FoluStorms

So I have a theory that on some level, a number of us are walking around self-fulfilling all the negative stereotypes about ourselves and others that we have ever heard. This is my theory, so try to stay with me as we wander down this winding lane of thought. 

 I was at a lovely dinner the other day (food is a sure way to my heart, the people that feed me know this, and God bless them very plenty for me) and there were a number of heated conversations sparking off: ranging from discussions about why we have no electricity and whether or not people should pay more for it, to questions about what some called 'Chimamanda’s brand of Feminism’ and then eventually we stumbled across this statement: “Women’s biggest problem is them stabbing other Women in the back. They need to deal with that first before moaning about anything else”. 

 Ok so i’ve paraphrased and used less ‘f’ bombs than were dropped that night, but in a nutshell I think that was the gist of it. 

 I’m pretty sure that you all can imagine how this was said, because at one point or another we have all been in these conversations or skirted past them in mixed company. This statement was made by a man but quickly seconded by a Woman, “ It’s true that’s my experience…”

 We’ve all been in conversations like this. Think back. 

 I think back to that dinner conversation now,  because shortly afterward I  stumbled across a tweet by Filmmaker called Imoh Umoren asking the question “ Who gave you your big break?” and the first two people that came to my mind were women. 

  I also think back to being a much younger version of myself now and believing that it was easier to make friends with boys than girls, most likely because that’s what the boys around me said and most likely because that’s what the adults around them said. I was also raised in a house with  boys so that narrative fit with my reality. It meant that I didn't make much of an effort to be friends with girls outside of my family or even my class and even when I did,  I didn’t  make much of an effort to stay good friends. 

I was never stabbed in the back, as far as I can remember, by any of these girls but it was just easier to be friends with boys… wasn’t it?

 Thank God I was sent to brilliant all-girl schools as a teenager. It changed the path of my life.

 I certainly did not feel that way when I was in secondary school but dealing in an all women environment for my educative years was intuitively instructive in a way that is virtually impossible to explain. Perhaps if you take the time to read “Women Who Run With Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes (the way that I so often recommend to anyone who will hear me), it will give you a sense of the inner knowing that comes with being a woman. And how being patient with yourself, mind and body, is something that  can only be learned by the simple act of being with your pack. I am thankful to The Lagoon Secondary School for girls, in Lagos, Nigeria for starting me on my path & to St. Leonards Mayfield School in East Sussex, England for giving me room to truly blossom into someone capable of trusting  in her abilities and learning to adapt when the situations change, when I would fail to learn it was just the beginning of a path I could not have forseen.

 This is part of what led me to Lola Odenia and Jadesola Osiberu years later, who would give me the biggest push my entertainment career could have got at the time. Two women who I knew diddly squat about before my first sweaty-palmed interview in a corner office at 635 Akin Adesola. Now it would be untrue to say I had not met others who helped me along my way but this article is about the Women who stand out foremost in my brain as being influences and deciders of my fate. Where they could have held me back or not taught me, they gave and pushed. We argued, didn’t always agree, but it was always about getting it done and I thank them for teaching me that early in my working life. 

 I think back to Wana Udobang who I met right after starting at my first radio gig and who I can’t really remember not instantly loving, and what’s not to love: she’s brilliant, stylish, has the most infectious laugh, and is just about living her best life. If she hadn’t welcomed me like a sister and spent many hours in the office and in car parks drinking cider teaching me what she knew about the industry, if she wasn’t there explaining how the business worked or just being a listening ear when I felt lost and frightened and like a fraud in this entertainment space… I honestly am not sure what sort of help I could be to others at all today if any. 

 I think back to my sisters: Ifeoma, Barong, Bodam, Sope: who had always been there but maybe I never quite understood and needed a little growing to get there.  All of this inevitably makes me think back to my loving Mother, who although wasn’t long enough for this world gave me all that she could, and planted in me the first seed of divine feminine energy. If I hadn’t lost her, maybe I wouldn’t have got to this point in my life where I not only believe but I know, that Women truly do support each other, if they belong in your pack and if you haven’t found that yet, don’t close yourself off to it. 

 An asshole is an asshole whether they have a vagina or a penis. 

These are life facts.

 So if you find yourself in situations where you are constantly bumping into assholes, please examine your life and make some adjustments. Stop continuously putting yourself in situations where you end up fulfilling the statement “ Women back stab each other”. 

Mumsie asked me the other day why I made the video about my BET Experience weekend, and honestly it was a question I had both anticipated and dreaded. It had me stumbling over words trying to explain something in a way that was concrete and made sense.

