, chips and crackers are quietly waiting for me. I grab the big bag, grinning. I’m so relieved Aliya didn’t see it, she would have taken it with her, as revenge when I came back just before the curfew the other day. Her face when she saw Alan, if I hadn’t been so groggy I would have laughed. But she was nice with him. And she didn’t even stay mad. She’s too weak with me mwahahaha. She can’t resist. What will it be when she has children ?
“No way ! No way !” I scream, trying not to imagine Raliya’s kids. No no no, I’m certainly not ready for this. I’m not even ready to see them getting married. Aliya in a white dress is too much for me. And Ray in a suit, ugh ! I blink to forget these images. But it doesn’t work. Great. I’m pretty sure I’ll make nightmares about it now.
I go to the small living room and throw myself on the sofa. Shrek jumps on my chest and rubs his head against me, asking for strokes. I sigh. “I’ll miss you, stupid cat.” I almost want to keep him, but he’s a gift since the beginning. I’m just his keeper for few weeks.
I start watching TV, while eating some chips. I would like Mila to be here with me, like the old times we were talking in her room, eating. It seems it was months ago, but only one month and a half has passed since Haiden eliminated me. I should call her. I am going to grab my phone and do it when someone knocks on the door.
“Who’s there ?” I yell, still on the sofa.
“The Alpha male !”
I roll my eyes. “It’s open !”
Alan enters and joins me in the living room. He comes to check on me every fucking day. Okay I exaggerate. He checked only once, the day after I got nuts. And the day after that, I waited for him at the country club he works in on Mondays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays. Seeing each other at the end of the day quickly became a habit.
“You’re certainly not an Alpha male.” I tell him, putting chips in my mouth. “You’re an Omega.”
He takes me the chips bag. “Hey !” I scream.
“I am an Alpha. A great Alpha.” He shows off.
“You know that the Alpha male is supposed to have a female by his side ? They’re the couple leading the pack.”
“What’s your point, Beauchamp ?”
I don’t want to move to get my chips bag back, I prefer to take some candies.
“You’re single. So you can’t be an Alpha male. Sorry, Holland.”
He puts his elbows on the backrest of the sofa, pretending to be lost in a deep reflection. “Maybe I should defy the true alpha and take his partner.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Who’s that alpha you want to defy ? Hayleigh’s new boyfriend ?”
“Ha. Ha.” He says, and then eats more chips. I laugh, seeing his grimace. His exes -and I learnt there were many of them- are a sensitive subject. He hates talking about them. I try to discover why, but he’s pretty determined not to leak any information. If we hadn’t met Hayleigh, I’m not even sure we would have talked about it.
“You’re all alone ?” He suddenly asks. Usually we don’t stay at the apartment, there is always someone. We only walk, talking about anything.
“Yep. Aliya and Thomas are visiting their parents in Atlin with Sarah. It will be quiet for few days.”
He smirks. “Quiet ? With you ? It’s impossible.”
I show him my beautiful middle finger, which makes him laugh.
“So,” He goes on. “That’s what you planned for the next days ? Staying on this sofa in pajamas, watching TV and eating junk food ?” I nod. “I start thinking you have a heartbreak.”
I sit up straight. “If I had a heartbreak, I would eat ice cream and only ice cream.” He looks skeptical. “I know what I’m talking about, I have already done this before.” I mumble.
“And do you think you will do it again ?”
“Certainly not !”
I won’t let anyone break my heart again. Never.
“I won’t let you stay locked here.” Alan says. “Walk with me, it’s sunny today.”
“It’s always sunny in Angeles.” He gives a disapproving sight. I get up, letting all my stuff on the sofa.
“Okay, okay I’m coming.”
He grins, feeling victorious. I give him the finger and he grabs me by the shoulders. “As acknowledgment I’m gonna pay you a coffee at Hayleigh’s working place.” He knows how much I love teasing him about her. I can’t help smiling. “Okay you won this one, Maxon.” (selection joke hehehe)
“You didn’t have a car yesterday, am I wrong ?”
I turn around and smile at Alan. “Actually I did. But it wasn’t here.”
