“That’s not how you smoke it, Jeremy.”

Heres the fic I said I was gonna write. I don’t write a lot, or ever. So this is probably really bad, welp can’t say I didn’t try. If you have some criticism I would love to hear it! ~~The reader’s has no gender, and the squip only has it/them pronouns, but the squip does have a cock.~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you got a moody squip that tries to make you socialize, just drink whiteout till it’s a whiny mess.

“Why did you even come to this party?” You ask yourself as you stand by the snack table, looking dumbfounded around the room. When an acquaintance asked you if you wanted to attend a party over the weekend you wanted to decline, but you decide that you could try to socialize. Well, that and your squip, Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor, said “attending a social gathering would greatly improve your social standing” or in other words “make you popular”. Yeah right, like you left home and travelled 100,000 miles to go one of them top universities just to be “popular”. Oh, I guess I should probably explain my “squip”, see during my first months of university I wasn’t in a good place mentality, with being all alone in a new place. I tried to do my best in school, and I got amazing grades, but if I just got a single question wrong I would feel like a failure. So when a classmate gave me a pill for five hundred bucks saying that it would make me the ace the class, I jumped at it. Ever since I got this annoying and surprisingly handsome computer thing following me around. Grated it did help me with studying and helped me out of my terrible mental space, it also wanted me to do this thing called “socialize”.

As I slowly tune back in after my daydream, I can hear my squip bartering me. “You should try to talk to people! Look that female over there is in your English class, go ask her about the test this coming Tuesday” the squip says in its cold calculating voice. You groan as your squip yells at you to socialize, why socialize when you can stand by the snack table and eat snacks? “Hey, are you even listening to me? This is very important if you wish to expand your circle of friends” the squip says giving a pointed look, “well I don’t, I like being alone” you say defensively. The squip continues to lecture about socializing while you scan the room, you see the acquaintance who invited you to the party and stroll up to her. “Yo, hey uh…..” “molly,” the squip says flatly finishing your sentence “molly! How’s it going?” You ask molly and she wipes around to see you, a huge grin on her face. She waves to the two guys she was talking to, football players your squip tells you, and faces you “how nice to see you here! When I invited you I didn’t think you would come, I thought you were a bit of a wallflower. But here you are!” She exclaimed bouncing on the balls of her feet. You laugh nervously while rubbing the back of your neck, not knowing what to say, “ask her what she was doing with the football players” you squip says coming to your aide. “So, ah, whatcha doing with the two good-looking guys,” you ask, cringing a bit, molly claps her hands and says “oh! Well, Jacob was just giving us all these cool different kinds of mountain dew flavours! Apparently, there are tons of different kinds” she says excitedly while shoving a bottle at your face. “This one is called ‘whiteout’ is clear and tastes like citrus!” She says in a happy-go-lucky voice, you go to grab the bottle from her but feel a sudden slight stock running down your spine. “Ow!” You hiss through your teeth, wondering why your squid decided to stock you, “what happened” Molly gasped looking concerned. “Uhhh” you look at her blankly trying to come with an excuse, “cavity” your squip finally says. “Oh! I got a cavity! So I can’t uh, drink sugary stuff right now” you say it as more a question, hoping molly believes you. “Aw, that’s such a shame! I hope you go to the dentist soon” Molly says with sad eyes looking concerned, “uh yeah I will. I just need to go to the bathroom first. Talk to you later!” You rush out the last part as you hastily walk to the bathroom, you hardly heard Molly say “oh, see you later! Bye bye!”.

