brown enthusiast

I decided to build a wall to halt the incoming scrutiny in my jurisdiction. Tried to dismiss the fact that isolation is my calm to entertain the flowers at my front door. Tried to overcome the fear of gaslight to find the fresh baked apple pie on my table. Tried to fix myself, molding into their version of success, forgetting the taste of my own peace.

Do I regret it?

Maybe

Yes

Or

No

Does that matter when no doors were open when my walls aren't built. No apple pies when I ask for it. No flowers on my front door even I crave for it.

I thought it was alright, that understanding it means healing. All are well, so I thought,

No tears left to give...

And no strength left to share

But it is not my own might

Nor my own power

But it is His who has no sin

Armoring with drumrolls of praise and strums of worship, my heart was filled by the Spirit. Under the same sky was the vivid faith to all things above, and a clear view of the heart in my eyes and lips. When the wind started to swirl with the tree leaves, tree trunks swayed with grace. I've seen happiness through the Creator's masterpiece.

The rhythm of nature is a manifestation of His purpose. The purpose of giving us the choices he knew we need. The purpose in leading us into a strong bond between all things holy. Then the wave of shivers through the divine intervention of all righteous started to epitomize. The fear started to crawl out of our hearts, faded and gave us peace. The faith started to fill every atrium and vein covering the old which is sin.

He is an aroma outside my circle of familiarity,

A scent that is sweet but never named,

A essence that is majestic but was never unveiled

The day becomes night

The night becomes dawn

Words keep coming out

but never coming in

Soul give but never received

Dedicated poetry

but never been the subject of one

Here am I...

Somehow it's exhausting...

to let your guard down and let people into your life.

to let them know your aspirations and goals.

It is so hard to be the person who they can run to whenever they need to.

It is so exhausting to always say "yes" even if you want to refuse.

It is too much to handle but never back down because of the fear that they may take it against you.

Every genesis of my day, I constantly ask myself who am I, what is my purpose or am I worth to be here projecting silhouettes between truths and lies. I tend to change my emotions base on how my perspective understand every situation. Also, tend to misunderstand people who show their intentions. Sometimes, I have the ability to inflict pain in my own endeavor, provoking insanity. I am a melancholy in my own sphere territory and refuse to have someone beyond the bounds of my borderline.

Awkwardly mimicking my previous sunrise personality, welcoming smile and overwhelming aura just to conceal my outmost misery. It is tough, absolutely tormenting but it is I believe easier than to explain how the black elixir is trying to invade the sanity of my so called peace. It is easier than to explain how the anxiety covers up my serenity. It is less a worrisome if I'll keep it in the back of my theatre watching the tristful melody from an orchestra.

Living like imposing to be better even the strings aren't in tune is indeed tiring but keeps on happening. Living in a life of constant pain is exhausting but keeps on manifesting. The obscure spell of my tears is what my charm wants from a sorcerer like me. Torturing the veins inside my body that burns whenever the moonlight struck onto my skin. I have imagined my life to be in a roller-coaster ride but my innocence back then never realized it can be worst. I thought that biting a nip of a milk bottle would help me drink more. Now, I thought making the buckler impenetrable to people means endless tranquilty.

No requirements to pass

No explanation to owe

No words to utter