Foreign Native

Today’s world is a stressful and sad world to live in. Yes apparently this world has changed for good, the era of slavery and colonization has ended but has the mindset changed. Yes, people say that dowry shouldn’t exist but do we really change our habits, do we not expect dowry from the female’s side, do we not insult a girl and her family for not being able to give enough dowry. Antics and methods have changed but the problems that existed before the time of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) exist even today. Till date daughters are considered inauspicious, the same daughter who would sacrifice everything she has, to give happiness to her family. Till date corruption, betrayal and big lies exist that may even be responsible for someone’s death. To date, every woman is treated as a material and a collateral. Her body is still objectified, the difference is, back then it was done because men felt a right on women and now it is done on the name of women empowerment. Working to support the family is not always about women empowerment mostly it is a survival act. This time is of inflation, lies, deceit and to survive in this world one needs to walk out of the house into the real world and face these realities, fight these realities and at last come to terms with such harsh and wild realities because the mindset can’t be changed.

Everyone must have had once in their life come across the term or idea of long distance relationship which is mostly perceived or interpreted as a relationship of a couple who live in two different places (whether cities or countries). However, a concept that is least mentioned in this world where every idea expression is just a click or a meme away, the idea of long-distance friendship is amongst the undistinguished and least discussed ideas. Friendship is one of the most beautiful relationships that one experiences. Many believe that friendship is a relationship that we choose in this life, unlike other relationships that have already been destined for us. I tend to differ with these views, I think it is the greatest blessing that is given to a human being by Allah, actually let me rephrase that, TRUE FRIENDSHIP is amongst the greatest blessings of Allah. No doubt in today’s advanced world, two true friends can stay in contact and updated with each other’s lives. But is it the same like when they actually were in the same city and studying together and would spend more than 12 hours of the day together and sometimes exceed to 17 to 18 hours because they would plan to study together whether by visiting each other’s house or through web video calls. I am sure everyone will agree that is not the case and no matter how much attempted this can’t be recreated within a long distance friendship. The idea of not being able to hug your friend every morning or to cry your eyes out in front of them when sad and get a consoling hug or words is heartbreaking and difficult to digest for two friends who have not just shared their school or college or teachers or classmates but lives for those few or many years. When distance comes in between, substantial factors such as timings, schedule, routine, different life destinations and work come into play. Understanding these factors is vital to keep the bond strong and to give that comfort to your friend that you understand them and their situation and are still a part of their life. This feeling is greater than our expectation, it makes one feel not alone and strong. Maybe that is why friendship is among the greatest blessings of Allah, because they can not only understand, but scold you too, guide you, motivate you, fight with and for you, dream with and for you, pray for you without you ever knowing and provide that invisible support to you that is much needed even if they are miles away from you. And as my friend says, “long distance relationships aren’t anything like long-distance friendships. Losing a friend is a lot more painful than losing a lover. Because our love for a FRIEND is on a different level. We love them like family, we HATE them like family too. So many emotions are attached to them and hence, it’s much more special than other relationships”. So peeps never let go of this beautiful and special relationship even if distance has come in the middle, stay connected and take out time even if it is five minute of your day to talk to your that true friend and keep close to the greatest blessing.

The experience of all college or university students transitioning into the real life may not be the same but it may be the same too. It is the phase where different people with different destinations, expectations and dreams step into the real world expecting life to take turns as they have planned. For some, this might turn out to be true while for others it can be a completely different experience than their expectation. A roller coaster ride experience to be exact, but the difference between the roller coaster ride experience in a theme park and that of the life is somewhat huge. Firstly, in a theme park one has already seen the route ride will take, the stops, the drops and the ups but in real life, one is completely unaware of any of that. Secondly, any roller coaster ride without a belt is not possible and hence, not existent in theme parks but real life ride can not only be without belts but for some, it feels that a side door does not also exist. That phase is a tricky phase in one’s life where they feel vulnerable and queasy with everything going around them. Feelings of confusion, fear and of being almost completely blank regarding their life are all experienced together. Being new to this concoction of feelings one can easily plunge into serious anxiety or depression and this is where a key role is played by those who the person is close to, family or friends. Family members are either sitting in a car that is either ahead of the person or behind hence, may not quite understand that particular phase of life. But friends, if seated on the side, may somewhat understand the dilemma of that person even though they may have a different view and experience but can easily look over to understand and comprehend their perspective. Unfortunately, for those who have the life roller coaster ride with no belts and side doors have to experience that a certain turn in their ride has dropped off their friend to a different stop far from them and they are left to complete the ride on their own. However, there are some stubborn friends that we usually call as best friends who have a backup plan for such a situation and have kept walkie-talkies to stay in touch and still be a part of the tumultuous ride of life. And it is them that one should remember in all their phases of life and be ever grateful because they are the ups of the life ride.  

As a child, it is difficult to understand the term foreign native, as a matter of fact, it might be so for adults too who haven’t been unfortunate to experience, being a complete and by all means an outsider in the place of their own birth. I and my elder brother were born and brought up in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. this was considered by many as a blessing that they long yearned for, especially Muslims and why not? KSA is the country that has the two most holy places, Makkah and Madinah, House of Allah and House of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W). Unaware of how this world works, I couldn’t think of why this was the case, because for me visiting these two places was a part of the routine and thought it was so for all others when in fact, people had to wait for years and years to be able to visit these places for probably once in their lives. Not only this, but I was also unaware of how KSA being the place of my birth still wasn’t my place simply because I was a foreign native. I lived there, studied there, made friends there, had a home there but all of it wasn’t completely mine because I was a foreign native. For 22 years I have practically lived the term foreign native not completely understanding the term up until my teenage years. Except, for all those times when we visited Makkah and Madinah, the place where peace does not just exist but resides, where hope just does not live but is rekindled every time you step in the two Holy Cities, where all feel native.