chart your own course

That was the most fucking stupid advice that possibly could’ve come out of the idol’s mouth. No way was Sakura going to stay ‘true to herself’. As if anyone gave a crap about her before she started pretending to be perfect. No matter what Sakura would be happy of her success. It was straying from herself that was granting her the happiness anyways.

“Wow. Thank you! I’ll keep that in mind for sure. I appreciate it a lot. Um, I’m Sakura. It’s a Japanese name. You don’t really have to remember it. I don’t expect you to.” Sakura scratched her head, looking down sheepishly. As long as Remi remembered her face it didn’t matter

“Sakura? That’s so pretty. It means cherry blossom, yeah? Is that a popular name in Japan?” Remi smiled, even more pretty than the name was the girl herself. She’d never seen so many beautiful people before seeing the Korean entertainment industry. Everyone was like a perfectly constructed doll. Sakura’s face was so youthful and delicate. Remi had seen many very beautiful people but this trainee definitely stood out even amongst them. She’d be quite popular upon debut for sure.

⋆   with another comeback inevitably approaching—nothing had been announced, but even the fans could predict they would comeback soon between now and the end of the year, elite’s comebacks had been fairly steady in timing—haneul had been taking any chance to spend with his friends that he was given.

comebacks were always difficult on any member, but he had to guess being leader and a popular variety member didn’t help his standing on having little alone time during those periods. he had to pick and choose the people he spent time with then, but when he had free time he could hang out with any of the plethora of people he knew.

today, it just so happened remi and he were the ones to have gotten to go out together, ending up at one of haneul’s favorite places to eat.

“hmm?” he sounded, looking up from the food he had previously been shoving into his mouth. “oh, dude, i don’t know. what could they even do to your eyes? they already look fine to me? but, like, if you wanna do it that’s what’s important, not what i or some weirdass netizens think. my brother knows about some girls with pretty crazy surgeries and i wouldn’t call them fake, so.”

“Ah, it was just a thought. I like my eyes a lot better now then how they were a few years ago. Makeup helps that too I suppose...I shouldn’t go overboard. I could just add more highlight under my eyes.” Remi crossed her arms, leaning back. It was sort of a weird topic but to ask her members would lack a variety of responses. An older male of a different group who was not as close to her would provide a different view than the girls she sees every day. 

She didn’t really like thinking about changing her appearance for others. It was one of the things she’d originally judged about the k-pop industry but it was very difficult to escape the expectation, especially after you give in once. It seems to easy to just request another nose job, get your skin lightened more, go on another diet. Remi had seen it in other people and she was beginning to feel it more herself as Rosebud’s popularity grew.

“What about you? Do ever want to do something like that? I mean, not that you have anything to be unhappy about. I’m pretty happy with my appearance but sometimes I just think about it...you know?”

marie was laying flat on her stomach, eyes narrowed intently as she tapped on her phone. with promotions nearing their close, and nothing else filling up her schedule, it was nice to have a bit of time to simply lounge around the dorms. she was in the midst of an especially long go at cookie run when remi called out to her, and her character — cherry blossom, obviously — promptly careened into an obstacle.

marie was an inch away from getting heated, but how could she get mad at remi when all she was doing was offering breakfast? she locked her phone and tucked it into her pocket, rising up from the couch to wander into the kitchen. “that sounds damn good right now, honestly.” she pulled herself up onto the counter, watching as remi went hard on the pan. “you should definitely add some green onions… i can chop some if you want?”

“Yeah, sure.” Remi answered without thinking. A moment later she remembered she wasn’t really a fan of green onions. At least they didn’t have a strong flavour, she’d just add less in hers rather than rejecting Marie’s offer of help. Remi plucked another egg to crack over a bowl, she wasn’t very good at it. Although she avoided getting any shell in the mix, she had to lean awkwardly over the gooey mess as she carried the crumble of shells to the trash can.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had time to make food. Usually at this time we’re running off to promotions and before that it was recording sessions. I don’t know how they expect us to eat healthy when we only have time for vending machine lunches and, like, no breakfast.”

radio shows weren’t exactly haewon’s favorite thing. especially not when it wasn’t a group schedule. he always felt shy and nervous without the rest of decypher with him. not that he could really pinpoint why exactly it wasn’t like he talked much more when the rest of decypher were around him. a lot of the time haewon didn’t really say much at all he just provided background laughter and answered direct questions. he wasn’t very good at interjecting himself into other action.

