Following Her Star

I got curious as I'd never listened to Bad Bunny. My Spanish music artist listening is more along the lines of Sin Bandera, Juanes, Julio Iglesias, Jr. After listening to a few songs, he definitely seems like a talented artist, maybe not my preference. Since I only know one curse phrase in Spanish the lyrics aren't bothering me.

I say this as a person who usually doesn't pay attention to the halftime show. What does bother me is the "controversy" about him performing at halftime. Let me pose this thought. In 2020 Shakira performed the halftime show. She is not a US citizen and Spanish is her first language yet I don't recall any "concerns" with her performing. Yet Bad Bunny who as a Puerto Rican IS a US citizen and sings in his first language of Spanish is "taboo"? This all smells like manure to me. So he doesn't sing in English, fine. There are plenty of amazing songs out there that aren't in English.

As someone whose ancestors were on the Mayflower, I would like to remind you English was not the first language spoken on this continent. Neither was Spanish. If you really want to be that picky we should all be speaking various indigenous languages depending on where you are geographically on the continent.

I will go off my soapbox now.

I don’t know how or where to begin.

It’s been five days and finally, my thoughts and feelings are making themselves known to me. My initial reaction was “No. No.” My next reaction was to check in directly with people I know in the BIPOC and LGBTQIA communities as I am concerned for them. Let them know I’m here for them to vent, scream, cry (ax throwing if anyone is up for it). I won’t break anyone’s confidence but I will say no one is in a great space. Wednesday was still awful so I made a donation to the ACLU.

I’m still angry from 2016 and now I’m angry from 2024. This did not end how we wanted but I will not stop fighting. I am not here for anyone who says let’s come together and agree to disagree. This is not about political differences, this is about moral character which I will never be lax about. Never under any circumstances is supporting a rapist, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic, fascist, authoritarian individual something I condone. Ever. The fact that two intelligent, capable, competent women (one of whom is of colour) lost to that says quite a bit about people’s character.

When I was in college I took a world religion course as part of my requirements. What stuck with me was that religion is meant to help an individual make sense of the world around them. Based on that, it really does not compute to me when others are forcing their beliefs on others. If your beliefs are working for you couldn’t you consider that the other person has beliefs that work for them? All of this is said as someone who is agnostic but knows going back to large organized religion is not happening due to all the people using it as an excuse for discrimination.

Over the past eight and a half years I have been involved with my employer’s DEI Cabinet Programming Committee. Through this I have learned so much that textbooks and school never did. It still pisses me off to no end that people are treated horribly simply because of their skin color, identity, or orientation. You really want to know about discrimination? About how policies affect someone’s day to day existence? Listen to them. Their lives matter. They deserve rights and opportunities like everyone else.  After you listen you show up for them, you advocate with them. Actions speak so much louder than words.

White women have not always been the best at uplifting others. As a white woman, I have no issue admitting that reality. This election cycle in addition to donating to campaigns and posting online I also wrote 200 postcards to swing state voters. Am I perfect? Ha! No. I did however try to make change and will continue to do so.

On a personal note, I’m angry about reproductive freedom. If you don’t like abortion then don’t have one. That simple. Don’t like IVF? Don’t go through it. As someone with 28 frozen eggs, NOT EMBRYOS but EGGS, it is up to me what should happen to them. I am the person who went through giving herself shots, going to appointments, and having blood drawn. I am the person who had the procedure. Me. The whole process of an egg retrieval was one of the most physically and emotionally exhausting experiences of my life. The fact that anyone anywhere thinks they have any right to make a decision for me? Well, my own mother will tell you not to get me angry at you. So if I’m already pissed off that the rights of other people are being harmed I am probably not going to want to be a sweetheart on this.

By far this is not my best writing but I needed to try to process. Clearly, I have more of that to do.

 “Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.”

Until next time,

They lied in their confirmation hearings stating Roe v. Wade was settled law. They have made it clear guns have more rights than those of us with a uterus. How does that make sense, an inatimate object has rights while I am reduced to being a uterus with legs. I am gutted. I am scared. I feel targeted because I am a cisgender female. I thought it was terrifying before? Yeah, it really was just getting started. What are the next rights to get the ax? Last week I had an an appointment with my gynecologist. She and I needed to discuss something and I thought this is how it should be. The only people who needed to be involved were my doctor and me.

