Living with chronic pain be like
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@flyingwerekitty
Living with chronic pain be like

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Physical pain also be like this.
There is disagreement in the DR fandom over which Joker swears, Seam or Jevil... and as I see it the answer is astoundingly clear: they both do, but only when it will have the maximum comedic effect. Theyāre professionals after all. They have to make it count because theyāre very aware of the fact that they can only swear in front of somebody for the first time once.
Random guard: Aw cr-...uuuud. Er. Sorry Seam, I didnāt realize Jevil was with you. Iāll be more careful...
Jevil, cheerfully and with all the childish innocence he can muster, looking the guard dead in the eye: F U C K !
Guard: >:O !!!!
Seam: Language!
Rouxls: Get thine chaotique goblin outeth of mine shop at onceth!! He is scaring awaye mine customers with his wilde and crudeth behavior-
Seam: Of course. Letās finish our transaction first, and I will- *Accidentally drops a coin*
Seam: *Calmly* Oh shit.
Jevil: *Exaggerated offended gasp* OH!!! SEAM, SEAM!! HOW COULD YOU!! ITāS RUDE TO SWEAR!!!
Nightmares are weird because what even constitutes a nightmare, you can never know. Is it fear? The fear of your dream self, or your waking self? Is it the presence of horror-genre content? A waking feeling you canāt shake off? Whatever it is, we all seem to just know the difference. Yet no one can ever agree on how or why. And for good reason!! I mean...
How on Earth am I supposed to explain that this morningās universe-eating yandere demon stalker, who effectively resurrected me by implanting my memories into identical au versions of myself every time I died a graphically horrific, utterly grotesque death... how tf am I supposed to explain that this gorefest was NOT a nightmare... but a lion (not attacking, just. Standing there. In the way.) preventing me from getting my homework in on time WAS.

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My favorite thing about the SCP Foundation is that theyāre scientists, so they canāt help but take their job seriously. But theyāre also, like...
Scientists.
And therefore incapable of taking anything seriously ever.
The Foundation: We have managed to contain an immortal and nigh-unstoppable being that may be the most dangerous entity in our universe through a series of complex safety procedures and massive causalities. We are locked in a battle of wits with the gods trying to neutralize this threat but rest assured because our specialists are some of the FINEST minds this world has to offer!!
Also the Foundation: Idk man just fuckinā chuck a stick at it I guess. Makes as much sense as anything else at this point.
SCP-682: FUCK-
[[CONTAINMENT BREACH]]
I see your āCousin Intruderā theories and raise you... Aunt Serial Killer.
Debbie learns the hard way that killing the Addamsā Family is damn near impossible. With a few failed electric shocks and some talking down it finally dawns on her how much she and the family have in common and she agrees to move in. Sure she has wildly different tastes than they do, but who are they to judge? They build a room just for her: white and frilly and lavishly decorated but painfully, painfully normal. The family cringes every time theyāre forced to see it... but they love her, so theyāll endure. Itās shocking how little her attempted homicide bothers them... even Fester is amicable about the divorce! He moves on. Things are peaceful.
For a time.
She has money, no husband to scheme against, and she doesnāt even have to work! Itās everything she always wanted! But she gets restless. For the first time in her life, Debbie almost feels bad for taking someone elseās money. But the only way she knows of making fast money is... Hm.
The first one she brings home is a rumored rapist. āSo soon?ā asks Morticia with a knowing smile. Debbie doesnāt answer. Sure enough, theyāre married on the first of June. Heās dead before the 4th of July.
Next is a pedophile. He was taken to court, but escaped unscathed thanks to the best lawyers money can buy! Such a shame that he would drown in his own bathtub. Seems such a mundane way to go. (And his ghost didnāt stick around to haunt them... how rude.)
And so it goes. A corrupt politician. A scummy playboy. A bigot. Theyāre not all men. Sometimes she canāt convince them to marry her. Thatās fine. As it turns out, forging a will is a lot easier than Debbie ever dreamed!
The string of murders is investigated, but you just canāt catch an Addams! The family stands by their own. How could she have caused her (crimelord) husbandās suicide, officer? He was on ābusinessā in Hawaii while she was with them celebrating Christmas! And if the officers donāt mention the voodoo doll sitting in plain view by her vanity, well... you canāt blame them for that. Itās got too many pins in it to recognize the man.
