Former Incel @former-incel - Tumblr Blog

Do you believe that women are pickier than men?

Do you believe that men are willing to settle for an imperfect woman while women expect only the tallest, richest, most muscular, and most chiseled man?

The reason you believe this is because you're getting your information from different sources.

Your information about women's preferences is based on what the media tells you. You see TV shows in which women drool over the tall rich jock while teaming up to systemically reject the nerdy looking man and make him a laughing stock. You assume that that's an accurate representation of women's preferences.

Meanwhile, your information about men's preferences is based on your own preferences. You find yourself attracted to women who are far from the media's ideal, which makes perfect sense because despite there being statistics showing that some traits are more likely to be found attractive, each individual person's preferences are wildly different.

Your standard of men's preferences is yourself, a real person. Your standard of women's preferences is characters on TV created by people who want to promote their standards as the norm.

So of course it's going to seem like women are pickier than men.

#former incel #incel

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inceltear

why do incels crave intimacy so much?

i guess i’m just confused by the concept as a whole. why do incels as a concept even exist. what differentiates them from regular people?

i mean… there’s more to life than sex and romance. while it is nice to have, it’s really only something that should add to your life and not be the reason you’re living.

i know plenty of people in the mid 20s who are still virgins, both men and women, and they’re not particularly bothered by it. i don’t get that much play either, and im not really bothered by it either. i have other things to worry about.

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Credit to the original poster Hxlydie-d who posted this on r/IncelTears on July 14th, 2026 at 1:37 PM UTC.

former-incel

Incels are usually not only missing out on sex and romance. That's just part of it.

The average person who's just been single for a long time usually has no trouble making friends or interacting in general with people who they find attractive, but they just haven't been lucky enough to meet someone who's interested in them. They can literally just keep doing what they're doing and eventually one of the people they interact with will be interested in them.

But if someone struggles to read signs of interest or struggles to figure out how to initiate interactions without being too aggressive, then they're forever doomed to loneliness until they figure it out. It's much different from just being unlucky so far.

Many people are bullied in ways that can throw off their perception of how likeable they are. Maybe they're asked out as a joke. Maybe they're treated like a charity case by someone who hangs out with them to be "nice" then calls them a creep when they mistake it for actual interest. Maybe they're systemically rejected and told "you're delusional for thinking it's possible for me to like you" or "there'd have to be something wrong with anyone in order for them to like you" as opposed to just "I don't like you".

When they try, they're told to not try and just let it happen when it happens. When they don't try, they're told that they have to try or they'll never succeed. The biggest pieces of advice that they get are literal opposites.

It's easier for someone to accept missing out on something if they're given accurate information about what to expect. But many are not. Many are told that they're going to be a "ladies' man" and that "any girl would be lucky to be with you". Many are told that they're being "negative" when they say that they're going to be single for a long time. It's much harder for them to cope with missing out on something that they're taught to expect.

People often say "everyone struggles with that" and "you're not missing much" as a way of reassuring someone who's forever single, then enter a relationship and are devastated when the relationship ends. When the people saying that it's no big deal are easily able to do it and treat it like a big deal when it ends, it's hard to believe them.

Incels' struggles are not a valid justification for hating women, advocating to legalize rape, or killing sprees, but their struggles are definitely real.

#former incel #incel

inceltear

The salami part killed me.

Censored so he doesn’t get any infamy.

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Credit to the original poster 0MeikoMeiko0 who posted this on r/IncelTears on July 13th, 2026 at 11:55 PM UTC.

former-incel

If you overanalyze every move you make, are constantly afraid of being laughed at, and accidentally stare at people for too long, why are you on an incel forum and not an autism forum?

Incels aren't going to help you with your struggles. They're only going to convince you to blame women. And considering that you're calling women "foids", they've already started. It makes no sense to blame women for your struggles, especially since many of your struggles (accidentally staring, overanalyzing public perception) are regularly experienced by autistic women.

Also, since you're able to insult her boyfriend's appearance, that clearly destroys the belief that men who aren't conventionally attractive are doomed to loneliness.

inceltear

Not OOP- Buckle up

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Credit to the original poster Busan_blues who posted this on r/IncelTears on July 14th, 2026 at 1:27 AM UTC.

former-incel

There are many reasons for someone to have no sex during their youth. Some are bullied regularly. Some struggle socially. Some are too poor to attend events where they can meet people or are constantly working. Some have been sexually assaulted and their trauma causes them to avoid sexual situations. Some are LGBT and don't come out until they're adults. Some have controlling parents who limit their social interactions. And some just don't meet anyone who wants to have sex with them. The world is filled with adults who missed out on their youth.

