I'm a mess, but a nice one

I think this ship (spaceship) is really funny

Hart was on testosterone, legally changed his name, and had gotten a hysterectomy (that was described as "unfortunate" by the Right to Privacy gay and lesbian political action committee), making him the first documented trans man to transition in the USA, yet he was characterized as a lesbian woman because cis gays and lesbians had the nerve (when do they NOT have the nerve, dare I say) to think they had the right to "honor [his] life as a woman" by having fundraiser dinners with his deadname attached to them, having college lectures where they talked about him as a lesbian hero, and using she pronouns for him until 2000. The USAmerican trans community, including trans activist Lou Sullivan, had to fight to defend Hart's identity and to have his manhood recognized by the wider community by protesting these lectures and dinners and having a conversation with the Portland chapter of the Lesbian Avengers association, which ended up having a favorable response and joining the trans community in the battle.

I want to end this by reporting the words of Candice Hellen Brown, a trans woman from Portland who wrote a letter to Just Out magazine in 1994 defending Hart's transness:

The Right to Privacy Political Action Committee in Oregon has a big fundraiser every year that is called the [deadname] Hart Dinner. When asked if I am going, I indignantly answer, "Not until they stop using the wrong name and gender for one of our heroes!" His name is Alan [. . .] He never wavered from his identity as a man, and upon his death, his widow continued to insist that he was a man. Why would such a straight man be called a lesbian by the gay community when today we would certainly call him a female-to-male transsexual? [. . .] He was transsexual or, at least, a transgenderist - a true pioneer. One who is seen as a hero by today's transsexual community. Please don't let him be taken away from us by allowing his old name to be used as though it were a badge of honor.

No matter if Vox loves Alastor or hates him, it's Vox's problem, not Alastor's.

Alastor owed him nothing, and it was within his rights to leave

and if Vox is upset about that, his feelings are valid, but it still wasn't Alastor's fault

#that would be a deeply disturbing message to send about the ace character considering how many ace people tend to feel bad for saying no

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I may love Radiostatic but Alastor owed Vox NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. He had no obligation to return Vox’s feelings and it drives me insane that people think he should have said yes just to make Vox happy.

Like Alastor’s autonomy and identity don’t matter. Like he’s a prize or prop to be used for Vox’s benefit.

I hate it!

Vox’s happiness is not Alastor’s responsibility.

Some krita tips and tools I use on the daily :] (click on the images to read)

How much of Vox's touches do we reckon are just muscle memory and he's simply not used to Alastor shrugging him off?

I bet that if Vox just said that he wanted to make a deal, Alastor wouldn't have been so harsh. Because every one of Alastor's relationships we've seen so far has been transactional.

Rosie owns his soul and is using him for something. Mimzy only goes to him when she needs protection. And he owns Niffty's soul so she's pretty much stuck with him.

And I imagine he also felt "used" when he was alive what with him being a POC. I imagine his white bosses just begrudgingly hired him like "Okay fine if we can get people to listen to our station more, I guess we'll put you on. Especially since no one will ever see that you're a POC". I bet that line he said in s1, "this face was made for radio", was actually said to him when he was alive.

The only dynamics Alastor has is either him being taken advantage of or him taking advantage of other people.

So, when Vox was asking him to be partners and saying they were friends, I think Alastor didn't believe he was being genuine. Alastor probably thought Vox was trying to trick him and soften him up so he could take advantage of him later down the line. Because wtf would anyone be friends with him?

So I feel like if Vox just said he wanted to make a deal, sure Alastor probably still wouldn't have accepted it but he would still keep his respect for Vox. It'd be like, "yeah this guy just wants to use me but at least he's making his intentions clear".

Plus there's also the fact that Vox had a crush on Alastor (which Viv did confirm today on Bluesky). Obviously we don't know if Alastor picked up on that, but just with the way Vox was acting in this scene alone it seems his crush was pretty fucking obvious.

So you take that and combine it with Alastor being aroace, his misandry, and his refusal to believe that anyone could genuinely care about him... yeah it's no wonder he was so harsh.

I said a while ago that if Vox did ever confess his feelings to Alastor, Alastor would probably be like "Okay so you only became my acquaintance so you could eventually have sex with me".