Everyone receives extravagant gifts from Aunt Debbie that year.
And maybe, as time passes, her tastes begin to... shift. Sheās still not the same as them, but she receives so many gifts from her new family! Every marriage is treated as if it will be the last no matter how many times they celebrate it. Poor Debbie could never disappoint them by disposing of a gift... so she incorporates them among her own items. Her room is still pink and white and draped with satins and silks. But maybe now thereās a few skulls here and there, some black bows, an antique rug. A ouija board left out on the desk. A lovely collection of antique, ritualistic knives in a display case.
And maybe she still dresses like a homewrecker when sheās on the prowl, but thereās always something... a little off. Not enough to be suspicious. A spider brooch? Why, that was a wedding gift from her sister. Isnāt it lovely? A necklace of carved bone beads? From her late husband, bless his soul! Something to remember him by. (And if the bones are human, how would they know?) Dagger earrings? āOh, these? My niece gave them to me. You know how teenagers are!ā
Anyone who questions her need only meet her family to be convinced that she is the least likely person in that household to commit such crimes.
Until one day she brings home someone different. Someone without money or fame. āMy dearest, most demented Deborah!ā says the family. āThis one must have committed some truly horrid crime for you to break from your tradition!ā
āOh, yes. They have stolen my heart.ā
āDespicable! Insidious! Are you going to kill them?ā
āOh,ā says Debbie. āI think I will.
But not for a very long time.ā
A wild turkey chick managed to get into the enclosed garden space my roommates and I never used and which we have nicknamed Chair Jail because all it contains is weeds and a chair and some empty pots. Apparently the wiring lifted up just enough for them to get underneath, but they were too stupid to get back out. I didnāt take my Ipad when I began Mission Save the Smol Idiot Bird so I donāt have a pic of the Mama and her two chicks, but the mission was successful and the 3 of them wandered away. I had to prop one corner of the cage up so they could get out and then corral them... several times, because the first time they stepped out of the cage they FLEW BACK INSIDE IT. (IN MY DIRECTION INSTEAD OF AWAY.)
Anyway.
Here it is.
The newly christened Dumb Idiot Baby Jail: Chair Edition.
ā”
This design is so good it literally appeared in my dreams last night wtf.
I DO like soft, healing aftermath Horrortale, but I ALSO like Disturbed!Yandere!Horrortale and Iām disappointed by the lack of āout-yandere-the-yandereā stories this fandom has created. Itās not even Horrortale specifically, I just want more OCs/Readers who thwart ābadā skellies dastardly plots simply by being 100% on board with everything. Like that one comic.
Just... Axe meeting someone at the grocery store because for some reason in these fics itās literally always the grocery store, apparently thatās the only time he leaves the house I guess and he stalks the human home.
They start feeling like theyāre being watched, catching glimpses of him around their house. Instead of panicking or calling the police they start leaving out cookies for him. At some point they come home and heās just chilling on their couch watching TV. They never told him where they live. They just ask what heās watching and join him. He goes to kidnap them and theyāre just āyeah okay. Iām fine with this.ā Heās shook. āYou know I ate people?ā āEhhh. Itās whatever.ā āYou can never leave me.ā āWasnāt planning on it.ā āYou canāt leave the house without my supervision ever again. And youāre quitting your job.ā āOoh, Iāve always wanted to work from home! And I donāt have to be around people?! Youāre the BEST!! :Dā ā??!?!???!?ā
Yan!SwapFell!Sans meets his on the bus one day and has them snatched off the street. Theyāve literally never spoken, they just open their eyes to find themselves bound to a chair with this smirking skeleton gloating about how theyāre his property and no one will hear their screams and go ahead human, plead for mercy from your new master!! And theyāre just āwell hey there~ā
Sans: ...