"I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best."  -- Frida Kahlo

 I knew why I took the time to edit, or at least I felt I knew. I just did not understand how to communicate it. This is because where I'm from, we like to speak in concrete terms and certain plans, referencing business Ideas tried and tested. My life has not really followed that pattern so honestly I’m used to people assuming I'm just faffing about. I am also used to the assumption that I can do that because I have had an easy life; And when compared with many people in the world perhaps I have. 

I have known tragedy young. I have been a bit of a rebel and a disappointment. I have been told I cannot amount to much.

It might not seem like a lot to deal with for some people,  but these have been my burdens and I have tried to not let them stop me. I have done this by  consciously choosing how I want to live. And that comes with it’s own set of challenges.

There is the assumption that being a media presenter is an easy Job, one where like royalty,   you simply show up and everything is done for you.

Lies.

 I made this video, (and will continue making them ) to document this process, in the hope that these experiences show you a glimpse of what it might be like to chose to live the life you actually want. It is not glamorous, there is a lot of waiting, uncertainty, long hours of filming and you are expected to look flawless and unruffled once the camera is on you. You are expected to smile on days your heart is breaking.  Usually I don't have to pretend  but some days are challenging days. But challenges non-withstanding, I am extremely grateful to have these opportunities.

There are others who may, like me, already have the life  they always dreamed of, they need only  stop and take stock. I took stock on this trip and the epiphany frankly humbled and overwhelmed me. I was simply stunned by how many of my prayers have  been so completely answered. Even the ones I did not know how to articulate. I hope therefore that this becomes an opportunity for you to remember that you are not defined by your past or by the doubts other people express. I hope you remember that you can and must forge on for a future you want .

Do not Stop, even when you are not entirely sure why you are doing what you are doing, but trust that passion and spirit of excellence to do whatever it is to the best of your ability. In other words just believe, have  a little faith and watch  the life you always dreamed of unfold before you. 

 And if you happen to be  thinking of visiting Los Angeles in the coming year, know that the BET Weekend is a pretty good time to  do just that. 

The past week was my first back into work in Lagos after a nice 10 days of doing absolutely Nothing. Ok I Lie maybe not absolutely nothing, but I did spend my holiday truly unwinding. And so returning to the hustle and bustle of Lagos, I was determined to keep my holiday chill for as long as possible. 

 Now the way Lagos is set up, my resolve was immediately tested when a pick up truck, casually drove into the back of my car. While we were at the toll gate. On my way back from the airport. 2 hours after landing. 

Remember, Holiday zen.

I quickly popped out of the car to asses the level of damage ( which thankfully only consisted of small bolt marks in the paint work of my bumper and nothing major besides) and then persuaded my enraged driver to get back in to the vehicle and not cause further problems for everyone. 

The rest of my week cruised by more or less as I expected, busy days and early nights, but I was looking forward to the weekend: a hip hop Showcase called The 'CORONATION' 2. 

It’s a show put on by 100 Crowns (a sub label of the Chocolate City Group) whose focus is to revive and grow hip hop culture in Nigeria and Africa by showcasing the artists and bringing together the fanbase. Now as you can imagine this is rare and yet important to the continued growth and evolution of hip hop in Nigeria. 100 Crowns aims to build a community and share the family connection of Hip Hop by encouraging underground artists to continue in their craft and connecting them with  the right fan base. 

I attended Coronation 1 at freedom park  and thoroughly enjoyed the vibe, so I was looking forward to a repeat of that same experience. The line up was extensive and had a plethora of underground names on it, which is why you come to these shows for: the underground talent. However as in any area, when searching for diamonds in the rough, know that there will be a fair amount of rough to get through. 

 Before I go much further, let me give a shout out to the  number of engaging and interesting hip hop acts including but not limited to Lyrical Dr Smith, Reespect, Eastsidaz , and Eddie Izycs. 

 However the rough where pretty rough and it made me righteously angry for people who created a platform for some of these artists. Also note that this righteous anger surfaced because the younger artists have also learned this behaviour from more experienced performers who ought to know better. When will be get to a time that we will no longer be subject to artists who do little to engage their audience, and then at the absolute worst, proceeded to criticise the crowd for being 'dead' whilst just jumping up and down in a breathless manner, forgetting the lyrics to their songs, and having no stage craft whatsoever.

This is 2018. Come. On. 

I deserve better entertainment than wack Karaoke which I don't even get to participate in. I understand that these artists may be fantastic recording artists, but stage craft is a whole other area where a lot of them fall short. Our Artists do not spend time working on performances. They do not create performance tracks or rehearse different types of sets for audiences they may come across. The truth is that these artists will keep serving up mediocre performances also because the watching public rarely ever openly complains. It is seen as not being supportive, or being rude, or being (God forbid) a hater.