“What the was that?!” You yell at your squip as soon as the door clicks shut. “Why did you run away? You were doing so well” the squip says defensively, “well I wouldn’t need to if you didn’t stock me!! Why the hell did you even stock?” You ask giving him a pointed look. Your squip goes to open its month but quickly looks away, “certain mountain dew flavours have certain…..effects on me” it says quietly. You raise your eyebrows in question, “effects like what? Like turns into a cat or whatever? Or like, levels you up?” You ask confused, it was a computer, what could even happen? “Well, no, some flavours make me more violent, others make me glitch out,” it says still not facing you. “So what does this whiteout do? It must be pretty bad if you stock me” you say curiously, the squip blushes you look surprised “since when could the squip ever blush?” You ask yourself. “That one, it ah, acts as an aphrodisiac,” it says quietly blushing, “aphrodisiac? What’s that mean?” you ask confused. “It um, increases my sexual limbo” it squeaks out, “holy shit, it makes you horny?!” You shout eyebrows raised. You couldn’t believe what was happening, here you have your squip, who is usually a calm and collected bitch, nodding while blush profusely at being asked if a certain drink makes them horny and this was just talking about it! You grin as a sly idea pops into your mind, but you decide not now, you’ll need to get certain equipment.

The rest of the night went smoothly after that little hiccup, after staring at each other for five minutes you cleared your throat and said that you were gonna go and talk to Molly. After you hanged out with Molly, Jacob and Alex you decided to go home. Even though your squip kept pestering you about not talking to a lot of people. It didn’t matter how much your squip got on your nerves, you were gonna change the way your squip treated you. You’ll just need to put up with them for now.

Right as you woke up the squip was already trying to run your life. Today you didn’t have any classes so they kept saying how you should go out and meet new people, call the football players you met last night. You just rolled your eyes, then grinned as your plan popped into your mind. You asked the squip if they could shut down for a while since you wanted to get ready and didn’t need their pointless suggestions. They lucky agreed and popped out of existence, you sigh while enjoying the silence for once. You got dressed in a hoodie and jeans and walked out the door to your local gas station, all the while grinning as you piece your master plan in your head. You walk into the dirty gas station and scan around, you walk down the beverage section hoping that Jacob didn’t get the mountain dew flavours at some special store. Lucky you noticed a whole section of mountain dew flavours with a sign overhead reading “taste the dew like never before” you look around at all the different kinds: game fuel, live wire, x-treme, throwback, noticing white out you grab three and head to the cash register. The drinks were a bit more pricey than you expected but you decide it would definitely be worth it.

Once you arrive home you put two of the three drinks into the fridge, not wanting to lay all your eggs in one basket. You open your drink as you sit down at your desk, bring up your project for English on your laptop. You take a few sips wondering if this would affect your squip when you reactivate it. Not wanting to waste too much of your drink, you close and cap and say “ok, about time, reactive”. The squip appears in front of your bed face flushed, “what, what are you doing?” It asks. You hum in delight as you spin your chair around to face them, “I got sick and tired of you acting all high and mighty, squip” you say crossing your legs. “I want to take you down a few notches, make that mouth moan instead of bitch,” you say seductively while grabbing the bottle and go to take a sip out of. “Wait!” The squip yells, “if you do take i-’ll stock you!” The squip says in a fail attempt to sound threatening, you scowl and slowly get up from your chair and walk towards the squip. As your face to face with the squip it looks away, you grab them by their shirt collar and pull them forward, “do you really think you have any say right now?” You ask in a low drawn out voice, the squip just shivers. You let go of the squip and calmly walk back to your desk, turning to your laptop and start working. “So, um, what do you exactly plan to do?” The squip asks in a shaky voice, “well I plan on doing work, I don’t know about you” you say in a sly voice and take a small sip of whiteout. The squip whines.

It’s been about ten minutes, and you’ve just been quietly working as you take small sips of you’re drinking. Everything time you take a sip you hear a tiny gasp or moan in response. You turn around to face the squip and come upon a stunning scene. The squip is gripping the sheets so hard you’re sure they’re almost ripping them, they’re eyes are squeezed shut and they’re biting down on their lips. Their face is totally flush and they’re slightly shaking, you chuckle, “you know you can help yourself, right?” The squip finches as you speak and wipes their head up to look at you. “It’s pathetic, to sit here while you do nothing, help me” other says in a pleading voice, you hum and say “hmm, nope I don’t think so, I don’t like the attitude you have” the squip looks disgusted “what do you mean you’re not going to help me!? What do you expect me to do?” It shouts. You scowl and take a gulp of the drink, watching the squip hips thrust in response. “When I mean I can help you,” you say pounding the thought, the squip looks at you with excited eyes, “if you play a little game first” you finish looking cocky. The squip looks at you curiously, “what, huh, kinda of game?” They ask panting. “It’s a very easy game” you same spinning sighting in your chair, “first I need to know that you want this so beg,” you say cheerfully. “I’m not gonna beg you!” The squip shouts, you sigh and take a gulp out of your drink and turn around to your laptop, “fine, then sit there and suffer”. The squip gasps loudly, “oh, wow, oh n-no” you say biting on its hand to stay quiet, “I, I don’t want to play your stupid game! Just get over here and help me!” It says in a quivering voice.