Are you absolutely certain that it's only sex that you're missing out on? Many people who suffer from being unable to find partners are missing out on more than just sex. Most are not people who regularly make friends and regularly go on dates but the interaction stops just short of sex. There are other interactions you can pursue that give you sensual pleasure and that women are much less selective of. You'd still have to read signs of interest, follow boundaries she sets, and accept the possibility of rejection, but by pursuing something much less restrictive than sex, your chance of success would be more likely.

Even if your plan worked and someone had sex with you to prevent you from leveling a city, it wouldn't make you feel any better. You'd still know that they didn't actually want to have sex with you and you'd continue to be jealous of those who have found willing partners. You'd still learn nothing about how to form connections with women. You'd still be complaining.

Also, all I see here is the terrorist attacks you're planning in response to your struggles. But I see nothing about what your struggles are other than not getting laid. Were you bullied? If so, what for? Do you struggle socially? If you want a solution, it would be better to at least attempt to explain your struggles.

former-incel

Are nerds an oppressed group?

Well, nerds are oppressed in the same way pirates are.

The stereotypical nerd who has a multitude of disabilities (autism, speech impediment, allergies, anything needing an aid that's considered "ugly", etc) is oppressed. But simply having nerdy interests does not make someone oppressed.

Similarly, the stereotypical pirate who has a peg leg is oppressed. Simply having pirate interests does not make someone oppressed.

minecraftmoddercommie

Don't forget that lots of queer people are likely to have nerdy interests!

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Are nerds an oppressed group?

Well, nerds are oppressed in the same way pirates are.

Similarly, the stereotypical pirate who has a peg leg is oppressed. Simply having pirate interests does not make someone oppressed.

#former incel #incel

Men: "Why don't women compliment me?"

Men: "Why do women lead me on by complimenting me then not having sex with me?"

Women hear both of these complaints from men on a regular basis. Before she meets a man, she doesn't know which category he is. Does he complain when women aren't nice to him? Does he complain when women are nice to him? Does he complain about both? There's no safe option that will satisfy all men.

If you want women to show affection to you, she has to trust that you won't expect. If receiving affection causes you to expect it more often or expect it to lead to something else, she'll want to avoid that.

#former incel #incel

cuck

How would you like me to respond to this? What is a cuck in this context? Which posts have I made that you would consider the most cuckish? What should I do differently to make myself less of a cuck?

Providing more details would help me to better understand your request.

#former incel #incel

TW: Rape

"That just means he likes you."

Teachers often say this when a boy makes a girl uncomfortable. This is especially true if the boy is neurodivergent.

This hurts both the girl and the boy.

It hurts the girl because it shows that no one will protect her boundaries and that anything he does to a girl is okay as long as it's motivated by liking her, which easily eventually normalizes rape.

It hurts the boy because he continues to make girls uncomfortable, continues to give girls reasons to not like him, but grows up thinking he's doing nothing wrong so he ends up disliked by girls and unaware of why.

If you're a teacher and you want to acknowledge the possibility that he's making her uncomfortable because he likes her, there's a better way. Give him a punishment that's enough to show that what he did is wrong and make him afraid to do it again but not enough to permanently ruin his life. Explain to him the right way to pursue interactions with someone who he likes. For example, explain to him how to read signs of interest and signs of disinterest. Explain to him how to start with the default setting then slowly experiment in order to test someone's boundaries. Explain to him the scenarios in which a seemingly uncomfortable action would be okay (being mean to someone as a joke when you have a close friendship with them and have both established consent to the kind of relationship in which you both play mean jokes on each other is okay, being mean to someone as a joke otherwise is just mean). Explain to him that individual rejection (not liking someone because of personal tastes) is fully within someone's rights but systemic rejection (expecting others to not like someone because of personal tastes) is an act of oppression. Explain to him that the subset of people who like him is going to be random, which is true for everyone, and that he has to choose who he interacts with from within that subset, not try to convince someone who doesn't like him to start liking him.

#former incel #incel #autism #consent

It's okay to treat your interactions with women as a sport. If socializing doesn't make sense to you, it's okay to compare it to something that does. And if you miraculously succeed, it's okay to be proud of yourself for it.

But the sport must not be one that treats the women as the prey, the obstacle, or the enemy.

Also, it's an accuracy sport. Your goal should be to see how accurate you can get, not how far you can get.

Your goal should be to find those who want an interaction while avoiding those who don't. Your goal should not be convincing those who don't want an interaction to change their mind.

Your goal should be to figure out what interactions are wanted. You can then decide from there to continue the interactions that you like. Your goal should not be to pick a specific interaction in advance and try to make it happen.