and this morning he was a bit late – not in any meaningful way because there were still 30 minutes before the show actually started  but late in the sense that he should’ve been there at least fifteen minutes prior (if not a thirty minutes). so he wasn’t exactly watching where he was going when collided with someone else. haewon rubbed his chin blinking a few times. he somewhat recognized the girl who’d run into him – he at least knew she belonged to rosebud. “i’m okay, really, i should’ve been watching where i was going.” he’d somehow managed to bite his tongue and that was really the part that hurt the most otherwise he was unscathed. “i’m sorry.” he bowed in apology, aware that he probably looked a little funny doing so because he was still holding his chin.

“I really am half asleep. I’m so sorry.” Remi sighed, still feeling a throbbing in her head. She really felt stupid. She tried not to fluster her words any further in front of a more experienced idol. Not to mention one as talented as Decypher’s Haewon. She always admired idols who were multi talented. People sometimes tell Remi that she’s good at everything but she doesn’t believe herself to be above average in singing and can’t rap in the slightest. People who really excelled in every category were the idol really worth looking up to. And, of course, they had to be good people as well.

“You’re Haewon, right? It’s nice to meet you. I mean, I wish it was in a better way than this but I am a fan so it’s still an honour.” Remi held out her hand, hoping he’d take it for a handshake. 

Remi Hwang - A Fancam per Era

“Unnie?” Remi called to her fellow member who sat in the living room. Promotions were now finishing up and the girls got to have some more free time to sit around again. She didn’t look back at Marie as she spoke as she was too focused on scrubbing a frying pan in the kitchen sink. Whoever used it last really let it get crusty, she’d have to ask about that in the future.

“I’m going to make eggs. Scrambled. Should I make extra for you? If you haven’t eaten yet I will, even if you say no.” 

This was the best cafe near the building by far. It was so nice to sit in, it was the only busy place that made Sakura comfortable. As she ordered her lemonade, she noticed the idol heading to a seat in the corner; a seat that was usually Sakura’s during her weekend break. She didn’t like being thrown from her routine, luckily this would be a good opportunity to become liked by someone in the industry as well get to sit at her table. She didn’t mind the presence of another, it would be a nice change. Hopefully once they ran out of things to talk about they could just sit in silence. Maybe it would even be so uncomfortable that Remi leaves. Even better.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just such a big fan. You’re Remi from Rosebud, aren’t you?” Sakura grinned, clutching her cup. It was almost as if she didn’t find Rosebud’s music irritating as hell. “Look, you’ve been such an inspiration to me for years. I’m a trainee at Wonder Records and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on the idol life?”

Remi gave the other girl a humble smile. She really liked hearing from fans, especially ones who follow the idol dream because of her. It just reminded Remi of the impact Rosebud really had. It was a good wake up call. She shouldn’t be annoyed that people looked at her while she had lunch, she should be honoured that she was admired. It made her strive to be a better example. Remi straightened up in her seat, deciding to relax a bit.

“Yes, I’m Remi. Um, I’m not sure what I can tell you except to stay true to yourself and follow what you think is right. At the end of the day you want to be a happy idol not a miserable yet successful one. I’m sorry, where are my manners? i didn’t ask your name.”

It was nice to talk to someone who trained at the same time as her and also spoke English, it was really the best of both world when it came to friends. Not to mention the shared love of dancing. This made things comfortable for her. Busy schedules kept Remi from seeing Venus too often but the times she got to spend with rarely seen friends were always cherished. 

“So...” Remi “I’ve got a weird question. No one asked this of me or anything but...do you think I should get my eyes done? Like that bottom part? I forget what it’s called. Or do you thin that’d be too obvious and people would call me fake? It’s not like I haven’t done anything already though.”

The food places near any company building frequently drew a crowd, people would go every single day just hoping they’d run into an idol or someone who knew them. Luckily they were often respectful, any other fans in the area would make sure of that. It was kind of lame to be getting lunch alone near the Wonder Records building, it really wasn’t even Remi’s intention. She had planned to go all the way home first and then hurry to a Rosebud promotion but the gig had gotten rescheduled, leaving Remi with two extra hours. She’d never tried this place before, it was a minimalistic cafe completely made up of white and light wood decor. The open space and skylight allowed a refreshing feeling. She would imagine teenage girls waiting in here all day no problem to get a glimpse one of their boy group biases. Remi wondered if anyone would recognize her or if simply no one was looking.

