flora + fawna

I cheated on my boyfriend and it was to fulfill some purely selfish interests and I confessed to him but WITH A LIE....in an attempt to soften the blow.... He said he would try again with me, it ate me up that I told him a lie but I said, it would be my last one. (The old "I'm telling the truth starting now") And now all is on the table, and I have been dumped. I just don't want to cause him any more pain. I seriously hate how skewed my decisions have been and all motivated by fear. I felt like I needed therapy and didn't have the resources before .... But now I KNOW I fucking do. And the worst thing is that I have given someone so special so much trauma to hold onto after this experience. Seriously neglectful and selfish of me..... I literally do not know what to do