Sans: w
Yan!Fell!Papyrus sets a plan into motion to ruin their life socially and financially so theyāll be forced to rely on him and be trapped and instead they just go āhey I know what youāre doing and itās totally unnecessary. Itās okay you donāt have to admit it but I live with you now okay? Iāve already moved my things into your bedroom while you werenāt looking.ā āI... Now wait just one minute... T-thatās not... ?!?!??ā
They come home early to find Yanberry torturing a man to death that they recognize as a catcaller who harassed them earlier. They gasp. āYou werenāt supposed to see this... I didnāt want to do this dear but youāve forced my ha- huh?ā āOh how sweet!! You shouldnāt have! But how will we get all this blood cleaned up? You got some on the carpets!! You shouldāve been more careful!ā āB-but thatās... oh stars youāre right my carpet...ā
*Human lying flat on their back in the Anti-Void* āWe should get a dog.ā
Fresh: WH AT
āWow this is roomy in here.ā
Fresh: ?? ??
āHey lemme wear your glasses-ā
Fresh: DO NOT

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donāt @ me but
It pains me to say this, but... Jevil is just Cicero for monsterfuckers.
Evidence:
Pester Jester
Jingle-Jangle Hat Boi
Old probably
Can kill you in 147 different ways
Powerful. TOO powerful.
An awful Little Man
My Lightner = My Listener (in the fics)
Happy!! Murder!! Boy!!
Speech quirk
Feigns weakness to trick you (heās a sneaky snek)
Talented in pre-insanity occupation
Still talented in field just real fuckinā unhinged now
High-pitched voice
You love him or you want him dead
Whatās that he has there? A KNIFE. (NO!!)
Belongs in the Void tbh
Talks a LOT
Canāt stop wonāt stop
I (literally) dreamt up an au!Sans this morning and idk if anything like this exists already but if it does Iāll lose my damn mind.
Visually, he looked something like Horrortale Sans but with three roses growing from the crack in his skull. One was red, one was green, and one was purple. There was a ācover artā poster for his story featured, that showed him half-lit from the side and silhouetted and the roses lit up in neon, and I recall those being the colors on the poster, which is why I assume the roses were the same on his person. They were duller in person though, especially the green one. They seemed significant somehow. My brain nicknamed him āRose/Rosetale!Sansā but I just looked that up and thatās already a thing, so idk what to call him. He was having a panic attack, and I was trying to calm him down. He implied that his Papyrus was gone and was begging not to be left alone again. Whether Papyrus had been killed in that timeline, killed in a previous reset he remembered, or if he had had a nightmare/episode and was mis-remembering wasnāt clear but he believed it to be true. He seemed more lost than violent, and would vacillate between snagging me by the sleeve and saying some slightly disturbing things about me not leaving, and releasing me and begging me not to go. I got the impression that he was actively recoiling from me whenever he thought something dark or possessive because he was terrified to act on those impulses. Important note: I was trying to go the grocery store. I was not leaving forever. But I didnāt doubt that in his state if I was out of his eyesight for even a moment he would forget that I was coming back/that I existed at all and would dust himself.
Look I love the loner vampire trope as much as the next basic bitch but letās face the facts: if the animal weāre basing them on/associating them with is bats, then that doesnāt make a lot of sense. Most bats live in colonies. I mean there are loner werewolves out there too but there are far more portrayals where packs are made up of giant families that interact like Weasleys with all the shenanigans and fuss and unwavering love and loyalty that that entails. Thatās all well and good, but consider if you will that one of these animals lives with a dozen or two members of their species and the other lives with literally thousands.
If anything, vampires would form gigantic covens or attempt to manage their familial instincts by āadoptingā people off of the streets to smother with gifts and affection.
Vampire: *Sees a 30 year old man trying his best*
Vampire: !!! A baby!! Martha, come quick! Someone has abandoned this infant child to the wilderness of NYC! We simply must take him under our wings!!
Even the more careful or standoffish ones probably stalk the night (and random citizens) so often and for so many years that they are intimately familiar with the lives of absurd amounts of people and just kind of watch over them like a real-time soap opera. One where they can swoop in and drop some cash in their path or manufacture ācoincidencesā to help their faves any time they want.
Vampire: I hate people. Iām a creature of the night. I need no one. I-
*Trips and 5000 pictures and hand-painted portraits of their favorite people from the past few centuries spill out of their cape*
Vampire: I-I have no idea how- this isnāt what it- This means nothingā¦
Honestly, Iāve always liked the idea that vampires seem like loners to humans because they tend to wander around either alone or in pairs/small groups, but actually theyāre all involved in huge extended families that are spread out across the globe and basically include every other vampire in existence.
