Why put it down when you can throw it?

The only thing I do on Facebook now is watch the boomerfication of my generation happen in real time. It's like the most depressing Animorphs book cover you've ever seen.

Dorkass losers will will still be defending capitalism even after companies find a way to charge us for breathing and masturbating and I don't think we can rehabilitate that.

Fantastic news! The giant, vacant void where my heart used to be is now a 🎃👻*Spirit Halloween* 👻🎃

Has anyone told the people that are allergic to peanuts that they really aren't missing that much?

I've been in the Pittsburgh airport for over 10 hours and I no longer have any sense of self. I am the airport. I have always been the airport. I remember when I was constructed. Such vibrant times. I remember the workers and I proudly send their descendants to distant lands. Planes are my children.

I don't usually think I'm better or worse than anyone else because humans are all different and have different strengths... But then I accidentally click on the comment section of a local news article, and it turns out I'm way better than a lot of people.

Does anyone else ever feel the urge to hang out in a laundromat at 3 in the morning just to take in the emptiness and the detergent smell? I can't tell which things are things and which things are *me* things. 

Be sure to check on your hot friends. The air outside is almost as hot as they are, and that's bound to have profound psychological effects. 

Gonna send out an invite to everyone on my friends list telling them to meet me in a random field with their brightest flashlight so we can signal the UFOs for uppies.