During the summer of 2017 I took a rare week off from work and went to the beach. At the time I was reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (my favourite author btw) and there was one episode left in the first season of Hulu's adaptation. In my opinion the Gilead of the novel is darker than the show. While reading I would periodically have to stop. My mind was so full of thoughts. Staring out at the ocean I knew I was better off than the women in the novel. But I wondered for how long. Seems as though the answer is now.

I will not be quiet. If like me you are a Kansan, vote NO August 2 on the constitutional amendment. We need to keep abortion legal in Kansas for our citizens and for those forced to travel due to other states enacting bans. I implore EVERYONE to support

https://www.votenokansas.org

https://www.ksvoteneigh.com/

My worth as a person is not determined by my uterus. To quote my favourite Margaret Atwood novel Cat's Eye "I'm not mad because I'm a woman. I'm mad because you're an asshole."

My previous post

Until next time,

For as long as I can remember I have loathed discussing politics or anything considered political even if the person(s) I’m speaking with agree with me. With this being the 49th (and possibly last) anniversary of Roe v. Wade I am full of thoughts I need to process.

First and foremost, I acknowledge abortion is ending a pregnancy and a zygote or embryo that could become a person. If I had to stop and think about it I consider myself to be “Pro-Mind Your Own Uterus”. (Disclosure, I have been a vegetarian for 16 years but this does not automatically make me pro-life. Nor have I ever been pregnant.) Regardless of where you are on the issue my question to you is, how does whether or not a person who is not you has an abortion or not directly impact your life? Truly, how does it directly impact your day-to-day life? When I read/hear about the protestors outside of abortion clinics, I want to ask them what they are going to do to support these people they are attempting to sway. Take the person to doctor’s appointments? Are they going to offer childcare?

Due to some of my personal health circumstances, if I were to decide to have children my pregnancies would have to be planned and monitored. For the sake of the developing fetus, I could not have an accidental pregnancy. It is a bit ironic to me since I was one. Because of all that I have done all that I can to ensure that does not happen. I am very fortunate that if I truly needed to travel for an abortion I could. I have a full-time job and health insurance. Not everyone has that ability. My best guess is that anyone who ultimately decides to have an abortion struggle in some way to make that decision or at least wouldn’t say it is the easiest decision to make. It may 100% be the right and best decision for them but that does not mean it was simple.

Some say don’t have an abortion, adoption is the way! I have no qualms about adoption. My grandparents adopted my aunt and uncle. Now that I’m an aunt I can only hope to be as great of an aunt as she is and I love her so much. Every story does not end that way. Adoption is expensive and can take years. What about the kids that are never adopted and only leave foster care because they have turned 18? Adoption is still only possible if the birth parent can continue with a pregnancy. Healthcare in the states is expensive even with insurance and the cost of prenatal care along with actually birthing a baby is no exception. Then of course there is the physical, mental, and emotional toll that comes with being pregnant. Again, since I’ve never been in that situation I can only speculate what that does to a person. I don’t have specific paid maternity leave, I’d be using my vacation and sick leave if I needed to take time off for that. All that is before the cost of having to raise a person. There’s adding a person to my insurance, daycare, clothing, food, toys, education, books, etc. My income is fine for one person to live off of, add another person, and it becomes not so fine. I come back to, why should another person’s belief about abortion dictate my life and infringe upon my rights? I am really not trying to be snarky here…if wearing a face mask to try to stop the spread of an infectious disease that has killed nearly a million people in this country is an infringement of rights how is telling me what I’m allowed to do with my uterus not? (Now to be snarky. If I’m so irresponsible maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to have my uterus. Ha!) Why should I be forced into parenthood? Either way, I would be pregnant and become someone’s mother or birth mother. It’s those instances that alarm me. Yes, I would imagine having an abortion would be a profound event in my life but I feel I could better work through that than the other options. It’s speculative, who knows how I would feel if I were in the situation. My point is that it should be MY decision. The only people I would need to discuss it with would be my significant other and my doctor. That’s it. You know what else? Those might be the only people who would ever know because let’s face it, it really isn’t anyone’s business. When I see billboards that say “be happy your parents chose life” I get irritated. (See all of my thoughts above.) What my parents decided to do with their lives was their business not whoever is responsible for a billboard. And if for some reason my parents who are married and already had kids had decided not to have me, well, I wouldn’t know now, would I? Instead, they chose to have me and I’m glad it was their choice to make and not someone else deciding for them.