You sigh, well if you can’t win your own game, simple change a variable to make them. “Fine, I’ll play with you,” you say getting off your chair and walking towards the bed, “lay down” you command the squip. They quickly follow suit and whisper “thank you”, you take off their shirt and pants while they buck their hips to get more fiction. Then you move their hands to the headboard and tie their hands together with their shirt, “what, what are you doing?” They ask sounding slightly worried. “I told you, I’m playing my game” you same in a matter-of-fact tone, you walk back to your desk and grab your white-out humming. “I told you I don’t want to play your stupid game!” The squip yells struggling to get its hands free, you hum and take a sip of white-out, which earns in a thrust in response. You move their legs apart and sit between them, you clear your throat and say “you don’t want to beg, fine by me, but I got another idea”. Before the squip can protest you ghost your fingers over their thighs, the squip gasps and bucks their hips you move your hands away, “nah ah ah, you’re not allowed to moan or move your hips, if you do I’ll take a sip of whiteout and start over” you say slyly. The squip head falls down in defeat, you giggle “careful what you wish for, hun”.

You moved your fingers gently down the squip’s thighs, this has been going on for a while now, you really wished the squip would just give in already, your drink was almost gone and didn’t want to use the others yet. The same thing kept happening over and over again, you’ll ghost your fingers around their thighs, then you’ll start pressing down, then you’ll use your nails, but once you touched their cock they would always buck their hips, or moan. So you’ll stop take a sip and start over. The squip was desperate, you could tell they were on the verge of tears, the breaking point was when you gently glossed your fingers over they cock once more. Their hips buck forward, “no! Oh g-god, please please PLEASE! I need it sooo bad! Please please, I’m begging you!” They whined out. You smirked, “finally,” you thought, “so now you’re ready to beg?” You asked, “yes yes, oh god pl-please, it’s too much, but not enough! Please!” They begged pathetically. You don’t know why, but them begging light a fire in your stomach, you quickly took off your clothes and moved so that you crouch was by their face. “Make me come and I’ll do the same for you,” you say winking, they immediately get to work. You’re surprised how good they are with their tongue and how close you are to cumming, you grab their hair and push them deeper. You cum with a moan and pull their head back, they look up at you with pleading eyes. You chuckle and move down to their cock before you realized that you still have a bit more whiteout. You grab the drink and go to take a sip but your squip stops you, “what? No, no please don’t! I was good, I did everything you told me to do!” It says sobbing. “Shh shh, I know baby, but I don’t want this to go to waste, and I don’t think you want me to drink this AFTER you cum” you rub your fingers through their hair, the squip pouts. you take a gulp of the drink and their hips thrust forward with a moan, they’re not even saying words anymore, just a mix of “please, more, need”.

You finish off the drink and quickly take their cock into your hand, they buck their hips and let out a few “thank you’s” and “please more”. It only takes a few good pumps to get them to finish, once they do they flop down onto the mattress panting. You get up and untie their wrists and massage them, after that you grab a water bottle. As you open it the squips head flies up to look at you. Chuckling you say “relax hun, it’s just water” they sigh and lay back down on the bed still panting. You grab some blankets and make your way back over to the bed. You climb in and rap the blankets around the both of you. “We didn’t even get anything done today” the squip grumbles, you laugh and grab their face, lightly bringing it up to kiss. “Well I do still have two more bottles of whiteout,” you say jokingly, the squip grumbles but blushes and moves closer to you. “Later,” they say as the two of you lay there and calm down. You think your relationship with the squip is definitely gonna change after this, but hey, at least you have a trick up your sleeves.