m e h

Ari @dahatter: I’ve known her ever since kindergarten. Frankly, we were never truly best friends until 6th grade, which I find rather interesting. It took me 5 years to realize that my best friend was with me all along. We had mutual respect for each other during elementary school, but we never really connected on the level that we do now. Occasionally, we would exchange conversations during lunch, but that was really about it. There was no sleeping over at each other’s houses, gossiping about others, or really talking any time outside of school. We were both a bit disliked, her being an amazing artist even at such a young age, and me just discovering I had some potential to draw well. I had rather good grades, while (I’m sorry bae) Ari occasionally slacked off. We had different interests at the time and different sets of goals. It almost seemed like that we would be opposites and never become real friends. At the time, I didn’t think that either of us really cared about that, though. In the present, I don’t think either of us could imagine what it would be like without each other’s support. Eventually, we both graduated from elementary and thought we had seen the last of each other.

6th grade quickly came around, and I knew that I would find a few friends at a new school, such as former friends from elementary. I tried hanging out with them for the first few weeks of school. But I knew I didn’t really belong with them. I eventually became invested into some gory horror games, such as Mad Father. My older friends rejected this and left me pretty heartbroken and without friends, as they thought I was weird and didn’t deserve to hang out with them. I wanted and needed new friends, I was in a toxic relationship. Now back to Mad Father. I had always wanted one of the main characters, Alfred Drevis, drawn for me. I doubted my skills as an artist, so I never drew it. On the other hand, I knew that Ari was talented in the arts, and I was also in search for new friends, so I approached her about it. I printed off a picture of the character and handed it to her one day at lunch, and she was happy to draw it. Over the next days and weeks, we talked about Mad Father. I was already a big fan of the game, and I was getting her interested in it. This was possibly the start of a new friendship. We had first period P.E. together every day, and neither of us enjoyed running. We eventually found ourselves talking about the game and walking laps each P.E. period we had. I always brought a jacket to school, and we even shared it when it got cold (we were both small enough to do that at the time). During the walks, we had during this class, she introduced me to new things, like anime, which I never watched until we became friends. In order to seem cooler, I lied and said that I watched some of the anime that she talked about. In other words, I was a bit of a fake nerd, and I was ashamed of it. But at a point, I started watching anime and found that I loved it. I came to love the things that I faked talking about. And I knew from that moment that she was a great influence on me, so we kept talking. More and More anime and fandoms and boy we were trash. And when she cut her hair short, I thought that I should as well because I wanted to be like her. Sometimes, I would get a little depressed, but she would help me out of it like it was her first priority, and no one had ever done that for me before. When I was in the previous toxic relationship and would state I was depressed, they would all run the opposite direction. But Ari, she was different. She stayed by my side and helped me through all the pain that I felt. Talked me away from hurting myself, and she just wanted to help. I knew from that moment that this friendship was real, and wasn’t fake or anything like what I had before. I had a real friend.

Summer came. I talked her into going to camps with me, which she did, and that made me happier than ever. We even made friends with a former enemy and a 16-year-old that neither of us knew. This was our Homestuck phase. Both of the boys that we befriended liked Homestuck as well, so we all became relatively good friends. We all loved drawing together, and Ari brought out the inner artist in me that I covered up for so many years in fear that I would never be good enough. But summer came and left very quickly.

7th grade. I believe that this was possibly the most stressful year of middle school for me because depression hit me hardest, but as always, Ari was there to help. The beginning of the year mostly included Ari and I being dumb nerds, but then winter came, and I fell. I felt alone in the world, I felt that even with Ari’s support I was alone. I also had problems with confidence. I hated everything about myself. My legs, body, voice, hair, ect. So I turned to self-harm which was an unbelievably stupid move. I felt abandoned. Even still, Ari didn’t give up on me. She wanted me to be better, wanted me to be mentally healthy. I was being stupid and pushed her away, but she didn’t give up. I even blamed all this trouble on her but she didn’t care. She just wanted her old friend back. Or at least that’s how I saw it from my point of view. She talked me through all my negative thoughts and all the pain that I felt. I can’t even believe that I deserved someone like her to care for me in my life. She deserved so much more than the friendship that I gave her. She had seen me at my worst of times, but she still cared for me and still wanted to be my friend. And again I saw, Ari wouldn’t leave me, she cared too much to do that. She was everything.