As a music fan I may not always pay for events in money ( some events are put up for free and again a big shout out to the organisers of such because it still costs money to do this) but then I am still paying in time and effort. Just because something is free does not make it an obligation I need to fulfil.

  So dear artist please remember that people are sacrificing precious time and resources to watch you and you owe them a minimum level of preperation. It is not enough to have recorded a great track and then wing it on stage. 

It is one thing if your planned performance doesn't connect: you can always walk away an strategise for another day having learned something; But where you have no performance planned and simply run back and forth on stage, most times only showing your audience that you are also incredibly unfit, well there's nothing to be learned from that. And worse, nothing for your audience to genuinely enjoy. The only people in the audience yelling for you are your friends who don't want you to feel alone. The sad truth is, your performance was piss poor and you need to do better. 

At the end of 2017 I was feeling more worn out than I had expected.This year my brand had grown and expanded, which meant more work. I love what I do for a living, broadcasting, informing and acting. these things fuel me, but as with any fuel they can also set you ablaze and burn you out. 

I feel that all people must take time therefore to find and go to their river. the source of their renewal. It was a concept I became aware of thanks to the work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, a female psychologist with years of experience. It explained why I would always feel renewed and refreshed after a weekend at the beach. It also meant that for the burnout i was experiencing, I needed to get to my river, my beach, any beach. I reached out to a small net work of friends inquiring about an affordable get away and a few suggestions came up: tarkwa and La Campaigne tropicana. In this post I will write about the Latter. I was the lucky recipient of an offer from my sister to visit La Campaigne tropicana as she too had been feeling this burnout; and in they serendipitous turn of events I was reminded in the magical ways that God moves. Here was my solution. 

Arrangements were made in short order ( my sis is a planning whiz) and I was happy to simply be along for the ride. We left the Lekki axis of Lagos State at about 4:30pm on a Friday afternoon; which is alarmingly late for most people; and embarked on what we would soon come to find was a solid 2hr 30min journey ( you see our cousin Jide had been warning us from the minute we got into the car as he had been to our destination on a previous trip) which was an adventure onto itself. 

We were rather fortunate as we escaped the worst of the notorious traffic between Ajah and Lakowe, encountering only slight pockets of ‘ go slow’ along the way. Off the Main hour, about an Hour’s drive from Lekki is the signpost to turn off for the Lekki Free Trade Zone, which is the direction in which we were headed, we encountered endless stretches of trucks, lorries and coaster busses (these were headed in the opposite direction) which stood as testament to the incredible developments taking place up this axis, a kellogg’s plant, endless acreage of Dangote's soon-to-be-completed Oil refinery, and the sort of budding development that forms along the main road of a developing area.

 we Arrived at La Campaigne at approximately 6:40pm and stopped first at their reception a few meters from the road where we confirmed and paid for our reservation, after which we handed a copy of our receipt to security and drove into this simple but well layed out web of coconut trees and pathways, flanked on either side by rustic looking accomodation. Draped in the colour of the sunset, our home for the next 72 hours was the most charming thing I had seen in a while. 

We had rented a 3 bedroom (it came with 3 king beds and 1 bunk bed) which cost approximately N160k a night plus complimentary breakfast, we traded down from the more pricey N250k a night Chalet’s on stilts overlooking the water. Those had their own direct access to the beach and simple but effective bar built in underneath the structure where guests could spend time lounging. And that's what the weekend was. complete lounge fest.

One of the additional perks of staying at this location is that each accomodation has its own 'Omonile' attached, and our go-to- guy was Bayo. He hovered with the perfect amount of discretion and silent dedication to meeting our potential needs. Whether we wanted fresh towels for our room, insecticide to insure we didn't get eaten alive by the local wildlife, or access to the river to kayak (easily my favourite activity), Bayo was able to give us insight and advise us on money-saving course of action each time. My kind of Guy. 

Social media is how I get a lot of information, and I'm sure that's how you guys get a lot of information. Naturally it has its drawback and I have to be honest, the thought of being caught up within my own biases (this internet age has all these platforms predicting my every move before i make it! It's insane!) I embrace with all sincerity the new ways of finding communities and tribes that it has put before us!