He raises his eyebrows. “How…”
“Dad sent it to me from Whites !” His birthday gift with some late. My baby has been stuck in Columbia for days because of a train problem.
“You Twos are crazy.” Alan shakes his head, perplex. “You buy cars to your underage children, and you deliver them at the other side of the country.”
We rarely talk about our caste difference, it leads to tensions. Even if I want them to be removed as much as he does, he’s still a Six and me a Two, which means we had a different upbringing.
“He didn’t buy it. I did. It was a total ruin when I found it in a garbage dump, but I repaired it entirely. It took months to get all the pieces. And know baby’s home.” I say, caressing the hood.
He doesn’t listen to one word of what I say and just puts his hands in his pockets. It’s obvious he’s somewhere else. “Are you okay, Alan ?” I ask softly.
He pinches his lips, like every time he doubts or thinks. “No.” He finally says.
I stop cleaning my child. “I bought doughnuts this morning.” I know he loves it. I don’t need to say more to convince him. He follows me inside the house and I show him the box of doughnuts. He opens it and takes one, but he doesn’t look like he really wants to eat it. I try to turn on the faucet with my elbows, having the hands full of grease.
“What’s the problem ?” I ask.
He helps me to turn on the faucet. I whisper a thank you. “My sister is saving money to move to Waverly.” He finally sighs.
“What ? Why ?”
“She thinks they pay better there…”
I raise an eyebrow. “She wants to live at the other side of the country only for this reason ?”
“She wants to live far from me.”
I stop soaping my hands. “Nonsense ! You’re her brother, her only family. How can she…”
“That’s exactly why she wants to move, Tracie. She’s fed up with me because I am her brother who had to become her father too. She wants a new start far from a Holland.”
“She is only 15, she’ll change her mind, Alan.”
He shakes his head. “No, she won’t. She’ll leave and I’ll never see her again, that’s what will happen.” He closes his eyes and I think he hold his tears back. “What did I do wrong, Tracie ? All I’ve been doing since Mom died is only to be sure she’ll be okay… Why does she hate me ?”
I dry my hands and force him to sit. “She doesn’t hate you.”
“How do you know that ?”
I smile. “I kind of had the same problems with my mother. I know what Andrea feels.”
He’s going to argue but I talk before he can do it. “She’s lost. And she probably hasn’t mourned over your mother yet.”
“Me neither !”
I go on as if he didn’t say anything. “And she must be angry with you for some dark reason because teenargers are naturally angry with the parental figure.”
“Is that supposed to help me ?” He sighs.
“No. I suck too much at reassuring for that.”
“Good.”
I open the doughnut box again. “But this should help a little bit.”
He finally eats a doughnut quietly, probably thinking about Andrea and his mother. When he finishes he starts talking about his family life and how everything changed when his mother died. I talk about my own problems with my mother, my parents’ divorce when I was eight. It’s weird to have such a deep conversation, I’m not used to it.
I am surprised when he speaks about his father, who left them when his mother got pregnant with Andrea. I can see how hard it is for him to bring these memories back.
I thumb Alan’s hand, caressing his tanned and rough skin.
“I’m here if you need me.”
He looks at our hands. “Nobody’s ever been here for me.”
This short sentence reveals so much about the loneliness he must have felt all his life. I feel my heart break a little bit for him.
“And now it is over. You’re not alone. I’m here.” I repeat, looking almost desperately for his blue sight. He finally raises his head. I try to smile, so does he. We must look stupid, with these grimaces, but it is strangely comforting.
The moment is broken by a knock on the door. I blink and look towards the corridor.
“I should…”
“Hum, yeah. Good idea.” He pulls his hand back and gets up. I can’t help but touch where his fingers were few seconds earlier. The unknown person knocks again. I sigh, look a last time at Alan and open the door.
“Ray ?!” I almost scream. He was the last person I expected to see.
He doesn’t seem to totally be here with me. “Is Aliya here ?” He asks.
Okayyyy… He looks really strange. Did he drink ? Or took drugs ? He doesn’t look like him at all.
“She’s gone.” I raise an eyebrow. “You knew that, right ?”
He doesn’t look like the Ray I know so much that I start missing the old sarcastic Ray.