8th grade. The grand finale. Our friendship seemed like it would fall through after the awful depression that I went through. I started questioning my gender and sexuality, when I found I’m more favorable to dressing masculine, she supported me regardless even though I feared being rejected. Our friendship ended up being stronger than ever. We helped each other out in our school studies, occasionally helping one another study or work on assignments. Me being a straight A student, I would fall apart if I got a B on a test. And before and after tests, she would give me pep talks about how everything was going to be alright, and that I shouldn’t worry. I always wanted to help her, but she never needed it. She even let me rant about the people that were rude to us. She gave so much more than she took. (She also gave me a lot of food oop). And when I was hella upset when I broke up with potentially the best boyfriend I will ever have, she was there, she had my back. She always had the magic ability to put a smile back on my face even in my worst of times. She has the ability to make anyone smile really unless you mess with her friends then she’ll roast you. And as she grew mentally and physically, her ability to create the most beautiful grew as well. She works hard to improve, though it looks like she doesn’t even need to because she’s so talented. She sees beauty where others cannot. She does not see her own beauty sometimes, and that’s what hurts because she is better than most of us. She works hard and helps others. When the end of the 8th-grade year came around. I again fell apart and questioned friendship. But no matter what, she wanted to help me. She wanted to see me improve mentally. She wanted me to get out of the horrible mental state that it seemed like I was stuck in forever. When I felt neglected, she prove that I was important to her, she proved to me that I was loved by her, my family, and my countless other friends. She has a hard life, but she chooses to stay strong for others and help her friends in need. If it weren’t for her to convince me to stay alive and tell me that I had something to live for, I may not be here now writing this. I would say that that is a significant impact on my life. She deserves so much more than this measly paragraphs. She deserves the unconditional love that she bestows upon others. In my opinion, she deserves this more than most people, I believe she deserves some recognition. She has talked another friend out of hurting herself, and she has talked me out of it. She saves and understands people. Misha and others, she deserves this and the recognition. I hope you see the beauty and truth that I see inside of her after you read this.Ari, I hope we stay friends forever, you’re really the best. Thank you.

Older Me: I honestly can't believe at times how cruel and unforgiving our society can be almost all the time. People who think that transgender people aren't true people are the lowest scum that walks this earth. We are all different in our own special way, and it's honestly super disrespectful to take rights away from these different people. For example, a transgender person' right to use a bathroom. The fact that it has been banned in some states in unacceptable and this hate must be stopped.

Younger Me: This is kinda stupid??? A transgender person being let into a normal person's bathroom could potentially be a horrible danger to others. And of course, we wouldn't want the transgenders influencing the youth that could accompany them in the bathroom. Simply disgusting

Unbiased Me: Guys you need to calm down, its okay for all of us to have our own opinions on the matter. There is no need to hate on each other-

Older Me:I understand where this is coming from, but trans people are not mental dangers. True, they could be a physical danger, but then again, aren't we all? We all have the chance to hurt one another, but we simply restrain ourselves and do not. So in other words, the chance of getting assaulted is the same as it has always been

Younger Me: Look, I get that you're an advocate for their rights. But I just don't understand why. These guys are just boys in a dress, it's not that big of a deal, guys have done that before. They still shouldn't be allowed to use our bathrooms. And you really shouldn't even support it unless you're actually transgender?? And guys could just decide "Oh maybe I'll be a girl today" and then go assault ladies changing or using the restroom. It's dangerous no matter what

Older Me: Me, you're being kind of unfair. You don't understand this from their point of view. You don't even know if you'll come to question your gender later in effect to this argument. And you don't simply say that a transgender girl is a "Boy in a dress". That is just coming on as disrespectful and rude, nobody has the right to talk down to others like that. Second, people cannot simply just decide that they will be transgender in order to peep at the other gender, this hardly ever happens. Transgender men and women are no different than us. We are all the same underneath our skin. There are always threats that are affecting them and harming their mental health every day. They have to put up with and listen to the crap that is spewed at them every second of their lives. It is people like you that make their lives miserable. I'm upset that I was ever a person like you.

Younger Me: But aren't you worried about the risk of physical assault? I'm only gonna say this one more time, giving them the rights to men's and women's bathrooms is

foolish and dumb.

Unbiased Me: But didn't she kinda already explain this??

Older Me: Again, another thing you don't know about transgenders. They usually don't assault people, they just want to go to the bathroom. On the other hand, it's usually the transgenders that are getting attacked and beaten. We have no right to harm them. We have no right to judge them. That is what you don't understand. We are all people, no matter what we see on the outside, and we need to learn to accept people for who they are. We need to look deeper inside of them. We need to look past their exterior and take and grab the beauty inside of them and show the rest of the world that cannot see it. It is our job to change what others see of the shunned part of our culture.