It wasn’t a particularly healthy menu and she soon found one of the few things she could eat was an iced coffee and. She sat in the corner, facing away from the door. Soon after a pretty girl sat next to her, maybe around Remi’s own age but with a more youthful face. She couldn’t help but feel the girl was staring at her out of the corner of her eye. 

“Hello. Um, can I help you with something?”

They didn’t talk that much, it was hard to keep in touch with other idols. But they were enough to be considered friends. It wouldn’t be that strange to text a friend, right? Remi felt a bit embarrassed about it though, seeing as they hadn’t texted each other in over a month. Wow, she was so bad at keeping in touch with people. But she was tired of staring at her phone figuring out who to ask.

{ text to → chen } hey. this is random but...

Ugh. She’d forced herself to do it. Any moment now he could check his phone and text back. She had forced herself to type quick and just get the awkward part over with.

{ text to → chen } ok so my company is asking if I want to do some acting in like a drama or something and I know you used to act a lot right?

The Wonder Records building was even more of a maze than her own. Why did Marie ask Remi to meet her here when she could’ve just come back to their dorm after meeting with the EVOL trainee? She felt like an idiot just opening door after door. Most people were pretty excited to see her but otherwise they were quite disturbed. She tried to steer away from places where her member obviously wouldn’t be but after twenty minutes, the search became unbearable. Remi sat down on a bench in the hallway and pulled out her phone; still no response about her friend’s whereabouts. Rolling her eyes, Remi leaned her head back on the wall. A soft melodic sound came from the room behind her, at first it was quiet but it slowly grew. Someone was practicing singing. A female voice, a good one too. Remi peered into the doorway, a girl close to her own age stood inside alone. It was a trainee who the idol had never seen before. Oops. The door wasn’t as sturdy as she thought. It didn’t hold her weight and let her stumble, opening with a loud creak. Remi noticed she’d caught the attention of the trainee.

“Wow. Sorry, excuse me. You just sounded so good. I wanted to see who was singing.” Remi always wished she were a better singer but it was just dancing and some instruments for her. She always admired those who were gifted with good voices. In her opinion, one could learn to dance and act and rap but the hardest to learn was singing and Remi believed it took the most talent.

Of course she loved promoting, she loved the live shows and the fun variety shows. She loved showing the fans all the things Rosebud had been working hard on the past few months. What she didn’t love was the early schedules. Remi was always the type to get to bed early and wake up at a suitable time but while promoting she always ended up going to bed too late and feeling horrible when it was time to get up. She shouldn’t have agreed to be one of the members promoting on a radio show this morning. She envied the girls that got to stay in their beds and sleep in today while she sat in a studio at 8am. Half an hour before the show started, Remi took a bathroom break and headed back to the waiting area, feeling so drowsy that she was about to fall over. Stumbling down the hall, eyes half closed, she turned the corner and banged right into another person, knocking him back and hitting her head on his chin.

“Holy s-” Remi almost swore in English before remembering her image. She blinked, trying to focused her vision while holding her sore head. “I’m so sorry, sir. Oh my...Are you alright?” She looked at who she’d run into and was instantly embarrassed. A popular idol from a senior group who was the same age as her and yet she’d called him ‘sir’...god.

“Gosh, unnie! I haven’t talked to you in a year. They really load you up with scheduling, don’t they? You’ve had like...” Remi paused to count the number of Happiness releases in the past year. “5 comebacks within one year’s time! That’s really crazy. You must be relieved to have a bit of a break finally.”

Remi took a sip of her mango bubble tea. She was lucky enough to have been promoting nearby Happiness’ dorm and for Hazel to not be busy for once in so long. It was nice to have a friend who was having a similar experience who wasn’t in Rosebud. Her members were great but they lived together and worked together, sometimes it was nice to hear from another idol. Although she hadn’t met most of them, she was fortunate enough to have waited in line for the restroom with Hazel at a music award show in 2016. Since then, the girls have texted frequently.