Ultimately, if Roe v. Wade is overturned it will not stop abortions from happening. My fear is what a person will go through in order to make that happen. How much further harm will be caused because a total stranger decided they knew what was better for that person based on the stranger’s personal beliefs?

My final thought: Mind Your Own Uterus

Some articles for additional thought

What Happens to Women Who Are Denied Abortion? Here Are the Stats What Overturning Roe v. Wade Could Mean for Your Health

Til next time,

Well, thirty days from today I turn 30 years old. Hard to fathom I've been alive for almost three decades. I'm not sure how I feel about this. There were certain things I'd hoped to have accomplished by this point but as they say, life is what happens when you're making other plans. Rethinking how to accomplish what you want isn't ideal but if you really want something you can't quit.

Perhaps it's me but I feel people make such a big deal about being in your twenties. As though nothing in your life will ever compare to being 20-29 years old. Given that part of that time was being at college then trying to find a job after graduating, I can't say it is a decade I'd necessarily want to put on a pedastal.

Then there's the pressure of being a female and whether or not you will fulfill expectations. I know several people who are married and have at least one child. Is it horrible that I have neither of these things? I'm not sure one way or the other that I should be someone's wife or parent. I'd never want to be married to someone for the sake of being married. If I were to get married I would want it to be because I want to be married to that man specifically and wanting to have that person in my life every day. I just don't know. But then it seems as though I'm running out of time to get those things done. I'm also afraid that regardless of what decisions I make I'll end up regretting what I didn't do.

Now that I've taken a beating to my emotions, I have done one thing I'm really proud of. I paid off my student loans in two and a half years. I recognise how fortunate I am my parents let me stay with them so I could put my paychecks towards getting the debt off my back. That day in 2016 when I got the official notice that I had paid in full and now had a zero balance felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It is because of paying off my loans I've been able to do some international travel as well. Nothing outrageous mind you, but having the ability to use my money towards travel has been so rewarding.

Along with the travel thought, while I am single it makes it easy for me to go when I want. When I ended up travelling for work to another country it was nice that I didn't have to coordinate with another person about being able to go. I could just make that decision for myself. I've never felt more alive then when I'm travelling, exploring, and seeing the world.

Alrighty, I've really rambled here. Not sure this post even makes much sense but it is what it is.

Here's to closing one decade and opening another.

Until next time,

I really just need a space to vent my feelings.

*This is also one of the rare occasions when I make any political comment.*

I'm scared. Four years ago I had such optimism, I truly thought we were getting our first woman president. It seemed we were on the verge of making a change. Instead, that night things went so wrong. I am still heartbroken. Not just because of who lost but what the "win" represented. It felt as though it didn't matter all the things that had been said and done about/to women. To be told that was acceptable continues to make me feel disrespected as a woman. For the record, my issue truly isn't that the opposite party won, but with the individual. I'm aware sometimes your candidate doesn't win. Had it been any of the other candidates from that party I sincerely could have lived with it.

We ended up with a situation that has caused constant anxiety and fear. We've seen some of the worst in terms of how we treat each other. Disagreements are going to happen but can't we be civil? Kind? Or behave like an adult? Could we perhaps not base arguments on people's outward appearance?

So back to my first statement. I'm scared. Will another four years happen? I want to be optimistic but I can't forget what happened four years ago. Won't lie, there's been a few tears today. Since we don't know when we'll know the final result that makes it all the more nervewracking. All I know is I don't want to continue in this situation. I'll finish my cup of coffee in my Biden-Harris mug and hope for the best.

My last full day started with Kensington Market. To get there part of the way, I took the streetcar. So different from riding the streetcar in KC! The KC streetcar is free (for now) and has an extremely limited track. The Toronto streetcar has an extensive track and connected to the subway stations. It was handy I could still use my Presto card to get on the streetcar.

