being honest with yourself
julieās solo is actually something she wants. word count: 726 cameos: mention of @fmdyuanjun.
julie is the third member of femme fatale to release a solo. to be honest she is surprised she is not the fourth. despite being the main vocalist and thus a shoe in for the classic ballad solo, it was not until this year gold star media even considered giving her solo work. the reason is sad but obvious - her ethnicity. a non-korean doing solo work within korean showbiz is rare. being successful even more so. giving her this oppurtunity is a gamble, even though femme fatale is one of the most popular girl groups.
with that in mind, julie refuses to half-ass it. her solo-stages during their concerts - well, she is not slacking off but she is not throwing her all at it either. it is... what it is. during the first planning meeting julie actually pays attention and speaks her mind. while she does not mind dancing, this release should be focused on her vocals. she wants a true ost-esque release - something that echoes what she wants to perform, when sheās alone on stage.
she does not settle on the first demo she likes. it is tempting but she remembers her promise to herself. she owes it to herself, the company, and her fans to listen through every demo they send her until she finds one that is at least ninety percent what she wants. not just fifty. it feels like she listens to hundreds of demos every day. in reality the number hovers between three and seven. most are very good. she writes down her favorites as possible future tracks.
then, she finds it. the song. it is a melancholy track. the guide singer does not truly do the heartbreaking lyrics justice. julie is not sure why it speaks to her. it does have that overdramatic vibe to it that she adores. it is nothing like femme fataleās tracks. not even their slower songs, because they still have that catchy undertone. this song does not want you to sing along as much as have your heart broken alongside the singer. it is perfect.
recording the song takes longer than recording femme fatale songs usually take. part of that is that she has more lines. the other is that there is no dancing to be considered and thus her vocals has to be everything that they can be. between this, colla3orate, and their upcoming comeback, julie spends a lot of time in the recording booth. gets to know exactly how far she should be from the microphone. figures out the most comfortable way to distribute her weight.
as for the lyrics, well... julie struggles at first. she has never been in love and struggles to relate to those plotlines in dramas. she spends a lot of time staring at the lyrics, trying to figure out of to make them hers. how to not feel like a liar when she sings them. she considers making about friendship. how she would feel if yuanjun decided that she is not worth the effort. it does not work though - she would just laugh and shrug. she does not get attached, not since - that is it.Ā
it hurts, oh it hurts. the memories of her fatherās eyes not even seeing her. the lawyer saying such difficult words she did not understand. it almost feels too raw, too honest. but that is the core of the song is it not? honesty.Ā āto be honestā is the title. no one will ask her what she is thinking of when she sings, right? so she can be honest to herself.
the music video is romantic though. julie jokes around with her male co-star. there is a lot more scenes than there was inĀ āplaying with fireā, but at least that means they can get comfortable with each other. she wonders how fans will react - will they trash her co-starās social media accounts? she hopes not. the music video is tasteful, and the song is about heartbreak. there might be a few joking comments. she might even leave one herself, just to promote the song.
in the end she is very satisfied with it all. it is just a portal song, but she is proud of it. this is what she wants to show the world. this is what she wants her solo work to be like.