“Yes-yes of course, I knew.” He stutters. “I just- I came to check on the house and you, that’s all.”
Huh what ? Check on me, seriously ? He really thinks I’m gonna believe it ?
“Aliya asked.” He says to save himself. Doesn’t work man. “So everything seems fine, good.” He clears his throat. “Have a nice day.”
Has Ray Jefford just wished me a good day ? He’s possessed or what ?
“Bye?”
He doesn’t answer, already at the other side of the street. Is it Aliya’s absence which makes him like that ? God, he’s more in love than what I thought. I maybe should have proposed him to stay a little. I look behind my shoulder.
“Who was it ?” Alan asks.
No, it was better to let him leave. I already have my depressed case here. And he’s not my friend. Maybe I love Aliya, but not enough to look after her boyfriend. He wouldn’t have told me anything anyway.
“Aliya’s boyfriend, Ray.” I answer, closing the door.
Alan nods. An awkward silence falls. I don’t know what to say to make things cool again, so I stay stupidly next to the door.
“I should go.” He finally says, taking his jacket. “I have to fix things with Andrea.”
I blink, not expecting it. “Hum, yeah… I guess you’re right.”
He grabs the handle of the door and looks at me. “See you later ?”
Why does it sound interrogative ? “Of course !”
He smiles a last time and takes the same way Ray took few minutes before. I close the door and let me fall on the floor. What has just happened ?
Two days later, Aliya is back with her brother and Sarah. I’m happy to see them again, especially because I didn’t see Alan yesterday. I know he avoids me. I have no idea of what I said or what I did to make him run away. Usually I would feel rather angry but I’m just sad. And I hate this.
I want to spend some time with Aliya, just like during the Selection, but she has rebel party plans. I don’t ask her to stay, knowing Ray will be there and that she wants to see him. She looks so happy only at the idea they’ll spend the evening together, she keeps grinning all the time. We live together, like during the Selection, we even share a room… but it feels so different. I try to adapt, telling myself I just need to get used to the life outside the palace. Nevertheless there’s still the fear to lose her. Not like I lost Lexie of course. But she has new friends, a boyfriend… maybe crazy Tracie will become too much.
I frown, looking at the equations I started. I don’t like it, the girl I’m becoming. I feel insecurity spreading inside me, and I don’t know where it comes from. Badass Tracie is missing, where is the girl who always knows there will be something good one day ?
“See you later !” I say to Shrek, taking my jacket. I certainly won’t let it happen. I won’t become withdrawn or something. I won’t stay all day in the house because I have nothing to do. It’s just a bad moment, but it won’t last. I just need… to find something.
I’m so focused on my new determination that I bump into someone. The someone being Alan. Obviously.
“I was going to your home.” We say at the same time.
We laugh awkwardly. He is the first one to talk.
“I’m sorry for the other day. I shouldn’t have left like that.” He takes a long breath. “It’s just that I never confide so much. In anyone. And…” He makes a pause.
“And ?” I ask softly.
“It scares me.” He whispers, maybe hoping I wouldn’t hear. I pull on the sleeves of my jumper to hide my trembling hands. I cross my arms and raise my head. “It scares me too.” I sigh, finally admitting out loud that getting so close to him is frightening. I got through this before and it didn’t finish very well. I don’t want it to happen again.
“It’s a good thing.” He says, smiling.
“Really ?” I frown.
“If we’re both scared, it means I’m not a total wimp.”
“You’re not a wimp at all.” I correct.
Alan stares at my face few seconds. His intense look makes me blush. I look down, feeling a little uncomfortable, and notice a strange lump under his sweater.
“What is that ?” I say, pointing the lump.
“Hum… A gift ? If you accept, of course.”
“A gift for what ?”
“Your birthday ?”
“It was three weeks ago.”
He rolls his eyes and sighs. “You don’t have to accept, remember okay ?” He pulls on the fastening of his sweater and a small head gets out. I grab the puppy, whining. (Hey I’m still a girl, babies and animals are too irresistible, I can’t help it.)
“Hello, puppy !” I stroke the top of its head. “You’re the ugliest dog I have ever seen.”
Alan blinks. “Why does it sound like a compliment ?”
