heartbreaks and promises

There’s nothing okay with heartbreak. There’s nothing fine with the feeling that brought you the most loneliest and sleepless night. There’s nothing good with those tears you keep on wiping away from your eyes at 3am when no one is around. Feeling your own heart collapsing and falling piece by piece was never a wonderful thing. Do you know what’s okay? What’s fine? And what’s good? Heartbreak doesn’t feel like flying with colorful butterflies, but sometimes it’s okay to walk alone and cherish your own company—for you to be able to know yourself even more. It doesn’t make you love the morning and the sun, but sometimes it’s fine to watch the moon while everyone has gone to sleep. It doesn’t look like bright little stars on the night sky, but sometimes instead of hating the rain, you should listen to what it has to say not with your ears but with your heart and mind. Heartbreak hurts, but it’s always up to you if you’re going to let it destroy you or make you a stronger person. When it’s about your own heart, you always have a choice.

today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful:

I refuse to tell anyone how bad it really got again.

When a person tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide you didn’t.

In life, we all have it at least once: something that changes you at your deepest core. It shifts the foundation under you, taking a different path than foreseen. For my mom, it was the day my dad left her a tip at the diner she waitressed at. A $20 bill and a note with ‘You are breathtaking’ and his number on it. They got married exactly five months after. For my best friend, it was the day her dad left her mom for a younger woman. She came over and cried, and somehow she didn’t leave my house for a month. But when she did, she had a darker tint to her eyes, and her shoulders were stiffer. She was strong. For my brother, it was the day he tore his ACL in the middle of his Senior football season. I’d never seen my brother cry until he had to watch his team win the State Championship from the sideline. After years of scouts waiting for him to reach college-level, he was told he would never step foot on a football field again. Instead, he threw everything he had into academics. He became a neurosurgeon. And for me, it was you. It was falling in love without knowing to put up any boundaries. It was like standing outside in the middle of a tornado; I was told to seek shelter, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. It was feeling the wreckage inside of myself and not being able to fix it. It was realizing who I was when I wasn’t myself anymore, and becoming that person. I gave my love to someone who didn’t want it. I could never get it back, but I became someone who didn’t need it back. I became someone I can be proud of.

it’s okay to miss someone that left you

“You realise how much you truly miss someone when something happens - good or bad - and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there.”

“Trust me when i say i’ll always stay”