Case in point is how I found out about Teach For Nigeria who are crowdsourcing teachers! Ok to explain it in their own words:

"We recruit Nigeria’s most promising future leaders from varied disciplines to teach in Nigeria’s underserved schools in low-income communities through a highly selective, two-year Fellowship."  -- http://teachfornigeria.org/about-us/

*I wrote this months ago and in my quest to perfect my next post.... well, all I can say is I still felt the need to share this music so read, comment and share!*

I have a belief that at some point humanity became madly obsessed with shiny new things, and began to neglect the old(er).... On the surface of it... who cares? Well I do.  New is nice, but experience is better. Experience in music means you can create new beginnings, so this week is a nod to all those who continue to re-invent themselves(and sometimes the wheel) musically, finding a way to stay present. I love a new beginning...enjoy these:

Omawunmi Is a Nigerian Superstar. To those familiar with the Nigerian music scene her's is a name that inspires musical confidence in others, because " warri no dey carry last". In this brand new video, Omawunmi once more distinguishes herself from the pack of artists who would use loud beats and flashy costumes to amplify what little musical talent they have. This woman is head and shoulders above many and the song appropriately gives me butterflies...doesn't it do that for you?

One of the reasons that I enjoy working on radio so much, is that I get the opportunity to share information with people, to talk to people going about their day who just got some information that may help, or at the very least keep them amused. 

I think it's my conversation-ready personality getting me these podcast discussion sessions, and I must say, i truly enjoy them. A podcast has no rules really... I can say what I want, which I can't on public radio, so it usually makes for an interesting listen. 

I Love Wana Udobang so it is only fitting that we work together on a project about love. Our love is not a '14 years in Jail' kind of love but Agape. From the day I first met her Wana has exuded a bright light and energy which is so contagious that it brings this same light and energy out in people all around her.

It is also not my first time working with this multi-hyphenate bundle of talent, but when she asked me to be in the visuals for '20' I was thrilled because it's right up my street; You see I'm the girl who loves reading novels about prince Charming and sings out -loud and off-key to any love ballad that happens to be playing. I love love and as it is the greatest commandment of all, I try to love well. And this poem '20' to me is the story of a Woman who knows how to love well. Those who love well also know love  is not perfect. It means sticking it out, and knowing that with the person you love, you have a safe haven. It is still talking and loving when you are wrinkled, many years after having negotiated peace treaties between sheets. It is the most delicious and the safest feeling in the world. 

The 3rd time I met Emmanuel, it was on purpose.

 My first most distinct memory of meeting Emmanuel Oyeleke was on the red carpet at the 2016 Future Awards Africa where I interviewed him as a Future awards nominee. He had been nominated for the Future Awards Africa Prize for Arts and Culture. Emmanuel has  an incredible eye for fashion beauty. This is evident in the thousands of images he has captured for his art and for the wide ranging clients and publications who key into his striking vision.

The second time I met him we had switched places. He was behind the camera at a photoshoot for my latest Television project: On The Real Season 2 (launching on the 30th of June Coincidentally. More on that here), however for the meeting during which he captured this image, we connected up in the dm's where everything clearly happens, and then I visited his photography studio the following week. 

Over a glass or two of Coconut Ciroc & punch and a shared plate of snails, we traded stories and laughter. He interrupted our conversation once to remind me that he would be capturing my image. I nodded eagerly; I had paid very close attention to what i was wearing because very piece of clothing and jewellery has a small story to go with it. I trusted his eyes to see it all, the quirks and their corresponding beauty. He saw it and then some. 

I had bumped into Osagie months back at the PGM show by Douglas Jekan.

A few weeks ago I discovered a quirky little guesthouse called Jaybee beach Camping at Tarkwa Bay and I knew instantly I had to try it out, so I did.

AJust know now that there will be many 'way back when', "ThrowBacks" and "Flashbacks" to the time i spent in Brazil, because best decision.

However just because i'm a way from home does not mean I wont work or connect with my MtvBase Fam, and I was just itching to give the guys a small glimpse into what i experienced during that time. 

Looking back now on the time spent in Brazil, what got to me the most was how difficult it became to carry out simple everyday tasks.

I travelled to  Brazil wanting to visit  Rio deJaneiro and Salvador in the state of Bahia. However within the first day or two of fully exploring Rio de Janeiro (my proposed first stop and home of my host) I was hit with simultaneous realisations:

1. The currency was Brazilian Reals (BR) and the exchange rate was roughly R$3(BR) to $1(USD). Which meant that with just $1000(USD) to spend, any plan of action during my 10 day trip needed to be well thought out. Zero margin for error.

2. For the first time I can remember in my life, I found myself unable to communicate with the people around me. When you are unable to order food, ask for directions or even(God forbid it) help it suddenly occurs to you how helpless you really are. This also occurred to me.

So when Luna suggested that I spend my entire time in Rio de Janeiro and save a visit to Salvador for another trip, I gratefully accepted and launched myself into exploring and trying to understand a bit more about my surroundings.

To me Rio felt a lot like home but with better infrastructure, a lot more portugese being spoken and gorgeous street art.