she’s a bimbo playing on the damn phone

And MMFD led me to other body-positive work, like Rainbow Rowell, whose heroines I love. And I saw her byline today on this piece in The Cut “I Thought I’d be on a GLP-1 By Now,” and thought “ohhh boy.” Not because I wanted to criticize, I absolutely do not. Because it was relatable, and the world of MMFD has never felt further away from real life than it does right now in the easily accessible world of surgeries and shots we live in, and the absolutely bizzaro world of dating young people seem to be dealing with.

What does it mean to resist the path everyone is going down? Rainbow talks about it wonderfully, but have no idea, because I’m a total hypocrite. I haven’t been on Tumblr because my mom died, and I’m just now coming out of a grief spiral.

My mom died of kidney failure, because of diabetes, because of obesity and a food addiction. 15 years earlier, I sat watching my grandma die for the same reasons. My health data was telling me the same was coming for me eventually. So here I am, with 5 little bypass scars and 80 pounds gone. My life is unequivocally better: I feel better, I can be a better friend, dog owner, people are MUCH kinder, which is fucked up.

But I do feel somewhat like I betrayed some fundamental principle in what I believed and the spirit of the media and messages I believed in. It’s a weird spot to be in, and I worry about our society if we wipe obesity away. I’ve lost any enjoyment in food, it is a bit of a desire free life right now, which is covered a bit in her essay. How much of this is grief and grappling with who I see in the mirror, and just thinking too damn much, I’ll never know. But her piece got me thinking and is worth a read.