#former incel #incel

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inceltear

“Before all the women got brainwashed by jewish bu-”

Dude… 🤦🤦

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Credit to the original poster Pritteto who posted this on r/IncelTears on July 9th, 2026 at 2:33 AM UTC.

former-incel

You absolutely can use your hobbies as a way to meet women. However:

You must be okay with failing at meeting women. You don't know whether there will be someone there who you're interested in and who's interested in you. You may have to be active in the hobby for a prolonged period of time in order to meet a woman. You should choose a hobby that gives you the opportunity to meet someone but is still enjoyable for the times when you don't meet anyone.

You must match her interest. If you show a small amount of interest to start, and she then shows interest right back, and you then slowly experiment with increasing the amount of interest and seeing if she continues to match it, that's okay. If you bombard her with interest before checking how much interest she has in you, that's creepy.

theconcealedweapon

former-incel

A woman wants to date someone. Her father objects.

This is why it makes no sense for anyone who believes they're being treated unfairly to blame women's liberation for it. Controlling fathers are much more likely to enforce systemic standards of attractiveness than women are. Women being free to choose for themselves instead of their fathers choosing for them makes conventionally unattractive men more likely to find partners, not less likely.

When you struggle socially and it's causing you to miss out on interactions with women, it's very easy for you to be manipulated into accepting advice from an asshole who gets laid. If you see his getting laid as success, it makes sense that you'd want to copy him.

But if you struggle socially, you're probably missing out on a lot more than just sex. Yes, sex is something you'd miss out on if you struggle socially, but it's just one of many interactions that you're missing out on.

Meanwhile, manosphere advice treats sex as the litmus test. If you have sex, you succeed. If you don't have sex, you fail. This means that if you regularly go on dates with women, if women frequently touch you and consent to you touching them, and if you have a reputation among women as being safe and enjoyable to be around, but you haven't yet found one who wants to have sex with you, then you fail. If the vast majority of women see you as a creep and warn each other to stay away from you, but you occasionally meet a woman who's vulnerable enough that you can manipulate her into having sex with you, then you succeed.

But because you're missing out on more than just sex, it wouldn't be beneficial for you to take advice from someone who thinks sex is the only interaction that matters.

#former incel #incel

When you're raised religious and then you find pickup artists, it can be very difficult to understand women.

And that's because religious people and pickup artists both have detailed beliefs about women that they're very confident about. And despite their beliefs being very much different from each other, they're both enormously wrong.

#former incel #incel #pickup artists

Women have had many threatening encounters with men in which he gets aggressive, threatening, or violent if she's direct when setting boundaries.

Because of that, women often avoid being direct when setting boundaries.

If you're autistic and therefore struggle when people don't directly communicate with you, this can make things difficult for you.

But there are solutions to this.

Pay attention to what she initiates. If you're initiating the interaction and she's playing along, there's definitely the possibility that she's only passively avoiding confrontation and wants to be left alone. But if she's going out of her way to create the opportunity to interact with her, then it's much more likely that she genuinely wants the interaction.

Pursue those who have shown that they feel safe setting boundaries with you. Avoid those who have shown that they don't. If she spells out exactly which parts of what you're doing bother her, that's a sign that she does feel safe setting boundaries with you. If she needs a friend to tell you to back off, that's a sign that she doesn't feel safe setting boundaries with you.

#former incel #incel #autism #consent

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You want physical contact with a woman. You position yourself near her to make physical contact with her more likely. Is this creepy?

Well, it depends.

Your goal must be to give her a reasonable option. If the physical contact CAN happen if she wants it to but she can also reasonably avoid it, then you're doing nothing wrong.

But if she doesn't know you're there or if it takes effort for her to avoid the physical contact, then it's happening without her consent, which is creepy.

#former incel #incel #consent

What advice do you have for people who were "treated as a charity case" (as you put it) and who thus find openly mean people easier to get along with? For me part of the issue is that someone who overtly treats you as a punching bag is less likely to be putting up with you "just to be nice" (and also that you're only disappointed by what you don't expect, so if they don't want you around anymore it's less of a surprise that they don't like you).

I've gone through this many times. I've been frequently treated like a charity case to the point that I started pushing away people who were nice to me.

When you're unsure of what's happening, it's important to keep all possibilities open. If someone is showing interest in you and you're unsure whether they have genuine interest or are just "doing something nice", consider both possibilities. Don't be too quick to trust them, but also don't be too quick to assume the worst. Don't treat anyone like more of a priority than they treat you.

#former incel #incel #autism

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