…and keep reaching for those stars

You know I gotta learn shitpost brevity. Most of my successful posts are like 3 paragraph essays, minimum. Fucking dissertations. Terrible note-to-word ratio. Inefficient. In this economy? In this economy? Unsustainable. Everyone else posting "blowing my balls up at the bomb factory" and getting 50,000 notes. Amazing ROI. They're the future and I'm on dial-up. The market's gonna out-compete me.

I suffer from something that I can only describe as "grim postmonitions;" upon succeeding at a dangerous task, such as walking up an icy set of slate stairs, my mind flashes with all the ways it could have gone wrong, e.g. slipping and cracking my skull on the masonry. I become inordinately distressed at these visions, as if they are distinct, imminent threats, despite the danger having already passed

hey do u mind if I fetishize you. What why are you upset I'm doing it wokely and gayly. No you don't understand I'm objectifying you empowering style. You should be grateful someone like you is getting this attention like you shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth with what you've got going on. Why are you mad

Item: Orb of Gorilla Summoning

[after starting a fistfight and losing] haha okay man let's all put this behind us and sign a peace treaty between you, me, and my slavering rabid dog. what? oh don't worry the treaty says he'll stop mauling passersby. has he agreed to the treaty? i don't see how that's relevant. i will never ever put him on a leash btw just throwing that out there. so yeah anyway, trucies?

wait wait are we representing israel as a rabid dog and iran as a perfectly reasonable stranger? is that were we are at?

well one of these governments is willing to sign a peace treaty after winning a war of aggression waged against it by a much larger power and one of them is repeatedly sabotaging even temporary ceasefires because it is politically untenable for it to stop massacring lebanese civilians with bombs. you can do the over the top Tired snarky above it all tone all you like but the facts of the situation are incredibly stark

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

idk man not to sound like a cartoon hippie but if your entirrrrre blog and dash is about how the world sucks and everyones bigoted i think you are going to give yorself brain worms

"ah but all of this is important and true and if i dont reblog all of this important stuff waga baga THE WORMS! THATS WORMS! THE BRAIN WORMS!

i do not think you are doing activism chief i think what you are doing is sitting in your room flagellating yourself expecting something to happen

black mold and lead can’t affect me because i’m pure of heart

“they never explicitly looked at the camera and said ‘i am experiencing immense grief’ so how was i supposed to know??” i don’t know what to tell you, man. if a story doesn’t spoon-feed you the character's internal emotional state like a jar of mashed peas, you guys just willingly starve. subtext is not a myth, i promise it won't bite you.