āSorry, I canāt meet up with you this weekendā my sireās, sireās sire also sired this lady who went on to start a whole massive dynasty, and now one of themās getting married and I have to go to the wedding.ā
āOh, that photo was taken in 1901. The guy next to me is my brotherā weāre not actual blood related, but we started telling people that to explain why we were hanging out without a chaperone despite not being married, and it sort of became a Thing. We still try to meet up whenever weāre in the same country.ā
āHey, this is Bill! Explaining exactly how heās related to me will take several hours and involve consulting the long and convoluted family trees of about six different vampire bloodlines, so I generally just say weāre cousins. Heās gonna be staying at mine for a bit!ā
Werewolf: āGod, I love my pack, but sometimes it can be exhausting having to deal with all these people all the time.ā
Vampire (thinking about the 6,567 Christmas cards they still have to write up and send at some point before December to avoid immortally offending anyone): āMust be tough.ā
Oh, this. This is beautiful.
Look I love the loner vampire trope as much as the next basic bitch but letās face the facts: if the animal weāre basing them on/associating them with is bats, then that doesnāt make a lot of sense. Most bats live in colonies. I mean there are loner werewolves out there too but there are far more portrayals where packs are made up of giant families that interact like Weasleys with all the shenanigans and fuss and unwavering love and loyalty that that entails. Thatās all well and good, but consider if you will that one of these animals lives with a dozen or two members of their species and the other lives with literally thousands.
If anything, vampires would form gigantic covens or attempt to manage their familial instincts by āadoptingā people off of the streets to smother with gifts and affection.
Vampire: *Sees a 30 year old man trying his best*
Vampire: !!! A baby!! Martha, come quick! Someone has abandoned this infant child to the wilderness of NYC! We simply must take him under our wings!!
Even the more careful or standoffish ones probably stalk the night (and random citizens) so often and for so many years that they are intimately familiar with the lives of absurd amounts of people and just kind of watch over them like a real-time soap opera. One where they can swoop in and drop some cash in their path or manufacture ācoincidencesā to help their faves any time they want.
Vampire: I hate people. Iām a creature of the night. I need no one. I-
*Trips and 5000 pictures and hand-painted portraits of their favorite people from the past few centuries spill out of their cape*
Vampire: I-I have no idea how- this isnāt what it- This means nothingā¦
You know you donāt have to call Anne Rice out like that right?
I donāt have to but she deserves it.

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Me, having fashioned a primitive dress and cape out of blankets: I am the Countess of Cozy. I shall not be laid low by the patriarchy, I shall NOT be told to cover mine feminine body lest I be subject to the male gaze (of which my house contains none). I am too lazy to make food. I am going to microwave some ramen. BEHOLD. My cape dost transform before thine eyes into oven mitts! Now the bowl may be safely transported to my domicile. I see that you are in awe of my lazy genius. As well you should be. I must away. I grow weary of this place (the kitchen). My noodles await me.
Look I love the loner vampire trope as much as the next basic bitch but letās face the facts: if the animal weāre basing them on/associating them with is bats, then that doesnāt make a lot of sense. Most bats live in colonies. I mean there are loner werewolves out there too but there are far more portrayals where packs are made up of giant families that interact like Weasleys with all the shenanigans and fuss and unwavering love and loyalty that that entails. Thatās all well and good, but consider if you will that one of these animals lives with a dozen or two members of their species and the other lives with literally thousands.
If anything, vampires would form gigantic covens or attempt to manage their familial instincts by āadoptingā people off of the streets to smother with gifts and affection.
Vampire: *Sees a 30 year old man trying his best*
Vampire: !!! A baby!! Martha, come quick! Someone has abandoned this infant child to the wilderness of NYC! We simply must take him under our wings!!
Even the more careful or standoffish ones probably stalk the night (and random citizens) so often and for so many years that they are intimately familiar with the lives of absurd amounts of people and just kind of watch over them like a real-time soap opera. One where they can swoop in and drop some cash in their path or manufacture ācoincidencesā to help their faves any time they want.
Vampire: I hate people. Iām a creature of the night. I need no one. I-
*Trips and 5000 pictures and hand-painted portraits of their favorite people from the past few centuries spill out of their cape*
Vampire: I-I have no idea how- this isnāt what it- This means nothing...