“Because it is.” I hold the dog tightly. He laughs. “What ?” I say. “I’ve always found English bulldogs cute because of their ugliness.” Alan shakes his head but keeps smiling. “Where did you get it ?” I ask him.
“I found him in the street. He has been abandoned, like many other dogs before him.” He explains. “Usually I take the dogs I find to a refuge I worked in. But… I thought having a pet would be good to cheer you up. And I decided to try, because why not ?”
“I have a pet, Shrek. And you’re here to cheer me up.” I quickly answer.
I don’t know why he blushes at the last sentence. Why did I say which is so special, except the truth ?
“You won’t keep Shrek.” He remembers me, something he doesn’t need to do. I am not ready to see my Shrek leave.
“I don’t know if Aliya will agree. A puppy makes more damages than a cat.” I argue.
He puts his hands in his pockets. “I told you you don’t have to keep him if you don’t want to.”
That’s the thing. I want to keep him. I suddenly turn around walk towards my home.
“I’ll call him Fitz.” I declare. I hear his laugh behind me.
“Why Fitz ?” He says, joining me.
I shrug. “Dunno. It fits that’s all.”
We quickly arrive and I notice Shrek has left jumping through the window of the kitchen. Good. I don’t know how he will react when he meets his temporary new buddy.
“I have nothing to feed him.” I realize.
“That’s why we invented supermarkets.”
I roll my eyes and look for my bag. I hide my hair under a baseball cap.
I have put Fitz on the floor of the kitchen. Alan and I look at him while he’s smelling and discovering his new place.
“Is it a good idea to let him alone ?”
“We have to buy him food, we don’t really have the choice but letting him here.” Maybe I shouldn’t, but I like the way he says “we”.
“Bye Fitz !” I say, closing the door. Alan rolls his eyes and offers me his hand. I take it as if it is the most natural thing to do and we walk quietly to the supermarket, talking like nothing happened two days ago.
Once in the supermarket Alan leads me to the pet section. I start looking at the food for puppy. “How old is he you think ?” I ask.
“Around 4 months.” He answers, at the other side of the section. What is he doing ? I shake my head and focus on these stupid feed brands. How will I make my choice, I can’t even see the difference between medium and maxi size. How am I supposed to know the future weight of Fitz ?
“Found it !” Alan says. I turn my head and see him carrying a huge kibble bag on his shoulder quietly. “Do you want to buy a second bag ?”
“Hum… one seems to be enough.” I see it weighs 15 kilos. “I’ll have stock for months.”
“You have to give him 341 grams a day, admitting he’ll weigh 25 kilos. I let you calculate, genius.”
“43 days. Almost 44.” I immediately answer.
“Ok, one bag is enough.” He admits, looking disappointed that I won’t buy another one.
“What ? You wanted to show all your strength ?” I laugh. Then I take a deeper voice, trying to imitate him. “Look people I can carry 30 kilos I am sooooo strong.”
He puts the bag down and crosses his arms. “30 kilos are nothing.”
“Talk for you.” I bite my lip. “I bet you can’t carry me.” I provoke him.
Alan smirks and open his arms. “You’re gonna lose, babe.”
I get closer to him. I already regret this. Why can’t I shut up ? I’m really too close, it makes me feel nervous. I can see his blood pulse at the artery of his neck. It’s a bit too fast. I’m not the only one nervous.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t call me babe.”
He goes lightly down to pass his arms under my knees and lifts me easily. Okay, maybe he’s really strong. But I already knew it. I mean, look at his arms, at his torso ! I was maybe overwhelmed when he was shirtless, but I didn’t forget that great view.
“I’ll keep calling you babe.” He says, starting to walk in the section with me in his arms. “You’re as easy to carry as a baby.” I roll my eyes. He exaggerates, even he seems not to have problems to transport me. “Why do you make fun of your weight ? You’re not that heavy.”
“72 kilos for 158 centimeters is heavy.”
Few kilos more and I am officially obese. Alan doesn’t answer. I would rather he does. Because I need something to distract me from his warm hand on the naked skin of my thigh. Wearing shorts was a great idea, Tracie. That plus his other hand on my waist… I should stop betting all the time, it leads to too many problems.