The market was mostly vintage clothing stores and places to buy souvenirs. One of the stores I went in had coin scarves for belly dancers and I thought that neat. Didn't buy one as the shaking of the coins would bother me while I dance. One shop I went to had a dolphin pin with Toronto on it, seemed appropriate for me. I eventually made my way to a poutine place near the market and finally tried (vegetarian) poutine. It was tasty! I then decided I wanted to make a visit to the St. Lawrence Market since I knew they had jewellery and one of a kind things. One streetcar ride to the subway and a short walk I was at St. Lawrence Market for the first time in a year and a half. It seemed so familiar, like I'd been there last week. For me, I spend my time in the lower gallery rather than the upper.

After I'd done some shopping I got a cup of the greatest coffee and headed back towards Yorkville. I ended up walking around Yorkville for a little while. Who knew there had been a recording studio there at one point?! It was getting later and I wanted to get a start on packing for tomorrow's trip back. Oh boy, when I do get home tomorrow I have to do some laundry and repack to I can take a dog home to DC on Friday.

Since I hadn't slept much the night before I slept in just a bit. My objective for the day was a tour of the Lake Ontario Harbourfront and the Toronto Islands. Much like Margaret Atwood's Cat's Eye drew me to coming to Toronto the first time, her novel The Robber Bride got me curios about the islands. The tour I booked was just a boat tour rather than getting off and seeing Centre Island. In retrospect this was fine for today, I could always take the ferry and go over there the next time I come here. I learned way back in the day the professional baseball games were played on Centre Island and Babe Ruth hit his first MLB homerun there. The ball ended up in the Lake never to be found. One of the channels was used to film Police Academy 4, set in the Florida Everglades, and apparently the CN Tower made it into the film.

This evening was truly wonderful and filled me with happiness as i got to spend it with my two DDD friends. To call them my friends is something I don't take for granted and know we are lucky Tri Delta brought us together. It is nothing short of a blessing. We laughed, talked, shared stories, and "celebrated a birthday." There is so much happiness in my heart. I cannot wait until the next time we are together. If they come to KC I hope I can return the favour!

When I came to Toronto a year and a half ago I didn't go to Niagara Falls (it was February) so this time I made sure to schedule it. If only it hard started out smoothly. Yesterday's brunch didn't agree with me so I was up for a good part of the night. And for the record no alcohol was involved. Anyway I still wasn't feeling up to speed so I got some stuff at the pharmacy this morning. When I got on my connecting subway train there was a delay and then I got turned around trying to get to the bus station. All the while my shoes were still ripping into my heels. Darn sneakers have betrayed me. Anyway I got to the bus station and had missed my bus by five minutes. The next bus with an available ticket was in...two hours.

Once my fun of the bus station had come to an end I really took in the scenery of the drive. So many trees and rivers. It was surprising to me to not see any French on the road signs given its presence elsewhere. After arriving in Niagara Falls bus station, I had to take a taxi to get down to the falls. When I told the driver I wanted to go to the Hornblower I said I couldn't be more of a tourist.

The view driving up was breathtaking. I'd seen pictures before but they hadn't put it into perspective. I cant speak for anyone else but it didn't give off any great romantic vibes to me. Come to think of it no one seemed very romantic. Excited for sure. If you don't know the difference between the Canadian and US falls here's the scoop. The curved or horseshoe looking falls are the Canadian falls. The straight-curtain looking falls with the visible jagged rocks are the US falls. Evidently all the stunts of people going over Niagara Falls have all been on the Canadian ones. I'm guessing they are also the falls used the most in photographs since they seermed more familiar to me. Also, depending on the side you are on determines which boat you ride. Canadian side is the Hornblower and the US side is the Maid of the Mist. And yes those falls are misty!

After I'd had my fill of the waterworks I explored one of the main drags Clifton Hills. This was about as stereotypical tourist trap as it gets.😂 Hard Rock Cafe, Hershey World, and stores filled with over priced souvenirs. Made me wonder what this town would be like if the falls weren't there. I ended up with an XL Tims coffee then road the Ferris wheel to get some more pictures of the falls.

Went back to the bus station and came back to Toronto where I went to Eaton Centre to buy some shoes that won't destroy my heels and pjs since the guesthouse is a bit cooler than I anticipated. Hooray clearance pj bottoms.

I say this all the time but to have what I have because of @trideltaeo is a true gift. The experiences I've had in Toronto wouldn't have been possible without my friends. No idea how I got so lucky to have them.