I hide my red face in his shoulder. Another great idea. Now I smell lemon, washing powder and some sweat. And I like it. Too much.
“You know we came here to buy stuff for Fitz ?” I finally remind him.
“Yeah yeah.” He answers, retightening his hold around me. He goes back to the pet section and asks me what type of things I want. Still in his arms, I grab toys, a basket, a dish etc. I keep that in my own arms. If we forget the butterflies in my stomach because of his hold, I start finding it quite funny. We look ridiculous.
“Will you carry me until we go home ?”
“I will.” He assures me, confident. He still doesn’t look tired. Maybe he’s really able to do it.
“And how will you do for the kibble ?”
He observes the bag he let in the middle of the alley.
“I can take care of it.”
“How ?” I insist.
He thinks a second and shoots in the bag with his foot. I burst out laughing, while he keeps shooting in the bag to reach the checkout. I officially declare us mad. Once at the checkout, I give the objects to the cashier, who stares at us.
“Yeah I am the ex-Selected.” I tell, knowing it’s not the reason why he looks at us this way. I pay with my credit card and I notice how Alan and the cashier look at it. Only Twos, Threes and few Fours have it.
We go out and Alan puts me down. I don’t know if I should be relieved or not. I felt good in his arms, safe. But I’m also glad to have some distance. He takes the kibble bag and we walk quietly back home.
When I open the door, the first thing I smell is urine. I drop my bag. Fitz peed in probably every room of the house to mark his new territory.
“Aliya is gonna kill me.”
I enter the living room and find Fitz literally destroying a pillow. Ok I’m dead. She’ll kick me out. It’s not like she will miss me anyway, I can’t help thinking.
Alan puts the kibble bag in the kitchen.
“We’re gonna clean up everything, don’t worry.”
Again this “we”.
“What if she comes back earlier ?”
He takes the key in my hand and put it inside the lock. “She won’t be able to enter.”
I shake my head. “And I am the mad girl ?” I should feel guilty for Aliya, but I don’t. She’ll sleep at Ray’s.
Alan grabs the little monster and locks him in the kitchen. I take mops and cleaning products and Alan a broom. “Here we go.” He declares.
Hours later, I totally get crazy while I’m cleaning the kitchen - Fitz peed again. I turn on the radio and start singing the songs… Yelling them being more accurate. “GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT WON’T HELP ME CHASE THE SHADOWS AWAY GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT TAKE ME THROUGH THE DARKNESS TO THE BREAK OF THE DAY”
Alan stares at me from the corridor. He rolls his eyes but smiles when I grab the broom to make it a mic.
“YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEN”
“MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YOU ?”
“DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME”
“Do you know only songs from Mamma Mia ?” Alan tries to ask above the music.
“NO.” Don’t ask me why I still scream. “BUT MUSICALS ARE MY GUILTY PLEASURE.” I make a pause. “SING WITH ME !”
His eyes widens. “No, you sound like my sister under the shower. And it’s awful.”
“Oh c’mon it will be funny !” He looks quite skeptic. “Wait…” I realize. “Can you sing ?”
He blushes and nods. “My mother was a Five. She taught me.”
“Oh. Sad I wanted to do a battle to decide who is the worst singer.” I won’t let him time to answer and starts singing again. “MASTER OF THE HOUSE, KEEPER OF THE ZOO READY TO RELIEVE ‘EM OF A SOU OR TWO”
I don’t even finish to clean the kitchen, too focused on my concert. Alan’s ears are finally released when I totally lose my voice. Without a word he decides to make me a camomile and forces me to sit on the sofa. I stare at Fitz who is sleeping in his new basket. I’ll get my revenge for the cleaning, stupid dog. I’m thinking about a plan while drinking my camomile.
“Are you really thinking about getting a revenge on a puppy ?” Alan asks.
I turn my head and widen my eyes. How did he guess ? “I saw it in the way you looked at him.” He continues. I frown. Am I really that obvious ? I sigh and close my eyes. I’m so tired. I put my head on Alan’s shoulder, feeling I get asleep. I’m almost asleep when I hear a soft and deep voice sing slowly :
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